THE POSSIBILITIES OF "HE"

I am sorry to speak out of turn, I know that it has been a while since I wrote you; but I could NOT help this. MY mind has been going since I last spoke with and as usual you went ALL silent and I figured that IF I was a GOOD boy and did NOT say a word YOU would NOT be LOST to me. Now it appears that YOU are; makes a MAN wonder if YOU are REAL or are YOU a figment of my imagination? I wish YOU were here LOVING, KISSING, HOLDING…ME! I have ALL these plans for OUR life and YOU are nowhere around. I wish that I could just hold YOU, for I am fading FAST and I know that I will NOT last much longer, the waters are RISING and I am DROWNING! I sometimes wonder if YOU are even possible because YOU are NO more real than PRINCE CHARMING in the fairy tale books and this is REAL life so YOU should know how I view fairy tales. I want the REAL deal and I know that it is YOU; YOU are MR. RIGHT because YOU are RIGHT for me and that is all that matters. I do NOT want another MR. RIGHT NOW or some SEAT FILLER. STOP forcing me to settle for a few Narrow Escapes and the BRUSHES with ONE or TWO that snuck up on me then slipped away. I want YOU and NO ONE else. YOU make me wonder if I am paying for some PAST transgressions that I have to atone for in this life. It is as if I know within my SOUL that I am to pay for the GREATEST that came my way and I TOTALLY destroyed it. By FATE I get know that YOU are out there, but WE cannot be because of ME! Is the UNIVERSE telling that the snippets of YOU in those that I meet are ALL I will ever get? I think I rather be ALONE because the BITS n’ PIECES does NOT sustain me. It is YOU that will make me whole and to ACCEPT any other substitute is jus CRAZY! Therefore, like a FOOL that misses YOU I have embraced the fragments of YOU because it is the closest I can get to you. Strange how settling leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, with LONG dark winters waiting on the power of the SUN that is YOU. My HEART cries for you ALL the time, my SOUL is empty and weak…I am the candle on the table that is unlit, the cold reminder of a life without romance. I foolishly wear my heart on sleeve when I think it is YOU, and then I slowly die because I know that I know better. Now as it stands, I put away my candle to hide my hurt; I wrapped it carefully in the HOPE that this retirement would be for a short period. Now my pain is OPEN for ALL to see, I think it is better this way because I will not feel ALONE, I cannot HIDE anymore. Only with YOU can my soul alight, I can have a REAL sense of self with some purpose in LOVE. I can burn the fire for the future and the ONE who I know is meant for me…UNTIL THEN I WILL GIVE MY SOUL HOPE & BELIEVE IN THE POSSIBILITY OF HE…

SOMETIMES...

…I become so afraid that I may have to live a life that is LESS than what I want for myself. I have this DREAM and as time go on I wonder if it will ever come to fruition. For a long time now, I have decided or rather it was decided that I COULD NOT accept a MAN that is NOT what I NEED or WANT in my life. Now it is interesting because there are very few MEN that I can choose from and the ones that are available; well let us just they leave me with an even GREATER fear. I have all this LOVE and no one to share it with, I meet MEN that I think could be potentially what I am looking for, but they more times that I care to recount turn out to be someone that is NOT for me. I think that as I move forward I will be ALONE because I am TOO much for most of them and the sad thing is that I am afraid because this always turns out to the TRUTH! I wish most times that I were just your AVERAGE man and that I did not have a BRAIN, SOUL or HEART; then I would be like everyone else and live a life that is just ordinary. I could be one of those men that treat another man as my property as if I own him, rather than the LOVE of my life. A DAMAGE man will not do, he is too F&CKED up mentally and all he has is a life full of HOMOPHOBIC persons that make him that way. I am tired of the MAN that EQUATES SEX with LOVE, tell me how it is better to have SEX over SUBSTANCE. I don’t understand how is that most GAY men don’t know what a LTR looks like, it’s as if it’s a concept that bears no meaning and I am suppose to date someone with that way of thinking? I want a man that knows and believes that LOVE conquers all, but not before, we go through some things to prove worthy of LOVE. Give me a man that has STRUCTURE and use SOUND judgment, so many times men come and give the same thing as if they all go to the same school and copy off each other’s test paper; I don’t have time for those type of men. WHY CAN’T I FIND THE MAN THAT HAS THE BALLS TO BE A MAN? WHERE IS THE MAN THAT CAN FACE LIFE & ACCEPT THE HAND HE IS DEALT? I LONG FOR THE KEITHBOYKINS, KENNETH WINFREYS & RODS OF THE WORLD, GIVE ME THE MAN THAT IS ABOUT SOMETHING, THE MAN THAT WANTS CHANGE! I WANT A MAN THAT WANTS A LIFE WITH ANOTHER MAN; A MAN THAT CAN LOVE ANOTHER SEX JUST LIKE HIS & HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH THAT…LORD KNOWS SOMETIMES…I JUST WANT A REAL MAN, I WONDER IF HE IS OUT THERE?

