5 WAYS TO SERIOUSLY IMPROVE YOUR ONLINE DATING SUCCESS

If you feel like you’re the only one who hasn’t found that near-perfect partner, you're not alone. While there are plenty of benefits to being (and staying) solo, I understand the allure of finding that special someone. To help you out, here are 5 science-backed, expert-approved ways to boost your dating prospects for dating online. Read carefully, and you may not be so single come next February 14th.

1. Perfect your online presence.

Whatever dating service you choose, take time to polish your profile. Avoid swear words, as these can make some people wary, and use spellcheck to be sure you don’t come off as careless or… less than smart.

But don’t be afraid to be funny and show your sense of humor. This make you seem more approachable if someone appreciates your wit. Plus, if someone opts not to message you back because they don’t like your style of hamming it up, that’s fine—you probably wouldn’t get along with them anyway.

Finally, keep it simple. No one wants to read a 1,200-word essay on your childhood. Nor should you see a dating profile as a platform to outline your political agenda, pet peeves with humanity, or all the insights you've gained from therapy.

2. Be real.

Choose photos and details that best represent you. Uploading untruths attracts folks who don’t share your true interests and courts difficulty once you have to explain yourself.

If you’re not a partier, don’t post a shot of you out and about with a beer in each hand. If you prefer to sleep in on weekends, don't lie about loving your 7 a.m. Saturday gym time. Same goes for images of you doing sports or activities you’d rather not try again, or listing hobbies you aren’t actually into but claim to be just to seem cool.

Be honest about what you're looking for, but don't get too "heavy" about it. Think: "Looking for someone who loves old movies / who's active and enjoys the outdoors." Not: "Looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, who supports me unconditionally, and loves me for all my flaws." (We all want that, but shoving it in everyone's face right off the bat can feel intimidating, oppressive, and desperate.)

3. Set yourself apart with specifics.

“There is nothing less informative than, ‘I am very close to my family and friends’ or ‘I love to go to dinner and hang out with my family and friends.’ Avoid generalizations and be specific to stand out from the rest of the online crowd: “Instead of ‘I love to travel,’ say where you’ve traveled, how often you travel, if you do it for work or for pleasure, or where you’d like to go in the future.”

4. Stop swiping so much.

Having lots of options is great, but the more choices we have, the less likely we are to make a (satisfying) decision, studies confirm. Same goes for online dating: Research shows the more profiles we compare, the pickier we become.

Plus, swiping left too many times may cause us to devote more energy to vetting candidates who may be out of our league, connect with people who don’t actually match up with our personal preferences, or issue “no’s” to potentially good matches simply because we assume something better is just a click away. End result: We spend more time browsing than actually dating. Which kind of defeats the point.

This is where Nike’s slogan comes in, If you come across a profile full of similar interests to yours, and you’d like to meet in person, just do it.

5. Show your enthusiasm.

Once you’ve moved to the messaging stage, replace neutral words, such as "happy" or "fine," with more upbeat ones, like "excited" and "wonderful." Subtle lingo tweaks like these have been shown to boost our appeal to potential suitors.

Also, express interest in what the other person is saying: "Oh, that's interesting you work in finance. How did you choose that career?" or "Very cool about your meditation practice—what do you like most about it?" And bring up topics that make you psyched—like your fave TV show, a great book you're reading, or an upcoming trip you can't wait for.

¡WHY NOT!

One of the facts that many people are not aware of is that each and every person is constantly in a state of assessing whether the people he meets can make good relationship partners or not even if he appeared as if he doesn't care about relationships.

I am sure you always meet people who tell you that they are focused on their studies or work and that they don't think much about relationships. While those people tell the truth on the conscious level still their subconscious minds does the exact opposite.

Whenever any gay man meets another gay man his subconscious mind quickly scans that person's traits and qualities in order to find out whether he can make a good relationship partner or not.

The secret to attracting love is to draw the attention of the subconscious mind of your target in such a way that it forces his conscious mind to ask one question:

WHY NOT!

20 QUESTIONS FOR QUEER COUPLES TO ASK THIS UPCOMING VALENTINES DAY

Imagine for a moment that you have a life-changing dream. In this dream, you and your partner are the protagonists in a remake of Charles Dickens’ timeless novella, A Christmas Carol.

But this version has a twist. Instead of grumpy old codgers in musty pajamas, you and your partner are dressed in classic nightshirts from the Gap, briefs from Abercrombie & Finch, and slippers from Old Navy. You both have six-pack abs.

