¿HAVE WE BEEN SOLD ON "LOVE"?

What do we do when we’re in love? Logic seems to get blinded by our infatuation with this other person which then might lead to illogical reasonings. Our attachment, though it makes us feel good, can govern our decision making throughout our time of commitment. We’re swept off our feet – hanging on a thread – lost in love. But, damn it! It feels good, don’t it?

Everyone, whether they care to admit it or not, wants to be in love – and if not, they are very curious about what this “love” thing happens to feel like. Having never been in love myself, I would have to say that I’m deeply curious. I’ve come to understand that it’s not just about making someone a part of your life, but it’s about having more than enough love for yourself to give back. People have gone absolutely crazy over it. Wars have raged, companies have gone bankrupt, careers have been destroyed and lives have been altered. The Romeo and Juliet analogy of killing yourself for love, because a life without the one you love is not a life worth living, has become an example of what the media sells as the “right way to love.”

I’ve asked numerous people who are currently in love what made this particular person different than the rest. The responses I received were somewhat surprising to me. The majority of them weren’t looking for love at all until it just happened to arrive through an unlikely source directly in front of them. And since they weren’t trying to push the emotional restraints of love upon this person, they were able to be more themselves. Whereas prior, while searching for their soul mate, they would try to force the intimacy – imitating their favorite romantic comedy scenes or acting on what they thought the “loving couple” should do: hold hands, cuddle, touch, whisper sweet nothings, but none of it was genuine. Ultimately their attempts proved to be self-damaging, forcing a feeling that was never really there, just to fit the mold of what they thought love looked like and ending up being disappointed.

So what does this say? It tells us that pretending will never bring us success. It tells us by not trying to live up to a fake image of what love is, we can enter a relationship whole and genuine. The times of being so in love that we’re literally hanging on a thread or getting swept on our feet are over! Who wants to be swept up off their feet anyway? Wouldn’t you rather be grounded and standing, well aware of who you are and what you have to offer a person?

It’s safe to say that although people try and debate their stance on love and what it all means, the truth of the matter is that everyone wants what the basic human in this world is searching for – Meaning.

It’s not enough that we’ve got our work, our things and our pets, but to have a real person laying in your bed with a heart and soul to appease your doubts in life, to fill you with self-contentment, to remind you that life goes on and to satisfy your needs emotionally and physically, is something that all people must be idiotic to not want or question. However, I still can’t help but wonder of the whole idea of L-O-V-E has been sold to us. Who knows the real answer? This act or gesture of affection can only be satisfied by our imaginative judgments. Love comes in the least expected places – real-life love is less Romeo and Juliet and more Roseanne and Dan Conner; less Lucy and Ricky and more Ozzy and Sharon; less Rose and Jack and more Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka.

To think that love is like it is in the movies is foolish. Let’s stop comparing our own lives to those that we idolize, because let’s face it, our lives aren’t written nor scripted. This is the reality. Let’s love because WE are ready to, not because we want to be put on a level of comparison to society.

Love with your heart – just don’t give it away carelessly – You only have one, after all.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS

THE HIDDEN TRUTH ABOUT A GAY MAN'S G-SPOT

I have to say, a lot of people are hating on the Male G-Spot. Some say it doesn’t exist, others say it’s as real as apple pie. To those who are nonbelievers, I hope they and their vanilla sex live a long and happy life together. I have seen the promised land, and let me tell you, I’m never going back again!

It’s easy for people to say that the G-spot is an urban legend, after all, it’s not exactly a scientificterm. Most likely it was discovered by gay men in the early days, proving that gay men are always ahead of their time.

Despite the stigma it has, many people still don’t know exactly what it is and how to achieve what they call an “anal orgasm.” Lucky for you, I happen to be an expert at this particular topic. I don’t mean to brag, but my G-Spot and I have a very close intimate relationship. Because of this, I jump at any opportunity to spread my knowledge around.

How Can I Reach This Heavenly Spot?

A good idea is to practice on yourself with a sex toy (preferably one that’s bent at the tip so you can stimulate the prostate). The best way, however, is for your man to act as a GPS location system by fingering you while you’re on all fours trying to locate the spot. When he does, you’ll feel a little pinching sensation which will turn into a body “chill.” Have him massage it, and try to memorize the location for when he’s ready to penetrate you.

Make sure whatever is penetrating you, be it a penis or a toy, hits the top of the prostate. Gently pull it down and out. Some like it intense, others like it slow and gentle, but as long as the prostate is getting stimulated it’s nearly impossible for the prostatic fluid not to be released at a faster rate.

The key here is to give your body a chance to react and respond, and be patient! You might not find any of it pleasurable the first time. This can be for many reasons, the main being that you’re not letting yourself be relaxed enough. The sphincter muscles must be 100% relaxed, otherwise the clenching pain will take you away from focusing on real pleasure.

What Exactly IS The Male G-Spot?

The G-Spot, in reality, is your prostate gland. It’s located below the bladder and next to the rectum, usually about two inches inside the anus. The only way you can actually reach it is through penetration.

Here’s where it gets interesting: the prostate’s job is to secrete prostatic fluid to advance the sperm. In other words, if the sperm is riding an invisible bus to make their way to a female egg, prostatic fluid will act as the gasoline which gets them there.

