HOW TO HAVE A THREESOME...

Lots of couples decide to have threesomes to spice up their sex life together. It can be the beginning of a new stage in their sexual relationship or the end of the whole relationship. Find out how to know if three’s company or a crowd.

Bring up the subject

Bringing up the subject that you want to ask another guy into your bed isn’t an easy thing to do. Talking about fantasies together is a good way to bring the subject up. If he also has fantasies about sex with more than one person, then he’ll be more likely to be up for a threesome. Plus, by telling him it’s one of your fantasies, you are letting him know that you are interested in having one.

What if he’s not up for it?

Of course it’s not always that simple. Experimenting with threesomes means experimenting with emotions and insecurities that can wreak havoc on a relationship. So what happens if you really want to do it and your partner doesn’t? “It depends on how important to you having threesomes is in comparison with how important your boyfriend is to you,” says health promotion specialist Barrie Dwyer. “Think about why you want to do it? It’s important to get to the real reasons why you want to and why he doesn’t. Then decide if you can find a compromise or decide that it’s not worth the risk to your relationship.”

The rules

Every couple that successfully has threesomes in their relationship sets rules beforehand. How do you meet the guys? Some couples decide it’s only something they want to do on holiday, so it doesn’t get mixed up with their everyday life. Is it OK to see the guys again? What if it isn’t working for one of you? And what can you get up to? Fucking? It’s different for every couple and sometimes the rules get broken, so you should be prepared for what happens then.

Where to pick up a third is also an important factor to threesome success.

“We try to find people that we’re both at least a bit attracted to and who are attracted to both of us,” says Michael. “We’d find it difficult if he was clearly only into one of us. We look for someone who will be fun, and who knows that it’s just a bit of exciting recreational sex, nothing more.”

What if it all goes wrong?

Threesomes can be exciting, but they can just as easily be an uncomfortable, relationship-threatening disaster. As Michael found out: “The worst was when my boyfriend got fucked after we agreed beforehand that he wouldn’t. I was really upset about it. I felt betrayed, and for a while I wasn’t sure if our relationship would survive. We got through it eventually but it was over a year before we tried again. Now I feel more secure in the relationship and so I can relax and enjoy myself in that kind of situation.” But the picture doesn’t always end up being so rosy, as happened to a friend of Barrie’s: “He suggested a threesome with this guy. His boyfriend wasn’t really in the mood but reluctantly agreed. When it came to doing the business, the other guy was obviously more into his previously reluctant boyfriend. A month later his boyfriend told him that he and the other guy were in love and that he was moving out.” It’s important for everyone involved to feel part of the action and not left out. And if it isn’t working out for either of you, you should stop, no questions asked, and call it a day.

Is it really for you?

Threesomes in relationships aren’t for everyone. For every successful case there seems to be another that ends in flames. In Michael’s case, threesomes have brought another facet to his sexual relationship: “Opening our relationship up to the occasional threesome has made me feel more attractive and I know I’m with my boyfriend because I want to be, rather than because I don’t have other options.”

So what’s the secret to success?

“Talk about it first and find out what each of you is happy with and not happy with,” says Michael. “And you’ve got to keep to any agreement that you make. Threesomes can be a lot of fun, but they’re not worth jeopardising your relationship for.”"

SOURCE: GMFA

MASTURBATION & YOU

Watch any porn movie and you’ll see almost every scene end in a good bit of butt fucking. But when it comes to the real world sex isn’t all about sticking it in or being stuck into. Sex is also about romance and intimacy. And wanking. Lots of wanking.

We’re all used to helping ourselves out with a quick J&J (jerk and jizz) – we know what we like and it gets the job done. However, when it comes to laying our palms on someone else’s penis, it’s not always as easy to bring them to a satisfying finish. That’s why FS has put together these fool proof tips that’ll turn you into a magnificent wanker.

Try different techniques

If only jackin’ someone’s beanstalk was as easy as simple friction. Some guys may be able to cum at the touch of a button, but others require a little more work to reach a climax. There are a few different techniques you can try to help him achieve the money shot.

