AS PRIDE MONTH COMES TO A CLOSE...

Gay pride is a powerful human quality that has no limits. Nothing on earth has the capacity to propel our community forward.

From movie land in Hollywood to space age inventions to our personal imaginations reflecting our desires inspirations endlessly unfold, we are truly blessed with the unlimited ability to picture anything we want, and then pursue it. Gay pride gives inconceivable freedoms! This is the moment in history like no other where we can run wild without imaginations. Imaginations imbibe the use of believing. Most believing is that we can go from one point to the other with ease, and most of it is without thought, but knowing from experience.

Gay pride in the form of believing becomes embedded in us through many experiences to where it even is no longer thought of as either, but accepted as ‘natural’ experiences. Most things have at least two sides, be they positive or negative. We have more freedoms, turning obstacles into opportunities, creating new ventures, to seeing the bright side of this life we lead.

Imagine what it would be like to always wake up with a positive expectation, excitement, and gratefulness for the opportunity to make the best of each day regardless of obstacles? There are a small percent of gay people who live that way every day, and they have the positive pride that they can make whatever confronts them into, at minimum, a silver lining of hope. In the darkest of days, a candle is always burning within to cast a light on a way to make the best of any situation.

There likely may be moments in life where things seems to cancel all hope of better moments, and that nothing could be darker. At that point, it’s best to imagine how to deal with circumstances to move into the light that waits. Make the gay pride feeling your best friend, and trust that it can lead to blessings ahead.

DEAR BLACK SOCIETY: BLACK GAY MEN WHO ARE HEARTBROKEN NEED LOVE TOO...

Far too many of us don’t see how encouraging gay boys to ignore their vulnerability undergirds the most negative aspects of toxic hyper-masculinity. An unacceptable number of us don’t realize how this behavior will affect their future relationships, and the ill-fated men they come across.

But there’s another side of the coin that we often don’t look at. When a gay boy who is screamed at to “man up” by his mother or father, that boy is socialized to view being vulnerable as abomination to strong Black manhood to everyone, boys and girls included. Everyone is raised to believe that as well. While young women may adopt a more evolved position on masculinity as they mature, those scars never leave that gay boy, no matter how old he gets.

How a gay boy is taught to handle his masculinity during his formative years will have a lasting effect on how he envisions and defines manhood as an adult. Those boys —like many before them—will define it as being guarded, impervious and nonreactive. Now, imagine taking that mindset into a relationship with a man eager to engage in a truly open and emotionally earnest manner. Hell, imagine applying that mindset after an emotionally overwrought breakup, and trying to move on to date again.

As black gay men who subscribes to hyper-masculine ideologies with every fiber of their being, who has been through many traumatic relationship events and a couple of exhausting breakups, I realized there was nothing less sympathetic in our society than a heartbroken black gay man. It’s an incredibly isolating experience, but what makes it so scary is that we feel our intrinsic manhood is being irreparably denigrated every second we allow ourselves to feel. If you want to understand why many gay men deny their sensitivity, it’s because it rests in the “no fly” zone of human emotions.

Until we show young black gay men that their manhood can and should include organically navigating the range of human emotions, we’re going to continue to cultivate black gay men who don’t know the first thing about coping, managing, or even accepting their natural feelings.

THIEVES OF TRUTH...

Unconscious ‘thieves’ of truth for their own agenda are everywhere. Your soul is real, and it’s here to experience truth and love. As it is, everywhere most people are supporting infinite lies through working for ‘entities’ that only marginally care about the welfare of their employees as well as consumers they sell to. The ‘profit motive’ takes precedence over the real value. Why do, or buy things which are lesser in quality than what’s available? Your soul is here to experience a fulfilling life that’s actually being stolen from you with every hoax, fakery, and deception right as we live everyday, unconscious of its effect.

Start unraveling the points less than the truth of the highest available opportunities. That begins with opening yourself to a commitment to always seek the high road. Happiness is often a misnomer looking for a quick fix. Change that habit of feeding what feels good at the moment. Most important, find a ‘meaning’ in life that fulfills you. Seeking ‘happiness’ will then not be a goal. Dedicating your life with a meaning that serves others will bring its own reward, and inner satisfaction. Pretending, faking, and being a part of the outsides imaginary games with ulterior motives that do not serve your truth needs to be let go of.

Love yourself and others beyond the superficial ‘luv’ that is merely a ‘lip sync’, and not real but artificial. Always be growing into the spiritual you that is your inner potential.

