VOYEUR, EXHIBITIONIST ¿OR? BOTH...

Have you ever stared at guys changing in the locker room of the gym? Do you like to walk naked in your house while curtains are open? When you pee in a public restroom, are you like 4 feet away from the urinal to show what you’re packing? Do you like nude beaches? Are you the type of guy who likes to see or likes to be seen? Are you more voyeur or exhibitionist?

I think I’m more a voyeur. I LOVE watching and seeing others do their thing.

What about you? Any experience as a voyeur or as an exhibitionist you’d like to share? I think we are all one or the other, or even both sometimes…

What type are you?

¿DO YOU KNOW THE SMELL OF SPERM?

I ask this question because the other day I was indulging myself @ work and getting my daily jerk session on. Okay don't frown or clutch your pearls, have you seen your blogs? THANK YOU! 

So after reaching that wonderful place of excitement, I got some on my pants and after cleaning myself up, a minute later my VP came back to the office from one of his MANY daily trips. He had a strange look on his and asked, 'what is that smell?' To which I replied oh must be my fart because I was cutting them all day and just let one loose a few seconds before he walked in the door.

Now as I think about that day, I wonder did he ask what because he recognize the scent or did he really NOT know?

What are your thoughts?

Do you jerk one out @ work?

If you do, how many times a week to you indulge your desires?

If you don't why is that the case?

HOSTING SAFE SEX PARTIES, ¿THOUGHTS?

The words SAFE SEX PARTY means a variety of things to different people; it conjures up conversations and images that many rather ignore. I had a conversation with a friend the other day and he told me he host SAFE SEX PARTIES and while my first thought was, dude are you serious? I actually came away contemplating hosting such an event myself.

Now before you take me to promiscuous police for entertaining the thought of aiding gay men in their sexual appetite, please note that I am not sold on entertaining such an event. I believe in balance and while my friend charge a fee for his party, I can’t help but wonder what kind of human being I would be if I were to profit of something that is natural to us as gay men. But when I think of all the things that are needed to fund such an event and me not being a rich man, the funds have to come from somewhere, right?

The money aspect pales in comparison to the MANY gay men contacting HIV on a daily basis and we all know that many will have sex without condoms; I just figure I can help fight this disease on that level. God knows I've talked and talked to men that I meet about safe sex so much and it hurts when they come back saying oh I got tested and I am positive. I recently blog about a friend of mine that encourages DL men to use his place for hook ups and I am uncomfortable with that. However I am VERY okay with throwing SAFE SEX PARTIES is there a difference really? But I digress and I find solace in the fact that my doing something like will help the gay men that have sex with each other. They take that risk so why can’t I risk being seen as an enabler of promiscuity?

SEX @ WORK...

Sex @ work is a HUGE NO, NO for Noel, but it is a BIG YES, YES for me. What are your thoughts is this something exciting two people can do for their relationship, or is something that should be left @ home?

¿SEX IN A GYM, IS IT UNSANITARY?

One of the best thing about porn is watching people do it in different places: beaches, parks, locker rooms, offices. But one that seems odd was @ the gym. 

Sure, you've been doing cardio and thinking about the hot guy pumping his weight pumping you instead, but then I think about being naked on that bench. Do you know how many different people have sweated on that piece of gym equipment? Sure, it would be a crazy sex session but after the you got off, do you worry about what you got on your skin? 

¿DID YOU EVER PLAY HIDE & GO GET IT?

This is a game, where you hide and a group of boys try and find you. When they do find you, you have to do what they want sexually. I remember doing this a little boy...the SWEET days!

ANAL SEX IS ANAL SEX ¿RIGHT?

Anal sex is just one of those things…either you LOVE it or…There is very little in between. Both men and woman have tried it @ some point, and a fair few of them actually enjoy it. People love to be a little bit naughty sometimes, and anal sex is one of those things you can do completely privately, and nobody will ever know you were naughty except you and your partner. However for many, anal sex has a tang of taboo attached to it and I remember overhearing conversations about this activity. During these conversations the ONE thing that stood out is EVERYONE was in agreement that if a hetero man has anal sex, then he can do it with a male…Do you think that’s true? Do you believe that anal sex belongs to homosexual men alone?

¡THE PLEASURE OF BEING STIMULATED!