The fist – Not to be confused with ‘fisting’, and if you do, you’ll soon know about it. It’s as simple as wrapping your fingers around his shaft and rubbing up and down. This works particularly well for larger dicks. Or smaller hands.

The backhand – Or the ‘reverse fist’. Place your hand around his dick so the thumb is pointing towards him and then rub up and down.

The five finger – For greater hand-to-dick contact, try this. With your hand and arm at an angle, place four fingers on top of his shaft and your thumb below.

The three finger – Or the ‘fountain pen’. Hold his cock like a pen, allowing maximum control and maximum motion.

Take your time

We know we live in a society that demands things are completed quickly – fast food, high-speed broadband, self-checkout tills that actually work – but wanking someone off needn’t be one of them. Enthusiastically fapping someone so fast that your hand and their cock merge together in a speedy blur isn’t that sexy. Instant gratification may suit you when you’re indulging yourself downstairs, but when you’re pleasing your partner it’s sometimes hotter to edge things out a little longer than your pre-bedtime jerk. That said, a three-hour long wanking session may cause issues when it comes to prolonged friction burns.

Get a grip

Sometimes it’s not as simple as thrusting your palm over his trouser meat. The right grip can make or break (hopefully not break) a wank session. Don’t grip too tight, you’re not trying to wring the jizz out of him, and equally, don’t be too gentle, as there’s nothing more unsatisfying than a weak-wristed attempt at a hand job. You have to be Goldicocks and get the grip just right. Ask him if there’s enough pressure and try moving your thumb from the shaft to the head to stimulate different areas of the cock.

Lend a second hand

One of your hands is busy doing the majority of the heavy lifting, so what’s the other doing? Texting? Scratching? Making shadow animals on the wall? Well, put that spare hand to good use.

While one is pumping up the volume, the other can be used to heighten his experience. Use your spare hand to explore his body. It’s all dependent on what he likes, of course (see: Read the reaction), but using your free digits can really intensify his hand job.

Nipple play – Tweak, tug, tickle or tease. A little stimulation here could really make his soda stream.

Ball control – A gentle tug or tickle can promote a standard hand job to a hand career.

Finger fun – A bit of anal probing can set pulses racing. Start with softly rubbing the hole but check with him before you attempt a full-on finger bang.

Wandering touch – Sometimes just exploring his body with your hand can bring upon moments of ecstasy. Try carressing him head to toe with your fingertips.

Talk it up

“Ooh, yeah, you like that? You like that big boy? Ooh, yeah…” Dirty talk while you steam his pudding stimulates his brain, as well as his penis. Just make it better than that. Dirty chat isn’t for everyone, but talking about fantasy scenarios or even describing what you’re doing to him can make for an explosive finale.

Read the reaction

It’s probably tempting to knuckle down and really focus on the area at hand – or inyour hand in this case – but unless his penis can talk (and if it can, it’s probably time to head to a GUM clinic) you’ll have no idea what’s working. Take a look at his expression. If he’s throwing his head back in the thrall of sexual ecstasy, then good job, and if he’s wincing, then it might be time to loosen the grip a little.

And finally… Talk!

Assuming someone likes the way you wank them off is like assuming everyone likes the latest Kylie Minogue generic hit. They don’t. We can give you all the tips possible to make wanking a guy off a great experience, but everyone is different. When it comes to wanking ourselves off we all have little tricks that help us get to the messy part. This is no different from the guy you are wanking off so don’t be afraid to ask them what it is they like. Chances are it will help them finish sooner rather than later.  

SOURCE: GMFA

HIV ISN'T DIRTY, STIGMA IS

I was at a party the other day and found myself chatting to a guy I’d not met before. He was in his early thirties, seemed smart, funny and was kind of cute looking. Honestly, I’m not using this column to try to pick people up. I only mention that he was cute because you’d think that someone like that would have no problem getting a date or meeting someone for sex – but this guy did. In fact, he told me, he hadn’t had sex in 18 months, ever since he was diagnosed HIV-positive.

