TOP/BOTTOMS: ¿CAN WE OWN OUR SISSYNESS?

Every single gay male has heard the following naive question: which one of you is “the woman” and which is “the man”?

It’s a question only posed by straight people who are absolutely flummoxed about the nature of gay sex. Flummoxed! Of course the proper retort is, “We’re both boys!” That’s the whole point of gay boning, all. But the thirst to understand which boy is putting his P in an A and which boy has opened his A for P is really about making gay sex legible, and legible in a heterosexual context.

We have a term for this, too, it turns out: top or bottom. Then there are the versatile people of the world who like to flip-fuck or who are perfectly at home and talented in either position.

In some way having a label makes gay sex easier because everyone knows what to do. But the problem is that tops are almost always seen as more manly, virile, and aggressive, whereas bottoms are usually linked to effeminacy because we think they have a subservient position. Just don’t tell the power bottoms that.

People are obsessed with knowing who is the top and who is the bottom because gay sex is not necessarily legible in the same manner as straight sex. How many times have you been dating a new guy and you voluntarily told your BFF, “He’s a TOTAL TOP” or “He’s a great bottom,” or how many times have your friends asked you what was going on in the bedroom between you and a new love interest?

Hey, there are plenty of folks out there who don’t like bottoming and even some who don’t like to top. Why? Because gay sex is only legible to straight people in terms of the heterosexual matrix, and if someone’s son is fucking a dude/is a top, well then that’s way preferable than if he was getting plowed by D’s all day long.

This attitude is wholly cultural and deeply rooted in how we think about gender. Like, men are supposed to be men and this turns the top/bottom thing into misogynistic shit around male dominance. 

So again I ask, can we own our sissyness? 

GAY MEN: ¿BAD @ DATING OR OUT OF PRACTICE?

Gay men aren’t bad at dating, we are just out of practice.

As little boys, many of us know that it was absolutely not OK to to tell another boy that you like him as this  wouldn’t serve us well on the playground. So we don't. We don't tell anyone, and most times not even to ourselves, that we think boys are cute and feel good about it. However straight peers were afforded the opportunity to openly experience lust, and love, attraction, heartbreak, jealousy, and a full range of physical affection that we are closed off from. Leaving many of us feeling cheated by the lack of heartache we would have experienced.

The fact that we aren't allowed to  openly have heartaches at an earlier age, hinders us and throws us behind the relationship 8 ball. Many of us are less fluent in how to cope with each other. And being restricted by life in this way, we are bound to be bowled over by love when seek it. When we first start dating we might feel we need just that one person, but I am of the opinion that many persons that come into our lives teaches us about ourselves in so many ways. Aside from finding out who you are as a gay man, you also learn how to differentiate feelings. Is it a crush, genuine attraction, do you just want to make out for a little while, or would you actually consider bringing this person home for the holidays?

 I’m painfully aware of our tendencies to fall for people quickly. Sure, the feelings typically pass through as quickly as they arrive, but what can I say? I think we just love the possibility of love. Having said that, it would be so wonderful for many of us to have that level of self-awareness at 21 and saved ourselves from the embarrassment of telling your best friends you pretty much fell for every guy that you made eye contact with. 

Maybe, just maybe, this is why gay men often project on one another a bad reputation when it comes to relationships. Tired old stereotypes, like gay men never want to settle down, hurt us so much more than we are willing accept. What if it has nothing to do with identifying a specific way and rather, some gay men are just out of practice? I didn’t even know what it felt like to be truly, romantically in love until I was in my late 20s. We owe it to ourselves and to our future to get it right. One day, fingers crossed, little gay boys the world over will have the opportunity to safely and openly experience the myriad emotions of the human condition just as early as their other friends on the playground. But until then, here’s to being patient with each other as we figure it out along the way.

NOT COMING OUT & CLOSET SHAMING

Coming out is hard and not coming out, can be even harder. It’s assumed that all gay people will at some stage in their lives, come out. Or at least that they should. The base assumption has been that to come out is the right / proper thing to do.