Sexuality is life; sexuality and life go hand in hand. Life has wisely managed to create sexuality, eroticism, love and tenderness. As human beings we may live without love, tenderness, eroticism, but to do so is nearly impossible because they are all dimensions for the full experience of human sexuality. While we live key moments and change related to sexuality, love, mating and the erotic life, there is still much to be done to ensure that sexuality is no longer a source of discomfort, pain and frustration and become what it deserves for the great majority of human beings; source of growth and personal fulfillment. 

We understand the eroticism as the capacity that we humans live, experience, share and express sexual pleasure, is the ability to mobilize and activate our sexual arousal and emotions that accompany it in the context of an encounter that aims at the possibility of intimacy with another. We are a body made to feel, rich in sensory organs. We have a great ability sensory and sensual. Learn to feel, learn by practicing, experimenting, turning our senses and sense organs. We are able to feel sensations, enjoying the pleasure of being stimulation.

SEX: ¿WHO IS IN CONTROL?

So the other day I am on MSN and I got a message from an unknown person. My normal reaction is to chat with anyone that hit me up and try to establish some sort of communication with them. As the session moved pass the typical questions…ASL, WHAT AREA YOU LIVE, ARE YOU A TOP/BOTTOM? Etc. Upon chatting with this young man, I realized that one of our MAJOR problems is that gay men are NOT IN CONTROL OF THEIR SEX! After I point out where his questions were leading, he told me that he isn’t just looking for sex, and he wants the entire man that comes along with it. Now I understand that, but when I think of the MANY gay men that wheel N’ deal, it becomes SO obvious that we are what we repeatedly do…SEX is NOT just an act that takes us to that mental AND emotional place, it becomes a habit. 

When I think of the sex stories that were told to me by gay men, I can’t help but feel a sense of loss AND pain. SO many of them met each other, didn’t have an ounce of feeling for each other, but since they both are there, they give into sex like they have NO control over it. I guess choosing to engage in the moment creates a GREATER sense of fulfillment…right? I understand the dynamics of how we do what we do, but we do what we do like it isn’t apart of us. AND THAT’S SCARY…

Every thought sex makes us think, every action we take because of it shows that it is controlling us. This shows that we CANNOT value another because we CANNOT value ourselves. If we can treat ourselves as a beautiful sexual being, then and ONLY then we can develop a strong control over sex AND our sexuality. The sexual encounters we have during our lifetime will ULTIMATELY affect our lives…it is up to us to decide which outcome we want for ourselves. 

Though our intention starts out purely, we mar the beautiful experience of sex by focusing on what we are trying to receive in return. To FULLY integrate sex into our lives, we have to NOT give into it so we can be in control of it. And In a world of six billion people, it’s easy to believe that the way we do what we do is okay…but as a gay man, I am tired of sex treating us like stones dropped into still waters. Yes there is a ripple, but then what? The impact sends out energy that sex is the master and we are the slave…I know that we are all @ different stages of life, and I am not telling anyone how much sex they should have, all I want is that we find ourselves in control as we go through the motions…

¿SEXUAL DIFFERENCES: CAN A RELATIONSHIP WORK WHEN...?

One likes penetration; the other does not. One likes tossing salad; the other does not…I can go on AND on about the differences we find when it comes to SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY.

Is SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY something you just have with a person? Or is it something you can develop over time? How do you begin to define something like sexual compatibility? What’s more important, how often you want sex, what kind of sex you like, or what having sex means to you? And how are different aspects weighted?

There’s no one answer, but I wanted to know what your thoughts are on this subject, can a couple with DIFFERENT sexual desires make a relationship work?

THE FINER POINTS OF ASSISTED MALE ORGASM…

I FOUND THIS LITTLE GEM ON PLANETOUT & THOUGHT I’D SHARE IT WITH YOU GUYS…The responsibility of your orgasm should never be completely dependent on, or might I say, completely in the hands of someone else. However, if you have the good fortune of someone present and willing to help out, all the better.

Oddly enough, we might know exactly how we like to "climb Mount Baldy," but try to coax out someone else's joy jelly and we might be all thumbs (which can work nicely if your partner wants a digit up the wazoo). I'm sure some people thoughtlessly assume, "What's the big deal? All ya gotta do is rub up and down. What guy wouldn't shoot his load?" Garsh! A person who approaches sex with that kind of sensitive creativity is a lover I want to have in my bed for the rest of my life -- not! Of course, there are those guys whose giggle stick can be flipped simply by looking at it. Most everyone else enjoys, if not relishes, a little more finessing. So here are some pointers to help you get your partner off and running.  

