WE ONLY FALL IN LOVE WITH 3 PEOPLE IN OUR LIFETIME (EACH ONE FOR A SPECIFIC REASON)

It’s been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime. Yet, it’s also believed that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love the one that seems like the fairytales we read as children. This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be.

Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel. It’s a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.

We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons but we hang on. 

Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.

With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should. It’s the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.

We are just simply accepted for who we are already and it shakes to our core.

It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.

This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer.It’s the love that just feels right.

Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to. Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is.

9 'BAD' HABITS KILLING LGBT PEOPLE

While we have plenty of people trying to do harm to us because of our sexual orientation or gender identity, we often don't do ourselves any favors when it comes to self care. Here are the bad habits we should have given up last century:

1.   We drink too much.
Heavy drinking and binge boozing is more prevalent among lesbians than straight women, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Bisexual women also report more hazardous drinking than their straight and lesbian counterparts. Binge drinkers run the risk of liver, pancreatic, and esophageal cancers. 

2.   We have risky sex.
Men who have sex with men are at increased risk of contracting STIs like HIV and HPV, which can cause anal and oral cancer. When it comes to HIV, gay and bisexual men accounted for 48 percent of the more than 1 million people living with the disease in the U.S., according to a 2006 study by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. The research also found that 53 percent of newly diagnosed HIV-positive people were gay or bi. Another risk group is bisexual women, who, when compared with straight women and lesbians, exhibit the highest rates of alcohol and substance abuse, which can lead to risky sex.

3.   We party excessively.
Studies show that gay men use illicit drugs at a higher rate than the general population. “Gay men are significantly more likely to have used marijuana, stimulants, sedatives, cocaine, and party drugs (ecstasy, ketamine, and GHB)," according to the Pride Institute. "The use of crystal meth in gay and bisexual men has increased dramatically in recent years as well.” Substance abuse was also found in an alarming rate within the transgender community, ranging anywhere from four to 40 percent of respondents. 

4.   We use steroids.
In an effort to sport perfect bodies, more and more gay men are resorting to steroid use before hitting the gym. Gay and bisexual teens are more than six times more likely to abuse steroids than their straight peers, according to a recent study by the Fenway Institute. The effects on your health can be long-lasting — heart disease, hypertension, insomnia, depression and suicidal thoughts, and dangerous rages have been reported by users.

5.   We obsess about body image.
Problems with body image are more prevalent among gay men than their straight peers, leading to eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia. The National Eating Disorders Organization reports that gay men are disproportionately found to have body image disturbances and eating disorder behavior when compared with straight men. Gay men are thought to only represent about five percent of the total male population, but 42 percent of men with eating disorders identify as gay.

6.   We still smoke.
Smoking rates among lesbian women are nearly double that of heterosexual women, according to SAMHSA studies. By comparison, gay men reported using tobacco at a 50 percent higher rate than straight men. Within the transgender community, studies suggest that tobacco use can range from 45 to 75 percent. Smoking reduces life expectancy by at least a decade.

7.   We stay in abusive relationships.
More than half of gay and lesbian couples (56.4 percent) and 47.4 percent of bisexual adults reported experiencing some form of domestic violence — compared with just 17.5 percent of straight couples who reported the same. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a study in 2010 and they found that “bisexual women had an overwhelming prevalence of violent partners in their lives: 75 percent had been with a violent partner, as opposed to 46 percent of lesbian women, and 43 percent of straight women. For bisexual men, that number was 47 percent. For gay men, it was 40 percent, and 21 percent for straight men.”

8.   We don't go in for regular health check-ups.
Lesbians and bisexual women are less likely to get routine screenings, pap tests, mammograms, and clinical breast exams, according to Womenshealth.gov. And according to the Center for American Progress, due to “low rates of health insurance coverage, high rates of stress due to systematic harassment and discrimination, and a lack of cultural competency in the health care system, LGBT people are at a higher risk for cancer, mental illnesses, and other diseases, and are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, use drugs, and engage in other risky behaviors.”

9.   We suffer from depression.
Internalized homophobia, social stigma, and fear of rejection by family members are just a few of the reasons LGBT people decide not to come out. Studies show that living in the closet can have a detrimental effect on our emotional well-being, causing higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide. LGB youth are four times more likely to commit suicide than straight teens and pre-teens, according to the Trevor Institute. A study of transgender people found a staggering 41 percent have attempted suicide at least once.

SOURCE: THE ADVOCATE

10 ATLANTA GAY PRIDE TIPS BEFORE YOU GET NAUGHTY THIS WEEKEND

It’s that time year again when black gays, lesbians, and transgendereds from around the globe make their annual pilgrimage to Atlanta Black Gay Pride during Labor Day Weekend. Celebrating its 20th anniversary, this year’s prides festivities are sure to be entertaining, exciting,and full of debauchery.