  

As the closet can be a very lonely place. Not just because of the isolation you can experience from the wider world, but also because a level of disdain and distrust also exists within the gay community towards people still in the closet.

Consider it a form of closet shaming.

If on the one hand, we celebrate the coming out of an athlete, movie star or musician by plastering them on magazine covers and ascribing them qualities such as “brave” and “courageous” – are we not also saying (indirectly at least) that those who are still in the closet are the opposite of those qualities?

Do you think gay guys in the closet deserve our collective respect and support?

While coming out is celebrated as being brave and courageous, staying in the closet requires an amazing amount of internal strength. Why? 

What are some of the benefits of not coming out?

¿IF YOU COULD WAKE UP TOMORROW & BE 100% STRAIGHT, WOULD YOU?

If you had the opportunity to wake up tomorrow 100% straight, would you want to? Why or why not?

GAY MEN & STRAIGHT WOMEN...

So the other day leaving the gym, a group of women came in with a gay guy for modeling and dancing rehearsals in the yoga room. As I saw each of them walk in , I couldn’t help but to wonder if these women really appreciate this young beyond what he does for them.

So tell me do you think straight women appreciates gay men beyond the hair, makeup, choreography and all the other talents gay men lend them?

"TOP PRIVILEGE" LET'S CHAT...

If you turn on your Grindr or Scruff or any other hook-up app, you will see your screen littered with torsos within small boxes. I would say that a large percentage of these profiles will state things like, “Masc only,” or, “No fems,” or, “Be a real man,” etc. Others will state, “Masc guy here,” or, “Athletic,” or, “Real man,” blah, blah, blah. You get the picture.

In gay sex masculinity is hot right now, and it has been for a long, long time. And beyond all these declarations of a desired gender performance, you will see another word float around with frequency: “top.” This is as in, “Top here” or “Bttm looking for top” or “You be a top.” and so on and so on. Top. Top. Top.

It seems that everyone is a top on Grindr. If some anthropologist in the future only looked at today’s Grindr profiles for information on gay men, then they’d think bottoms were on the brink of extinction. This is obviously untrue, and I believe the use of “top” on online profiles is more a way to bait people into responding to a message sent on one of these platforms. It’s like a worm on a fishing hook.

Tops are highly desired not only because of the sexual aspect of topping but because many see the “top” identity as synonymous with masculinity or being a “real man.”

The patriarchy tells us that to be a man is to be the penetrator, the phallus, etc. And in this line of thought, bottoms are seen “less than,” “feminine” or “the woman” because they are the taker of the phallus. A notion too many of us buy into. Tops in the gay world are seen as ideal men, and not just because of what they do in the bedroom but because of what they represent to society: a “real man.” That means that we have some self-loathing to work through. So is top privilege a thing? 

It seems that by using this term we are actually describing bigger issues at hand, things that have to do with gender, power, and desire, things that transcend just sex or our Grindr profiles and deserve more attention and analysis than crassly labeling how one uses his penis a privilege.

GAY MEN & THE ONGOING BATTLE WITH COMING OUT

One of the greatest challenges that gay men face can be summed up in two little words: coming out. No matter at what age we come to terms with our sexuality, whether it’s at adolescence or much later in life, it can be a heavy burden to bear – and confiding in a friend or close family member isn’t always as easy as it sounds.

But our society has evolved and attitudes towards gay people have improved. So why does coming out remain a big issue today?

¿WHY DO WE STRUGGLE WITH THE NOTIONS OF MASCULINITY?

We use outdated versions of what it means to be masculine and feminine when most people don’t fall strictly into either category. We create an internalised homophobia based on terms like “masc” or “straight acting”. These terms are ridiculous. Straight people don’t use them; why should we?

THE IDEA OF 'INCLUSIVE MASCULINITY...

Attention, men of Earth: Good news!

Notions of “masculinity” are changing for the better in the 21st century. (In the Western world, anyway.)