MAN...QUEST

I am on a quest to find a conscious man

To find that one God has picked out for me,

The one who just takes my breath away.

I want that spiritual connection,

Where things can be unsaid but understood.

I am looking for my soul mate,

I am looking for someone to stimulate my mind.

The man I search for goes against all odds,

He is himself and not trying to be someone society portrays.

He could be ugly but has a beautiful heart,

He does not have to be a college graduate

But still has book sense,

Common sense as well as street sense.

My warrior will be strong minded

And not be intimidated by my outspokenness,

And can handle it when I let him know he is slipping.

He will not question me and accuse me of not being faithful,

He will know that he is all the man I need.

He will not try to control me,

Think of me as being less than him.

He will appreciate my inner beauty,

As well and respect my mind.

November 10, 2005

¿A FEW GOOD MAN?

From the time I can remember I’ve been running into some pretty decent guys (at least what I thought) and we'd begin seeing one another. The thing that gets me is that all of a sudden, it seems to turn to their wanting something else even though I’ve laid it all out what I want and what I am all about when it comes to relationships. I have often thought about what I might be doing wrong, or what I could do to make sure the outlook is more positive, but I'm stumped. I know being single is not so bad, but I just really want to find a good MAN to share a life with. I wonder one time too often if there is A FEW GOOD MAN out there for me and where can I find one? I am a young 28 year old MAN, very compromising person, and tend to get along with just about everyone. I'm spiritual and in tone with myself I know my place on this planet, yet still I can’t seem to get beyond a certain point as far as MEN are concerned. This constantly makes me wonder and ask how did I end up here? Why did I meet this person only to be here again? I think that I set myself up to be misled at times because I try to be a good friend first, then a good boyfriend later. Crazy how that doesn’t work in this community…I compromise, I make sacrifices and yet here I am. I guess my down fall is that I start off being too honest and that’s something that most MEN cannot deal with. I know that I am a rare phenomenon, but what is a MAN to do? I pace myself and measure the actions of the MEN with what my needs are and we have honest discussions about things. We both agree and things seem as if they are on the right track, but oddly enough I know that it isn’t. Nothing like getting a box wrapped in shiny new paper, pretty bows and ribbons...to find that inside the box is empty. I wonder if I shouldn’t waste my time with MEN that are not going to work for me. I think that everyone I meet is for some reason, some real purpose; so how can I turn them away? The problem isn’t the WRONG MAN but the initial meeting we have. I know that the MEN that crossed my path all have something in common that drew them to me. I know that I need to trust my instincts and see what they are really there for. I get why they want what they say they think they want but I know wanting is only have of the battle. There isn’t enough of them to take all of me, don’t get me wrong I don’t think that I am all that but I do know my worth. With that notion how can I blame them for sensing that? How can I blame them for knowing that a MAN like me is what they want, but they are no way ready? Maybe I am the way for them to discover that the MAN they seek actually exist and that HE is within reach, just be ready for HIS arrival. The truth of the matter is that I know that there are many wonderful, beautiful, strong, independent and stable MEN out there who would be more than happy to develop a positive relationship with me. I just have to find them; I have to be able to separate the ones that are for me from the ones that just need me…

¿HOMBRES Y YO?