(ASS)UME ONLY THE BEST...

There are infinite reasons to not make the best assumptions, but life becomes better when you are in a position where assuming the best should be as natural as breathing. Having to play detective, particularly in this era of ‘photo-shopping’ and spinning the truths creates endless, immeasurable ‘crosschecking’ time to see what’s true or not.

Some persistently assume the worst from people in general. Not wise. That mindset will become a ‘wall’ between you and others that also see the doubt energy. On the other hand, many times it will occur to another when you are assuming the best from them, that they will make a decision to ‘correct’ any possible lesser intent to a higher one.

‘Assuming only the best’ may require replacing a more negative habit with this one. Soon it becomes automatic as the ‘knack’ is developed. If one chooses to ‘judge’, let it be for the more favorable assumption. We are all ‘one’, but that’s where it starts and ends. In between starting and ending, people have all kinds of ways to derail them into mental and heart clogged drains that have forgotten to keep the heart and mind clear. Approaching someone or situation with as much positivity and awareness, while void of negative judgment, will frequently engender a more positive response. Past memories that have impaired fresh,’let bygone’s be bygone’s’ feelings serve only the negative. A new approach may require some caution, but with caution you might assume the other would also like to start anew too. There are infinite situations to assume the best with eyes and heart wide open that will produce a new light encouraging fruitful growth in connections.

‘Assuming only the best’, that results in being wrong is an opportunity to learn and see what made the decision not produce the expected results. A certain element of common sense must be a forerunner before going into a state of ‘cruise control’ in assumptions of trust. Assume the positive, but at the same time be mentally prepared for the opposite. Realistically, it’s a matter of degree of energy put into an expected outcome, and the ability to successfully handle something different than what was assumed.

The ultimate partnership between two people who have melted hearts, minds, secrets, and all forms of communication is to be on ‘automatic’, and to always know that the other has your back, and in fact, you share the same mind and heart as ‘one’. That would be a ‘soul mate’ condition rather than a ‘soul mating’ condition where the connection as completely ‘one’ is in progress. To be in a true state of love or grace, is to be beyond always having to ‘assume the best’!

VALENTINE'S DAY...IT DOESN'T MATTER!

It doesn't matter if you're single or in a relationship, the following is always important to remember in life: 

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn’t mean possession, and company doesn’t mean security. You begin to understand that kisses aren’t contracts, and gifts aren’t promises. You begin to accept defeats with your head high and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. 

So you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden, and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure.. that you really are strong.. and that you really do have worth. And you learn.. and you learn... with every goodbye, you learn 

— Veronica Shoffstall

WE CREATE PREJUDICE AND SEPARATE OURSELVES

We often create a level of competition that becomes so fierce that it hurts our community instead of pushing us ahead, because we limit ourselves with classifications. It’s not just the wolves, bears, otters, and the rest of the animal kingdom. It’s allowing age, career, race, interests, neighbourhoods, and other insignificant things determine how we look at, perceive and identify one another.

LOVE YOURSELF, BUT NOT TOO MUCH...

By others’ standards, it seems there’s very little a gay man can ever get “right.”

As gay men, we’re not supposed to be a perfect combination of features. Though this arbitrary list of characteristics varies greatly depending on whom you ask, one thing is certain: We are not, under any circumstances, supposed to feel good about our body or our appearance.

Even the new(ish) groundswell of memes encouraging gay men to love themselves implies that you shouldn’t love yourself too much. “I’m a work in progress,” is about the nicest thing we, as gay men, are allowed to say about ourselves. If we love ourselves even a little too much, and dare to say, “I’m really happy with all of who I am,” the vanity police step in to keep us in line.

“How dare he!” they quip. “He really thinks he’s something, huh?”

So here’s my question: What if a gay man does think he’s all that?

What if, stay with me here, a gay man decided that he was enough? What if, somehow, a gay man decided he liked all of who he was? What if he looked in the mirror and thought he was just ravishing? What on Earth is wrong with that?

It’s as though we believe there’s a finite amount of confidence out there, and if one person collects some, it lessens our potential to find some for ourselves. Loving oneself in no way attacks another. Truly loving oneself does not come with comparison or a hierarchy of greatness. Only insecurity does that.

I even catch myself keeping my own self-love in check, like some kind of awkward secret, so as to avoid the eye rolls or character attacks that are bound to pop up if I make any positive remark about myself. It’s as if I don’t want to stand out in the sea of gay men reciting “I’m a work in progress.”

