If I were to say that I HATED THE CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE and not actual Christians; that would be blasphemous right? There is this HUGE part of me that thinks that the practice of CHRISTIANITY is immoral and that no one needs to be Christian…I mean it’s a LIFESTYLE choice and Christians can change! RIGHT? Hell that would be TOO easy; but a GAY man can dream can he? But as I write this, there is NO doubt that we GAY men AND women are the YING to the YANG of CHRISTIANITY. I mean think about it, we are public enemy number 1 and the church would be just a building with singing AND noise for NO reason @ all… The suffering we have endured at the hands of religion is limitless. They say that GOD DOESN’T MAKE MISTAKES…YET WE EXIST…How does one explain that? Hell God knew what were before we came so why would he allow mistakes like us to plague the world with our sinfulness? They DANGEROUSLY squander their moral authority by continuing a pattern of discrimination in the name of the lord. Funny how the Lord doesn’t need a mouth piece huh? Especially a mere man he himself created to serve him AND NOT act in his absence…I suppose with BOTH of us NOT having a choice, there can be NO moral responsibility. RIGHT? I mean CHRISTIANS choose to HATE and LAMBASTE us in the same vain we choose to be the immoral defects so they can have some purpose…If only the church could demonstrate GOD’S LOVE and reach out to us in the spirit of friendship rather than IGNORANCE or HATRED. I mean we ALL have fallen short of God's standards…SO NOW WHAT? I say they REACQUAINT themselves with their bibles AND try to understand what really is there. SHIT IF HOMOSEXUALITY WERE A MORAL THREAT, WON’T JESUS TELL US WE HAVE A DIVINE RIGHT TO HANDLE SUCH DEMONS? I WONDER HOW CHRISTIANS WOULD FEEL IF WE TOLD THEM THAT THEY ARE NOT FIT TO PARENT & SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO MARRY OR ADOPT? I CAN IMAGINE HOW AFRAID THEY’LL FEEL WHEN WE TELL THEM THAT THEY WON’T GO TO HEAVEN BECAUSE GOD CONDEMNS THEIR IMMORAL HEARTS? F&CK I WISH WE WOULD ACT LIKE THEM IF ONLY FOR A DAY…WOULD THEY CONSIDER US TO BE THE ANTI-CHRISTIAN SEVEN HEADED DEMON THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT? I THINK NOT! I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE THEY’D FEEL LIKE SECOND CLASS CITIZENS THAT CAN’T BREATHE BECAUSE THEY ARE @ THE MERCY OF PERSONS THAT SIMPLY DON’T WANT THEM TO LIVE…WHO KNOWS MAYBE IF THE TABLES WERE TURN, THEY’D THANK GOD THEY ARE SINNERS JUST LIKE US…
Saturday, February 28, 2009
TELL ME is a song released by the American R&B and hip hop Groove Theory. This music duo was formed in New York City in 1991 when singer Amel Larrieux met rapper Bryce Wilson through a mutual friend. The two found themselves perfect for each other as both were upset with the direction their career was taking. This gold-selling hit single reached number five on the Billboard Hot 100 and number three on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs. I LOVE this song because it is SO sweet and I was really feeling it today for some reason…
Friday, February 27, 2009
Celebrities dominate news, fashion AND trends…influencing how we speak, what we wear, AND who we hang out with. This world is in such a sad place because we try SO hard to be them that we cannot see that they are NOT even who they say they are. From the various games they play in order to navigate the snake pit of Hollywood, celebrities are demi-Gods here on this planet and I find this obsession rather unnecessary…I mean why do we REALLY care what Miley Cyrus wore to the Oscars or who she is dating on CNN? I mean she is ONLY 16…(And don’t me get started on the Jonas Brothers)…I mean we are SO consumed by them that we cannot tell the real from the fake…Madonna is going on tour (AGAIN) I mean what gives? Can’t she NOT try to make a gallizion more dollars this year? And can she pass that message onto Bruce Springsteen and the rest? I am just saying…I mean how can we resist blowing a whole wad of cash on celebs such as these? Then we like fools buy EVERY beauty gimmick to age GRACEFULLY (amazing huh?) and try various diets because so and so does it…(kinda childish…I think so)…I GET IT! Who wants to look like a 100 when they can look like they are 30? How weird that they are JUST like us yet we REFUSE to see that…They present this POSITIVE BODY IMAGE, while TRYING to stay within a weight range that’ll make them neither ANOREXIC nor FAT. Talk about the picture of PERFECT health…And NO one, I mean NO one is more modest than a celebrity. They would win an award, weep as if a gold statuette is a personalized gift from heaven…THANK GOD I fell asleep on the OSCARS this past Sunday…The HORROR…RIGHT? Who needs that? And for God’s sake, please don’t throw a baby into the mix…This REALLY brings out I AM ECCENTRIC, therefore I am BETTER than you because my child has a weird name and you wish he/she were your child…(gimme a break!)…But hey, maybe I am being TOO hard on them…I mean they didn’t ask to be famous; they ONLY did EVERYTHING in their power to become famous…So I guess I should excuse them for expressing concern about the planet as they try NOT to be political? What is that all about? So when they take off the makeup AND do NORMAL things in their NORMAL life, I suppose they are JUST like us…UH-HUH! BUT I HAVE TO GIVE IT TO THEM, THEY’VE MANAGED TO MAKE US BELIEVE THAT TALENT IS EQUIVALENT TO A GREAT MARKETING PLOY WHEN IT IS NOT…I GUESS BEYONCE IS RIGHT, SHE IS A LEGEND!…SO AS SHE & THE FORBES ELITE LAUGH ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK WITH OUR HUMANITY IN TOW, I HOPE WE CAN TAKE THEIR PRODUCTS TO THE GROCERY STORE, THE UTILITY COMPANY & CASH IN CAUSE LORD KNOWS THEY CERTAINLY ARE…
Thursday, February 26, 2009
This is for that dumb little boy
That likes playing with a BIG toy
Thinking it will bring him some joy
But it is just another decoy
A silly ole ploy
Pity you didn't play coy…
Now it is time to reverse
And be averse
As you wish you things could inverse
Pity I am NOT there for you to converse...