What is it about men & me!?!?! Is there a bull’s eye on my forehead with the words "LET’S CHALLENGE HIM" written under it?! If you don't want to A REAL MAN DON’T LOOK MY WAY!!! I say this and MEN still come thinking, believing and hoping that they can BREAK ME. Take what they want that be that…OH HELLS NO!!! But the craziest thing is that I still seek a relationship with MEN despite the MANISH BOYS, the LIARS, the CHEATERS, the UNENLIGHTEN…AND YET LIKE MAYA ANGELOU I RISE…I STAND IN THE GAP FOR THOSE PERSONS THAT LACK THE STRENGTH…I SHINE MY LIGHT FOR THOSE THAT ARE LOST TO FIND THE PATH…call me foolish, call me crazy, I still have LOVE for my fellow man despite himself. In analyzing my relationship with MEN I've come to realize that this is my BIGGEST challenge, my HARDEST obstacle...So in meeting this challenge and overcoming this obstacle, I have to review every male in my life or that crossed my path.

Father – it started with you. You didn’t care about me; you left me didn’t even look back. You didn’t even give me my BIRTH RIGHT even though I don’t miss it; I know that I am entitled to it. I am very much grateful for the GIFT of life, but my question is why give something if you can’t appreciate what you gave? I guess it’s how your life was, you had no DADDY just a FATHER; the exact same thing you gave me. I didn’t get to know this MAN until I was about 12 years old; I had memories of him but never knew who he was because HE was never identified to me. All I know is that I have a MAN out there that doesn’t a thing about the fruit of his loins, he doesn’t know when my birthday is, he doesn’t know who I am, he doesn’t know himself…WORST OF ALL HE DOESN’T KNOW ME and I don’t have a relationship with THE FIRST MAN that was placed in my life…

Grandfather – we don’t know each other, we just accept the fact that we are related and that’s something that we can’t change. I do thank the LORD for having you in my life because through you I’ve seen the path a MAN like you take and where it leads. I’ve seen how you considered yourself and ONLY YOURSELF, the LORD took your wife away from you and still that didn’t shake or wake you! You had 5 kids to care for and you didn’t my MOTHER included; no wonder she got pregnant with me at the age of 20. I think that you are partly the reason she gave me such a MAN for a FATHER! But all in all I’ve made peace with you; I’ve decided that I LOVE YOU no matter how unaware you are.

Uncle – from being a child YOU told me how you would kill me if I turned out to be 'GAY.’ Even now I sometimes live in amazement of how much you are not a MAN of your word but you tried to keep this one. You’ve damaged me, made me hate and I never thought that was possible but through my damage state I healed your wounds inflicted upon me both verbal and physical…through my HATE I became LOVE the one thing you thought you gave but didn’t know how to. You had me living in FEAR as a LITTLE BOY and as a MAN you tried to reduce me back to that person again, guess you thought resistance is FUTILE. Funny I showed you better I used to be ashamed of you because you are a SHELL OF A MAN, but I’ve come to realize that you had the same FATHER my MOTHER did so I can’t hold you entirely @ fault for yourself…I think you do that already…Even though you came to me and said that you were sorry I couldn’t accept it then, but I do now. I am sorry that I can’t LOVE you up close, I can only do it from a distance…I no longer HATE you because doing that poisons my soul and destroys me. I used to live with so much anger and it made me scared when I was told that I am just like because I know I am not. I guess somewhere in my mind I thought if I am going to beat you, I had to become you…I’ve learned that I don’t need to beat you, that was done the moment you uttered your first demeaning word…it was done when you first laid your hand on my flesh and bruised it…it was done the first time you realized that you hated yourself.

Brother – I never knew you existed until I got into high school and I am sorry that you felt that I was better than you because I was academically incline and you weren’t. I am sorry that you didn’t know to relate to me and I didn’t seem to care. Please forgive me I don’t know how to relate to other boys. I guess you didn’t as well because you couldn’t or wouldn’t express yourself to me and I can’t say that I blame you because we both came from the same MAN, both of us given the same FATE. I like that when you see me you feel shame and hang your head because you were told that I am GAY, I wish that you knew how much FREEDOM I have. I wish you could enjoy your life to the fullest, I wish I could be a brother to you.

The Others – now you are an interesting group of MEN because of you I find myself as a MAN APART. I am not like you and I don’t want to be, you are not in touch with REALITY. You rather live in place that seems comfortable and easy because why face life when you don’t want to? Growing up you’ve made my life HELL because I didn’t play b-ball nor did the things they did. I LOVED the fact that when time went on and I didn’t chase girls was your reason to call me all the FAGGOT, SISSY & SOFT BOY you wanted because how dare I decide that PUSSY WASN’T ALL THE RAGE? I used to be angry because I allowed you to make me something I am not, I tried to be like you and I am not. I am who I am and that’s who I am meant to be. Sorry but in this life I am GAY and that’s what I am meant to be.

SGLM - this group of MEN is like no other, they come with issues and can sense that I am not one of the pack. The amazing thing is that I've thought about conforming but never did; there was something inside of me that knew I was different. I knew that I was a different bred and the kind of MAN that would strive to be a LEADER. I sought comfort in the fact that I no longer felt like it was CASUAL FRIDAY on a MONDAY. Life changes and drifts away. People come together and break up. It happens every day. Nothing unnatural about it. I am no lies, no games, and no empty sentiments. Just straight up honesty and realness. Even if that honesty and reality is painful to the receiver (WHICH IT ALWAYS IS). I am getting really frustrated with this shit! Why is it that these ASSHOLES keep finding themselves on my doorstep!?! Should my humanity be tested on a daily bases? It never ceases to surprise me when life delivers the answers to the questions that have been eating me for so long in one quick epiphany. Maybe my melancholic moaning helped bring it to a head. Who knows? These MEN live a life of delusion and can’t seem to get pass themselves much less a MAN such as myself. But I can’t say I HATE them or don’t CARE about them because I know that most if not all of them had the same experience or have a story that doesn’t foster a healthy LOVE OF SELF. We are a community whether we accept it or not, when one of us is killed for being who we are it affects us, when one of us dies because of HIV it affects us…when one of us don’t love it affects ALL of us.

Lovers – I started on this path from the age of 19 and now some almost 10 years later I am here single, alone and loving it. I however do have a question, though: When is enough ENOUGH? I had to find answers to the question and would u believe that I just got it? I’ve been the kind of MAN that had so much LOVE to give to another MAN and coming from a place where I knew nothing about loving a MAN I was in a dark room, on the floor seeking the matches that I knew was there…I’ve stayed with a MAN hoping that he would see that I LOVED him and see the kind of MAN I was but he didn’t. He was to caught up in his own insecurities and couldn’t LOVE himself much less me. The lies and stories came and I just let LOVE go, guess it wasn’t there to begin with. His obsession and jealousy wasn’t cool @ all but the one thing I want to thank him for is that I was able to keep out of harm’s way and I learned about the trappings of this LIFE STYLE. I didn’t get all caught up in my own MIS-CONCEIVED NOTIONS. I finally decided to leave and carry on with my life I never looked back, it hurt like HELL but yet I am here! Oddly enough we talked the other day and he told me that he understood now what I was about and finally we got closure…I dated him because I wanted to get away from a MAN that didn’t want me to leave him and that was a mistake…I gave a year of my life to a MAN that was SELFISH in every aspect of our relationship and it totally blew my mind. I convinced myself that I LOVED him because that was the only way I could have stayed with him. I HATED myself everyday and he knew it, but didn’t know how to deal with it. I totally SHUT DOWN and gave up on myself I would to say that I was half the MAN I am now but I was no way near this MAN. All in all I learned that I can’t go against what I want for myself, that’s the one thing that destroys a person and I won’t do that again…When I met him I didn’t think or wanted a relationship but it happened anyway and it was great. I felt finally a MAN that was my equal, a man that was here for me and me alone (DO I NEED TO SAY IT?) I knew he was a LIAR and lacked SELF LOVE, but I wanted him to realize it and be MAN enough to talk to me about it. God knows I gave him ample occasions to come clean and he didn’t, he chose to stick with what he knew and I can’t say that I blame him. But in real scope of things I had to separate myself from those that can’t live in the land of truth, honest and trust. But the thing is that he came into my life @ a time when the UNIVERSE knew I would need an extra boost and for that I am eternally grateful…I never thought that I was in LOVE with him, but it turns out that I was, am and probably always will be. The sad thing for me is that he isn’t aware or if he is it doesn’t matter to him because he just lives…no emotions, no thoughts, no love…I had to separate myself from him and place him in the category of LOVE doesn’t mean it will work. God knows I wrote countless poems about him and express myself until I closed the chapter of that book. He is my best friend, guess that’s why this hurt the most and his lies and blatant disregard for me hurts but I live with it. I know he isn’t my GREAT LOVE because it would be and it’s not. I can only trust that the universe knows what its doing and that I will be where I meant to be. I feel stupid @ times though, guess that’s apart of it and I find myself just floating and FUCKING MEN because I have LOVE and can’t give it in the way I want to…(THIS CHAPTER ISN’T DONE YET, OUR SHOW WILL BE DONE SOON THOUGH).