These days “being vain” seems to be just one more way to condemn a gay man for how he chooses to show up in the world.

It’s insecurity, not confidence, that is so detrimental to ourselves and our relationships.

Let’s stop asking gay men to be “the perfect amount of confident” and give one another the space to find our own confidence. A gay man who is self-assured and grounded in his body and his beliefs has the power to live authentically. He has the strength to trust his instincts and intellect as he moves through the world. He celebrates his successes and good fortune, and in the face of setbacks or failure, he never forgets his worth.

By shifting the way you talk about yourself and others, you can change the dialogue around confidence. Being mindful of not knocking others’ confidence will not only have a positive effect on your own self-concept, it will also have a positive effect on those around you.

It’s no wonder we struggle to feel confident in so many areas of our lives, our bodies, our relationships, our intelligence, our contributions to the world. It’s frustrating and stifling to feel like your voice doesn’t matter, like you don’t measure up to arbitrary and ever-changing standards, or like everyone else’s preferences and needs come before yours.

What if you could feel confident in every way? What if, instead of wondering how it would feel to be good, worthy, and deserving enough, you already knew? What if you truly believed that losing a few more pounds or squeezing into a smaller size has nothing to do with how amazing, powerful, and valuable you are?

LIGHTNESS OF BEING

‘I just want you to know who I am’, is the theme for a popular song. Few are able to express who they really are, but most don’t know, and the ‘receiver’ of that perspective is likely in the same position. Hence, the poor communication that exists in the world. How many are consistently in harmony with their best and real side?

The world is filled with wonderments, not all are best for experience without knowing and preparing for an encounter. An example would be watching a volcano erupting from too close of a viewing point, or watching a tornado while in it. People are wonderful, but not at all times, and sometimes it’s best to keep a safe distance from them.  People are still not focused enough on the ‘art of sensitivity’, and how to be in harmony with others. The world population anywhere you go will find nearly all individuals with different forms of negativity, and barely clinging to a positive side.

I have rarely experienced with thousands a denial when I ask them if they are ‘open minded’! They all say yes, until I ask one of many questions to see if it’s true. I see the positive and beauty in everyone, but they don’t see much of what I see within them. People are rarely not a juxtaposition of energies negative and positive within them. Positive is ‘fragile’. Any negative ingredient will likely change it’s nature as with a gourmet meal, and something that doesn’t belong. The Priest who does good work is not worthy of his role if he molests your child. Someone else is always there to help without that ‘darkness’. The ‘lover’ who pledges dying love to you, and later moves on or becomes something very more negative than at the beginning of love negates a lot of positivity.

There may be no perfect person, but certainly there are some who exude ‘near perfect lightness of being’, and that possibility by loving themselves. Pretty much all of humanity has enough negativity within them to send a sign that you had best carefully tune in to where they are at carefully, or position yourself at a distance where little of their negativity enters your aura and field of positivity. Deep within, all are perfect they just play an outer role that confuses both themselves, and those they interact with. Identify and own the negative within, and always be moving into the light. Never forget that ‘lightness of being’ always has humor, and a smile ready at all moments. Ever heard of a religion that endorses laughter? Life is a dance, pick the best, joyful dance partners!

THE MAN BOX & THE CULT OF MASCULINITY...

The man box is full of proof. Except that there is no man box, the man box can never be filled, and real men don’t need proof.

Let’s start with Abraham and Isaac. You know the story. God tells Abraham to slit his child’s throat. Abraham ties up his son, raises the knife, and at the last moment God says it was a test. End of story. Lesson? Abraham shows, by his willingness to violate his own child, the proof of his worth. And Isaac learns that his father was willing to kill him rather than act against the cult of masculinity against the rules of the man box.

There are many rules of the man box, even though there is no man box, and there are no rules. Why call it a box when it’s the way things are? And why call it a rule when it’s who you are?

Rule 1: There is no man box.

Rule 2: There is no box but the man box, and thou shalt have no other boxes before it.

Rule 3: That’s the way things are.

Rule 4: That’s who you are.

I’m in a restaurant, and I overhear one guy say to another that he’s in pain. The other responds, “Suck it up. When are you going to quit being such a woman?”…

So yes, I understand that men are taught to not feel. Yes, I understand that the cult of masculinity is all about not feeling. I understand that must be hard. But honestly, I don’t give a shit about understanding the emotional state of members of the cult of masculinity, except insofar as that understanding might help stop them. It’s a bit late in the game to be worried about the feelings of perpetrators.