And let you that you are such a damn fool
Playing while you should still be in school
Learning how NOT to be a tool
And getting FUCKED like someone’s stool
Ah well…I tried to keep out of the cesspool
Cause being someone’s little FUCK shot is REALLY uncool…
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Heavy sexual activity in 20s linked to Prostate Cancer and according to the article, studies indicate that frequent masturbation (and intense sexual activity more generally) by men in their twenties and thirties may have a link to prostate cancer later in life. On the other hand, sex in a man's fifties seems to protect him from the disease. Will this confusing information change men's sexual habits? Undoubtedly not. But it is important research in the ongoing discussion of how sex impacts the body.
A team of U.K. researchers, primarily from the University of Nottingham, examined the sexual habits of nearly 450 men diagnosed with prostate cancer before the age of 60, comparing them to over 400 men without cancer. The men answered a survey about their sexual histories, and were asked to report their rates of masturbation and intercourse, number of sexual partners, and history of STDs. The results, published in BJUI International in November were mixed. Both the cancer group and the control group had similar rates of sexual activity: 59 percent of the men in both groups had some form of sex (intercourse or masturbation) at least 12 times per month in their twenties, with that rate diminishing over time, to 48 percent in their thirties, 28 percent in their forties, and a mere 12 percent in their fifties. But the men with prostate cancer had certain distinguishing features: 39 percent of them had six or more female partners, as opposed to 31 percent for the non-cancer group; more of them fell into the highest sexual activity group, with 20 or more sex acts per month (40 percent of the cancer group vs. 32 percent of the control group); and the cancer group was more likely to masturbate often, especially in their twenties and thirties (in both cases, to the tune of 10 percent more of the cancer group falling into this category than the control group). Interestingly, by the time the men are in their fifties, these effects even out and 31 percent of both groups are in the high-sex/high-masturbation categories for their age.
Summing up these results, the study's lead author, Dr. Polyxeni Dimitropoulou, said, "What makes our study stand out from previous research is that we focused on a younger age group than normal and included both intercourse and masturbation at various stages in the participants’ lives. Overall, we found a significant association between prostate cancer and sexual activity in a man’s twenties and between masturbation and prostate cancer in the twenties and thirties. However there was no significant association between sexual activity and prostate cancer in a man’s forties." Most prostate cancer research focuses on older men. By moving the research into younger age groups, the researchers hope to find the starting points for the disease.
