THE BARBERSHOP & THE GAY CONVERSATIONS...

How do you conduct yourself when you are in a barber's chair in the "shop" and suddenly the topic of discussion turns to "FAGGOTS" or "Is___gay?" When do you "stand up?

How do you challenge homophobia in these circumstances?

Do you get up and leave? Do you admonish the owner? Do you stay silent? Do you laugh and join in? Do you defend others like yourself? Do you educate the ignorant in the audience? And if you can take charge of that conversation, will you?

THE CUTTING EDGE...

While getting a hair cut, has the barber ever rubbed his erect penis on your arm? 

If so did it make you hard or shocked?

MY SEXUALITY ISN'T SECRET, IT'S PRIVATE...

The other day I asked my barber if he would cut this gentleman’s hair that was in the shop. The gentleman was obviously gay and being in the Caribbean I know the ‘straight’ men perceive gay men. He told me yes he would and how that barber shop has about a 30% gay clientele. He then went onto say how he respects every human choice on this planet and how he has known me for 10 years and I never told him that I am gay and it doesn't bother him. I just smiled and said, ‘I am not hiding my sexuality, however I am not broadcasting it to the entire world.’ He shook his head as if in agreement with what I said to him.

This little chat brings something to mind about how many persons out there assume that many of us are hiding our sexuality, never mind that NO one comes out as straight, but I digress. I know for a fact that I haven’t affirmed my sexuality with my barber (or anyone else that don't know) because I was afraid. I haven't simply because it is my sexuality and it is a non-issue in my book. I live a human existence and I don’t believe that one’s sexuality should be broadcast to every corner of the world nor should it be something to be ashamed about. I live in a place where sexuality isn't the entire being and the obsession society has with homosexuality needs an overhaul.

Gay sexual obsession is displayed painfully in the barbershops and other areas of society. But even though some in society say they are gay friendly and accepting, most people are as willing to admit to the exclusionary aspects of their tolerance for homosexuality just as the rich are willing to give away all of their wealth. Nonetheless, I find that being silent or ambiguous about one’s sexuality can be complicated to some, but I find that I rather they are the confused ones when it comes to my sexuality.  

THE HYPER MASCULINE MAN & HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH WOMEN...

For generations, men have been told that a "real man" is the strong, yet silent type who
keeps all of their emotions in check. A "real
man" doesn't cry, need
therapy or ask for help and above ALL else a "real man" keeps his women in check.

Well this thought came to the other day as I was sitting in my
barber’s chair having a conversation. I asked him how are things with him and
his now pregnant girlfriend, he said okay with a smile [a devilish smile]. He then told me that he came home
after 1am the other night and met her packing up her stuff because she said he
isn’t treating her right [you know the song n’ dance].



He then told her that he is "man" and need not explain  to her
where he was and what he was doing. He even further told her that if she left,
don’t come back. When he woke up he saw her sleeping on the couch with the bags
next to her and have an even BIGGER smile on his face when he said
this part of the story.

I then said to him,
‘why not let her go, find someone that will LOVE her the way she needs and wants.’ He
was silent and that smile left his face and I couldn't tell if it was because a man was saying this to him or if he
actually did this, his manhood would be no more. Isn't it something how just  the mere pondering of such a thing shows how
the hyper masculine approach has SERIOUS repercussions on how we build communities and foster
love for each other, ESPECIALLY when it comes to men dealing with
their feelings about relationships with women.  

Well, the world doesn't react positively to women talking about the way men treat them.  It’s the elephant in the room
and MANY [especially women] of us ignore this behavior and often reward the men
for simple being "men". Even as I write this entry I know
it doesn't make sense talking to him about his actions because he was taught that steel sharpens steel, that he supposed
to shut her down, “man up” and “keep it moving.”

PUSSY & THE 'HETERO' MAN: ¿CAN IT REALLY BE APPRECIATED?

I asked this
question because week after week, the ‘hetero’ men
in the barbershop seem to ALWAYS find
the need to talk about the women they been with that week or the women they
want to get with. I often wonder how women feel being nothing more than a ‘walking’ vagina. This past weekend
I had to point out to the barber that there was a young girl sitting in the
shop as they carried on their VERY LOUD conversation.
He then in turned said to me, ‘oh no
worries, she doesn’t know or understand what we are saying.’ Now bear
in mind this girl is about 11 years old so I think she understands PLENTY! Moreover, I can’t help but
wonder if things like this plant seeds in young girls that grow into women that
accept the FACT that
most ‘hetero’ men do NOT appreciate/respect them. 