The ones I care about are their victims, because the man box isn’t about putting men in a box, it’s about putting everyone else in a box, the box of other, of less than, of trophies, the box of the violable, the box of targets, the box of victims, the box of the violated, the box of proof of the men’s own manhood.

Have you ever done the math on how many women who are alive right now have been raped? There are almost seven billion people on the planet, so there are about 3.5 billion women. About one in four women is raped in her lifetime, and another one in five fend off rape attempts. So more than 800 million women living today will be raped in their lifetimes. Let’s say half of those have not yet been raped. So 400 million women living now have been raped.

And another now.

And another now.

This also means, among many other things, that unless a few men are excruciatingly busy, there are a lot of rapists out there, a lot of members of the cult of masculinity, a lot of men who adhere to the rules of the man box.

But you already knew that.

But of course there is no man box, and there can be no man box, because if there were a man box, that would mean there’s something outside the man box, and there’s nothing outside the man box because there can be nothing outside the man box, and there can be nothing outside the man box because there must be nothing outside the man box.

Because if there were, well, there isn’t, and can’t be, and mustn’t be. Because if there were, that would mean members of the cult of masculinity aren’t as omnipotent — as completely potent — as they must be. And also because if there were, why would any victims put up with this shit?

So there must not be a man box, because everything is part of the man box. That is, everything is violable. And everything must be violated.

Rule 5, which is actually Rule 1, which is actually the only rule there is: I exist only insofar as I violate you. But of course rule 5 does not exist. Nor does rule 1.

The other day I saw an astronomer saying why he thought it was important to explore Mars and other planets: “It will,” he said, “answer that most important question of all: Are we all alone?”

I have an even more important question: Is he fucking crazy?

No, just a member of the cult of masculinity.

Did you know that 200 years ago there were flocks of passenger pigeons so large they darkened the sky for days at a time? And flocks of Eskimo curlews so thick that ten, fifteen, twenty birds would fall to a single shot? There were so many whales in the North Atlantic they were a hazard to shipping, and there were runs of salmon so thick they would keep you awake all night with the slapping of their tails against the water. And he asks if we are alone?

Only if you’re a member of the cult of masculinity, in which case you are of course alone, with other members of your cult, because you have declared yourself to be the only one who matters, the one who does to as opposed to everyone else, to whom it is done.

Did you know that this culture is driving two hundred species extinct each and every day? Did you know that stolid scientists are saying the oceans could be devoid of fish in fifty years?

And do you know why?

And did you know that the world used to be filled with thousands of vibrant human cultures? And that human cultures are being driven extinct at an even faster relative rate than nonhuman species?

And do you know why?

The man box is full of women. It is full of passenger pigeons. It is full of whales. It is full of indigenous humans. The man box is full of the entire world.

But the man box isn’t full, because the man box — which does not exist — can never be full.

The psychiatrist R.D. Laing famously asked, “How do you plug a void plugging a void?” That’s the question, isn’t it? But of course it isn’t the question because men don’t have a void, and if they did have a void they certainly wouldn’t plug it with a void.

Someone once told me that any hatred — or maybe any void — felt long enough no longer feels like hatred, but rather like religion, or economics, or science, or tradition, or just the way things are.

With all the world at stake I need to speak plainly. The problem is that within this patriarchy, identity itself is based on violation. Violation becomes not merely an action but an identity: who you are, and how you and society define who you are. Within this patriarchy men’s masculinity defines itself by identifying others — any and all others — as inferior (which is why those stupid fucking scientists can ask “Are we all alone?” as they destroy the extraordinary life on this planet), and as being therefore violable, and then violating them. For men under this patriarchy, these acts of violating others are how we become who we are. They validate who we are. They then reaffirm who we are, as through these repeated acts of violation we come to perceive each new violation as reinforcement not only of our superiority over this other we violated but as simply the way things are.

So without this identification of others as inferior, without this violation, we are not. We are a void. And so we must fill this void, fill it with validations of our superiority, fill it with violations. Thus the rapes. Thus the violation of every boundary set up by every indigenous culture. Thus the extinctions. Thus the insane belief in an economic system based on infinite growth despite the fact that we live on a finite planet. Thus the refusal to accept any limits on technological progress — more properly termed technological escalation, as it really involves an escalation of the wielders’ ability to control and violate at a distance — or on scientific “knowledge.” Thus the sending of probes to penetrate the deepest folds of the ocean floor. Thus the bombing of the moon.