Why exactly sex in a man's twenties should have an impact on his prostate down the road is a matter of theory. But Dr. Dimitropoulou has an idea: "Hormones appear to play a key role in prostate cancer and it is very common to treat men with therapy to reduce the hormones thought to stimulate the cancer cells. A man’s sex drive is also regulated by his hormone levels, so this study examined the theory that having a high sex drive affects the risk of prostate cancer.” Before you despair, consider this: the researchers also believe there may be a protective effect from sex in a man's fifties. Why would this be? Again, it's a matter of educated speculation, but, Dr. Dimitropoulou says, "A possible explanation for the protective effect that men in their fifties appear to receive from overall sexual activity, and particularly masturbation, is that the release of accumulated toxins during sexual activity reduces the risk of developing cancer in the prostate area.” So, older men—now is not the time to slow down! Live like it's your twenties all over again.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Lord knows this is not the sort of thing I brag about. But I have a ridiculously happy relationship with Noel. REALLY, it's almost disgusting. We goof around like kids (well mostly me). We basically act like giddy newlyweds. Sometimes we'll do something so revolting, like say I LOVE YOU, that we're forced to make gagging noises to maintain our dignity. Cute huh? But as cute as that can be, there seems to be SO few of us out there that are looking for a stable relationship. Moreover there seems to be this thinking that we are the ones that are doing something wrong…I find it interesting how there is this free-fall in the community AND EVERY man is fair game…I get that as kids we were taught to share and share alike but that doesn’t give us the RIGHT to go after another’s relationship. Most of us live as if we are here to DISHONOR the bonds of relationships @ the expense of the community. Let’s be honest here. In many cases, most GAY men KNOW that NOTHING can come from them interjecting themselves as a third party in a relationship. However by them acting in such a manner FURTHER makes things difficult for us. I wonder what we need for us STOP the bleeding? What do we need so that OUR community can STOP falling further AND further behind? I don’t know WHO, WHAT or WHEN things will change, but LET ME MAKE IT PLAIN: I do NOT apologize for being in a COMMITTED and LOVING relationship. And if I may CLEAR THE AIR, many of us GAY men are tired of trying to deal with boys trapped in adult male bodies that try SO hard to bring drama of this sort. I am TIRED of having to put up with the silence from these men that have a lack of intestinal fortitude in policing their hormones. Funny we are VERY vocal when it comes to blame, but NOT to admission. There is a lot of SELF DECEPTION among the males in the community; and there seems to be this expectation that there should be some sort of pardon because they can’t help themselves. Is it fair to those who are making their relationships work? Does it make sense? I SAY NO! They focus their attention on THEIR needs and continue in their own selfish ways. What truly amazes me is how many of us allow these boys to disrupt our lives. I figure if we are willing to be used as a hydrant and act like a dog, then we shouldn’t be amazed if you find fleas in your midst…ISN’T IT HIGH TIME THAT WE DEVELOP A PURPOSE THAT BETTER REFLECTS HOW WE’RE EACH THE MASTERS OF SHAPING & FORMING OUR COMMUNITY? WHEN IT COMES TO CREATING LIVES OF PURPOSE & FULFILLMENT NOTHING WILL REPLACE THE INDIVIDUAL ACCESSING THE WISDOM OF SELF PRESERVATION THAT SUSTAINS OUR COMMUNITY LIKE THE UNIONS OF TWO GAY MEN…SO WHEN ARE WE GONNA BE LED BY OUR HEART N’ SOUL INTSTEAD OF HORMONES N’ EMOTIONS & JUST LET LOVE…
Monday, February 23, 2009
So I’ve been thinking the other day about persons that I’ve come across in the pass…You know the persons that wanted to be closer to you than your family? YEAH THEM! Of course MANY of them don’t cut the mustard and as humans being we tend to feel a bit slighted. So this blog entry is about those EXES that are a footnote in your path towards LOVE…those persons that COULD HAVE BEEN (if only)…and those that DON’T STAND A CHANCE IN HELL to get with you…SO TELL ME WHAT WERE SOME OF THE MOST CRAZIEST or HURTFUL THINGS THAT WAS SAID TO YOU AS YOU LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THINGS WEREN’T GOING TO BE THINGS?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
On this planet, we CREATE shelter to protect ourselves from the elements. We HUNTED for animals AND invented agriculture to feed ourselves. We BUILT social infrastructure to protect ourselves and created communities. This is how we SURVIVE and GROW as a civilization. However, being creatures that seek the best in life, most of us tend not to know what that really means and we often find ourselves on the outside looking in as our lives pass us by. This has UNDOUBTEDLY brought about the uneven scales we see in the world today…BE IT FROM SMALLEST VILLAGE TO THE LARGEST CITY IN THE WORLD IT IS CLEAR THAT NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY THINGS WON’T GET BETTER UNLESS WE MAKE THEM BETTER. To this end I say BEWARE OF LOW HANGING FRUIT! You know the ones that look all nice N’ juicy that’ll cause you to turn your back on your brother man so you can get ahead. Or that FRUIT that’ll make you hurt someone so you get your pleasure be it sexual OR otherwise…That sweet tasting FRUIT that promises to the better man/woman that you need…YEAH WATCH OUT FOR THEM! They do NOT take responsibility for the things in life they create. They work so that you CANNOT feed, clothe, AND shelter YOUR loved