What do you think? Do you buy this idea of a burgeoning “inclusive masculinity,” or do you think it’s a considerable reach psychobabble poppycock that should be relegated to a Gender Theory course at the College level?

WHEN ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW YOUR SEXUALITY?

I recently met up with a gay man who insisted bisexuality does not exist. In fact, he said, “I don’t believe in that shit.” When I did my best to persuade him that yes, bisexuality is real, he didn’t believe me. I even attempted to prove my bisexuality to him. Something I’m typically opposed to, because it’s no one’s business but my own. But for whatever the reason, I told him about the men and women I’ve dated, my sexual history, my urges, desires, porn habits, everything. Still, he didn’t believe me. At first I was furious, but the more I thought about it, the more I was fascinated by his stubbornness. How, after everything I said, could he still be so ignorant?

In hindsight, the reason he didn’t believe me was simple: my age. Right after he said he thinks bisexuality is a sham, he asked me how old I was. When I replied, “24” he nodded, as if to say, “Oh... that explains everything.” He is, evidently, a much more mature gay man, at the wise old age of 28.

Everything I subsequently said after my age was dismissed because I was 24, which according to him, meant only two things:

1. I have raging sexual hormones; can only think about sex; and must but a proponent of the philosophy, “a hole is a hole.”
2. I am still figuring things out, sexuality included, because as a queer man in his early twenties, there’s no comprehensible way I fully grasp my sexual identity.

Therefore, nothing remotely logical or valid could come from my lips because what could I possibly know with any certainty at the green age of 24? An age, apparently, that finds anything with a hole attractive. Best keep those glazed donuts and sesame bagels away from me...

As early as elementary school, my sexuality eluded me. I thought I might be gay but would soon be thrown off by my female crushes. It took over a decade of grappling with my sexuality to finally come to terms with who I am: a proud bisexual. It took therapy, alcohol and a hell of a lot of soul-searching to feel comfortable and confident in my identity. Within seconds, I had my years on introspection ripped away from me, simply because of my youth.

Clearly, this type of biphobia is rooted in ageism — the idea that young folk (including people in their twenties) are naive and incapable of making decisions for themselves. Consequently bisexuality is just like any other weird habits kids grow out of — like mixing all the drinks at the soda fountain to create one disgusting, sugary elixir.

There’s no real way to combat the argument against ageism without sounding like a temperamental child upset over his early bedtime. My argument, in essence, is the same as his. He’s old enough to decide what time he goes to bed, just like I’m old enough to know my sexual identity. But what else is there to say? I am old enough.

There needs to be a paradigm shift in the way society views the sexuality of millennials (especially those who fall somewhere on the sexuality spectrum). Yes, sexuality is fluid. Yes, it can change, but that doesn’t mean that what we’re experiencing now is any less valid. Trivializing our thoughts at a young age only increases the already arduous process of discovering who we are, both sexually and nonsexually.

Ageism extends further than sexuality. Even as self-sufficient adults in our twenties, millennials are constantly deemed incapable of making our own decisions. This isn’t anything new. Older generations have always looked down on younger ones, believing that until we are completely “settled,” our identity is in flux. The necessary conditions for being “settled” including:

1. Having a stable job that can be deemed a “career”
2. Married with a life partner
3. Having children
4. Living in a city permanently

Only once these conditions are fully met, is a millennial considered settled, and thus an “adult.” And only then, is he capable of “knowing” himself.

That’s what makes bisexuality seem “childish” or naïve. I will never be “settled” on a single gender. Even if I decide to marry someone and end up in a monogamous relationship (and for the record, I hope that I do), I will still be bisexual. I will have settled with one person, but my bisexuality remains intact. I will always identify as bisexual because it’s who I am.