What makes this problem even worse is that because there are always those who have yet to be violated, and because this violation isn’t really solving the needs it purports to meet — it’s a void plugging a void — this drive to violate is insatiable.

This culture will continue to violate, until there is nothing left to violate, nothing left.

So what is at stake in this whole discussion is life on this planet. This cult of masculinity must not merely be left, and must not merely be exposed. It must be destroyed, or it will continue to violate its way to the end of all that is alive.

But before we can leave this cult we must understand that it is not all that is. That there is a cult of masculinity, and there is a man box, and you can leave them both. Burn this into your heart: this imperative to violate is not natural. It is cultural.

And we must resist every effort by the abusers, by the violators, to “naturalize” this drive to violate. For this is what abusers, violators, must do. They must attempt to convince themselves and everyone else that their way is the only way, that there is no other way. They must convince themselves and everyone else that not only is there nowhere outside the cult of masculinity, nowhere outside the man box, but indeed there exists neither a cult of masculinity nor a man box.

There is only this one way of life, which is not just a way of life because it encompasses all that is or ever was or ever will be. It is everything.

They say.

But they are lying, to themselves and to you. Even if they have an entire culture to back them up, they are still lying.

We must never forget that. There is a cult of masculinity, and there is a man box, and we can leave them. We can not only leave them. We can destroy them. We must. With all the world at stake, we must.

GETTING OLDER WITH SOCIAL MEDIA

I remember a time when even having your mobile phone on the table was considered inappropriate. Or when watching TV was enough to keep you entertained.

I even a time when waking up didn’t involve groggily grabbing for the nearest device in order to see what I’ve missed during the night. I might sound like a grumpy old person, but in reality, I’m just a grumpy 35 year old.

Contrary to all the messages we receive in a youth obsessed society, I’m actually enjoying getting older. I’ve never been afraid of age. In fact, I think I’ve spent most of my life wanting to be older. In my 20s, most of my friends were in their 30s and 40s. I had more in common with them – on a soul/intellectual level – than people my own age.

The interesting thing that happens when you start to age, is that while you may not feel the age thing yourself, you experience it in terms of distance. Distance to what’s cool and prevalent in popular culture. Distance to friendships that have ended – for one reason or another. Distance to how people perceive you, and your age, and how you feel about yourself.

When you see people get the ‘Oh I’m so sorry’ look flash across their face when they find out your age, but you feel fitter, healthier and stronger than at any other point in your life, it’s a bit confusing. But secretly, it’s also a little liberating.

You realise how stuck they are in preconceived notions that crumble when put under even the tiniest amount of scrutiny. It’s like a feminist feeling empowered by any Beyonce faux-empowerment song. Your idea of what it means to be an independent woman (in the world of Beyonce), and the reality of actually being an independent woman (in the world we actually live in), are two completely separate things.

And so it is with aging. The reality is quite a bit different to the idea of it. Which in many ways is a good thing. If you’re scared or worried about getting older, you don’t need to be. It’s won’t be as bad as you think it might be.

I guess for me, as I get older in this time and space in history, getting older blurs with all of the changes that are taking place in our lives because of social media and digital connectedness (or more accurately, perceived connectedness). Simple ways of being, manners and etiquette from even half a decade ago, have leapfrogged and morphed into things I don’t recognise – and honestly, don’t like.

It’s not just something I don’t like in others. It’s something I don’t like in myself.

I remember a time when I wouldn’t even take my mobile phone out to dinner. I remember a time when I would watch TV – with no other screens around me. And I remember a time when I would wake up and not madly dash towards a device.
Is any of this helping me, making me healthier, or happier? Is society broken and we’re all too distracted by what’s on our screens that we aren’t even noticing? Or am I just getting older?….

WHEN HATE & FEAR IS USED AS A WEAPON...

Ours is a world that refuses to see itself. And until we come to terms with this, we are forever blind to the real problems that plague us.

We have a long history of taking detours around the real problem of homophobia. Many of us are haunted by the temptingly seductive view that if gay people would just stand upright, live a life that is ‘right’, be ultra-perfect in God's eyes, we can somehow undo the wholesale legacy of homophobia. The logic is that good behavior is the one-way ticket out of a lifestyle that leads nowhere. But good behavior is no more an escape from this way of thinking than bad behavior is a justification for being gunned @ a night club. The reality is that it does not matter.