ones. THEY do NOT manifest our dreams and visions…THEY ONLY highlight our nightmares…Who don’t have @ least one bad apple they’d like to forget? So why allow this element into YOUR life only to CREATE DISRUPTION, FOSTER CHAOS, STAMP OUT HOPE & ACT AS IF IT IS BEYOND REPROACH? This can bring us SO much JOY, LOVE & LIGHT, but we rather PAIN, SADNESS & SUFFERING instead…I find it SO SOULLESS that SO many of us simply ACCEPT the road traveled by so many in order to get the best for themselves. How can that get us on the right path? How can that set things straight? How can that bring change? I SAY IF WE WANT CHANGE, WE NEED NOT SETTLE FOR THE FRUITS OF MEDIOCRITY THAT THE ENEMY OFFERS WHEN GOD HAS PROMISED US PROSPERITY, WEALTH N’ WISDOM FROM THE TREE OF LIFE…IF ONLY WE TOOK THE TIME TO CLIMB THE TREE & REACH FOR THE HIGHEST BRANCH & GET THAT WHICH IS PURE & HONEST…THIS WORLD HAS RETURNED TO THE WILDERNESS PICKING UP FRUITS OFF THE GROUND THAT ARE IMPURE & UNJUST & IT IS KILLING US AS THE SECONDS GO BY. I LONG FOR THE DAY WHEN MAN CAN BE BOLD, BRILLIANT, TRUE N’ HOLY SHOWING HIM THAT THIS LIFE IS NOT A CHOICE, IT IS A GIFT…& THE ONLY WAY TO MAXIMIZE THIS GIFT IS FOR US TO BEWARE OF LOW HANGING FRUIT…
Friday, February 20, 2009
NOBODY KNOWS is a single released in November 1995 by rhythm and blues artist Tony Rich. Released as his debut single, the song peaked at #2 on both the Billboard Hot 100 and Hot Adult Contemporary Tracks charts. Tony Rich is one of those rare singers that can bring SOUL and EMOTION to his songs. NOBODY KNOWS is one song where he MORE than brings it; and this will FOREVER be a song that can stop me in tracks no matter where I am in life…
Dr. Weston Edwards wrote this INTERESTING article and I thought it would be nice to share it with you guys…One of the most difficult tasks in any relationship is being able to comfortably talk about sex with our partners. The issues can range from simply how often and what to do to whether or not the relationship should be open, monogamous or some variation thereof. The main goal is to be open AND honest about what you want so that you BOTH can be happy @ the end of the day. So THE key component of sexual health is a similarity between your values and your behaviors. As you think about sex with your partner, there are a few things you should make sure that you are doing and they are:
- TELL HIM – Have you communicated what you like and don’t like with your partner? Too many times I’ve run into couples saying to one another “I didn’t know that.” For any number of reasons (shame, self-esteem, fear of being judged, not wanting to upset their partner), clients won’t talk about their likes and dislikes. Now is not the time to be bashful.
- ASK HIM– Once you know what you like, do you know what your partner likes and dislikes? It's important not only to know what but why he or she has these interests. For example, I worked with a couple where one guy wouldn’t bottom because it physically hurt. It turned out the pain was due to anal warts, and once those were addressed, the problem went away.
- LEARN – Don't be shy if you don't know how to do something. Whether you're a top or a bottom, you need to learn some basics regarding foreplay, stretching the sphincter muscle, proper clean up and so on.
- GET HELP – If after going through the first 3 steps you find you are still having problems, you may want to seek some outside help. This doesn't necessarily mean therapy or counseling, although professional help is a very good option for more challenging problems. Try having a frank, "out of the box" conversation in which you look at creative outlets and avenues to get your sexual needs met. These could include talking to your spiritual adviser, attending a body electric or similar sexuality workshop, or reading "The Joy of Gay Sex." Each of these interventions might be helpful in breaking the log jam in your relationship.
- PRIORITIZING – Some relationships are not focused on sex because they are rich in other ways, such as shared values or emotional connections. Consider the importance of your sexual request. Are you willing to live without it? In looking at the whole picture you might have to agree not to engage in the behavior. This is often the case in 'kinkier' types of sexual behavior. If you absolutely are unwilling to live without the type of sexual behavior, consider the next two ideas.
- SUBSTITUTING – If your need or desire is important enough that you choose to not live without it, you and your partner need to negotiate an alternative way to get your sexual needs met. This can be difficult and elicit significant fear, jealousy and raise other issues. It may or may not require changes in the type of your relationship. For example, if your partner loves BDSM and you don't, would you be comfortable if your partner visited these kinds of websites in order for him to chat with others so he can indulge in the fantasy? Or, if you are both "bottoms" you may have to incorporate "toys" into the relationship.
- TRANSITIONING – In my experience, ongoing and significant issues regarding sex can be symptoms of underlying problems with the relationship. While no one likes to hear it, the failure to arrive at a solution might suggest the relationship may not be a healthy one. A hard and honest look at your relationship may reveal it isn't healthy and may need to end. An example of behavior in an unhealthy relationship might include saying things like “Yes I’ll do it” but never intending to follow through. Or constantly trying to persuade your partner to engage in a behavior is also manipulation and not a healthy sign. If you are both stuck in this area and don't see a solution, seeking outside professional help may be the best and possibly the last option for you.