So let’s do some young folks a favor. Give them the benefit of the doubt and see where it takes them. Besides, the journey is more important than the final destination, especially since some of us will never be settled. Some of us will never stick with one job or stay in one city. Some of us will always be in transition. Some of us will always like more than one gender. That doesn’t make us any less knowledgeable about our identities. If anything, after experiencing so much, we have a better sense of who we are, and who we want to become.

SOURCE: THE HUFFINGTON POST

5 REASONS EVERY STRAIGHT MAN SHOULD GO GAY @ LEAST ONCE/FIVE TIMES

Straight men, take heed. You’re acting way more gay than ever before, and that’s OK. Marriage equality, having been baked into the constitution, gives you even more permission to be gayer than ever before. By God, homosexual sodomy is legal in every state.

Between cuddling with their bros, getting off on gay porn, and experimenting with anal play, it’s time for you hetero guys to just start hooking up with us gay guys already. And we’re not just saying this cause we wanna hook up with you. Really, you are not that hot. This is for you, dude.

Even if it’s just a one time thing.

Scroll down for five reasons why every straight man should try going gay …

5. It will satisfy your lifelong curiosity.

Any self-identifying straight man who says he’s never once thought about what it might be like to bed another guy is lying. It’s natural to feel curious about things that are foreign to you.

It’s always a good idea to outside of our comfort zone. That’s how we learn and grow. So why not stop fantasizing and actually give it a college try? Remember: If you don’t like it, you’ll never have to do it again.

4. Gay men make excellent lovers.

You know those filthy things you see in porn that kinda turn you on but that you would never actually ask your girlfriend to try because she’d probably think you’re a total pervert? Well, we’ll do it! All you have to do is ask. (Politely, of course. Well, demanding it can work too!)

When it comes to sexual inhibitions, many gay men, well, lack them. That’s why we invented things like Folsom Street Fair and Up Your Alley. That’s also why people like Rick Santorum and Ken Cuccinelli are so afraid. We’ll boldly go where your girlfriends and wives have never gone before. And it’ll make you feel so good.

3. The humbling experience of being penetrated.

As straight men, you’re used to being the ones doing the penetrating. But haven’t you ever wondered what it might feel like to be on the receiving end? Hint: It’s pretty f-ing amazing. Not only that it’s an extremely humbling experience, and in a good way. Watch your arrogance leave your body as fast as your clothing, to be replaced by the knowledge that you took it like a man.

True, the first time can be a bit shocking, and you’ll need need to prepare with some stretching and cleaning. (A new jock strap never hurts either.) But as long as you remember to breathe, you’ll be fine. We promise. And when it’s over, not only will you have experienced the most mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasm of your life, but you’ll walk away with a greater understanding of what sex feels like for your female counterparts.

(P.S. Here are a few tips on how to lose you anal virginity with aplomb.)

2. It will make a gay man sooooo happy!

There are some guys out there who have dedicated much of their social lives to to seducing straight men, often with only sporadic success (of course that’s before we published this helpful little article). Many have tried, failed, and then lied about it. (We’re talking about you, gay dude who swears that he hooked up with his college roommate after a party one time and you, gay porn stars, who claim to have been seduced by Tom Cruise in an Italian Villa. Yes, we know he’s shorter in real life than he appears on screen. You can Google that.)

By giving into your own curiosities, you’re also giving some gay man out there bragging rights for a lifetime. For the remainder of his years, he will tell his buddies about the time he got naked with a hetero guy. You could be that hetero guy.

1. You might like it.

Remember when you were a kid and you said you hated brussels sprouts, even though you had never really tried them, then when you were adult you realized that, actually, brussels sprouts are pretty delicious, especially when tossed with olive oil and roasted?

The same could very well apply to gay sex. You may take a dip in the man pond and realize it’s actually a ton of fun. And, no, just because you tried it once and kinda liked it doesn’t make you gay. 

You’re more than welcome to go back to your straight “lifestyle” in the morning.

We won’t judge you for it.