So in retrospect, by stimulating the prostate gland you’re filling up the gas tank which increases the body’s urge to ejaculate. Your sperm will be fighting to get out due to all the fuel they’re getting fed, and when it happens it will be one of unequivocal proportions to any other orgasm you might ever have in your life.

Pleasure Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

The sphincter (which is basically the outer visual of the anus, or what I like to call the “portal”) is supplied with tons of nerve endings. The prostate itself is just a nut-sized structure inside the rectum (or the inner tubing of your a$$).

The higher a penis or toy goes inside the rectum, the less nerve endings there are. The prostate itself is only two inches inside the anus on the belly side. For those who like deeper penetration, it’s easy to assume that the real pleasure one enjoys is the feeling of fullness or intensity, which might ultimately turn them on much more heavily.

To find what works for you, all it takes is experimentation. Personally, I don’t like it too deep. It takes away from the nerve endings which create that “tickling” sensation right at the edge of the anus. That, combined with G-spot stimulation takes me all the way to heaven.

How Can I Reach This Heavenly Spot?

A good idea is to practice on yourself with a sex toy (preferably one that’s bent at the tip so you can stimulate the prostate). The best way, however, is for your man to act as a GPS location system by fingering you while you’re on all fours trying to locate the spot. When he does, you’ll feel a little pinching sensation which will turn into a body “chill.” Have him massage it, and try to memorize the location for when he’s ready to penetrate you.

Make sure whatever is penetrating you, be it a penis or a toy, hits the top of the prostate. Gently pull it down and out. Some like it intense, others like it slow and gentle, but as long as the prostate is getting stimulated it’s nearly impossible for the prostatic fluid not to be released at a faster rate.

The key here is to give your body a chance to react and respond, and be patient! You might not find any of it pleasurable the first time. This can be for many reasons, the main being that you’re not letting yourself be relaxed enough. The sphincter muscles must be 100% relaxed, otherwise the clenching pain will take you away from focusing on real pleasure.

Are Anal Orgasms Real??

Abso-freaking-lutely they are. Trust me. Though many people claim it’s impossible, there are too many people who say otherwise (gay and straight alike). To be classified an “anal orgasm,” you need to have a full out body orgasm (or even ejaculation) with very little to no involvement from your genitals, i.e. penis, testicles, and anything around.

Anal orgasms are vastly different from a typical ejaculation. The biggest difference is that there’s no refractory period. Meaning, you don’t “come down” and quite often experience multiple orgasms one after the other. Doctors have said this type of orgasm possibly involves the muscles of the pubo-rectal sling and the nerves of the autonomous nervous system. Either way, I’m happy to help them to their rightful place.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS

30 THINGS I WISH I COULD TELL MY YOUNGER SELF ABOUT GAY SEX

If I can turn back time…

If I could turn back time, I’d tell my younger self to chill out for a few years. I was so anxious about throwing myself out there in the world of love and sex that I often neglected well needed to time to discover who I was and what mattered most to me. But just because we haven’t found a way to travel through time doesn’t mean I can’t learn from the past. There are loads of advice I’d give my younger self. Here are just a few:

#1) Never do anything drunk you wouldn’t do sober (and if you’re not sure about that, wait till you’re sober).

#2) If they talk trash about all the guys they’ve slept with, walk away. They’re going to talk about you the same way to someone else.

#3) Always aim to GIVE more than you receive. It will inspire him to meet you there.

#4) Kissing is NEVER permission to do everything. Never let a man think he can go all the way just because you start making out. It’s your decision.

#5) Never have “pity sex” with someone you feel obligated to. Have respect for your body, and also have a bit of dignity for Christ’s sake.

#6) Not every position is going to be 100% comfortable. We’re all shaped differently, so speak up if you know that crazy position he found online does notcompliment your body.

#7) Don’t be insecure about your body during sex. He knows what you look like. Clearly he doesn’t care because he chose to have sex with you, so let loose and focus on the experience.

#8) Never shame another gay man because he has wider limits and boundaries than you. Just because he’s comfortable with one-night stands doesn’t give you permission to judge him.

#9) Enjoying anal pleasure doesn’t mean you’re “feminine” or less of a man. It means you’re open and eager to explore other forms of pleasure. Don’t be scared.

#10) Just because a guy is the DJ of some hot club, or drives a fancy car, or has lots of connections at your favorite spots does not mean he’s a catch. It especially doesn’t mean he’ll be good at sex.

#11) If you have sex with a celebrity, the only person you should tell is your best friend. No one else will believe you.

#12) When a guy pressures you, you’re always going to feel worse if you cave in.

#13) Know how to Kiss & Tell properly. Leave out major details (no one really wants to hear). Don’t reveal his darkest secrets to your best friends. That’s not nice.

#14) If a boy wants to keep your encounters discrete, you should respect his wishes for as long as your heart can hold. You never know what his situation is.

#15) Never put up with selfish lovers. If he is all about himself, it’s a total reflection on his character. Say bye-bye!

#16) When a man is playing “hard to get” by giving you the cold shoulder, he’s not worth it.

#17) