Showing posts with label LITTLE GAY BLOG. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LITTLE GAY BLOG. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

MAKING GAY FRIENDS AFTER 30 (PART III)

My quest to make new gay friends – after turning the big 3-0 – has in some ways, come full circle. (Feel free to catch up with Part1 and Part 2 here).
I’ve gone from not having gay friends, but wanting to have some. To actively seeking and making gay friends, but it wasn’t as good as I thought it would be. To having just a couple of close gay friends, which is just fine with me. Let me explain.
This whole process of actively seeking out gay male friends has taught me a lot. A lot has happened since the last update. The friends that we made living out here, turned out not be such nice guys after all. Not long after my last post about them (where things were honestly progressing well), I soon discovered that they were bitchy, weird and possibly not nice people. Basically all the outdated, stereotypical assumptions made about gay guys. Which really sucks!

I really wanted to like these guys. And I tried. I made a lot of effort. I helped them out when they needed a hand. I listened to them as they recounted all the issues that were going on in their lives. I listened. I included them. I was being what I consider to be a good friend. The problem was it was all a one way street.

SOURCE: LITTLE GAY BLOG

Thursday, July 14, 2016

MAKING GAY FRIENDS AFTER 30 (PART II)

Does forming new, meaningful friendships with other gay guys get harder as you get older? And does being in a relationship add another layer of complexity?
When I last left off, my partner and I had just made contact with another gay couple living in the same area to us. Considering we’re about an hours drive away from the nearest city, the fact that we found another gay couple in this semi-rural area we now call home was a pleasant surprise. The fact that they are normal, nice and we all genuinely get along well, is even more of an added bonus!
The great thing about the way our friendship is unfolding, is that it’s happening in what feels to me, to be a very natural way. We’ve each invited the other couple over for dinner. We’ve spent time getting to know each other. The guys even helped us out by lending us some tools to help out with our landscaping. Everything has been easy, stress-less and drama free so far. And I’m confident that it will continue this way as well.
I’m also really enjoying the fact there’s a level of respectfulness to all our interactions. We ask questions of each other, and genuinely listen to the responses. We’re getting to know each other and everyone is interested in what everyone else has to say. It’s not that I don’t have this in my other, ‘old’ friendships, it’s just that there’s something that feels a bit different about how I’m experiencing it now, in this ‘new’ friendship.
One of the concerns I had before commencing this friendship is I wondered if it would feel real. Would this be a friendship of geographical convenience more than anything else? I’m happy to say that isn’t the case. If we met through some other way, I’m confident we’d become friends as well. Being geographically close definitely helps, but it’s by no means the only reason we’re becoming friends.
I realise we’re lucky that our first new friendship out here is turning out to be a positive experience. Maybe that won’t always be the case as we seek to make new friends, maybe it will. Either way, I’m loving getting to know new people and sharing this experience with my partner.

I guess this whole experience has, and is, answering the questions I had about how to approach making new gay friends after 30. I’m learning that it doesn’t matter where you live, how old you are, or whether you’re in a relationship or not, making new friends is possible if you’re open to it!

SOURCE: LITTLE GAY BLOG

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

COULD GUN SAFETY BECOME THE NEW MARRIAGE EQUALITY?