SOURCE: QUEERTY

BRO-ING OUT: STRAIGHT GUYS, GAY SEX

Has a straight dude’s straightness ever seemed, well, a little gay? Whether it’s the inherent homoeroticism of fraternity life or the scantily-clad antics of the world’s Steve-Os and Johnny Knoxvilles, straight bro culture comes off as less hetero than they’d have us believe.

“We actually know very little about the complexities of straight male sexuality and desires that sit outside of the heterosexual-homosexual binary,” says Jane Ward, author of Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men. “I’m drawing attention to the way that straight men exceptionalize their homosexual behavior as a way of making it invisible.”

While most would hardly bat an eye at young straight women making out at a party or even fooling around in the bedroom, there’s a complex series of patriarchal social ideologies that bar straight men from doing the same. Ward isn’t set on outing anyone; instead, she’s looking to alter popular discourse suggesting that straight-identifying white men who masturbate with one another and post M4M Craigslist ads are self-hating and closeted. They are “straight” in terms of the mainstream gay-straight system, but she argues that that binary itself is faulty. “I’m invested in us having a more nuanced understanding of straight men’s sexuality,” she says. “They’re not invited to be bi-curious in the same way that women are.” Just as college-age women experiment without identifying as lesbian, many straight white men have fluid sexual desires. They’re simply enacted in a way that adheres to society’s hetero norms.

This latent desire for homosexual play in bro culture is usually seen in less explicit ways than with circle jerks and glory holes. “You really can’t go out and ask straight men, ‘Have you had sex with men?’ and get the answer that you’re looking for,” Ward says. “So many of these behaviors are not conceptualized as sexual by the participants.” Instead, answers to questions like, “Have you ever touched a penis?” or “Have you ever put a finger inside another man’s butt?” begin to draw a more complex picture of a straight identified guy’s sexuality. Ward cites fraternity hazing, the Jackass franchise, and men who watch porn together as indicators of this more complicated sexuality. “The men involved think of it as fucking around: ’We’re joking. We’re drunk. This is hazing. It’s not sexual.’ And yet the actual body contact certainly would be called sex if it was something two gay men engaged in.”

Look no further than the elephant walk, a fraternity phenomenon Ward describes in Not Gay’s opening pages. A relatively common hazing ritual, it has fraternity pledges stand nude in a circle with one thumb in their mouth and their other up their neighbor’s butt. They then parade around like a line of circus elephants, trunk to tail, in step with their future brothers’ playful jeers and hollers. Rituals like this are, of course, posed under the guise of humiliation, and they’re certainly embarrassing for many young pledges. But Ward’s photographic and anecdotal evidence from such events show participants laughing along, enjoying the ride.

“Is there pressure involved? Sure. But they’re manufacturing the ritual and participating in it themselves,” Ward says. “Most men know that they could walk away from that situation.”

While it might seem like the realm of gay porn fantasy—there’s a reason why there are so many military and fraternity-themed “gay for pay” porn sites—Ward insists that in arenas of hyper-masculinity like the frat house, homosexual experimentation has a home, even if it manifests as a “too straight to care” pose.

“If you’re a straight man, and you’re so balls-out and you’re so brave, this is something you might do just to show that you can,” Ward explains. “You stand up unbroken, still heterosexual, even after letting another dude suck your dick.”

SOURCE: NEXT MAGAZINE

THE EMPOWERED BOTTOM...

Until recently, condoms were the only viable option for safe sex practices among gay and bisexual men.

When it was discovered that HIV was a sexually transmitted disease, condoms became the zeitgeist of safe-sex culture. Although this tool kept many gay and bisexual men HIV-negative through the worst of the epidemic, the use of condoms to prevent HIV created, or further perpetuated, rather, an inequality among gay men in their sexual relationships. Even within the gay community, the receiving partner in intercourse was looked upon as subservient and less than. In other words…

The tops had all the power.

Sure, many gay men often identify as versatile when questioned about sexual positioning. Even so, most usually have a general proclivity to one position or the other. Generally, some people are good at topping while others make for better bottoms. Yet, when it comes to mutual respect, sexual health, and protection, tops and bottoms aren’t, or weren’t always created equally.