Although Atlanta Black Gay Pride is about fun and celebrating our #blackgaymagic, however, it is also important to be safe out here in these streets. Unfortunately, some past incidents during pride weekend has put a damper on celebrations. In 2014,  Henry Lee drowned while attending a pool party. In 2010, Traxx owner and one of the organizers for Black Gay Pride, Durand Robinson, was murdered a few days prior to Pride. Days after Robinson’s death, Calvin Streater, and Samuel Blizzard, Jr. were also murdered execution style at a residence. News reports stated both Streater and Blizzard were in town for Atlanta Black Gay Pride Weekend.

Here are some tips on how to keep the lusciousness on lock and the shenanigans at a standstill during the family reunion in the gay mecca.

1.   Please set aside at least $100-$200 for any emergency purposes. And by emergency, you and the person you rode to Atlanta with fell out over something trivial and they left your ass stranded with no way of getting home. That extra $100-$200 will at least a get you a ticket on the Megabus or Greyhound to get back home.

2.   Buy a Pride Pass to save money on club admission and time standing in line. During Pride weekend, the club’s admission is bound to cost between $20-$100 per night. To save money, purchase a pride pass for the weekend because even if you’re going out for two nights, the pass has paid for itself. Now you’re asking, whose parties should I attend? Well sweetie, no promoter has sent me anything(i.e. money, press pass, tickets, etc) to give them my full endorsement(besides Rockstars Productions for the Trina flyer). However choose the promoter who has your favorite artists or celeb for the weekend.

3.   Be prepared to be stuck in traffic. Not only is Gay Pride this weekend, there’s DragonCon for the geeks, Ludacris’ Ludaday Weekend for Groupies in Waiting, and a random college football game, so traffic is going to be horrible. Take MARTA, Uber, or Lyft to Lenox Mall on Saturday and Piedmont Park on Sunday.

4.   Speaking of traffic, please obey the parking signs. ParkAtlanta(the parking enforcement) will be on a ticket it/boot it/tow it frenzy this holiday weekend. You will have to pay to park in Midtown except on Sunday, but pay attention to the “No Parking” signs because your vehicle will get towed. Since more than likely, you don’t have a Georgia State ID, it will be hell getting your vehicle back before Tuesday from the towing company. If your vehicle happens to get towed, please check the ParkAtlanta website, under the Find Your Towed Vehicle caption.

5.   Don’t do anything stupid to get your ass locked up for the weekend.That means no fighting, no shooting, no stunting, no drunk driving. Why? Because you don’t have a Georgia State ID and no one can bail your black ass out without one. You will be locked up in Fulton or DeKalb County Jail until  your court appearance. If you get locked up in Fulton County, ask for the Sissy Cellblock.

6.   If you’re going to the club, be aware of possible exits. In the wake of the Club Pulse shootings in Orlando, not only be aware of your surroundings but also take notice of every possible exit in the club. Before drinking or dancing, walk around the entire club at least once and locate all the exits and bathrooms to make sure they have windows just in case something pops off.

7.   Don’t accept drugs, liquor, or other beverages from anyone you don’t know or trust including your friends. You don’t know what these things might be laced with and you don’t want to end up doing something you might regret.

8.   If you’re going out alone to meet a stranger for a possible “casual encounter”, be sure to let a friend know where you are, who you’re going with, and the real identity of the person you’re meeting. Basically, Snapchat and screenshot that nigga to your friends just in case of emergency. If the nigga only goes by Jay or Dee, is the invisible man because he’s on the dl, or serving catfish, do not meet up with him. You need a real name, a real picture, and a real location.

9.   Speaking of casual encounters, make sure you take precautions sexually. The sexual energy during Atlanta Black Gay Pride is going to be lit and someone else’s bottom is going to try to play top, so make sure take care of your sexual health. That means condoms and if you have a prescription, make sure you take PrEP.  I don’t want you to get a souvenir that you can’t get rid of.

10.                     Last but least, have fun. This is time to celebrate our #blackgaymagic and with so much shit going on in the world, this is a time to have fun and celebrate with your bristahs in the struggle. The organizers and promoters’ main goal for the weekend is to have everyone have grand gay ass time.

SOURCE: GRAB YA JIMMIE

8 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT A {3}SOME

Having more than one partner at a time, especially when they’re both pleasing you, is one of the ultimate fantasy. But, what’s the reality behind this fantasy? I’ve ticked it off my to-do list many years ago and can give you some tips to make sure your threesome is story-worthy.