Like most people who receive a positive diagnosis, it had hit him pretty hard. Even today, when medication means that HIV shouldn’t have too much impact on your life-expectancy, hearing that you have HIV, probably the most stigmatised virus of the modern era, feels like you’ve been punched in the stomach… repeatedly. I don’t like to generalise; I’m sure that there must be men who have been diagnosed and who are genuinely blasé about it, I’ve just never met one. And I’ve met and spoken to a lot of men who have been diagnosed positive.

This guy at the party had made the decision that he was going to be open about his status with his sexual partners. He’d tried hooking up with people through the usual dating apps, at parties and in bars and clubs; each time he had been rejected. His confidence was now circling somewhere around the ocean floor. I wanted to give him a hug, to tell him that things would get better, but he wasn’t able to hear that right then.

This guy was trying to do the responsible thing by talking to his potential sexual partners about HIV – and he was being punished for it. Other people with diagnosed HIV choose not to tell casual partners and risk being ‘uncovered’ and vilified. Sometimes those same casual encounters become serious relationships and the guy with HIV then has to choose the right moment to disclose to his partner, not knowing what reaction he may get. 

Although the number of gay men living with HIV in the UK has only ever increased year on year, the number of gay men who believe that they know someone living with HIV has gone down. The reluctance to disclose (and become subject to the judgements and rejection that people who are open about their HIV status will often encounter), coupled with the impact that treatment has had in preventing the visible symptoms of HIV, means that HIV is becoming increasingly invisible within our community.

It’s obvious that this is a problem for guys like this chap I was speaking to, who had become miserable and desperate about his life. What is more, this is a problem for all of our communities, if we, as gay men, through our inaction, our disregard or our fear, drive people to such a place. Where is the support? Where is the love?

But combatting stigma isn’t just about supporting our brothers who are living with HIV, it’s also vital for HIV prevention efforts. When we become unable to talk about HIV, we are unable to have those important health related discussions that can prevent transmission. When HIV is seen as the worst thing that can happen to a gay man, we are telling people with diagnosed HIV that there is no longer any need for them to take care of themselves, physically or emotionally. When the dread of acquiring HIV becomes too great, gay men are less likely to test – and as a result will be late to access the treatment that will both extend their lives and make them less infectious to their sexual partners.

So much has changed since the era of the tombstones and the icebergs. People with HIV live full, productive lives. We work hard, sometimes we play hard, and we’re subject to all the same stresses and strains as everyone else, plus a few more. We are not doomed, we are not ‘unclean’, we are not predatory or dangerous, just because we are living with HIV.

Until we have a magic wand, a vaccine or a cure (and don’t hold your breath waiting for any of these) we will continue to see the number of people living with HIV in our communities increase. If we are going to be successful in reducing the number of new infections, we need to do all those things that stigma hampers: testing, talking, honesty and openness.

If you hear people talking about people living with HIV as if they have lost their right to a fulfilling, happy love-life, challenge it. When you hear people gossip about people who are living with HIV, challenge them. When people talk about HIV as if it were a matter of personal hygiene, or a moral judgement, remind them that HIV is just a virus.

Stigma doesn’t just hurt people living with HIV, it harms all of us.

SOURCE: GMFA

NO ANAL SEX PLEASE, WE'RE GAY

It can seem like all gay men are obsessed with the ass and that fucking is our raison d’être, but not everyone is as focused on anal-gazing as you might think. Is anal sex the be all of a gay man’s sex life? And what’s it like out there for those who say “no” to bum sex?

Trusting before a thrusting

Anal sex is a deeply intimate thing – the deepness dependent on the guy of course. While to some fucking or getting fucked is a purely lust-driven experience and, to some extent, ‘no big deal’, to others it’s something very personal which requires an inordinate amount of trust in their sex-partner.

Keeping it clean

There’s no getting around it, bumming can be a hygiene minefield. It takes the right timing, douching and showering – for a bottom it’s never just a cum ‘n’ go experience, it’s a full-blown project. Because when the cleanliness is bad, it can lead to a really shitty time. Literally.