In the wake of the tragedy in Orlando, the LGBT community can play a leading role in turning this tragic moment into a powerful movement that takes on the issue of gun safety once and for all.
As millions of people around the world are dealing with their immediate feelings of shock, disbelief and horror at the mass shooting that took place at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, the question of how we, the LGBT community, can best respond has arisen. Once we process the immediate emotions, is there anything we can do to honour those who have died, those who’s lives have been changed forever and do all we can to ensure we never find ourselves in this situation again?
There are a number of facets to the events that unfolded. There is a terror element, with the perpetrator professing ties and allegiance to terror group ISIS. There is arguably a stronger and more pronounced hate element, with the perpetrator choosing a gay nightclub, and gay patrons, as his targets. And then there’s the element that enabled the perpetrator to combine terror and hatred into the tragedy that unfolded – guns.
Whether we like it or not, the LGBT community has found itself smack bang in the middle of the gun safety issue. How we act now has the potential to prevent another tragedy like this happening again. And if we’re truly looking for a way to honour those who have died, and to ensure they didn’t die in vain, perhaps this is one way we can do it.
The problem is huge and the sheer scale of it is massive. Each year, over 33,000 lives are lost in America due to gun violence. There have now been over two dozen mass shootings during President Obama’s term in office. And yet, nothing seems to be done about it.
In his remarks following the Orlando tragedy, President Obama’s comments had a sense of resignation about them.
“This massacre is, therefore, a further reminder of how easy it is for someone to get their hands on a weapon that lets them shoot people in a school or in a house of worship, or in a movie theater, or in a nightclub,” he said. “And we have to decide if that’s the kind of country we want to be. And to actively do nothing is a decision as well.”
– President Obama
We, the LGBT community can also choose to actively do nothing as well. And yes, while the global outpouring of grief seen in vigils and the lighting of monuments around the world is moving, the sad fact is that it won’t last. Whether it’s in a few weeks or a few months, what happened in Orlando will go from being a tragedy, to becoming a statistic and a symbol of a much greater, and still unresolved, issue.
What we can do is parlay the emotion and the willingness to overcome the helplessness many of us are feeling into doing something constructive, lasting and impactful. We can do something that channels the feelings so many of us around the world are feeling right now – anger, disbelief, sadness, fear – to create something that truly honours the people who’s lives ended or were permanently impacted that night. We can take on the issue of gun control.
The unfortunate truth seem to be that if we don’t do it, no one else will. If after the Sandy Hook massacre, when 20 six year old children were killed, the American government was unable to do anything, it begs that question – what will it take for something to get done? Maybe, just maybe, it’s this latest attack.
While the massacre of children is beyond comprehension, that tragedy didn’t trigger the same global response as what we’re seeing in response to the Orlando tragedy. What we’re seeing around the world is a very public display of unity, from a community that has for too long been ostracised, demonised and vilified.
But it’s the decades of discrimination and abuse that we have endured and survived that places us in the best position to be able to respond to this particular event and take on this very difficult issue.
From our experiences in mobilising a concerted and unified response to the AIDs crisis in the 80s and to the marriage equality debate over the last decade, we have the infrastructure in place to choose an issue and a goal, and pursue it aggressively until we achieve it.
We have the means to do this. Last year, the US supreme court enshrined marriage equality into law. It was a case of mission accomplished. But what happens to all the organisations and all the hard working, talented and motivated people who worked within the marriage equality movement? Where are they now? And are they interested in taking on the issue of gun safety?
Surely we can translate our progress in HIV/AIDS treatment and awareness and the marriage equality victory and apply the same tenacity, determination and grit to deal with the issue of guns in America. I know it’s not an easy issue, but that’s never stopped or scared us before.

The LGBT community has the resources to take on the issue of gun safety in the USA. The question is – do we have the will?

SOURCE: LITTLE GAY BLOG

Thursday, May 19, 2016

¿IS SOCIAL MEDIA MAKING US UN-SOCIABLE?

Social media’s goals are lofty. It’s designed to bring us together. To connect people all over the world. But does it actually, really do any of that?

In the almost decade since it’s invaded, and now pervaded our lives, has social media actually made us less sociable?
These days, we’re connected like never before. We own more devices dedicated to giving us screen time, than ever. But being connected isn’t the same as connecting. And that’s where I think a lot of us get confused.

There was a time when friendship required effort. You actually had to go and visit someone. At the very least, you had to pick up the phone and dial their number. These days? Not so much. The same effort that was required to keep friendships going has been replaced with the effort required to scroll down our news-feeds. That basically tells us everything we need to know. Who went where, what they’re wearing, what they ate and what they thought about it.
What’s the point of calling someone and saying ‘How’s it going?” when you already know because Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram told you?

Whether we like to admit or not, social media has made us lazy (or it’s awakened the inner laziness dormant within us – take your pick). Either way, the cornerstone of a traditionally successful friendship – effort – now no longer feels like it has any relevance. So what impact does that have on our friendships, and on our lives more broadly?

Do we even care? Or are we so consumed with consuming the never ending stream of information, filling our news-feeds on all the multiple devices we own, that we don’t even notice?
But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom. The question this article is based on is fundamentally flawed. It positions social media as if it were a person. But it’s not. Social media is a tool, a function. Ultimately, we own it, even though sometimes it may feel like it owns us.

And therein lies my hope that we, as human beings, will slowly begin to waken from this socially induced slumber we find ourselves in. We’ll begin to listen to those cravings for real interactions, for touch, for smell, the sound of laughter. All those things that social media tries to emulate, but can’t even begin to compete with.

Social media isn’t evil or bad. Perhaps like any new and shiny thing, we’ve just given it a bit too much of our time and attention. Maybe if we scale back the social media, we’ll find we have more time for actually being social!


What do you think? Feel free to let me know on….social media!