1. Threesomes are not like porn!

There are body parts making funny farty noises, slapping against each other, you will also sweat profusely and there will be a lot of re-adjusting position.

2. It can get confusing!

Should I put my legs up? Roll over into doggy? Is it better if I give you a hand or use my mouth? With body parts shifting wildly, you’ll have to think on your feet and embrace the moment to get the most out of your three-way.

3. Try not to pair off!

You will probably enjoy one person more than the other and it can be a serious buzzkill to leave someone out of the fun. So  make sure everyone is included even if you’re simply rubbing their chest while your mouth and ass are busy doing other things.

4. Your mouth will never be closed!

Prepare to have your mouth working at all times. It will either be moaning or occupied at sucking cock, rimming or kissing.

5. Communicate your terms!

Define your limits before you’re too deep. Are you fine with blow jobs, but not penetration? Make sure everyone is aware of everybody’s sexual role. Let your partners know and stick to the rules. Have a safe word in case you get uncomfortable.

6. Foursome (or more) can be hot too!

If you’re having a threesome and two people get hot and heavy, the third wheel can feel left out. Maybe invite another person into the mix to ensure that everyone will have a fabulous time.

7. Stay safe!

Regardless of who you’re with, always stay safe. Also be sure to switch condoms between sex acts and partners, even if you know everyone involved. You never know the history of who they were sleeping with before you!

8. There will be bodily fluids everywhere!

Your body and the bedsheets will be covered with cum, saliva, ass juice and maybe more if you are kinky. Make sure to have some towels by the bed and prepare to do laundry the next day.

Have fun guys!

7 SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING OLD: THINGS JUS' AIN'T THE SAME

It wasn’t that long ago when many of us were living the good life, free of responsibilities and spending our money on anything our young little hearts desired. However, things done changed. We’re not completely up there yet, but we’re getting there and just in case you haven’t noticed, these seven sign might just be your wake up call that old age is just around the bend.

Losing Weight Is Harder

Remember the good old days when you could eat literally anything you wanted and not gain a pound. Stuffing yourself with chips for breakfast, pizza for lunch and a burger for dinner like that was the way things would always be. Now you’re getting up there and one can of soda has your stomach looking like you swallowed a whole person. You have to work out twice as hard to lose 5lbs and three times as hard just to keep it off…signs of the times.

Things Are Poppin’…And It’s Not Your Collar

I don’t consider myself old, but I’m definitely not a spring chicken anymore. Lately when I climb the stairs I can feel or hear a slight ‘pop’ in my knees. Went to the doctor because I thought I had broken something and heard the words I’ve dreaded for years “Sometimes that happens to people as they age.” Sigh, just pass the rocking chair.

It’s Raining And Your Body’s Calling

No this isn’t an ode to R. Kelly, it’s an ode to your old bones. When we were younger we thought granny was exaggerating when she complained of feeling the impending rain in her bones, but if you’ve started feeling aches, pains and strange sensations that come and go with the weather, you might want to call granny up to apologize.

Your Drop Ain’t Hot Anymore

Speaking of old bones, I’ve seen plenty of young guys in the club lately dropping it low…and staying there. The days of dropping it like it’s hot are gone. If you’ve dropped it and struggled to get back up, or dropped it so much that the next morning your knees felt like you ran a marathon, it may be time to pass the torch and find a new dance with less pressure on the joints.

You Get It From Your Momma

No I’m not talking about the junk in your trunk, I’m talking about the words coming out of your mouth. As kids we laughed at some of the things our mothers used to say to us, brushing them off as old people gibberish. Now we find ourselves quoting the same lines in our everyday speech, and worse than that, the sayings actually make sense to us now. Momma never said there would be days like this, smh.

Waka Flocka Is Not Your Friend

When we were young we couldn’t get enough of the music on the radio, but if you’ve started creeping up the age ladder you’re probably realizing that you’d rather listen to your iPod full of Biggie and Tupac than listen to anything playing on the airwaves today. You might dig a song or two, but for the most part you’re dying to hear music similar to what played in the “good old days” and that right there is sign that retirement is right around the corner.

Forget Mail…You’ve Got Bills

Ahhh youth, the days when you ran the world care free saving your money from that part time job to buy the latest fashion item. Now, any time someone comes to you with plans for a trip, dinner or anything else that involves spending money, the first words out of your mouth usually sound something like “Well I gotta see because folk got bills and ish soooo…” Yea…old.

"MANSPREADING" ADDED TO THE OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY

It’s official, ya’ll. “Manspreading” isn’t just a slang term for an obnoxious phenomenon that happens on crowded subways anymore. It’s officially a word.