HE – I know that I withstood so much in the name of LOVE, but all that leads to his path and I no longer place any pressure on myself to be with a MAN, I've learned that the first love I needed is SELF LOVE. And that I need to be HEALTHY for him, I was tried and tested and I am still here; this is the only I can give and receive love healthily. HERE’S TO MY HEALTH!

SINGLEHOODINESS...(THE MAN I WANT)

To find peace as a single person is a great challenge by many. Our hegemony suggests that we are nothing and in fact are incomplete if we cannot find and stay in a successful partnered relationship. In this country, we are bound to find that there are literally a handful of beautiful black men who could possibly be PNBs…that's POTENTIAL NEW BOYFRIENDS. You meet one who presents unlimited potential. He's beautiful, charming, intelligent, and he has the uncanny ability to keep you smiling. And the sex…IT'S PHENOMENAL! It seems you have found someone with whom you could definitely get serious. BUT THEN REALITY HITS AND THIS IS WHEN THE REAL RELATIONSHIP STARTS… Each of us has traveled different paths/journeys in life to evolve to where we are today. I think that LOVE and COMPANIONSHIP are a big force in lives; it takes us back the life’s basic things. This EMOTION, this DRIVING FORCE has shaped and impacted our lives in so many ways; through LOVE we learn something new everyday. It makes us realize that we are not complete without it. It gives us COURAGE, STRENGTH & A REASON TO GO ON.

Now the sad thing is that most if not all MEN are products of each other; meaning that they are programmed or imitate each other. How many times have u seen or met a MAN that isn’t a carbon-copy of some other man? How many times have you seen or met a MAN that subscribes to the same things that everyone else believes? How many times have you seen or met a MAN that isn’t BALANCED or ALIGNED SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY & MENTALLY? How many MEN have you come across that isn’t HONEST, REAL or WORTHY? GOD KNOWS THAT I HAVE, HENCE I AM STILL SINGLE. I know what kind of MAN I want, I what kind of LOVE I want…I WANT THAT LOVE MAKING, SOUL SHAKING…HEART BREAKING KINDA LOVE. I WANT A MAN THAT KNOWS HE’S A MAN ACCEPTS ALL THAT COMES WITH THAT. I WANT SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THIS IS MY LIFE AND THIS IS FOR REAL. I AM IN LOVE WITH an HONEST ‘REAL’ man WITH AN OPEN MIND & HEART… I WANT A MAN WHOSE KNOWS THAT FINDING TRUE LOVE ISN’T HARD, IT’S OUR LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND OUR LACK OF POWER WE PLACE ON COmmittent THAT HURTS OUR RELATIONSHIPS, THUS RENDERING US SINGLE…

I want a man that can actually appreciate my heart, soul & mind. i want him to know that from the moment I was born until my fading light and with the turn of every season, its LOVE that gives me the will to live, that’s the measure of the life I lead…I am here to LOVE. I wouldn’t be single if I found a MAN that knew that I am an emerging, human being. My life is all about living authentically, I want him to see the true and outstanding beauty of my mind, the fullness of my heart and the grace of my soul. I want him to understand that I am in no way about the superficial materialistic things. Do you think he understands What I value the most can't burn with a match, including the flesh…i am single still because I AM THAT STRONG AND SENSUAL CREATURE WITH A FAST ARRAY OF QUALITIES and i haven’t found a man that EMBRACES THE INNER AND OUTTER BEAUTY OF THE MAN I AM…