Sexual satisfaction is a major component of overall relationship satisfaction. Research has repeatedly stressed overall health is connected to relationship satisfaction. If you continue to struggle in this area, I strongly recommend seeking additional help from a qualified professional.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I ALWAYS find it interesting when I sit N’ wait for something it comes to me…For a while now I’ve been toying with a title for an entry I wanted to post, but NOTHING came to me…until now. In my daily blog reading I came across an entry from Lamont Pierre titled A WISE WOMEN STOPPED ME TODAY…In this entry he talked about how this stranger pretty much summarized his life AND told him how much adversity he came up against. I LOVED that her overall message was LET THEM BE WRONG. When I read this, it became SUDDENLY clear that my blog entry needed to see the light of day…
A few weeks ago I stopped by mother to play catch up…talk about this N’ that, see what’s going on with her. My family are a weird bunch (no different from any other family), but I sometimes wonder. Most of my childhood, I thought that I was an alien or something because there were many days when I felt SMARTER than those around me. They are the typical didn’t finish high school bunch who are wiser than they know ONLY they don’t believe it. So being who I am, I couldn’t hold back this tongue any longer…you see it was on the brain slipping down into my mouth AND I couldn’t hold it back (nor did I want to). I have 3 uncles that aren’t worth being called men, yet my mother AND aunt seem to think that they are…GO FIGURE…RIGHT? These uncles of mine are SO lost N’ confused that I am surprised they can breathe AND talk @ the same time. Who isn’t cheating on the woman he made his wife NOT before cheating with her on his baby mama, is growing up a child that may OR may not be his who is a demon from hell…while the other can’t get pass the fact that his woman left him and married his childhood friend. Now of course if you ask my mother, she’d say EVERYTHING negative about these women; however her brothers are being excused (crazy huh?). No matter because her GAY son was there to bring the truth…NOT HIS TRUTH or THEIR TRUTH…THE WHOLE TRUTH & NOTHING BUT…This was the FIRST time my mother was speechless because she knew that what I was saying wasn’t wrong @ all and there was NO way she could defend them. I mean how can you give sorry excuses of men a way out when there is none? What hurt me the most is that my young cousins are suffering and these men are doing NOTHING to save their drowning children. From my female cousin that has been gang raped by men who are old enough to be her father, to my male cousin asking his mom why does daddy call you a whore, to another male cousin that seems to know who he is, but I am afraid because if he is indeed GAY his dad will kill him like he tried to kill me…I feel SO helpless sometimes because I wonder, LORD WHY DID YOU PUT HERE IF I CAN’T HELP? HOW CAN I MAKE A DIFFERENCE? I MEAN I TRY SO HARD NOT TO THINK OF HOW MESSED UP THEY ARE, BUT I CAN’T HELP IT…@ THE END OF THE DAY, ALL I CAN DO IS DO WHAT I CAN DO & CHANNEL POSITIVE ENERGY & SHOW MY YOUNG COUSINS THAT I CARE…YEAH THE GAY ONE CARES…
What I find SO interesting about them is that I KNOW that they’ll be thinking who the hell do I think I am? How can I judge them when I am the MOST horrible thing a man could be? I GUESS IT IS A GOOD THING THAT I AM NOT LIVING FOR THEM & THAT I AM LIVING A LIFE THAT IS ROOTED IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO SPEND HIS LIFE N’ BUILD A FAMILY WITH ME (INSERT TEARS OF JOY HERE). I AM FIGHTING DECADES OF NEGATIVE ENERGY SO THAT I CAN STAND ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP…I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO THINK THAT IT WAS PURPOSE TO SAVE THEM, NOW I KNOW BETTER…ALL I CAN DO IS HOPE N’ PRAY THAT THEY REALLY GET IT BECAUSE IT HURTS TO LET THEM BE WRONG…
The first argument is the most crucial argument you will ever have, setting the stage for all arguments to follow. Future conflicts will often look and sound like they're different, but most times they are simply variations of the first, unresolved argument. Understanding that the first argument is a tool for healing, rather than just a random conflict, can spare yourself years of grief, hopelessness and helplessness in your relationship.
TIP #1: GET TO THE CORE: Minimizing the chaos, confusion and stress in your relationship, therefore, is accomplished by understanding what you're really arguing about. The first argument teaches what is important to each individual, by linking back to each other's underlying core issue. You may be fooled into thinking that you're arguing about cookies, wastebaskets, fences, etc., but rarely are these "content" issues the "real" issue. The real issue is your core issue from childhood that gets unknowingly triggered by the content issue. All of these elements are present in the first argument, which explains its importance in unraveling the underlying root of the problem. Without knowing the importance of the first argument, couples struggle to understand their disagreements. They consistently get caught up in the details of the fight, recounting what happened, trying to make their point and then desperately wanting the argument to get resolved so they can be "happy" once again. Unfortunately, however, arguing all the time only creates discouragement, frustration, and emotional damage. Recurring arguments will cloud minds to a point where a couple doesn't even know what they're fighting about. The same words are simply said over and over again, bringing only more confusion and unhappiness.
