Does forming new, meaningful friendships with other gay guys get harder as you get older? And does being in a relationship add another layer of complexity?
When I last left off, my partner and I had just made contact with another gay couple living in the same area to us. Considering we’re about an hours drive away from the nearest city, the fact that we found another gay couple in this semi-rural area we now call home was a pleasant surprise. The fact that they are normal, nice and we all genuinely get along well, is even more of an added bonus!
The great thing about the way our friendship is unfolding, is that it’s happening in what feels to me, to be a very natural way. We’ve each invited the other couple over for dinner. We’ve spent time getting to know each other. The guys even helped us out by lending us some tools to help out with our landscaping. Everything has been easy, stress-less and drama free so far. And I’m confident that it will continue this way as well.
I’m also really enjoying the fact there’s a level of respectfulness to all our interactions. We ask questions of each other, and genuinely listen to the responses. We’re getting to know each other and everyone is interested in what everyone else has to say. It’s not that I don’t have this in my other, ‘old’ friendships, it’s just that there’s something that feels a bit different about how I’m experiencing it now, in this ‘new’ friendship.
One of the concerns I had before commencing this friendship is I wondered if it would feel real. Would this be a friendship of geographical convenience more than anything else? I’m happy to say that isn’t the case. If we met through some other way, I’m confident we’d become friends as well. Being geographically close definitely helps, but it’s by no means the only reason we’re becoming friends.
I realise we’re lucky that our first new friendship out here is turning out to be a positive experience. Maybe that won’t always be the case as we seek to make new friends, maybe it will. Either way, I’m loving getting to know new people and sharing this experience with my partner.
I guess this whole experience has, and is, answering the questions I had about how to approach making new gay friends after 30. I’m learning that it doesn’t matter where you live, how old you are, or whether you’re in a relationship or not, making new friends is possible if you’re open to it!