As your head hits the pillow, you’re feeling a bit “Bah! Humbug!” about the relationship. It’s lost the spark it once had, and you just seem to be going through the motions without much zing or zeal. Then something spectacular happens while you slumber. The ghosts of your partner’s past and future pay you a visit.

First, you are whisked away to your partner’s past and spend a day with the six-year-old child they used to be. You can see your partner with the family sitting around the kitchen table. You hear the conversations and are a first-hand witness to the family dynamics. You see what makes her cry; you see what makes him laugh. You see when that little child felt secure and loved, and you also see the times that child was alone, hurting, and afraid.

For a brief moment you are back to the present, tucked safely under the covers. Yet in the blink of an eye, the ghost of the future takes you away on a new adventure.

Suddenly you have a birds-eye view of your partner’s dreams for the future. Magically, you can see them as the person they’ve always wanted to become. They are accomplishing their goals and fulfilling their life’s ambitions with enthusiasm because they are doing all the things that give them meaning and purpose. What do you see?

Finally, you wake up and think “Dang, wait till my psychoanalyst hears about this!”

You probably won’t have this dream. But you can take some active steps to rejuvenate your relationship in the New Year. So build a fire, pour some eggnog, and curl up with your partner on the couch. With a copy of this article in your lap, take turns asking each other some of the following questions. Ask 3 – 5 questions from each list. Interrupt only if absolutely necessary, and feel free to ask any questions of your own that might help your partner share the depth of their story.

Within every story is a dream, a wish, or a passion that contains a thread of identity. Weaved together these tales become a rich tapestry that sheds light on who we are today and who we someday hope to be. So tell a story, listen to one another, and commit yourself to forgiveness, compassion, and new possibilities in 2011.

Stories about the Past:

1.   What event from your childhood stands out the most? Why?

2.   When you think back to when we first met and started dating, what do you remember? What were some of the highlights for you?

3.   When you were a kid, which adult in your life influenced you the most? How?

4.   What are you the most proud of in your life so far?

5.   Looking back over our relationship, what is your fondest memory? What times stand out as the really hard times?

6.   Tell me about your parents’ marriage. What was it like?

7.   Tell me a story about you and your best friend in childhood.

8.   What was the most embarrassing moment in your life so far? What happened?

9.   What messages did you get about gay people and same-sex relationships growing up?

10.                  Tell me your “coming out” story again.

Stories about the Future:

1.   What are your biggest aspirations and dreams? How can I support you in making those a reality?

2.   What personal improvements would you like to make in the new year? How can I help you?

3.   What is your life mission? Do you see yourself as having a purpose? If so, what is it?

4.   What are your hopes for our children?

5.   What would you like the two of us to accomplish as a couple?

6.   What are your financial goals?

7.   What are your spiritual goals?

8.   What areas of our relationship would you like us to work on? What would our relationship look like if we improved those things?

9.   How do you want people to remember you? What do you want your legacy to be?

10.                  When we’re both 80 years old, what kinds of conversations would you like us to be having?

7 PIECES OF 'BAD' RELATIONSHIP ADVICE THAT ACTUALLY WORK

In my own relationship, I've found that a lot of relationship advice tends to be ineffective and unrealistic. Since we're all imperfect humans, we're going to make mistakes, require time to cool down, and need to ask questions of ourselves and our partners in order to grow together. I've rounded up some of my favorite communication pointers that can genuinely help you out the next time you find yourself in a misunderstanding with your partner.

1. Go ahead and go to bed angry.

Chances are, you've heard someone say "never go to bed angry" when talking about fighting within a relationship. I'm here to tell you that you should absolutely go to bed angry. Arguments at the end of the day are often exacerbated by built-up irritations or small miscommunications. Rather than trying to communicate when you are tired and spent, get a good night's sleep and tackle it together in the morning. Many times, with a little rest, you'll find the situation seems more manageable in the light of day.

2. It's good to let each other get away with stuff.

OK, we shouldn't encourage one another to become inconsiderate monsters, but we also need to remember that no one is perfect. For example, my partner leaves his shaving stuff on the bathroom sink, and I leave my shoes in the middle of the entryway. We're both absent-minded at times, and we're working on that, but it's not OK for me to fly into a rage at him over his razor, especially since he is kind to me despite tripping over my shoes on more than one occasion. A more content and loving partnership is built through gentle reminders and patient understanding, rather than passive-aggressive comments and constant criticism.