Is it an
oxymoron to identify men in general as sluts, or is it just karmically appropriate since these men have called and
treated women as sluts? If I were a woman, and looking for REAL love, am I to accept what is out there? Men
can be great, don’t get me wrong. Men are easier to bond with, but for some
reason MANY can’t seem to
bond with a woman beyond her genitals. Which makes me ask: are women stupid? They know the
game yet MANY of play with a losing
hand; I guess having a man’s attention (even
though it is for mostly sex) is better than having NO man @ all…

JUST BE A MAN ABOUT IT {BOY}

The barbershop,
the smells of masculine tonics saturating a space filled with leather
chairs, displaying the latest edition of KING MAGAZINE; a place
where little boys become men, a place of STURDY moral character. A few weeks ago, I had the
pleasure of being inside the walls of a local barbershop along with a toddler
that was waiting for his first haircut. I sat and watched as the little boy was
taken to the chair. As soon as he was placed in the chair, the tears came. @
This point I was marveled that the barber was looking @ his crying in that he
must be a sissy or something manner. Rightly so, since the male species no
matter his age, is not supposed to whimper during his time in the barber chair.
As I sat there, watching everyone involved try to get the little boy to stop
crying, I couldn’t help but wonder, why
is a little boy being taught such a hard lesson about life @ such a tender age?

How is a little boy supposed
to sit passively and have no feelings about something he knows NOTHING about? Amazing how something simple
like this forces boys to become men that are violent, LOVE hating their enemies and treat women like objects. How can we accept this ‘take it like a man
mentality’ and think it is a must for a little boy if he ought to grow into a
man? This made me wonder if the barber and his mother learned as
children that being a man means you can’t be an innocent little boy. How could they inflict this event on a
child, ignore his cries and not question the way we go about this activity? When
do we as people examine our choices as investments of energy with predictable
risks and returns? When we act in an inhumane manner, I believe we
merely affirm what already is. This is like using a paddle when the stream is
already moving in the same direction. The dishonesty we create about ‘manhood’ in
the barbershops redirects a portion of a boy’s energy against the flow and
create an alternate reality that requires SO much macho energetic input to be maintained.

I get that life
is not always clearly defined, so we may find it useful to follow our choices
to their logical conclusions. And though we may feel that a little trip to the
barbershop is harmless, it can be that small crack that weakens an overall
structure of a boy as he turns into a man. I hope that one day, when a
mother/father brings their son to the barber; they would not try SO hard for that CERTIFICATION OF MANHOOD. I know
this subject matter is so simple and common place to many of us, but can you imagine what this means for a
two-year old whose impending manhood is dictated to him in this manner? 

¿WHAT ARE WE TO EACH OTHER?

We are all capable of the best and the worst that humanity has to offer and from time to time, I cannot help but feel fed up with humanity. There are always situations that leave me feeling that people are simply not capable of behaving in a way that is coming from a place of awareness. The other day, I was in the barber shop and I was listening to a conversation about a local woman that was ‘allegedly’ killed by her boyfriend. No one seemed outraged about her life being taken from her, they just talked about the awesome body this lady had. Now I know that each of us is on his/her own path, we all learn differently and react to things differently, but when something like this happens and given the reaction of the men in the barbershop, I can’t help but wonder what are we to each other?

They say that grief is part of the human experience and each of us shows it in different ways, but what does it mean when men show their grief (or lack thereof) in this manner? When life cracks the outer shell of our world in this way, what is more surprising, the life lost or the reaction of these men? How can something like this not cause them to feel shock and sadness? I see this death as a message of how crazy and confused this world is and how we as a people handle things in the worst possible way, REPEATEDLY! Am I wrong for feeling let down and disappointed by my fellow humans? Too often I find myself in the midst of persons whose energy is not in alignment with mine. How can someone like me protect my own consciousness and growth process while trying to honor persons that are so callous about the value of human life?