The most important skill you can employ to pop your partner's rod is active observation, much like active listening, when you don't just listen with your ears, but your whole being is participating. You're going to be doing a whole variety of activities to get his hot dog a-bubblin' and when you do, you'll want to note the reaction, since some things will quickly deflate the balloon and others will have him squealing like a pig. Eventually, you'll have a tool belt full of items to build up your buddy's oil tower (if you're into that sort of construction-worker fantasy).  

If he seems nervous or self-deprecating, try a well placed compliment, "Your flexed and sweaty muscles look so hot." Hearing that you're genuinely turned on by him is a green light for him to shift into high gear. If you notice him getting frustrated, then acknowledge the pleasure he's experiencing: "Yeah baby, all you have to do is enjoy how good your cock feels." The more a person can surrender to his experience (and be free to think a little less about it) the easier it is for the body to naturally function the way it was designed. Another tried-and-true method is varying the speed and pressure of your strokes. Doing the same thing over and over can actually numb out what you're rubbing. If your hand becomes tired in the process, don't just take a break and make him do it alone. Instead, with your sexiest whisper, ask him, "Show me how you do it." While you take a break, notice what he's doing, learn from it, and again compliment him on his technique: "Yeah, dude, polish that surfboard."  

Never interrupt an orgasm. If your finger is hula-dancing up his anus as he starts to squirt, don't stop! It might be the very wiggle bringing on his orgasm. I had a partner who, at my moment of no return, tried to push my hand aside so he could get his mouth in position to suck my lollipop. Now it would have been one thing if this was our agreed plan of attack, but if I'm becoming one with the cosmos, don't get in the way of my euphoria for your own gain, bee-atch! Give me respect and honor in that heavenly moment and I'll do right by you, too.  

Furthermore, when your hand gets his juice to jump and he hits his high note, (once again) watch very carefully for him to signal what to do next. Some guys want you to instantly stop while they free-fall into bliss. If he wants the longest orgasm he can muster, you'll want to keep your motion going. Let him ride it as long as possible. You'll know when to stop if you're watching. When that signal comes, don't immediately clean up. Wait for him to move out of the space. If your rod is up his arse, don't withdraw. Wait for him to dismount. It's an orgasm! Let him savor the moment and the afterglow.  

Speaking of which, it is important to recognize the natural chemical downswing after an orgasm. During an aroused state, a lot of endorphins are burned up. As a result, when the body returns to its routine functions, we're left with a lower amount of our natural "happy drug." Depending on the metabolism, it can take anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours to restore this depletion. Could this be why some of us duck out the door or fall instantly asleep after cumming? I can't tell you how many times I've told this to guys and watched a sense of relief wash over their faces: "Oh! It's not about guilt or shame; it's chemical!"  

Are you an ejacu-dictator who insists on an orgasm or "it just ain't sex?" Are you a tantra-ista jizm-hoarder who thinks life has been wasted if you ever spill a drop of semen? Both approaches miss the point. Sex is for your enjoyment (with or without another person). Quite frankly, everyone is sooner or later in a sexual situation when orgasm is more work than it's worth, and that's OK. Cumming -- or not cumming -- needs to be a win/win scenario, because the goal is always pleasure. So the next time you find yourself helping out, keep your antennae up (as well as the one between your legs), watch for the signals and enjoy the fireworks. Then say, MY TURN!

¿WHAT'S YOUR FETISH?

THE DICK N' ASS GAME...

One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people. In the best-case scenario, both people share the talking and listening, and the giving and receiving of support, equally. Occasionally, within any relationship, the balance shifts and one person needs to listen more, or give more. Generally, over a long period of time, even this exception will take on a balanced rhythm; we all go through times when we take more and times when we give more. However, what happens when the relationship is one-sided where sex is concerned? 

A friend of mine and I were having a conversation the other day about his recent relationship and why it ended (damn I feel like I should pay him or something because two of most recent blog entries came from conversations with him…see them here and here). During our conversation he told me that he LOVED his ex VERY much and he knows that he feels the same about him and they both still see each other from time to time. I thought they were PERFECT for each other, but he assured me that they are not…It turns out that the man he wants to spend the rest of his live with has a MAJOR problem with being penetrated by him…Now here comes the dick N’ ass game of TOP, BOTTOM or VERSATILE…you know the labels we give ourselves in order to know how we should have sex with each other? Does that make sense to you? 