TIP #2: STRIVE FOR CLARITY: Somehow, we often think that repeating the same things that have never worked will suddenly work, and our partner will miraculously understand! It doesnt make sense, but we do it anyway. The first argument technique is a way to break the old, useless patterns that don't work in a relationship that keep us from feeling intimate. The first argument is an important moment that can ultimately bring clarity rather than confusion. With clarity, we can solve and deal with anything that occurs in our relationships.
TIP #3: SOLVE BIG ONES BEFORE SMALL ONES: Understanding the value and importance of the first argument as a tool to self-knowledge can reduce stress. When you start to argue and hear yourself repeating the same sentences that don't work, going back to your tools of self-awareness will create a framework for resolving conflict. Small issues are connected to bigger issues, and the first argument reveals our bigger, core issues from the past. Once the big issue is revealed, the small issue can then be determined. It's when the small stuff is triggering the core issues that we can't resolve anything, and everything we discuss at a certain point seems like a survival issue. The first argument helps weed out what's big and what's small. Conflict then feels more manageable and more possible to resolve.
TIP #4: BE CURRENT: When conflict is resolved, stress is reduced and you have the ability to be current with each other. Being "current" means you're in the moment with few unresolved matters clouding the relationship. The more current a relationship is, the healthier it is. Therefore, the first argument should be welcomed, viewing it as the helpful tool that it is. Don't be blinded into thinking that the same conflict will never happen again, because it will. Allow it in and deal with it immediately. Acknowledge your own hurt, see how it relates back to past hurts and talk about that, rather than what you perceive are your partner's faults. By doing so, you'll be quickly rewarded with a peaceful resolution. The first argument technique is not restricted to couples. Its principles can work with any intimate relationship -- parents and children, boss and employees, friends. Any relationship that is important to us -- one in which we have a lot at stake in its success -- can easily trigger our unresolved issues. If we don't care about someone, we're less easily triggered because it doesn't matter if the relationship works or doesn't work.
TIP #5: REPAIR IT NOW: Remember that when dealt with, the first argument is small. When put aside, it becomes bigger and bigger to the point of being overwhelming and unsolvable. Each time we fight, we hurt each other a little bit more, until we've damaged each other and the relationship. Once this has happened, it's hard to regain the good feelings we once had for each other. A relationship can only handle so much pain and hurt before it begins to break down and fall apart. Therefore, save yourself and the loved ones in your life pain by understanding that the first argument -- the most crucial argument you'll ever have -- is a tool for healing that will spare yourself years of grief, hopelessness and helplessness in your relationships.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
MANY ARE CALLED…FEW ARE CHOSEN…So a little over a week ago I was invited by Ian a.k.a. Darktomahawk to be contributor on his blog. Now imagine my surprise when I went on his blog and saw this invite…I was shocked because it was SO unexpected. Nonetheless, I know that I will do what I do on my blog and just bring me…I am really looking forward to blogging here and I expect it to be a wonderful experience for everyone concerned. So please take a look @ the blog and give it the same amount LOVE & SUPPORT that you give me here…THANKXXX
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
When your heart is jumping, I will be with you.
When your heart is brave, I will be with you.
When your heart is dancing, I will be with you.
When your heart is crying, I will be with you.
When your heart is broken, I will be with you.
When your heart is down, I will be with you.
No matter what happens, I will always be with you!
When your heart is brave, I will be with you.
When your heart is dancing, I will be with you.
When your heart is crying, I will be with you.
When your heart is broken, I will be with you.
When your heart is down, I will be with you.
No matter what happens, I will always be with you!
No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
No one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
As you breathe this day,
Be sure you are sharing your heart
With someone who values what’s in it…
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY FROM MY LOVE TO YOURS…
Thursday, February 12, 2009
We here @ thegayte-keeper thought it would be nice to acknowledge the FIRST breathe of the various bloggers that come here on a daily bases. So kindly leave us with the date of your EARTH~DAY and you can e-mail picture of yourself (if you wish) to email@example.com that will posted along with your message…THANK YOU for allowing us to be apart of your SPECIAL day…
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
If I happened to show up on your door step crying,
Would you care?
If I called on you for help,
Would you come?
If I had one day left, to live my life;
Would you be part of that last day?
If I needed a shoulder to cry on,
Would you give me yours?
If I decided to let go,
Would you let me fall in the rabbit hole?
If I felt sorry for myself,
Would you anchor me to the life?
If I am no good to myself,
Would you anchor me to the life?
If I am no good to myself,
Would you think me no good for anyone else?
If you walked away from me,
Would you know why?