3. Don't hit that send button! Fighting over text is terrible...

Fighting over text message often leads to further miscommunication and misunderstanding. When we text, we can't fully interpret the messages we receive; the clues that normally help us decode our partner's true intent (like body language, voice tone, and eye contact) are absent in text messages. So as we attempt to understand these messages—not only the words, but the meaning behind them—our imaginations fill in these blanks. This is why text message disputes can blow out of proportion, leaving both parties baffled by how a small disagreement could end in a huge fight.

4. ...but writing out your thoughts before talking is pretty great.

When you take the time to write out your thoughts, especially your responses to topics that you know may get heated during communication, you're able to process difficult feelings before you discuss them. This gives you the opportunity to approach the subject at hand more calmly, rather than attacking your partner out of anger or hurt. By writing about your feelings, you may also be able to identify exactly what causes you to feel intense negative emotions and why. For example, if your ex used to compare you to other people, that might explain why you become upset when your partner praises another person's accomplishments. Being able to identify that issue and communicate it to your partner can increase trust and closeness.

5. Express your needs… even if you think you sound "needy."

Having needs does not make you needy; it makes you a human. And while I understand that directly asking your partner to, say, massage your shoulders after a long day may not be as romantic as them automatically knowing what to do, your partner isn't a mind reader. Ask direct questions and make clear requests so that your partner knows exactly what you want and need without the guessing games. There is something incredibly sexy about having your needs met by the person you love... even if you had to give them a little guidance. 

6. Don't cook for your partner.      

When I say "don't cook for your partner," I mean, "don't cook for them unless that's something that's important to them." Let's extend this food analogy: Say you take the day off work to spend a whole day making cookies for your partner. We're talking about that from-scratch, special-occasion kind of baking. Your partner gets home, the kitchen is a mess, and there's a smudge of flour across your face. "Look, honey!" you say. "I spent all day making cookies for you!" 

Your partner looks puzzled and says, "Thanks, but... I really don't like cookies. I like pie." It's a nightmare scenario. You've exhausted your resources, but neither of you have your needs met. Instead, everyone gets a helping of hurt feelings and frustration. How could your partner not appreciate your cookies? How could you not know your partner prefers pie? 

This is why communicating is so important. Maybe your partner would rather eat takeout than a home-cooked meal, but wants a cheesy Hallmark card. Maybe your partner can wash their own car but needs to spend four uninterrupted hours with you on a Saturday. Or maybe your partner would pass on a bouquet and would rather you go to the grocery store so they don't have to. Avoid spending time and energy on efforts that won't fulfill your partner, and instead communicate with one another about specific wants and needs so that the time and energy you do spend is productive and meaningful. 

7. Disagree with each other.

So often, disagreements are seen as threats to the stability of the relationship—some couples will avoid a disagreement at all costs, even if it means stuffing their feelings down and being quietly unhappy. Rather than seeing disagreements negatively, issues can be seen as natural, normal, and part of any healthy relationship. Disagreements are an opportunity to communicate, understand, listen to your partner, and grow together. Disagreements can lead to healthier communication patterns and a stronger relationship overall. 

One of my favorite communication tools to use in the midst of an argument is called the I-Message—no, not the blue bubbles on your phone screen. In this context, an I-Message is a type of communication that places the focus of the conversation on the feelings of the person speaking, rather than using accusations to communicate their discontent. 

The standard formula for an I-Message is as follows: I feel [feeling word] when [talk about scenario that made you feel this way, then talk about the result you would prefer.] For example, "I feel overwhelmed and exhausted when I do the cooking and the cleaning. Is there any way we could work together to get it done?"

If you've been the one doing both the laundry and the cooking, and it's been frustrating you, this format might not be your first thought. You'd probably be more tempted to say, "You never do anything around here!" or even "It would be nice to get some help in the kitchen for once!" But framing the situation like this can make your partner feel attacked, leading them to become defensive. Formatting these feelings of frustration into an I-Message may feel counterintuitive at first, but it does increase the likelihood of a more positive response from your partner, and can help you both grow closer through stronger communication.

While a perfect relationship is impossible, a healthy, fulfilling relationship is something each of us can achieve with a supportive partner and the right communication tools. When two people work to fight fairly, express their needs, and foster understanding, the result is a strong and happy relationship built on trust and open communication. 

FINDING A BOYFRIEND/PARTNER IN THE DATING SCENE

Struggling to find a boyfriend and have a serious relationship? Finding the right man can be hard. Are you not into the bar/club scene? It is common for people to believe that a bar or a club are not good places to meet a serious gay partner. Is that the foregone conclusion?