I get why we take this approach ESPECIALLY if we are just hooking up, but in relationship that is going to that place we thought we couldn't reach, shouldn't we allow our feelings to guide us into the world of sex with that SPECIAL one? Why are some men SO concerned about who is going to do what and where? I find it VERY sad when something like this comes in the way of a relationship that has the potential to go very far, but experience has taught me that if a man can’t OR won’t let his partner penetrate him, his partner can’t AND won’t be satisfied in that relationship. Hence over time, the relationship will become be draining AND toxic, with the options of simply ending it OR letting it fade away…right?

¿SEXTING...R U?

Cell phones are awesome, right? Communicating with friends, loved ones, bosses, disgruntled employees, jilted lovers, and the electric company has never been easier. However, cell phones have a dark side. They make you do things…Naughty things. Things normally reserved for bedrooms and supply closets and airplane toilets. And the latest trend in cell phone use is the swapping of sexually suggestive photos which is known as SEXTING. SEXTING is the hottest trend that is making headlines around the world. Some teens are even being arrested for sending revealing photos of themselves. I guess they are following celebrities such as Miley Cirus, Vanessa Hudgens, and Cheeta Girl Adrienne who have all had compromising pictures of themselves surface and get passed around online, and in many cases, via cell phone. So tell me has the advent of the camera phone, coupled with exuberant, humane curiosity led you to participate in this trend? What role do you play in this high-tech version of sexual flirting? Or are you boring like me and practice SAFE SEXTING?

¿R U A SEX ADDICT?

In assessing the issues at play in compulsive sexuality in gay men, it is important first to understand that the gay community is a highly sexualized one. As the stereotype goes, straight men want sex all the time, while gay men actually have sex all the time and women seem not to want it…But all in all there are persons out there that beg the question, can sex become compulsive? Like most behaviors, can sex be taken to its obsessive and compulsive extremes? Sexual obsessions and compulsions are recurrent, distressing and interfere with daily functioning. Many people suffer with this problem but don’t know it. HERE ARE A FEW QUESTIONS THAT CAN HELP YOU DETERMINE IF YOU A SEX ADDICT OR NOT:

1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?


2. Have you subscribed or regularly purchased/rental sexually explicit magazines or videos?


3. Did your parents have trouble with their sexual or romantic behaviors?


4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?


5. Has your use of phone sex lines, computer sex lines, etc, exceeded your ability to pay for these services?


6. Does your significant other(s), friends or family ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior? (Not related to sexual orientation.)


7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate and/or dangerous to your health?


8. Has your involvement with pornography, phone sex, computer board sex become greater than your intimate contacts with romantic partners?


9. Do you keep the extent or nature of your sexual activities hidden from your friends and/or partners?


10. Do you look forward to events with friends or family being over so that you can go out to have sex?


11. Do you visit sexual bathhouses, sex clubs and/or video bookstores as a regular part of your sexual activity?


12. Do you believe that anonymous or casual sex kept you from having more long-term intimate relationships or from reaching other personal goals?


13. Do you have trouble maintaining intimate relationships once the "sexual newness" of the person has worn off?


14. Do your sexual encounters place you in danger of arrest for lewd conduct or public indecency?


15. Have you spent time worrying about being HIV positive & continue to engage in risky or unsafe sexual behavior anyway?


16. Has anyone ever been hurt emotionally by events related to your sexual behavior, e.g., lying to partner or friends, not showing up for event/appointment due to sexual liaisons, etc.,? (not related to sexual orientation)


17. Have you ever been approached, charged, arrested by the police, security, etc., due to sexual activity in a public place?


18. Has sex been a way for you to escape your problems?


19. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?


20. Have you made repeated promises to yourself to change some form of your sexual activity only to break them later? (Not related to sexual orientation.)


21. Have your sexual activities interfered with some aspect of your professional or personal life, e.g. unable to perform at work, loss of relationship? (Not related to sexual orientation.)


22. Have you engaged in unsafe or "risky" sexual practices even though you knew it could cause you harm?


23. Have you ever been paid for sex?


24. Have you ever had sex with someone just because you were feeling aroused and later felt ashamed or regretted it?


25. Have you ever cruised public restrooms, rest areas and/or parks looking for sexual encounters with strangers?

ORAL SEX POSITIONS (MY FAVORITE 3)

Good oral sex can make the difference between a hot and fun oral romp and an awkward ten minutes that leaves you with a pain in the neck. While it’s true that most of us are just excited to be receiving oral sex and may not care so much about the position, for oral sex lovers (both the giving and receiving kind) changing up the position can also change the experience. Positions may give either or both partners more access to touching body parts and certain positions easily highlight the power dynamic potential of oral sex.