I’m just not that into you

Sometimes the reason behind the lack of behind is simple: it’s not a turn on. Anal sex can quite literally be a pain in the ass but luckily there are many different ways to be pleasured. It’s not for everyone and, as they aptly say, it’s different strokes for different folks.

Bad experiences

One bad experience can put you off trying anal sex for a lifetime. It can be trickier than forgetting about it and moving on. Sometimes the situation can be a lot more serious and lead to much more damage physically and mentally.

App-lying expectations

As is stated in every gay-themed article in every gay magazine published post-2010, mobile dating apps have made it much easier for gay men to find sex. This is obviously wonderful, but it has brought with it a refined way of searching for a hook-up, which can mean men can look for one thing only.

Not everyone should have anal sex and not everyone wants it. There’s so much to try on the sex buffet that bumming needn’t be the obvious jizz-generating ‘go to’, A good number of gay men, especially younger guys, struggle with societal pressures which lead them to believe that a critical part of being a gay man is the practice of anal sex, and they end up believing that anal sex is something they should be enjoying simply because they are attracted to other men. These are false and unnecessary pressures that lead some gay men, reluctantly, into having anal sex so as not to stand out from the rest of the gay community – one man’s pleasure can often be another man’s pain!

Rather than worrying about what kind of sex we think we should be having with our partners, more important – and natural – is to work out a healthy and satisfying sexual dynamic that fits both. Rather than conforming to the often unrealistic expectations of the gay community, and indeed of our wider culture, listen to the evidence of your own senses and you may just surprise yourself in discovering what really makes you tick, sexually.”

SOURCE: GMFA

F&%KING FRIENDS...

Being gay can be confusing and tough. When you take your first timid steps/stride purposefully/sashay (delete as appropriate) out of the closet, it’s easy to be blinded by the bright pink light, and stumble around excited and confused, tripping over the etiquettes and rituals that are so ingrained in the Gayverse. The most delicate of balances to strike is that of your penis versus your social circle. Your friends may well be the most important thing in your life, but left unchecked, your burgeoning man-mound can dominate all, cutting a swathe through your social life. How can you negotiate that difficult sex-friendship equation? FS has put together the Fucking Friends guide, a list of simple pointers for any gay neophyte to follow, which will assist on the path to establishing a fully-fledged homosexual social circle and a rambunctious sex life.

1:Making friends through sex

By and large the gay community is a big incestuous pool of fluid swapping, right? I bet that within your social circle at least four of you have seen each other’s penises, if not touched them. With your mouths. This may seem like a shocking and definitely not made up statistic, but former cuddle buddies can actually be an efficient and effective way of meeting new friends. Once any sexual frisson between two people has been expunged from their system (disgusting innuendo intended), they can then focus on building a solid friendship. “I’ve met quite a few friends through one-night stands or a quick fumble in a club,” confesses 21-year-old Kyle. “My best friend is someone I met in a gay club. We kissed, had a quick fondle in the smoking area and went home together. We agreed to go on a date but had so much fun and so little sexual chemistry without the booze, we decided just to keep hanging out without the sexual stuff. Now I couldn’t live without him.” 26-year-old Graham agrees, “Half of my friendship group have met through sleeping with each other first, and then we’ve all been introduced and made friends by osmosis. We don’t have ‘relations’ any more, but it feels as if we’ve got that part out of the way. There’s no unspoken horniness with each other – we’ve seen it all and pretty much done it all!” 

 2:Sleeping with friends

Showing willpower and restraint can be hard and if you’re not intimate with a friend with whom you have a mutual attraction from the off, then it could lead to a drunken fumble years down the line, which puts the very fabric of the friendship in danger. “My university wasn’t the most homo-centric of places and there were about five of us in my year,” explains 24-year-old Christian. “At the end of my first year I met this other gay lad called Andre and we started chatting about boys, the scene and things. I guess inevitably, as our exposure to other gay men was quite limited, we ended up doing stuff together. I thought I had feelings for him, and I told him so in a club when we were a bit pissed. We stumbled home and one thing led to another. The next day, we arranged to meet up that evening, but that never happened. He made excuse after excuse not to see me, until I eventually confronted him and he admitted that sleeping together was a mistake. We didn’t speak for a good year after that.”