The venerable Oxford English Dictionary just issued its quarterly update of new words that have gained enough widespread use in the English language to merit being added to its ever-growing database, and “manspreading” made the cut.

The official definition of “manspreading” is as follows:

manspreading

man·spread·ing/?man?sprediNG/

informal

The practice whereby a man, especially one traveling on public transportation, adopts a sitting position with his legs wide apart, in such a way as to encroach on an adjacent seat or seats: 

a campaign to discourage manspreading or using an adjacent seat as a footrest

As frustrating as manspreading can sometimes be, we’ve always kinda had a thing for it. There’s something sorta sexy about a dude showing off his wide stance in public, which is why we started the weekly tradition “Manspread Monday” on our Instagram page.

To celebrate this latest induction into the dictionary, we thought we’d do a quick roundup of some of our favorite manspreads.

Scroll down to see photos sexy men showing off their ‘spreads…

9 TYPES OF PENISES YOU'LL MEET IN YOUR LIFETIME

When it comes to sex, there are certain things you can never be prepared for. Like, the first time a man unpacks the goods and you something you really weren’t prepared for down there. Are his balls the size of grapefruits or is his penis really tiny? Every penis is unique, but some are more unique than others. It’s important, no matter what he’s packing to keep a poker face and not reveal your glee that you seem to have stumbled upon the world’s perfect cockpiece or disappointment @ the fact that his dick is about as thin as a pencil. I don’t want to get caught with your pants down. Well, I do, but I just want you to be prepared when he takes his pants down. Be forewarned, if you’re single for long enough, you’re likely to meet the following penises…

1.   THE SHAPE-SHIFTER. This penis might illicit major confusion in the getting-to-know stage. You’ll feel it hard & think, OK. COOL! We’re not dealing with a micropeen situation and then you’ll see it flaccid and you’ll be like, oh wait, maybe I am. As many of us know, some guys are growers and some guys are showers, this guy is on the extreme end of grower spectrum, which is an incredible phenomenon, but ultimately, no big deal unless he has trouble getting or staying hard.

2.   THE CROOKED AND/OR LEANING DICK. When you first see this Leaning Tower of Penis, you may find your cocking (heh) your head in the same direction, unsure of how things are going to work. And thankfully things will work, just fine too, but certain angles will feel better that others. Sex with a crooked or leaning dick sometimes feel a little unbalanced, like when you’re holding too many heavy bags of groceries in one hand. But it can also be great, as you discover angles and positions that allow his crooked member to hit spots other dicks could only dream of reaching. Yes, a crooked dick is a dick worth getting to know before you judge.

3.   THE UNMEMORABLE PENIS. What is there to say about this guy? I wish I could tell you, but I don’t remember any details.

4.   THE PENIS THAT WILL BRING YOU TO TEARS. @ least once in your life, you’re bound to shed tears when a man drops trou. Hopefully it will be because you found the dick of dicks, but more likely, it will be because his penis is the size of a bicycle pump and the thought of putting THAT in your anus is a horror you were never told to be prepared for. Tell him you have some ‘emotional problems’ going on and give yourself some time to work up the nerves to try to get that thing in there. Or just listen to anus and give up on the dream.

5.   THE PRACTICALLY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. Of course, the perfect dick is subjective depending on your taste, but you’ll know it when you see it because every fiber in your anus will quiver. This penis, in all it’s glory, will make you do all sorts of crazy things just to get one more minute with it. This will be particularly problematic considering the owner of this Holy Dick will know the value of what he’s packing and that will ensure that he’s a total prick. Life’s unfair like that.

6.   THE NUMBER 2. @ first you’ll think you accidentally left your Number 2 pencil in bed, but then you’ll peel back the comforter and realize that it’s just some man’s too-slim-to-be-true penis. You’ll have to mask your disappointment because the pencil is the least exciting to take on even when it’s rock hard.

7.   THE SENSITIVE PENIS. This guy is just so moody. A glimpse of you in your birthday suit makes him instantly chubby and rarin’ to go. But his sensitive temperament alos causes him to go soft or blow load with little to no warning. Your best shot @ taming this high maintenance beast is by getting to know its moods and being aware of which buttons to push and which ones to avoid.

8.   THE PENIS WEARING A HOODIE. The Hoodied Penis is rapidly gaining favor with the gay community. Sure, an uncut dick looks a little funny and wrinkly and freshly upon first meeting, but after some foreplay, he stands proud as his turtleneck rolls down. Best of all, that extra skin creates more friction, which feels better for you. Viva la hoodie!