It is SO sad that too often many of us choose to numb ourselves and I have found in processing this, a way to be like an oyster and make my irritations into pearls. Because of this, I now go into social situations knowing that numbing myself to their numbness is sometimes the best recourse. Because no matter the cause, the only thing I can do is pledge to serve the best, rather than the worst, of what humanity has to offer, both in the world, and in myself…right?

¡DORITOS CAN MAKE YOU GAY!

SO YESTERDAY @ THE BARBERSHOP, THIS COMMERCIAL CAME ON & THE MEN LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE NOT PLEASED. 

NOW I WASN'T SURPRISED THAT THEY WERE UPSET BY WHAT THEY SAW, BUT DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD SAY IF THEY SAW THIS ONE:

OR THIS ONE:

ME THINKS THE PLACE WOULD EXPLODE! IS IT CRAZY THAT I LOVE THAT THINGS LIKE THIS GET THEM SO WORKED UP?

A MAN IS MAN...¿RIGHT?

Every week as I sit in the barbershop, I look around @ the hetero and homosexual men alike and often think about how amazing it is that we are all different, yet we are the same; and it is such a pity that what allow these ‘’ differences’’ to get in the way of us finding some common ground. The connection between gay men and straight women is SO familiar to the point of cliché, but friendships between gay and straight men are practically non-existent! Why is that exactly?

The REAL work for us bridging the gap lies NOT in political force, but in building alliances; and I’d like to think that I have some sort of friendship with a straight guy that I used to work with (though he is suspect). Somewhere in my mind I often think as he calls or texts to find out how I am doing that he MUST know about me. Straight men aren’t that clueless…right? Maybe he is a part of that (small) group of forward thinking men who get the variability of sexuality. I know all of the straight men in the barbershop would NOT stand up and say they do not have a problem with gay men, can you imagine anyone of them claiming a gay man as a friend? I get it, but @ the same time I find it to be crazy because in my opinion a gay man is very much an ally for a straight man. His energy is a force to be reckoned with and I DARE SAY THAT ALL HETERO MEN CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK! We are NOT competition so there is NO need for fear or hatred. I see this as learning experience for both of us, because as we can learn from each other. I get that male friendships have their own character and their own rules, and when you add that to the complexity of male collective process, is it any wonder that a friendship between a gay and straight man would be overestimated, while a straight one would be underestimated? I wish that I found this surprising, but I know, we know that men are ALWAYS feeling each other out in one way or another.

I suppose that men will behave with each this way until the end of time and the strain between heterosexual and homosexual men will remain where it has always historically been. And if the barbershop is any indication of the future, I do NOT see any reconciliation on an interpersonal level. How can we? The hetero men in the barbershop find it difficult to be buddy-buddy with us and treat us like ‘regular’ men. Wouldn’t you, if you had to pretend that your gay friend’s sexual advances are all in the name of “harmless fun’’? Nonetheless, if we are going to maintain meaningful male friendships, we homosexual men are going to have to demonstrate some respect for the sexual boundaries of straight men. We are going to have to start thinking of straight men as being “off limits.” Then maybe, just maybe we can see the flip side of homophobia and the hetero male can finally get that a MAN IS A MAN no matter what he does with HIS dick N’ ass. 

"WORK-OUT" WITH NELLY

SO I AM IN THE BARBER SHOP YESTERDAY & THE AD CAME ON FOR NELLY'S NEW WORK-OUT DVD. NOW I DIDN'T THINK MUCH OF IT UNTIL THE MEN IN SHOP STARTED HATING ON THE AD SAYING THINGS LIKE WTF? & WHO IS THIS REALLY FOR ? THEY ALL CHIMED IN SAYING, 'WHAT MAN IS GOING TO BUY A DVD WITH NELLY BAREBACK ON THE COVER?' SO THAT GOT ME TO THINKING, THIS VIDEO IS OBVIOUSLY FOR MEN & IF THE 'STRAIGHT' MEN IN THE BARBER SHOP HAD A PROBLEM SUPPORTING HIM, WHO IS HE MARKETING HIMSELF TO? OF COURSE THEY WERE QUICK TO POINT OUT THAT ONLY SOFT MEN WOULD SUPPORT HIM. DO YOU AGREE? DO YOU THINK THE MEN IN THE BARBER SHOP HAVE A POINT? WHY OR WHY NOT?