It’s not all drama and tattered friendships however, as Ben recounts. “I slept with a close friend of mine a few years back. We went out and got absolutely smashed – we drank all the shots – and we decided to go back to my flat to continue the party. We sat extremely close on the sofa and he leaned in for a kiss, which I reciprocated. We ended up in bed and had a pretty good time. The next morning was admittedly a little bit awkward. Instead of ignoring it, I tackled it head on and we both agreed it shouldn’t happen again but it was something that we just needed to get out of our systems. It actually made us a lot closer and we can discuss intimate things we may not have done before.”

3:Falling for friends

It can be very easy as a gay man to misinterpret feelings of friendship with those of love. It has happened to the best of us. You spend every day with someone, share your most intimate secrets, laugh together, cry together, shop together, drink together. Then one day your friend will flash you a smile and you get a warm tingly feeling in the pit of your stomach (and somewhere south of your stomach). You start to look at him in a different way and feelings start to grow alongside a burgeoning obsession. Then every time he talks about another boy or kisses one in a club you die a little inside and a psychosis starts to take hold. Suddenly you decide that he doesn’t give you enough attention and you start to get more and more possessive of his time. Obviously he notices this and begins to distance himself from your increasingly unhinged ways and this is when you break. You call him crying to confess your undying love and pledge to be with him forever, an offer he politely and rightly rebuffs. You are then left as a broken shell of the man you once were, emotionally frayed, alone and minus one good friend.

Thomas has a similar, but not quite as dramatic story: “He wasn’t quite my best friend, but we spent a lot of time together. My feelings got stronger and stronger, and I did get a bit obsessed. I used to check where he was through Facebook and got insanely jealous if I saw he was out with other guys. I used to get really moody with him and I could tell I was pushing him away, but the more I tried to relax and back off, the deeper my ‘love’ seemed to get. Our group of friends booked a holiday together and that’s when things kicked off. I saw him pull another guy and I broke down in tears. He saw me and I had to tell him. He was really kind and understanding, but he did start to distance himself which I could hardly blame him for. We’re still in each other’s lives but there’s always that barrier there now.” 

It’s not all doom and gloom though, as Brooks and Dan happily point out: “We were friends for years, and witnessed each other through a variety of different boyfriends and shags, until at one fateful party we hooked up. There’s no big dramatic story really! We’ve just been together ever since. We had that base of friendship and it’s made our romantic life stronger and more durable.”

4:Friends with exes

Falling into a deep and committed relationship within your first year of being an ‘out’ gay man is a common pitfall. Telling any mammal with ears that he’s ‘the one’, before cheating 

on him five weeks later because you’re ‘bored’. This will ensure that the now ex-boyfriend will never speak to you again and that he will do anything in his power to tarnish your once good name. For optimum effect, make sure that you were publicly ‘in a relationship’ on a social networking site, so when this changes to ‘single’ you have to explain to each and every one of your friends what an awful bastard you’ve been. 

Of course that’s not always the case, but maintaining a friendship with an ex can be tricky. “I pretty much lost my best friend when I broke up with my ex,” says 23-year-old Gabriel. “We did everything together and when we broke up – it was an amicable split – I was lost. I wanted to stay friends but he couldn’t handle it and wanted a clean break. I also lost a lot of mutual friends after the break-up. I pretty much felt I was starting all over again.”