Nevertheless i know that i am on this quest to find the man for me! i am sure i’ve mentioned that concious man god hand picked just for me. he takes my breathe away…he is the mate of my soul, the kinda man that goes against all odds being himself and not trying to be someone society wants him to be. My warrior will be strong minded and not intimidated by my outspokenness and can handle it when I let him know he is slipping. He will not question me and accuse me of not being faithful; he will know that he is all the man I need. He will not try to control me…Think of me as being less than him. Could you be the one for me? Could you be my find? The one to help me forget the man that broke my heart and hurt my soul? I know it won't be an easy and I know that the road is long and rough but I know that as long as I have you I know that WE can make it. Make me believe that my future is no longer as uncertain…as the distant sunrise, yet still it is farther than the set. I want to find a MAN whose presence in life is POWERFUL to deny. I want him to seize my heart, lock my soul and give me all of his LOVE.

Call me crazy but I can see him now, I know he is out there waiting for me. He has eyes that are truly the window to…PERFECTION & FLAWLESSNESS. He makes me want to watch the sun rise in them…leaving a longing impression on my HEART & SOUL. In the chambers of my heart, I behold the extremity of HIS ‘BEAUTY’ and he is protecting the one he so loved… I beheld human love for a second. He touched my heart with tenderness; fill my cup with love…He shares my dreams and you know we are going to reach the stars above. THIS MAN cares without hesitations…THIS MAN remembers without limitations…THIS MAN give without expectations…OH LAWD! THIS MAN LOVES…until HE comes I will be SINGLE…

AS LONG AS THERE IS BREATHE...

If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, I can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase... yeah....BUT, then I still have hope... Hope is such a marvelous thing. It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break... It sustains me when nothing else can... It gives me reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when I tell myself I’d rather give in…Hope puts a smile on my face when the heart cannot manage... Hope puts my feet on the path when my eyes cannot see it... Hope moves me to act when my souls are confused of the direction...Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh me in return... Never lose hope...I am a man that’s looking for a strong man with an amazing soul, centered vision and an aggressive personality to build a live with. Life is to short and precious and I can’t accept any less…I know I am on the right path, I know I will get what seeks me…I want all of a man, I want him to love me loving all of him….Guess you can call me greedy, but I want all of a man and not half…I am in it for the long haul so I have be with someone that is walking with me hand in hand…I want someone that wants to do nothing wit me and knows that we are doing everything…Some say I am living a fool’s paradise but I believe in fate and I know that universe is dealing with me…I know that as long as my mind is racing and my heart is thinking I won’t rest until I find that which is meant for me…As long as there is breathe in the body…

HE & I,

FOR ME...HE IS MY IDEAL MATE! I desire a man who is motivated towards perfecting himself spiritually, mentally, intellectually, emotionally, economically and physically. He is the MAN that is tailor-made for me. He is honest, a man of integrity and good moral character, he is be open minded, sensitive, yet secure in who he is. He is a conversationalist, he is humorous, spontaneous, and respectful of himself as well as others, he is nurturing, supporting and self-motivating. He is affectionate and romantic. His spirit and energy lights up a room upon his arrival; his smile warms my heart and surrounds me before he even touches me. He understands the importance of being an individual as well as being a respective member of a couple. Most of all he realizes that life is a process and that no one is the ideal mate when you first meet them. So if I we accept each other for who we are, we should have NO problem giving each other love. For I know that in time we’ll both grow together and grow into each other's perfect mate.

I know deep down in my heart that he exists because fate has placed us here. Now all I can do is strive to be the best person I can be, the person that God created me to be, for now I am in the LIGHT OF LOVE! This man made me believe that REAL LOVE exists. He showed that when my strong tender feelings for him are balanced by reason and deep respect I am definitely on the right path. I care about his welfare and fulfillment as I do my own. My judgments about him are quite objective and rational. We both have many values and ideas in common and share similar goals and ideals. Because of him I am passionate and possess a deep desire for him…for us! I want to explore my creative side, express myself, in depth and knowledge. With him there is no need to be quiet, no need to hold back. I will run free and explore life with perseverance, always listening. I know that I now must let wisdom be my guard, let understanding build character in me, appreciate beauty, sincerity, purity…Keep it close never exchange it. FOR HE IS MY HIDDEN TREASURE WAITING TO BE DISCOVERED…MY PERFECT FIT!