I get that there's little time to find common interests (not to mention the environment isn't conducive to holding a conversation). That's not to say you can't meet a good man in a bar. Clubs and bars can be good spots to meet other gay men, but meeting a serious partner there might be more of the exception than the norm. Why? 

RELATIONSHIPS CAN FAIL, EVEN WHEN THAT PERSON IS 'THE ONE'

Most of us want to be with someone who understands, appreciates, and loves us for who we are. We’re looking for the one who says all the right things at exactly the right time. (That sounded like lyrics to a song because it is the lyrics to a song called ‘Everything You Want’ by Vertical Horizon. Okay, back to my point…) We’re constantly looking for the one, the ideal partner, to settle down with, and we want that relationship to last. 

The thing is, for many of us, it never happens. We don’t know why. And despite that person possessing all the things we want for a partner, it always seems to end in a sad dissolution.

What’s wrong with me? I know you may be asking yourself that question. If you are, there’s no better first step forward than contemplating these four main reasons relationships fail. Of course, all couples are unique in their own ways and there may be other complex factors that are not mentioned here. But I hope you’ll be enlightened, and that new knowledge will help you realize and improve how you handle your relationship with your significant other. If you see any of these factors in yourself and your own relationship, it’s never too late to address them. Remember, it’s better that you know exactly what is going wrong in your life, so you know exactly what to do to make it right.

1. Self-Sabotage

A behavior is self-sabotaging when in an attempt to solve a problem causes another problem. People who self-sabotage have this tendency to deny themselves happiness, pleasure, success, or love. You let that inner voice take over you so you end up getting in your own way. Like if you want your significant other to move with you, that inner voice will tell you, “Why would you want to do that? It will never work. You will just break up anyways so why make things complicated?” So you never talk about that topic and when your partner opens it up, you argue.

Another self-sabotaging behavior is dodging your emotions. You try to avoid dealing with intense feelings so you venture on an alternative, one that is more intense, and that often gets you into trouble. An example to this is you’d rather drink yourself to death at a bar somewhere and vent your emotions by engaging in a brawl than discuss your issues with your partner.

The problem with self-sabotaging is it’s a part of you. It’s in you. That inner voice is you. It has become an attitude you’ve been holding to yourself for a long time. When things don’t go your way, when you are uncomfortable with a situation, when you feel guilty, that behavior of self-destructing kicks in.

There’s no other way to address self-sabotaging than acting up against your pessimistic inner voice. Know your patterns and familiarize yourself with your defensive habits. Changing old, embedded habits is not easy. That inner voice helped you survive tough situations but it no longer serves you well today now you’re in a relationship. It’s now time to stop depending on it.

2. Trust Issues

In a world where everything is uncertain, it has become a habit on most people not to trust anyone. Sure you have family, friends, and partners that you can rely on but even to them, the thought of trusting is appalling to you. Trust issue in adults is almost always a result of childhood experiences — bad ones — like your parents’ inconsistencies in meeting your needs or worst, domestic abuse. Your parents are the first people you learn to trust and when that bond is damaged, it can lead to distrustful relationships of all kinds later in your adult life. The trust versus mistrust stage is after all the most important period in one’s life.

Trust in relationship is so vital, it’s the one holding it together. It’s the very foundation of the emotional connection between partners. If the other person is struggling to trust the other, it can disrupt any relationship. Distrust creates a wall that blocks openness between partners. It draws out all the faith in the relationship and in the end, you no longer believe what you’ve been told because you’ve been consumed by your own suspicions.

It doesn’t matter how much you love each other; no words or actions can reassure that you have nothing to worry about. That inner voice tells you to doubt and be cynical to all people, even to those you love.

To truly break out of distrust, you have to trust yourself first. I know you’ve heard of this. It has been said a lot of time because it’s true. You have to trust yourself before trusting other people. Trust that you’re making the right decision of putting faith on your relationship. Trust that you’re ready to open up. Trust that you can be transparent with your thoughts and feelings. Let go of your defenses. Openness is the key to a healthy and lasting relationship.

3. Unknown Fear of Intimacy

When I ask my friends as to why they are still single, more often than not, I get the same answers rooted from one reason — fear of intimacy. Most people are aware they’re afraid to commit so they don’t. And there are those who are not aware of it. They don’t know that that part of them exists until they involve themselves in a relationship and realize how terrifying it is.