Still, we suffer in this world under the stifling hands of a world that refuses to see itself, that refuses to admit that the great defect of our humanity. We are a world that refuses to stay on topic. It’s the apple’s fault for falling off the tree. Gay people are partly to blame for the conditions we are in.

The solution to homophobia is what exactly? No matter what they come up with, we end up climbing a falling a ladder. While very few gay people might benefit from ‘praying the gay away’ program, our communities yet struggle to survive. All while the world seem unable to come to terms with its inability to come to terms with their hatred.

The world’s ultimate preoccupation has been with attempting to excuse itself of its homophobia. The war has forever been in our front yards, on our doorsteps, and in our living rooms and respectability has proved to be our least formidable weapon. So long as ours is a world and a people that refuses to commit to the difficult conversation of seeing gay communities and identities as interconnected and our struggles as bound together, we are a planet and a people that refuse to see ourselves.

START THE NEW YEAR...

You're probably starting to feel the New Year's resolution monster looming over the horizon. 

And with it, the pile of past failures, unkept resolutions, and disappointments.

It's an all-too-common experience, but I'm going to suggest a subtle tweak to it this time around.

Instead of looking at everything that's WRONG in your life and saying, "In 2016, I have to fix X..."

I'd like you to look at everything that is RIGHT in your life and say, "In 2016, I'm going to make it even better!"

Subtle, but when you start with the positive, acknowledging the good, feeling gratitude for what you've done right, then, from there, real change can take place.

It's time to stop the self-recrimination, angst, and shame that comes with "failing".  It's why in EFT Tapping, we open with, "Even though I ... fill in the blank with the problem/emotion/current condition... I love and accept myself."

Start the New Year loving and accepting yourself FIRST... NOT after you've done the thing, made the change, etc,. THEN, the change will happen.

MIRRORS OF SMOKE...¿WHO ARE YOU?

Which one, you might ask? Life isn’t ‘part life’, it’s all life, good, bad, indifferent, and other. So be who you are! Lying about who you are might be fine until the smoke clears, and one look in any mirror shows you are naked in a bad light.

The reality may look cloudy but the reality is you have a choice, a decision to make from your high consciousness to move in a direction you desire to be in. Say what you want or think you need to say, but it’s always time to come out of the closet of self denial into the light of truth. Move out of the fog in the mind that has led you off the track of clarity. Resistance is the result of hanging on to the obstacles of smoke and fog for the path upward.

The anguish of not knowing where you are going, and who you really are grows deeper and deeper, and like quicksand is hard to release from, unless you become aware. Go step by step forward, and you will suddenly begin the transformation of catapulting ‘you’ into a new reality that personifies what was only before a ‘pipe dream’. Be like a firefighter to clear the fires and smoke of the past that you continue to bring to the forefront of your life now. See the rising of the sun for a new day, and a new dawn of freedom from self deception. Hidden in you, behind the ‘smoke and mirrors’, is a clarity always open to access at your command. Life can be a bed of roses regardless of the challenges that may rain on your day.

PERCEPTION IS...

Perception is often a deception of the mind that is fed from various sources of past programming. That programming may well be the perception that you have nurtured of what limitations you see in yourself. Foggy days and foggy nights surround most of individual humanity as well as the collective. A rolling stone gathers no moss, but like people, when reaching their adulthood, rarely ‘roll on’ with who they really are, instead rolling over who they are not. You are not using your inner powers, even if the outer skills are outstanding. Most are stuck in a fog when it comes to what’s behind their eyes.

Life lived in the outer world with little reflection on the inner, is like an iceberg, and most is below what can be seen. The perceiver who can be his own worst ‘deceiver’, often is attached to having personal judgments of others that have little basis in reality. One having insightfulness, intuition, and a highly developed sensitive empathy sees and acts out the inner qualities of himself, while seeing others with far more accuracy than the norm. Most live with an ‘outer view’ of life, always basing their thinking and perception of others from a more superficial perspective. It is with great trepidation that they take the journey into the inner self for fears of looking at what they bury, and avoid while placating themselves with the external.

Life is an opportunity for inner growth of the spirit, and being able to reach to the consciousness while slowly leaving the negatives of the unconscious behind with a new positive outlook. Watch whatever comes up on the outside, but be untouched by it as a witness, and go to your center of being removed, and allowing your inner bliss to arise.