29-year-old Michael found it a different story however: “My ex and I tried to be friends straight away and that didn’t really work, but we took a bit of time away to ‘heal’ and then got back in touch when everything had settled. I think it’s just got to happen naturally. Take time apart first and then if you reconnect as mates, you connect as mates. Don’t force anything and let go of the stuff in the past – if you can’t forget it or move on you’re not ready to be mates and a part of their life. I don’t even refer to him as my ex any more, he’s just my best mate, and has been for years. People ask if there’s any chance of us getting back together and I just can’t imagine it. It’d be weird –  the context of our relationship is completely different.”

5: Friends through apps

Certain branded, location-based, gay dating apps have made it easier than ever to meet new people. Before this technological sex-craft first appeared, gay humans had to venture out into the world in order to find others with like-minded interests, even having to converse with their mouths and expose their genitals to each other in person. But with the likes of Grindr, you don’t even have to get out of bed to meet new people – just jump online and take your pick. 

“I know that a lot of guys think it’s just for quick meets and shags, but it can be a great way to meet new mates – I’ve met loads through it!” says 25-year-old Adrian. “I was just really upfront with people on there. I explained that I wasn’t looking for sex, just friends and dates. Obviously loads of people blocked me but I ended up chatting to someone into the same sci-fi stuff as me, and he then introduced me to his friends. I didn’t really have that many gay mates before and Grindr really helped.” 

It’s perhaps an unwritten rule that you should openly show disdain for sex-hunting apps, while secretly having it on your phone – hypocrisy about sex is vital for a young gay man. “Oh, we’ve all got it on our phone,” admits 27-year-old Dean, “and we’re all secretly using it to meet people, we just don’t all say it out loud. I’ve met a few friends and boyfriends through Grindr, but if other people ask how we met, I just make up a story – ‘I met them in a bar’ or ‘I met them at the supermarket’ – anything but admit that we met through a gay dating app. There’s definitely a stigma still attached to it.”      

6:Friends through social media

It’s not just so-called ‘sex-apps’ where internet bonds are made – the likes of Twitter and Facebook are also effective ways to make connections. Like, follow, share, poke… it’s like these sites were built for us. Dave credits Twitter for establishing his social circle: “When I first moved to London I knew no one. I started using gay dating sites, but I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or random hook-ups, so I found it quite difficult. Then I got into Twitter, starting following some cool people, and some lads I spoke to regularly on there all arranged to meet up. We were all ‘not from London’ so we connected straight away. In a big city I think it’s hard to meet people, so things like Twitter make it that much easier.” 

This isn’t to say these social networks are sexless, androgynous iPuritans however, as with a myriad of hashtags like ‘#NakedSunday’, ‘#TeamTop’ and ‘#TeamBigDick’, these sites can have as many cocks as a thriving farmyard. “It can be just as bad as gay dating sites,” thinks Jon. 

“I’ve been happily chatting to people online and then I get a DM that starts mildly flirty, then progresses to full-on raunch! It’s hard to know who’s trying to be friendly and who’s on there to get their end away. When you throw in SnapChat and things like that, I must see about a dozen cock-shots every day. There seems to be a very fine line between wanting to make friends and wanting people to see your manhood. It’s all a bit weird.”

When it comes to matters of friendship, the heart and the wang, there really are no hard rules. We all make friends in different ways; some of us meet them in pubs and clubs, some meet them online, and some of us meet them in a sauna at 4am after a hard, sweaty session. SOME OF US. 

Sometimes we give into powerful urges of the crotch and sleep with our mates, and if we handle it right, it doesn’t have to mean that the relationship is effectively ruined, it can make you closer. It doesn’t matter where, how or when the bonds of friendship are made, just that we all love each other. G’aww isn’t that bloody lovely? *send picture of cock to best mate*

SOURCE: GMFA

¡GAY MEN DO IT ANNUALLY!

Eight reasons why you should get off your arse and test for HIV.

Figures show that although more and more of us have an HIV test each year, the vast majority of us don’t. The Health Protection Agency estimates that 59,000 men who have sex with men got tested in 2010, but this is thought to be just 15 -25% of us – meaning that at least 75% did not test at all. Why should we test annually? 