¿CHUELLAS EN TIEMPO?

Two young lovers, Walking on the sand,

Gazing at each other, Talking hand in hand,

The prints they leave behind them,

Marking memories of the past,

The long beach laid before them,

Hoping love will last,

The ocean captures the footprints,

And erases them from the shore,

Taking with it remembrances,

And leaving them with more,

Time has passed,

And before you know it innocence fades,

And the fantasies are done,

Now I am back on the beach,

alone, watching and waiting,

For the love that hadn't grown,

I walk along the ocean,

Two footprints, not four,

Wondering where the laughter went,

Why he didn't love me more,

I stop to sit,

And draws his name in the sand,

A celestial stranger comes along,

And reaches out a hand,

Hesitantly I takes it,

And he listens to my cries,

He's been there before,

He's heard many lies,

he took my hand,

And I follow, not knowing why,

Love will always be reborn again,

Even if it may die,

I am more cautious than before,

And as I look back at the footprints,

I smiled seeing not two, but four,

This time will be different,

my heart trying to say,

Something magical happened,

I felt it the first day,

Something clicked when they touched,

A jolt from inside,

I knew he'd be there always,

I imagine its twenty years later,

And his love for me,

Is now even greater,

He looks at me like the first time we met,

And despite all the years gone by,

We can never forget,

Those four special footprints,

That are never washed away,

They'll stay forever on my heart,

Until their dying day.

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

WE ARE TWO UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL CHILDREN OF GOD, WHOSE FATE WAS PRE-DESTINED...WE WALK THIS PATH TOGETHER. NEITHER ONE OF US IS PERFECT, BUT WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER! The phrase the butterfly effect refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that ultimately cause a tornado to appear (or, for that matter, prevent a tornado from appearing). The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale phenomena. Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different. Hence the butterflies that I feel in my stomach are indicators of change and a sign of a LOVE that come nestle with me once more.

I am filled with feelings of joy and happiness, it's like I am living off love...as if I am love. I have no appetite to eat when he isn't there...crazy huh? But I don't care, he is all that I think about and all that I need. I can't even think about my favourite love songs without getting all choked up and my eyes filled with water. I long to tell him the the words that I been holding inside of me for so long, the words that I wanted to say to only HIM. I know that once I do that there is no turning back, I have to face love and I won't be able to run from it.

It's so strange how I don't care, I am not gonna run this time...I want to see this through. If it last for a day, a year...5 years I don't care. I love him and its so strong, its crazy. I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the moment when the egg ends up on my face...DAMN THESE BUTTERFLIES! I know that I want him to be my lifetime not just a seasonal love, I want him to be my forever.

...THE STEVE 2 MY ADAM

Dear God, can I please have a man of my own…Let him be handsome, smart, aggressive and jovial. Let him be giving, free-spirited, loving and honest. Let him love me ‘DEEPLY’ & ‘COMPLETELY’ but most of all let him be a man of my ‘OWN’…In Jesus name…AMEN!

He …the Adam to my Steve

He… the reason our souls are entwined

He…is like yin is to yang.

He…the essence of man

He…the compeller of my soul

He… the real, positive, enduring value that life offers

He…knows what I am thinking,

He…knows how to cheer me up,

He…makes life perfect.

He…nestles near my heart

He…lets go of my disguise

He…the center of my universe

need I say more?

U & ME...

The connection between you and me is amazing

But can that bond paint pictures on the canvas of my mind

Painting images never seen before

A life we can explore

Us moving forward

Following footsteps I left in the sand

We will find ourselves in the promise land

Let my mind take you on this ride

That gives you a motivational high

That maybe will inspire you to exceed

And be more than you thought you could be.

Looking into my eyes will allow you to rise

From your deep set self reflection

Look closely you can see me in your reflection

Reflecting what we know is true

Like the undeniable connection between my soul and yours,

The key to so many doors…

for the MAN GOD has made 4 me