THE HAMSTER PEOPLE

You are what you repeatedly do, think and feel. We all do the same things over and over as does the hamster running in place in his spinning bound cage. 

Routine can be exemplary, but on the other hand, uncreative and defining of who you appear to be. ‘Window shopping’ through life, and always looking ‘at’, or even participating where ‘creativity’ isn’t much demanded, suggests you are running in place, going no where. 

Animals have routines that rarely differ from one another of their specie. Humans have the option to set the pulse of creativity to deviate from the ‘ho-hum’.

FRIENDS (THE BUBBLE KIND)

Somebody that I use to know . . . but ‘poof’what happened? In a sense, we are all ‘bubbles’ here today and gone tomorrow, and often unbeknownst to most friends of yesteryear. Life is in movement, at times filled with hustle bustle moving from home to home, job to job, experience to experience.  Friends go from the polarity of ‘friends on a social network’ on the internet that are nothing but fleeting, to relatives from parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins to partners as in ‘wife, husband’ or lovers.

Each friend is unique from all others. Most friends, though are ‘light’friends that, due to circumstances, deserve the moniker of ‘acquaintance friend’. These ‘barely friends’ are one type of ‘bubble friend’ that comes and go. Regardless, each has something to give for those paying attention, and hopefully have something to receive from you. The phrase, ‘love your neighbor’ is applicable, and an opportunity to share valuable experience even though very momentary, each one can add to the collective of wisdom.

Unfortunately, we have another kind of ‘bubble friend’ that at one point appeared to be a ‘special friend’, be it even a relative or mate. Mostly for reasons unknown to the ‘victim’ of their being invisible or out of communication, this type of person chooses to be unavailable for any further relationship. If you were attached to their friendship, a certain amount of confusing hurt results that sometimes is akin to the experience of a death of a very personal, important friend. If the distancing was their choice, it’s wise to accept that, or to use great sensitive, and skillful means to reconnect with little expectations.

‘Bubble friends’ of all kinds are part of life, it’s how you deal with them that is most important. Many people are ‘up and down’ friends within themselves. Inside everyone is the best friend you’ll ever likely find, yet most never realize that. Loss of a friend, however it has happened, is an opportunity to be sensitive with the hurtful feelings that you may well have, and perhaps for longer than you’d appreciate. Those feelings are energies of love that are trying to break through and embed energy into a deeper love. Send those deeper feelings in the form of love for the one missed, and for your life. In this case, giving out will result in an invisible receiving of growing love for yourself and deepening overall compassion.

Be an inspiration to yourself always, and you will find a friend like no other!

GREED IS EGO

Greed is behind the killing, destruction, suffering, and harm of all life to satisfy appetites for more and more. The ‘accumulation of the most toys’, be it at the expense of others, doesn’t matter to the ‘greed vampire’ for he is a wizard at justifying himself as he forges ahead to unconsciously become a sociopath, or even a psychopath - insensitive to others. Even on a global level, the ‘karma of greed’ is speeding to the destruction of life for today’s children soon to be adults trying to survive from drowning in generations prior greed.

The world is on fire, be it a slow, increasing, unchecked smoldering that is always on the precipice of a flash termination or crippling. Insensitivity for others causes far more damage than any sensitivity that others have toward all life. Rational sensitivity is what makes it a better world be it with plants, your pets, children, partner, co-workers, community, and world at large. Ask yourself, if you’re in full awareness, and compassion for the other person(s) in your life? How well do your actions, or lack there of, work for others?

Being ‘better’ at the expense of caring consideration for others feelings, is ‘greed of ego’. You are always a teacher, and a student, never holier than thou. Give to people. Looking to ‘take, take’ creates and embellishes greed, and silently creates increased hardship for others. Life may be a puzzle, but why make it a more of puzzle by taking from the innocent to fill your ego’s selfishness and pocket. Help others out of love, not an agenda to serve your thirsts. Help without love creates a lot of mischief, be you a public servant, missionary, a friendly neighbor, or one of a partnership. Don’t make giving a duty. It make the other feel obliged and uncomfortable.

Too often we see what we want to see. Be free in the mind to see what’s right and sensitive. Greed is one of the seven deadly sins, and is a major factor for discord on all levels of life. Meditation is to empty the attachment to desires, and live with minimal expectation. Taking and hoarding is quite the opposite of giving and receiving, which comes from the heart. Greed is a bondage to habits that have become addictive and define you. Stop your life that serves mainly you more than others. Be the inner you, and see that all else will be taken from you. Why lose ‘you’ if it’s the only thing you will leave with? Spiritual-conscious you is all the inner qualities that give freely.