Like distrust, fear of intimacy starts to develop early in your life. As a child you learn how to defend yourself from feeling negative emotions like rejection, disappointment, and guilt. You shut down and create your own little bubble. You feel safe inside but still feared someone might burst it.

Unaware of this fear, you incautiously open up and expose yourself to your partner until you realize that you’ve given up so much, you’ve became vulnerable to emotional pain. That person can now affect you. That person can hurt your feelings. You feel threatened so you become cautious of what you say and do. You slowly build distance between you and your partner thinking if you choose flight over fight, you don’t have to open up anymore, and that should solve the problem. However, the only thing it does is ease your anxiety and direct your relationship to a conclusion that is unjustified.

When you recognize that you’re afraid of intimacy, it can be hard and even embarrassing. You thought you’re brave enough to handle it but you chose to run away. Tell your partner about this. Being honest about it is the first step. You have to be the one who’ll burst your own bubble. It’s not intimacy you’re really afraid of, it’s what comes after. With your partner aware of your struggles, you can talk about it as a couple. Always keep an open line and don’t make assumptions.

4. It’s Not Your Priority

Psychoanalysis aside, maybe love is just not your priority right now — plain and simple. This is where the right-person-wrong-time cliché comes in. You don’t have bad childhood experiences to blame on all your failed relationships, on the contrary, you’re living a great life. It’s just, you’re not yet at a point wherein you want to share it with someone. And it’s totally okay!

Being single allows you to know more about yourself, spiritually speaking. Sometimes you’re looking for someone but what you’re really looking for is yourself. The challenge is to build a strong and healthy relationship to your mind, body, and soul. When you know exactly what you like, what exactly you’re looking for, it will start to make sense.

What now?

Relationships are like children. They’re demanding and needy. And like having a child, you have to take care of your relationship because no one else will. It requires commitment, selflessness, and willingness to become vulnerable. You will get hurt some times, because these are real feelings, your feelings, that you’re putting on the table. You have to be willing and able to handle both the pain and joy of being in a relationship, and that takes commitment. If it’s just not a priority for you, you may find you are better off on your own.

3 STEPS TO HEALING ANY RELATIONSHIP

Do you have a relationship that you would like to heal?

In order to heal any relationship it is first important to understand the dynamics behind relationship issues. Relationship issues don’t occur because two people are different or they do not agree. People do not need to agree, or be similar, in order to get along great. Issues occur because one or both people are practicing judgment. It is judgment that causes all the issues in relationships. Without judgment, relationships thrive and when you release judgment, relationships heal.

Why is judgment so detrimental to relationships? When we feel judged, it invokes a feeling of rejection, so we either close down or we judge in return, in order to protect ourselves. Either reaction causes distance and discord.

When we are the ones who judge, we push the other person away, regardless of our justification for judgment. It does not matter if you feel you have a right to judge or that you really do know better, judgment is the best way to alienate a friend, lover, partner, parent, co-worker or child.

You cannot love someone and judge them at the same time.

Releasing your judgment for another will help to heal the relationship, but it is not the whole story. There is a little trick to this healing process. If you follow this 3 step process below, you have the power to heal any relationship.

Step 1. Heal Self-Judgment

The entire world is a reflection of your conscious and subconscious beliefs. Therefore, if someone is judging you, his or her judgment must be a reflection of your own self-judgment. You cannot expect another to stop judging you, when you are judging yourself. The key is to identify how the other is judging you and then look inside yourself to see how you are judging yourself in a similar way. It might not be the exact same judgment but try to focus-in on the connection. Once you clearly make this identification, it is time to consciously release your self-judgment.

You do not need to share this with anyone. This process is something that you do privately. You will know when you are successful in releasing self-judgment because the other person will also reflect this by being more accepting of you. If he or she continues to judge you, go back inside and clear out any remains of self-judgment.

Step 2. Heal Your Judgment About the Other Person

How are you judging your friend, spouse, parent or child? Remember, do not confuse caring with judgment. Caring is not judgment. No matter what is going on in his or her life, you have no right to judge. You might want to make a list of all the ways in which you are judging this person and one by one, give up your judgments. Maybe even look to see how you are judging yourself in the same way and release those judgments, as well.

The fact is, no matter how wise you might be or how well you know this person, you do not know what is best for him or her.

If you care about someone and you want to help, the best you can do is to support her, in listening to her own heart, and by encouraging her to ask herself the right questions, so that she can make empowered choices. If you are insightful, you might even offer a question that will allow her to find her own clarity.

Don’t give advice unless asked and even then be careful that it does not contain any elements of judgment. If you judge, you alienate and if you alienate, you blow your chance for making a difference.

