“You’re at least vers?” A question, which is posed by gay men that make SO many of us feel like a hopeless bottom or an over-assertive, inflexible top.
Such judgments, lacking in nuance, are unfortunately just the way we talk about sex. At least it is for the moment. It’s always been this way. As far back as the B.C. era we’ve described the roles men take when they have sex with other men. Back then, homosexuality was not as divergent from heterosexuality as it is today.
Unfortunately, as is true today, people have always thought better of the active partner and seen the passive partner as weaker, less manly, or even “unnatural.” Why is it some men can enjoy bottoming even without actually stimulating their genitals?
What we do in sex has very real implications on who we believe we are. We still disparage bottoms and hold a secret reverence for tops, who we regard as the real men, the real gold standard. In a narrow perception of men and masculinity, we still conflate bottoming with being unassertive and non-masculine.