In GMFA’s sex survey, nearly everyone agreed that gay men should test annually – but didn’t think it applied to them personally because they believed they weren’t taking any risks. If your sex life puts you at risk, you should of course be testing more regularly. But HIV testing is not only for those of us who knowingly take risks. To be safe, it’s important to practise safer sex AND test at least once a year.

1- BECAUSE IMPROVED HIV TREATMENT SAVES LIVES

It’s crucial that all gay men test regularly. HIV treatment has improved considerably over the last decade, and someone who is diagnosed with HIV at an early stage, and who gets treated, can have a near normal life expectancy.

If you don’t test, then you may not find out that you have HIV until you get ill, which means that it will be much harder to treat, and may still result in death. A late diagnosis increases the risk of death ten times. If you test regularly you can be sure that if you do have HIV it will be picked up before you get ill. Knowing your HIV status can quite literally save your life. It can also protect the lives of your sexual partners. You are ten to thirteen times more likely to die within a year of starting treatment if you tested late; you can have a near normal life span if you test early and access care.

2 - BECAUSE CONDOMS AREN’T FAIL-SAFE

Men who always use condoms may believe they’re not taking any risks, so it’s a waste of time for them to test. Unfortunately this isn’t true. Condoms are great at preventing the transmission of HIV, but they can fail. In fact, 6% of condoms fail. So even if you use them every time you fuck, there’s a small chance that a condom could be faulty, break or accidentally come off during sex. 

3 - BECAUSE SEX IS NOT 100% SAFE

Similarly, the fact that you don’t fuck doesn’t mean there is no likelihood of HIV infection. Transmission of HIV through oral sex is rare, but it can happen. Indeed, it’s estimated that 2-3% of HIV infections are from oral sex.

4 - BECAUSE HE MAY NOT KNOW HIS STATUS EITHER

With the Health Protection Agency estimating that at least 75% of men who have sex with men don’t take an annual HIV test, this means that the majority of us don’t truly know our status. So when a sexual partner says that he tested recently, you have to wonder what exactly does ‘recently’ mean? Was it this month, two months ago, or is he one of the 75% who hasn’t tested in over a year? And even if he hasn’t fucked or has always used condoms since he last tested negative, there’s a risk of infection whenever he had sex. That guy who swore that he was HIV-negative may not have known that he’d just recently been infected.

5 - BECAUSE FUCKING BB IS A RISK EVEN WITH GUYS YOU KNOW

Some men do choose to have unprotected sex with their partner, with a like-minded group of fuck-buddies, or with guys they know and trust. But you can’t guess or make assumptions or base your knowledge on what someone else has told you. You can only know for sure if you test together and keep on regularly testing together.

6 - BECAUSE KNOWING BRINGS PEACE OF MIND

Early diagnosis means you can begin treatment and continue to enjoy a near-normal day-to-day life – and of course if you’re diagnosed negative, you’ll have even less to worry about. Whether or not you’ve always played safe in the past, being told that you’re negative can give you a new determination to stay negative. 

7 - BECAUSE MONOGAMY DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN MONOGAMOUS

We’re all different, and so are our relationships. Some couples have open relationships, while others don’t see the point of this and prefer monogamy. Some men are faithful, while others cheat. Sometimes men in supposedly monogamous relationships cheat on each other. Indeed, you might argue that only men in monogamous relationships can cheat – because if you’re in an open relationship, how can you? Although lots of relationships are truly monogamous, one study found that 13% of gay men who had been in a supposedly monogamous relationship for five years or more had picked up an STI in that time. 

8 - BECAUSE IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU

Getting tested doesn’t just help you to be healthy, it can also prevent you transmitting HIV. It’s estimated that up to 82% of new infections are from people who haven’t been tested and who don’t know that they are living with HIV. If you know you have HIV you may take extra care not to pass your infection on to partners. Also, HIV treatment reduces the amount of HIV in your blood and cum, which will make you a lot less likely to pass your infection on. If every gay man tested for HIV at least once a year it’s likely that we would soon see a dramatic drop in the number of men who become infected.

SOURCE: GMFA