 

ON THE KNEES: This classic position (well classic in porn anyway) can evoke the power dynamics in oral sex well. Benefits of this position are the visuals, the fact that the giving partner may be able to use their hands, as well as being a position that doesn’t require a lot of room and can be gotten into and out of relatively quickly. The drawback is that it’s hard on the knees (a pillow under them helps a bit) and it can be hard on the neck as well.

 

BETWEEN THE LEGS: A much more comfortable position than being on your knees, in this common position the receiving partner lies on the back with the giver further down between their legs. The receiving partner can also turn on their side, and this may be even more comfortable for a giving partner who has neck problems.

 

SITTING ON THE FACE: If you’re prone to giggling this may not be the oral sex position for you. Otherwise this position can work well. It’s great if the giver has any mobility restrictions or fatigues easily, and it also provides a lot of dominance/submission potential. The receiver can sit over the givers face either crouching or with their shins on the bed, and can even lean forward and support their own upper body with their hands (so they’re kind of in a rear entry position).

WHAT ARE YOURS? 

¿WHAT ABOUT THIS?

Did you ever meet
someone in a bar, a club, on the internet OR just walking in the streets AND found that the chemistry between the two of you was SO explosive that you just
couldn’t wait to get into each other? Isn’t it interesting that besides
our intelligence and rational thinking, the thing that REALLY separates
us from animals is our ability to really enjoy sex? It can be done with a partner, a
total stranger AND many
others at the same time; THE forbidden
fruit that tastes oh so sweet, sparks our DEEPEST fantasies and DARKEST dreams. Yet this INTENSE moment of pleasure, allows us to give in to a side of our
personality that no one but yourself and your partner of the moment knows
about. When I reflect on my sexual past, I knew why I did who I did…But I can’t
help but wonder WHAT IS IT ABOUT SEX that sets our souls on fire, only to feel
the burn of a HOT volcano after?

Our bodies stand @ attention and it like we have NO voice, NO choice but to yield in a
world where SEX has become
more AND more accessible
for everyone. So how does one REALLY cope? Too many of us ASSOCIATE SEX as merely having a good time. I get that this is
our way of PRESERVING our
individuality and we are who we are, but then again there is SO much more to SEX than just sex…right?  

SEX is like a movie that keeps some of us from feeling
lonely because it gives us a chance to ESCAPE from a lack of self
love N’ esteem…When we
have sex with another, we need to realize that each person comes with a
story, concentrated around the beauty and blemish of the human body N’ mind. We place each other in
the spotlight; show our naked bodies, while hiding our souls. This brings to
mind a FAVORITE movie quote of mine that says, WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE, YOUR BODY MAKES A COMMITMENT TO THEM
WHETHER YOU VERBALIZE IT OR NOT…So
then it stands to reason that the dividing line between the practical
sense AND the social expectations of SEX is COMPLETELY unobtainable because they don’t really
exist? CLEARLY we are OVERWHELMED by sex because SO many of us conform to a
stereotype that shouldn’t exist in the first place. And because of this we have
the idea of SEX all wrong… After
reflecting on sex, relationships failed, chances lost AND the fear of ending up alone forever, shouldn’t we
wonder  WHAT ABOUT THIS THAT
HAS ME TAKING, BUT NOT EMBRACING? 

¿TOO MUCH SEX?

Not many partners are equals in libido. Typically, one wants sex more than the other. But that’s NOT the case for Noel and I. There hasn’t been a time when we reached for each other and the other was turned down. In fact I’d say that we can’t seem to get enough of each other…Which brings me to my question, is there such a thing as TOO MUCH SEX? I’ve read tons of articles on the subject and I feel that would be the most horrible thing to deal with…THE DEATH OF OUR ROMANCE & THE WANING OF OUR SEXUAL DESIRE FOR EACH OTHER…I mean we are both the type of men that could let one off @ least once a day. For me the thought of having sex occurs countless times a day. And like clock work right before I sleep, I lay beside Noel look @ him and wonder to myself will we OR will we? I mean we are both willing so why don’t we? Have we allowed ourselves to get caught up in the notion that TOO MUCH of a good isn’t a good thing? I am NO where near being tired of sex and I am not concerned about trying to kill it, it is just that I wonder about it from time to time. With noel I’ve learned how to let all aspects of my sexual self shine and I ENJOY expressing myself. For the first time I don’t want to close the door based on some crazy notion AND the fear of the unknown. So many couples feel a lot of pressure to remain sexually fresh, new AND exciting. Who needs that? I want us to EMBRACE the on-going discovery of each other and if we get to do that EVERYDAY I don’t think that’s a bad thing @ all…Most if not all of us for reason can’t embrace SEX in the way we should because we abuse N’ misuse it WAY TOO often. From the club to the halls of the churches we are either seeking that thrill OR feeling ashamed because of it…NEVER is there that middle ground where both persons want to spend their lives with each other AND try their hardest to wear each other out on a daily…