A top is physically in control of wearing a condom. A bottom can only negotiate the use of a condom. You might think that this doesn’t necessarily create an inequity. After all, a bottom can walk away from a sexual encounter just as easily as a top. But in the throes of passion when the clothes are off and there are mere inches between “everything-but,” and full-on penetration, the power is greatly weighted in favor of the top.

A gay or bisexual man who primarily tops is less at-risk for HIV infection. But this is not the inequality that condoms create. A top who engages in condomless sex isn’t held nearly as responsible as a bottom often is when it comes to safe sex, yet it is the one who must physically wear the condom in question. The relationship between gay men, condoms and HIV can be directly paralleled with that of birth control and female inequality. And PrEP is to the empowered bottom the same way that birth control is to the empowered woman, including the slut shaming that both parties have often experienced as a result of their choice to take control of their health.

“PrEP is the first opportunity bottoms have ever had to be in full control of his HIV status. The use of Truvada as PrEP, the HIV prevention pill that is 99 percent effective at eliminating the risk of HIV infection when taken correctly, has the potential to revolutionize the gay sexual experience. Now, a bottom has the option to enter into the intercourse that he chooses with the knowledge that he has taken action to protect himself from HIV, regardless of the top’s preferences or agreements. Furthermore, he is involved in preventative care with his healthcare provider and engaged in his own sexual health.

But most importantly…

He is allowed to enjoy the pleasures of sex without experiencing any added shame for his preferred position or fear of a possible HIV infection.

So what does PrEP mean to the empowered bottom? It means living in an environment where the fight to stay sexually healthy is held on more of an equal playing field. It means less shame and fear and a greater sense of self worth and sexual pleasure.

As the arguments over the use of PrEP continue to dissipate and the science and validity of the HIV prevention pill continues to increasingly resonate within the gay community, it is now a matter of accessibility and affordability for those who need it so that more bottoms become empowered by the other little blue pill.

Here’s to a new kind of sexual revolution.

'TOPS' NEED TO HAVE COMPASSION FOR 'BOTTOMS'

When a ‘top’ treats a ‘bottom’ like a blowup doll among his friends how does it make you feel? Do you think too many tops out there refuse to acknowledge a bottom as anything other than a hole? 

Where’s the compassion out there? Don’t get me wrong. I know many gay LOVE to get pounded in the bedroom. But when a ‘top’ insists on treating a man that makes him a ‘top’ like nothing, what does that say about him? 

THE GAME OF SEXUALITY

The Internet has brought the entire world in arms reach. It is the best tool to find information on everything you want. There aren't many things that you cannot find on the web. And with the ever-changing view on sexuality and eroticism it is no surprise that this subject has been among the first to be fully explored on the Internet. In all its facets. The Internet has presented us sexuality in a way books could never have done. It has also divided the population in two: exhibitionists and voyeurs. Though the line between the two is vague.

Our digital era has opened doors for many to express their deepest passions and fantasies. Photographers who once could only dream of shooting and displaying artistic nudes are now able to do all that. And more. Models who never thought of posing naked are more willingly to bare it all. And more. The Internet has offered a window in which nothing is impossible.

We've often wondered what drives a young man to bare it all - and more - in front of a camera. Is it the kick to exhibit yourself, knowing that those photos will be seen by thousands of admirers of male beauty? Is it something that wasn't anticipated but just happened in the heat of the action? Whatever the reason, we - and I dare to say you – are not complaining. It is like peeping through a keyhole, looking at those hot men in all their glory. Secret exhibitionists and secret voyeurs. We all play a part in this game of sexuality.

EXPERIMENTING WITH YOUR SEXUALITY...