9.   THE SHORT, FAT SLUT. You kind of want to tell this penis to stand up straight, suck it’s gut and go on a juice cleanse. But alas, short and stubby he’ll stay. @ least this stocky penis will be easier to feel than the pencil-thin one that made less of an impression than your finger.

¿WHAT IS A REAL MAN?

A Real Man is not caught up in labels, he's just knows that he's only into men.

A Real Man wouldn't be sitting up in a homophobic church week after week.

A Real Man has a spiritual relationship with a higher being.

A Real Man is honest, trustworthy, sensitive and caring.

A Real Man wouldn't flaunt his sexuality; however, he wouldn't be ashamed of it.

A Real Man knows how to have fun.

A Real Man is funny, adventurous, and can be spontaneous.

A Real Make takes care of his body and his mind.

A Real Man is secure.

A Real Man is respectful.

A Real Man pays attention to his man.

A Real Man is intelligent, resourceful.

A Real Man knows how to be romantic.

A Real Man is patient.

A Real Man knows when to play and when to be serious.

A Real Man will know what to bring to the table that isn’t on this list.

A Real Man is man who is a man.

TOWARDS A BRIGHTER FUTURE

What can we do about all this? Ultimately, it is the collective fear, secrecy, polarization, and loss of purpose within all of us that has allowed leaders to take power who would subvert democracy, and who would take away our freedoms and liberties. By each one of us making a commitment to work on these issues both inside of ourselves and out in the world – and to inspire others to do the same – we are changing our collective direction and building a solid foundation for a brighter future. Several actions can help us to take firm steps in that direction.

Develop purpose and intentions for your life. To live rich, full lives in today's complex world, it's vitally important to give your life clear direction by exploring what is deepest and most meaningful to you, and by developing a life purpose and life intentions based on this. Then choose to live your intentions and follow your purpose to the best of your ability every day. By choosing to live with clear direction and focus, life becomes deeper and more meaningful. This then weakens the seduction of consumerism and media hype which distract us from our purpose, and allows us to more effectively focus on building a brighter future.

Choose to transform fear into acceptance and love. When we notice ourselves feeling fear, we can trace the roots of that fear, so that we are able to identify our core challenges and deal more consciously with them. We can open to guidance from friends, teachers, and spiritual sources in helping us to move from fear to acceptance and understanding. We can also transform our fears through welcoming the ever-present love of our divine creator, and the love that lies always deep within our own hearts, and in the hearts of those around us. In doing this, we begin to recognize fear as an invitation to growth.

Become aware of when you are playing the role of victim, and choose instead to take personal responsibility for building a brighter future. In blaming others for our problems, we often avoid taking responsibility for how much we are involved in creating these problems through the choices we make. Whenever we catch ourselves playing the role of victim by blaming others (including the power elite) for everything that's wrong in our lives, we can choose to take a look inside ourselves, and to explore and take responsibility for our role in what's happening. By focusing less on blaming others, and more on improving ourselves, every one of us can make a difference both in our lives and in our world.

Avoid secrecy and encourage openness and transparency. An important way we can do this is to work together to inform friends and colleagues about the major cover-ups being hidden from the public. Then in our personal lives, when we notice ourselves keeping information from others, we can examine our motives for this secrecy. Are we withholding information out of our own self-interest, or because this is really what's best for all involved? And on a deeper level, where are we avoiding being honest with ourselves?

Move beyond polarization and the focus on "good vs. evil" and "us vs. them." Every person in the world has a heart. And each of us has a place in our heart that wants only to love and be loved. Consider the possibility that all of us are doing what we believe to be right based upon our beliefs, circumstances, and upbringing. As we focus less on blaming and judging "them" and more on supporting the highest motive in all people – including members of the power elite – we increasingly come to see that we are all one human family, and that we can choose to transform our world by working together for the good of all.

And finally, come together in groups and communities to support each other in making these positive changes. In these groups and communities, we support each other in transforming fear into acceptance and love. We exchange information about all that is being hidden from us and explore ways to move beyond polarization. We also share our life purpose and intentions and encourage each other to live these as fully as we can. And we inspire each other to take responsibility for our lives and to be the best that we can be. When we gather in community to support each other in these intentions, we join in building a growing network of inspiration and empowerment around the planet.

These suggestions emphasize changing the collective consciousness of the world by transforming both our own personal lives and the world around us. Let us do all that we can to stop destructive behaviors of the global power elite. Yet let us not overly focus on changing the outside world without first having a solid internal foundation, lest we fall into blaming others, and into the polarizing "us vs. them" ways which only further divide us. By reminding ourselves that the most powerful change starts inside each one of us, we can develop more balance and strength to then work towards positive change out in the world.