Monday, February 9, 2009
I am of the opinion that the things we do AND say hold GREAT sway over the kind of life that we create for ourselves…So when I got a text yesterday from an acquaintance of mine asking me why there are persons out there that make a mockery of our sexuality?…(you know my curiosity was peaked). However, I realized that wasn’t going to last for much longer as I realized that she was referring to her relationship (and I use the word loosely) that she has with her on AND off girlfriend of FIVE years. You see her girlfriend has problems with her sexuality and cheats on her with men…leaving her feeling like SH!T in the process. The first time it happened and she forgave her and took her back, I was like okay as long as she is happy. I am of the opinion that when someone does something like this they’ll NEVER change, but I wanted it work for her DESPITE what was SO obvious to me. So I was NOT surprised that she was back here yet AGAIN! Now I am like okay, what do you want me to do about it? I mean you know how the cat jumps yet you still want some sort of sympathy? SORRY AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN! No wonder I have NO friends (LMAO). Nonetheless, I can’t help someone that that CONSTANTLY allow themselves to be FUCKED over in such a manner. When are we going to understand that LOVE doesn’t work like this? When are we going to understand that having SO much LOVE for someone doesn’t guarantee that they’ll LOVE you back? This I am NOT good enough attitude that has SO many of us fighting to mean something to someone that don’t give a FUCK is just plain crazy. This SELF-CREATED state is TOTALLY avoidable and when it occurs how is it MINE to fix? When I was offering my opinion it wasn’t accepted AND I tend to be accused of being a KNOW-IT-ALL or a B!TCH (go figure…right?). I wish that I could find a reason to hold her hand and let her cry on my shoulder but I can’t (wrong of me huh?)…I SUPPOSE…But I’ve learned a long time ago that it is OUR duty to stay afloat as we ride the wave of life and when the debris hit us we must figure out where we want to sink to the bottom OR use it to keep us afloat…I HATE THAT THIS LIFE TAKES US TO PLACES THAT HURT & DESTROY US & AS MUCH AS MY SOUL CRIES FOR THOSE THAT FEEL PAIN BECAUSE THEY INVITED IT IN, I CAN’T TAKE ON THEIR PAIN…MAYBE I AM DELUDING MYSELF, BUT I THINK THAT LIFE & LOVE ARE THE MOST EASIEST THINGS ON THIS PLANET…IF ONLY WE ALLOW OURSELVES TO EVOLVE NATURALLY INTO IT…LOVE IS AN ACTIVE PROCESS THAT REQUIRES US TO BE ATTENTIVE, CENTERED & AWAKE…BECAUSE LIFE IS SO DYNAMIC WITH NEVER ENDING CHANGES WE WILL GET SWALLOWED WHOLE IF WE DON’T STOP, LOOK & LISTEN…TELL ME WHO IS GOING TO GIVE YOU THE LOVE YOU DESERVE? IF NOT YOU…THEN WHO?
Sunday, February 8, 2009
With church attendance dropping (AMEN) and religion increasingly being associated with extremism, more persons no longer find religion a relevant part of their lives. The view is that reality AND consciousness have changed so much that we must build a new spiritual outlook to cope with the new ideas. Doesn’t it make sense? We without question attend man's churches where they CONSTANTLY preach HATE, ABUSE their members and LIE in the name of the Lord. Funny how things haven’t changed huh? The world has come a long way, but it seems to me that we’ve haven’t left the dark ages. All they’ve done is change the target of hatred and poured their energy into it. Yet most of us sit our DUMB ASSES in the seats jumping up and down where GOD is the dollar every Sunday and we think EVERYTHING is fine…WELL THEY ARE NOT! The GREAT book says he without sin cast the first stone...right? Yet HOMOSEXUALITY is the DARKEST prejudice where man can conveniently have something to HATE plus elevate themselves above a group of people. Whatever happened to fellowship AND a REAL sense of belonging? Whatever happened to taking care of each other in the way God asks us to? Whatever happened to seeking emancipation from ALL forms of slavery? Pity how when we get saved from sins, man SAVES us from our senses as well…We, as a people, need to realize that we all must take responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds and stop looking for forgiveness and salvation on Sunday morning. We are all one species here on Earth, and the purpose of our being here is not to serve God as we have been taught; we are here to guarantee the continuation and survival of our species, the human race. This survival code has been written into the DNA code, and yet, the very first thing the religious warmongers did was make us feel like they could bring us to SALVATION from our sinful ways. Rather than GUARANTEE the survival of world this world, they sold us some bullshit notion that this world is about those that are for God and those that are NOT! So they demonize AND vanquish rather than preach God’s word…WE HAVE GOT IT SO WRONG & WILL NEVER GET THE SALVATION WE SEEK AS LONG AS WE PERSIST IN THE TRADITIONS TAUGHT TO US BY THE RELIGIOUS SOCIETIES. THINGS ARE FUCKED UP BECAUSE WE HAVE PLACED OUR FAITH IN MAN-MADE DOCTRINES & WE’VE YET TAKEN RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR OWN SALVATION. WE NEED TO QUESTION EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN TAUGHT ABOUT RELIGION. WE NEED TO PRACTICE THE THINGS THAT ARE WRITTEN IN OUR HEARTS, IT IS CALLED THE GOLDEN RULE…LOVE EACH OTHER AS CHRIST LOVES US, IT IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN GET THE SALVATION WE SEEK…
Friday, February 6, 2009
Today is NATIONAL BLACK HIV/AIDS AWARENESS DAY so I thought it appropriate that I used the song LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX. This controversial hit song released by the American hip-hop trio Salt-n-Pepa. It was released as a single from their Blacks' Magic album in the year 1991, and achieved a great success in many countries, including Australia, Austria, Germany and Switzerland where it was a number-one hit…The song talks about safe sex, the positive and negative sides of sex and the censorship that sex had around that time. SO IF YOU BELIEVE THE SUCCESS OF OUR FUTURE GENERATION IS PRICELESS, YOU WILL WANT TO DO SOMETHING TO COMBAT HIV/AIDS – A GLOBAL HEALTH CRISIS. THE ECONOMIC IMPACT IS TAKING ITS TOLL! LET’S GET EDUCATED, GET TESTED, GET TREATED AND GET INVOLVED! THIS IS OUR YEAR FOR CHANGE! EVERY BLACK LIFE IS WORTH SAVING!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
- Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
- Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
- Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
- Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
- Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
- Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
- Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
- Classic: A book which people praise, but does not read.
- Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
- Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
- Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
- Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
- Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
- Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
- Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
- Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
- Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
- Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
- Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
- Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
- Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
- Father: A banker provided by nature.
- Criminal: A guy no different from the rest. Except that he got caught.
- Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
- Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
- Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
- Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
- Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
- Divorce: Future tense of marriage
- Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Each era has its phenoms, the thing that changes our assumptions of what can happen to mankind; and this is the age of HIV/AIDS. This disease though not as deadly STILL poses a significant threat to us, yet SO many of us are NOT taking precautions. There seems to be a POPULAR misconception that we might be able to avoid this disease by claiming ignorance and that is just plain STUPID! Maybe on some other level of consciousness we can, but here on earth we NEED to take action against this disease. Clearly, SEX is more exciting without a condom…they’re not very convenient, they’re not sexy, they don’t feel natural…However they are THE only thing between you and HIV/AIDS; and if not for the dark dealings I've witnessed in the GAY community, I’d say we could actually take that risk…but I’d be DEAD wrong. This game of SEXUAL musical chairs we play where the one left standing is one that has to find a seat elsewhere is reckless AND foolish. It seems that idea of NOT dealing with disease makes more sense since most of us just hang back, dreaming AND waiting…just watching as we loose the community to this killer. I suppose taking some HIV medication is a better thing to do because somehow, someway it’ll make EVERYTHING PERFECT…AGAIN…So while we wait, the INVITED fear that told us that we were NOT worthy holds us HOSTAGE, keeping us from living…Now all we have is doubt AND unhappiness…SO WHEN YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET HORIZONTAL & HE TELLS YOU I CAN’T USE A CONDOM BECAUSE IT KILLS THE MOOD OR HIS ERECTION, PLEASE ASK HIM FOR SOME HIV MEDS INSTEAD. EVEN IF HE DECLARES THAT HE IS FINE & DOESN’T HAVE ANY DISEASES YOU STILL SHOULD ASK FOR THOSE PILLS IF YOU DECIDE THAT YOU BELIEVE HIM. I’VE HEARD EVERY EXCUSE UNDER THE SUN AS TO WHY A MAN REFUSES TO WEAR PROTECTION. HOWEVER, LIVING IN THESE TIMES DOING THINGS LIKE THAT IS A ONE WAY TICKET INTO THE DANGER ZONE…PLAYING WHAT IF IS A DUMB THING TO RISK…ALL ONE HAS TO DO IS VISIT THE LOCAL HOSPITAL & SEE WHAT TAKING HIV MEDS DOES TO A PERSON & I AM QUITE SURE THEY’LL THINK TWICE BEFORE WALKING DOWN THAT ROAD THEMSELVES…AS ALWAYS THE CHOICE IS YOURS…
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
This new element (¿BLOGGER SAID WHAT?) is my way of highlighting those things that I read on the site of fellow bloggers. They could be video, stories OR photos…once they’ve touched me in any way, I will post them here. So let’s get things started with this gem of a video that I came across courtesy of a LONG time friend of mine, his blog is http://daysofeternity.blogspot.com/. I am SURE you’ll come to LOVE him as much as I do…ENJOY…
Sunday, February 1, 2009
How did you get here?
Looking all out of place
Seeking that fine line
Between you and I
When everything was what it was
And because because
The beginning is where we began
Living under the sun
To find things now undone
Leaving me to find what is true
For me and for a few
Of those who knew
How reasonably unreasonable
Yet we fib
Dreaming the unsinkable
That is feasibly unfeasible
Though NOT my intent
I think to myself how much you lost
And for a moment I felt sorry
But I remember when you snooze you loose
As you mumble, bumble AND stumble
All over the place
With the pain that is your life
I do have find a way to vent
Knowing how sad it is
That you are still
FOUND N’ LOST…