SOURCE: LITTLE GAY BLOG

Friday, May 6, 2016

A RESPONSE TO THE 'NO FATS, NO FEMS' SHIRT

The response to the ‘No Fats, No Fems’ shirt has been one of outrage. While that’s a valid response, there is an opportunity to respond in other ways as well.
The shirt is being sold at online retailer Marek + Richard. According to their website, the brand was founded in May 2011 by Neil Marek and Robbie Richard, two guys who met while pursuing fashion degrees at The University of North Texas. M+R is a causal knitwear line based in Dallas, Texas. It offers a wide range of clothing gear (everything from jockstraps to sweatpants) in collections inspired by street fashion, youth trends and pop-culture.
M + R sell a number of t-shirts with gay/pop slang emblazoned across them such as ‘BTTM’, YAAAAS’ and ‘THOT”. However it’s the ‘No Fat, No Fems’ shirt that is causing an uproar on social media.
I will say this at the outset, that if you are one of the people genuinely upset or offended by this shirt, you are perfectly entitled to your feelings and thoughts. I’m not in any way trying to diminish or downplay them. I’m simply exploring other ways of responding to the shirt.
Given the context of the company, the ‘No Fats, No Fems’ shirt can be viewed as continuing that legacy of cheeky word play, designed to shock, surprise and generally, illicit a response one way or the other. I don’t think the company released the shirt with the sole intention of seriously upsetting anyone. It simply appears to be continuing a legacy of sarcastic, witty and boundary pushing social commentary.
Maybe it just went a little bit too far for some people. The tough thing for M + R is that any reaction to its clothing can only be gaged after it’s been released. By then, given the lightning speed social media can spread content around the world, it can be too late.
The tricky thing about context and intention is that they aren’t tangible or visible qualities. They are subtle and nuanced and require a degree of knowledge about the company, its philosophy and its history.
From what I can gather, M + R’s response (on social media) has been clear. The shirt is designed to be sarcastic. This is the company’s response across all of their social media platforms. Unfortunately, scrolling through many of the comments, it doesn’t seem like this response is being heard or is appeasing anyone.
From my own personal observations of their social channels, the brand seems to be pretty inclusive. They use a diverse range of models of various shapes and sizes. So my own personal opinion at this stage is to believe M + R when they say they their intent was to be sarcastic.

Let’s have a real conversation

The controversy surrounding the shirt is bringing up a very real issue – the level of discrimination in our gay community for guys who are overweight or present femininely. Let’s use this controversy as an opportunity to have a real conversation about these issues, and not just get stuck in outrage mode.

I would love to hear from people within our community about how these appearance issues impact them. I’d love to question why we have and hold onto these strong, rigid and incredibly narrow body ideals. And why is femininity, or anything associated with being feminine (like bottoming for instance) still seen as a negative thing?

The shirt may be new, but these issues we’re facing aren’t. Let’s tackle them head on, and maybe we might make some headway in reducing them. And hey, maybe that was one of the points of the shirt? To get people thinking and talking about these issues.


It’s just that it’s hard to talk when everyone is venting their outrage on social media. Why not share our own thoughts and feelings, and then – and this is the important bit – listen with compassion and respect to as many different voices as possible?

SOURCE: LITTLE GAY BLOG

Thursday, April 21, 2016

MAKING GAY FRIENDS AFTER 30...(PART I)

Is it possible to make new gay friends after 30? That’s what my partner and I are in the process of trying to find out. I’m cautiously optimistic however and think that we will make new gay friends. But the main question we both have is, why does it seem so hard?


To make it even harder for ourselves, we’ve just moved onto a semi-country property, we both work from home and we don’t use Grindr, Gaydar or any form of gay hook up app.

Making Gay Friends Gets Harder As Your Get Older

Part of it may be an age thing. While your twenties are all about finding yourself and making new friends wherever life may take you (overseas, uni, new job), by 30, there’s a certain expectation that you’ve made the friends you’re going to make, and now it’s time to settle down. Part of settling down involves honouring whatever commitments we’ve made in our lives, whether they be to our partners, families, careers, or the bank in the form of a 30 year mortgage. As a by product of our commitments, we have less time for our existing gay friends, much less the time and energy needed to make new ones.

Another part of it may be to do with becoming pickier as we get older. As we know ourselves better, we develop a criteria that we apply to new people we meet, based on what we’ve experienced to work and not work before. This can be a good thing as it steers us away from the people we don’t want to have in our lives, but as we sharpen our focus, the available pool of meeting suitable people shrinks considerably.

Then there’s also the fact that we’re only looking for gay friends, and not to hook up (which ironically feels like it would be easier). While there are a plethora of hook up apps, there aren’t as many gay friend apps, are there? It seems that in the abundance of available casual sex, room hasn’t been made for those genuinely looking for friendships, and people to hang out with. I know that this isn’t a new thing in the gay community (only the medium is different), but it still leaves me a bit confused. Even when I was single (and I was single for a looooong time), I would have always chosen friendship over fucking (OK, well at least 95% of the time).

But all is not lost. Despite these hurdles, we’ve actually discovered that there are in fact, other ‘gays in the village’. Two other couples in fact. So, with an exchange of numbers, we have made the first step towards the possibility of a new friendship with one of the couples. Who knows how it will go? Just because we’re both gay and live in the same area, is no guarantee of friendship. But, it might just be a start. Maybe as we go along, we’ll discover shared interests, enjoy each other’s company and develop a friendship based on trust, honesty and loyalty. Or, they may never answer our first text message, who knows?

I’ll keep you posted as things progress…

SOURCE: THE LITTLE GAY BLOG




TODAY IS SUMMER LEISURE DAY!