NEGOTIATING SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER

Dr. Weston Edwards wrote this INTERESTING article and I thought it would be nice to share it with you guys…One of the most difficult tasks in any relationship is being able to comfortably talk about sex with our partners.  The issues can range from simply how often and what to do to whether or not the relationship should be open, monogamous or some variation thereof. The main goal is to be open AND honest about what you want so that you BOTH can be happy @ the end of the day. So THE key component of sexual health is a similarity between your values and your behaviors. As you think about sex with your partner, there are a few things you should make sure that you are doing and they are:

1. TELL HIM – Have you communicated what you like and don’t like with your partner?   Too many times I’ve run into couples saying to one another “I didn’t know that.”  For any number of reasons (shame, self-esteem, fear of being judged, not wanting to upset their partner), clients won’t talk about their likes and dislikes. Now is not the time to be bashful. 


2. ASK HIM– Once you know what you like, do you know what your partner likes and dislikes?  It's important not only to know what but why he or she has these interests.   For example, I worked with a couple where one guy wouldn’t bottom because it physically hurt.  It turned out the pain was due to anal warts, and once those were addressed, the problem went away.   


3. LEARN – Don't be shy if you don't know how to do something. Whether you're a top or a bottom, you need to learn some basics regarding foreplay, stretching the sphincter muscle, proper clean up and so on.   
   


4. GET HELP – If after going through the first 3 steps you find you are still having problems, you may want to seek some outside help. This doesn't necessarily mean therapy or counseling, although professional help is a very good option for more challenging problems.  Try having a frank, "out of the box" conversation in which you look at creative outlets and avenues to get your sexual needs met. These could include talking to your spiritual adviser, attending a body electric or similar sexuality workshop, or reading "The Joy of Gay Sex."  Each of these interventions might be helpful in breaking the log jam in your relationship. 


5. PRIORITIZING – Some relationships are not focused on sex because they are rich in other ways, such as shared values or emotional connections. Consider the importance of your sexual request.  Are you willing to live without it? In looking at the whole picture you might have to agree not to engage in the behavior.  This is often the case in 'kinkier' types of sexual behavior.  If you absolutely are unwilling to live without the type of sexual behavior, consider the next two ideas. 


6. SUBSTITUTING – If your need or desire is important enough that you choose to not live without it, you and your partner need to negotiate an alternative way to get your sexual needs met.  This can be difficult and elicit significant fear, jealousy and raise other issues.  It may or may not require changes in the type of your relationship. For example, if your partner loves BDSM and you don't, would you be comfortable if your partner visited these kinds of websites in order for him to chat with others so he can indulge in the fantasy?  Or, if you are both "bottoms" you may have to incorporate "toys" into the relationship. 


7. TRANSITIONING – In my experience, ongoing and significant issues regarding sex can be symptoms of underlying problems with the relationship.  While no one likes to hear it, the failure to arrive at a solution might suggest the relationship may not be a healthy one.  A hard and honest look at your relationship may reveal it isn't healthy and may need to end.  An example of behavior in an unhealthy relationship might include saying things like “Yes I’ll do it” but never intending to follow through.  Or constantly trying to persuade your partner to engage in a behavior is also manipulation and not a healthy sign.  If you are both stuck in this area and don't see a solution, seeking outside professional help may be the best and possibly the last option for you.

Sexual satisfaction is a major component of overall relationship satisfaction.  Research has repeatedly stressed overall health is connected to relationship satisfaction.  If you continue to struggle in this area, I strongly recommend seeking additional help from a qualified professional. 

YOUR BEST SEX...

...WAS WITH? YOU CAN TELL ME, I’LL NEVER TELL A SOUL…(^_^)