If you really want to be a positive influence, be a great example. Stay in integrity with your own beliefs and model this behavior but do not try to preach or meddle – because another will experience this as judgment and your message will fail to have the impact that you desire.

This article is about healing adult relationships, but even small children react negatively to judgment and positively to encouragement. You can be a more empowered parent without judgment, and you can effectively guide a child of any age without the punitive force of judgment.

Step 3. See the Other Person as Perfect and Whole

Make a list of all the things that you love about him or her. Focus only on these things every day. Do not give your attention to the things that you do not like or the problems at hand. Only focus on what you love about this person – without the issues. I knew that this can be challenging, especially when there are problems between the two of you, but if you can consistently focus on the positive and ignore the negative, before long things will begin to change – it is all up to you.

The other person will change because how you see this person changes. The amazing part is that you never have to say a thing to him or her. You only have to silently focus on the positive. You will be very aware of the changes in this person and in the relationship but he or she may be oblivious to any difference. By mentally and emotionally aligning with the positive aspects of your friend, partner, parent or child, you literally invoke a higher version of the person and a higher version of the relationship.

If you can drop your judgments, rationalizations and justifications, and you can take complete responsibility for the relationship and your experience of the other person, you have the power to not only heal the relationship but to create the best possible relationship that you can imagine.

¿IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE TO ROMANTICALLY LOVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON @ THE SAME TIME?

One the greatest struggles of our modern monogamous relationships is the limitation of only being able to romantically “love” one person at the same time. It feels confusing and counter-intuitive, because we know we can “love” so many people at once, across our family, friends and others. But in monogamy, if we love more than one person romantically, we are causing harm to the relationship and violating the agreements we have made to be exclusive. Some people lie and cheat because they cannot reconcile their love for another with their love for their partner. Others feel forced to break- up. Others live feeling ‘trapped’ and miserable, wondering what might have been if they had pursued their desires.

Are you strong enough to feel good about your partner spending intimate time with someone else? Does the thought make you feel insecure or upset? It is quite natural for this thought to make you anxious, because you have probably been conditioned to believe that it would be wrong to share your partner in this way. It can create feelings of fear and uncertainty that if permitted to explore these feelings, your partner might leave you.

So how can we safely approach polyamory and work through the feelings of jealousy and insecurity that it might create? How can we communicate about opening up our relationships in a way that will not harm what we have already built? How do we learn to be fearlessly open and honest with ourselves? Is it really possible to romantically love more than one person at the same time?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OPEN RELATIONSHIPS?

What are your thoughts on open relationships for gay men?

HEY GAY MEN, COURTSHIP IS IMPORTANT!

YES, courtship is important in selecting a mate! 

Although more gay men are into hookups, there is still a demand for same-sex couples wanting to consider their desires for life-time partnerships before setting their wedding date. In the “DAYS OF YORE” sexual intimacy was not present before the wedding bed! Over past decades couples have become accustomed to sexual activity before marriage—either as occasional trysts or living together full-time. This same trend has been occurring between same sex couples.

To minimize lifestyle conflicts, common interests are very important for any couple. NO couple has 100% common interests, but variances should be minimal to sustain long-term compatibility. Sustainable relationships are easier if a couple recognizes their similarities and differences and then make allowances in daily living. 

With lots of discussion between you two can bring a couple closer together not further apart. A couple can benefit from “pillow talk” in bed after sensual lovemaking. This is an excellent time to talk about inner feelings with each other, common interests and variances especially discussing sexual activity that needs adjustment to maximize the intensity of your climaxes.

As gay men, do you think courtship is important?

CAN TWO BOTTOMS HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP?

Let’s say you meet a guy who’s the total package. He’s everything you want in a man: handsome, genuine and with your sense of humor. After dessert you head back to your place for a second course.

The clothes come off and you wait for him to take control… he doesn’t. You wait for him to throw you on the bed… he doesn’t. You wait for him to grab your body and use it like a dummy… he doesn’t. That’s when it sinks in. You’re both bottoms. Despite his bulging muscles peeking out from under his shirt showing dominating-potential, unfortunately you let your imagination blindfold reality. Again.

As someone who believes balance is the secret to a long-lasting relationship, I think it’s important for it to translate into the bedroom. For many gay guys out there, unless your man is willing to give you what you need, it’s a useless effort. Two bottoms (or two tops) never seem to make it past the second date despite whatever feelings they had for each other. Can two men of the same position last?