¡EXPECTATIONS, EXPECTATIONS, EXPECTATIONS!

Expectations; we all have them.   When we are young we expect to grow up to be successful, healthy, well grounded individuals.  The innocence of youth harbors high expectations for not only ourselves but for those around us and how we interact with them.  We also expect to be treated fairly and equitably, and want to trust people to do the right thing for themselves and others.

As we grow older, life takes hold and it begins to dictate what the reality will be.  As a result, our youthful expectations seem to diminish.  We shove them to the back of our minds because we allow the perceived realities of life to tell us that we do not deserve those grandiose expectations fabricated in our youthful, innocent minds.

Instead we settle for less; our expectations of what will be our reality become dependent upon external influences and circumstances dictated by others.  As a result, our ego minds convince us that lessened expectations are what we deserve.

Many of us who lived closeted lives also had high expectations, but there was a hidden regulator on our ability to actually know deep inside ourselves that our expectations could be fulfilled.  Our ego minds would always draw us back to the reality that “hey you are gay; you aren’t going to achieve those high expectations, so just settle for less and be done with it.”

Unfortunately, many queer individuals take this perception of their lives to their graves.  They never regain their innate ability to shape their own destiny by using the power of their minds to bring their high expectations to fruition.  They die with their songs unsung.  That is sad, very sad.

Repel the shackles of the ego!  Take charge of your life once again.  Remember the exhilaration you felt resulting from your youthful expectations, dreams and desires.  Recapture that energy by releasing the power of expectation once again!

Decide today that you are not going to die with the music of your life unwritten, unscripted.  Write your own choreography of your future by using your power of expectation to set your goals of who you want to become.  Reject those that wish to put a regulator on your ability to see grander circumstances for yourselves than what society says you deserve.

THE ENTRANCE "FEE TO LIFE": ¿DO YOU HAVE ONE?

Do not take thought for your persons or your properties, but first and chiefly to care about the greatest improvement of the soul. I tell you that the virtue is not given by money, but that from virtue come money and every other good of man, public as well as private... The difficulty, my friends, is not in avoiding death, but in avoiding unrighteousness; for that runs faster than death. - Socrates 

We all know that life is a sequence of events, that when taken in hindsight and knowledge appears to be interconnected. Each instance in our lives builds on a past event, and the understanding gained propels us forward to the next plateau or learning experience. In order for us to learn and grow, we must also be open to change and the lessons to be learned.  Sometimes, we don’t recognize the event for what it is; a time of growth and evolution. Growth and evolution cause us to reflect on things that are no longer germane to our existence or no longer represent who we really are; and money {rather the lack thereof} emphasizes this element of life more than anything else on this planet.

This month I've had various persons seeking some monetary help. I have NO problem helping those in need, but I can’t help but wonder what it is about January that puts us in this situation. Now I know many would say, oh the holidays yada, yada, yada, and whereas that is true to an extent, I still feel there is something larger going on here. This makes me remember a former landlord of mother who was VERY cheap and unkind and though my mother never missed a payment, she would tell the other tenants that did:

Eat less, wear less and you’ll have what you need to pay your bills. 

Even though there is a ring of truth in her 'sage' advice, I can’t help but wonder if that’s just the person that has money talking down to folks that does not. How can the common man make a nickel out of a penny? SO many of us force ourselves to get out of collective beds to slave away @ our various place of work just to NOT have the monies we need to properly take care of ourselves.

There’s a quote that reads: “This is your life. Do what you love. And do it often” These words seems pretty obvious, don’t you think? Yet, I doubt too many of us do what we love even occasionally, let alone often. The practicalities of life and money TOO often get in our way. As motivational speaker Simon Sinek (author of the book Start With Why) says it better than I could:

“If you hire people just because they can do a job, they’ll work for your money. But if you hire people who believe what you believe, they’ll work for you with blood and sweat and tears”

It’s a pity that most of us are hardwired to accept our struggle with money and ONLY the immature human spirit thinks that it doesn't need to examine itself. People are struggling to survive and finding recognition through a perception, that life is acknowledged when the right amount of money is in their coffers. How much longer can we look @ ourselves as having an entrance fee to win satisfaction to this existence we call life? Hiding behind an illusion of who you really are when it comes to money is tantamount to missing yourself in action.