Having sex with other guys at first was generally confusing. Some guys kissed weird. Some guys were a lot rougher than I anticipated. Some guys just laid there. Some guys slobbered all over my face and told me how hot it was. I licked one guy’s nipple and he came on the spot then threw me out because he was embarrassed. I had to make one guy leave because the way he delivered blowjobs reminded me of a dog going after his chew toy. At some point I thought to myself “First off, guys don’t know what they’re doing and secondly…what exactly do I WANT them to do to me?”

Exploring your sexuality isn’t always a straight guy wondering what it’s like to be with another guy (or conversely, gay guys wonder what it’s like to be with a woman). That’s just sexual curiosity and I’m sure at some point everyone at least considers what the other sexualities do exactly. I watch straight porn because I think it’s hot, but sometimes when I’m watching it I think to myself “so…I’m supposed to punch a woman’s vagina?  That’s what girls like?” – It’s all very strange to me, but it’s still just a curiosity. Although I did have sex with females early on I’ve never felt a romantic or emotional/sexual attraction to women.

For me exploring my sexuality meant looking into all the various sexual “things” that were out there. Do I like giving blowjobs? Do I really get turned on by it? Do I like getting blowjobs, is that what turns me on? What about fucking? Am I a top or a bottom…which one makes me feel the most powerful?  Which one do I connect to the most? Do I feel most like myself when I’m sliding into a tight little bottom, or do I feel more powerful when a guy is inside me? Do I like leather? What about bears? Am I into bears? Do I want to be tied up and gangbanged? Believe me, sexuality is a VERY big world and if we don’t allow ourselves the time to experiment with things then we won’t really have a well rounded and confident approach to our sexuality.  We’ll also end up in a lot of sexual situations that are both bizarre to us and disappointing.

I decided to take a few years to really explore my sexuality.  I allowed myself the freedom to research different ways people have sex and to try them out at least once.  If I didn’t try something I might not know if I like it, and if I educated myself about what I wanted to try then I felt much safer experimenting.  So I did it.  In the end I realized that after a couple of years I was a little older (we’re always so concerned about our youth) but I was so much more in touch with what I actually liked, and very confident about it. I knew the things that turned me on and I knew what I was comfortable doing that might be outside my normal boundaries of comfort. I love kissing. I love body contact. I like it when a guy is vocal during sex. I love fucking.  And now when I get asked “what are you looking for?” or “what are you into?” I have a clear, defined answer.

Think of it as a science experiment.  Give yourself some time to figure it out. Don’t be upset if you don’t know at first. Be educated, safe and have a little fun.

'STRAIGHT' MEN & OUR SEXUALITY...

Why do think some ‘straight’ men SO insecure about our sexuality?

WHY DO 'TOPS' THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN 'BOTTOMS'?

As gay men we often complain about the discrimination we face at the hands of society.

Our complaints are obviously justified. There is no doubt that the conditions gay men face are bad. We are physically attacked, emotionally abused and treated in every way as second-class citizens.

As a gay man I want to demand equal status. Just because I have a different sexual orientation, that does not make me an alien. I am an equal human being made of bones and blood just the same as all the straight people. No one can deny my human rights.

But for the most part we remain in the closet. Fortunately social media has provided us a platform to speak, to make friends and meet potential dates, making our closets slightly more bearable.

And it was while I was on social media recently that a question came in my mind. All these gays always complain about discrimination happening to them but how liberal are they themselves?

On social media you will find that ‘tops’ present themselves as superior to ‘bottoms.’ Why is this so? Is a top pretending to be worthier than a bottom any less a form of discrimination than a straight person imagining themselves better than a lesbian, bisexual or gay one?

When I was young and realized I am a gay, I also realized very quickly that in the eyes of society, the worst thing on earth is to get fucked. Society views people who get penetrated as inherently inferior to those who penetrate. The man who gets fucked is the cheapest person in the world and has virtues straight from hell.

I often laugh reading online status descriptions: ‘pure top’ or ‘pure bottom.’ I wonder how much time it really takes to change a bottom gay into top and top into bottom.

To my mind every gay man is basically bottom. He wants a dick in his hand, mouth and quite probably ass. The concept of a ‘pure top gay’ is a myth. So why is it that top gays so often look at bottoms as merely a thing to use for their pleasure and why do bottom gay men in India so often feel more insecure in a relationship?

If we as gay men want equal status in society, we first must stop this kind of mentality. Otherwise shouting for gay rights or taking part in any number of LGBTI Pride parades is of no worth.

SEXUAL ATTRACTION: ¿WHERE DO YOU STAND?

Do you find 'masculine' men more attractive than 'feminine' men? There are levels to masculinity and levels to femininity...I know masc men who prefer guys or transsexuals...I know fem men who only want masculine guys. I know masc guys who only want other masc guys.

WHERE DO YOU STAND?

What is your personal preference?

Have you tried getting someone outside your normal comfort zone?

What happened?

Let's talk & learn from each other!

HOW ‘COMING OUT’ SEMANTICS REINFORCE HETEROSEXISM FOR QUEER PEOPLE OF COLOR

The “coming out” paradigm has become rather mainstream (which I actually think is a good thing). But as a result of the mass appeal of “coming out,” it has become sexy and trendy to critique the process of “coming out” for how it reinforces heterosexism. The critique has some validity. After all, why don’t heterosexual people have to “come out” of the closet? However, I resist asserting that the “coming out” paradigm is completely useless or unproductive.

“Empire” television series star Jussie Smollet appeared on Ellen DeGeneres’ talk show ostensibly to promote the series and to speak about his portrayal of Jamal Lyon. However, the interview quickly turned personal as DeGeneres seemed to imply a connection between Jamal Lyon’s “coming out” in a recent “Empire” episode and Smollet’s own personal life.

Smollet answered without hesitation that there “is no closet” he has ever existed within. Mainstream LGBT-themed media outlets like The Advocate quickly published stories about Smollet’s “coming out” on DeGeneres’ show. After seeing some of these articles, I came across a segment about Smollet’s statement on writer Janet Mock’s MSNBC show “So Popular,” and her discussion of Jussie Smollet’s interview initiated my own meditation on queer visibility. Indeed, every LGBTQ-themed publication, writer and activist seemed to ready to voice an opinion about what the “Empire” actor’s statement means or does not mean for the visibility of queer people.

In her segment on “So Popular”, Janet Mock mentioned “inviting in” as an alternative language and framework for how lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people choose to announce themselves to the world. I believe that this is also a valid choice for queer people.

But I think what is missing in this push and pull between “mainstream” and “radical” is the fact that many of us existed in contexts in which we were given neither of these choices. For people like myself who have never “passed for heterosexual” (not that I believe “passing” is at all liberating), “coming out” and “inviting in” are not really options because people are perpetually speculating about us, discussing our business, and often “inviting themselves” into our spaces.

Indeed, many of us existed in spaces where our sexualities were so ruthlessly pathologized that “coming out” would have been an invitation for all kinds of violence and abuse. Concurrently, there were not many trustworthy or safe people to “invite in” – people with whom to discuss our fears, our despondencies. So we formulated our own pragmatic tactics for navigating these hostile environments.

I threw myself into my schoolwork. I kept quiet. I kept my head down, and I prayed that people would just leave me alone because I was filled with such a profound sense of shame and fear.

After all of the language policing and intellectualizing, I wonder what makes sense for those of us who have existed and continue to exist in geographies of virulent queer antagonism and shame. Are either “coming out” or “inviting in” viable choices for us? How do we work against an LGBTQ assimilation politics while also respecting that some of our people are still lacking choices? Can we work towards having the most available choices for queer people and resist getting trapped in discussions around language?

Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth are still four times more likely than their straight peers to commit suicide. I believe that any measure of visibility, no matter how mainstream, creates a glimmer of hope for these youth. Let the people who want to “come out,” come out. Let the people who want to “invite in,” invite people in. But respect the rest of us who choose alternative methods of navigating a heterosexist world.

SOURCE: MUSDED MAG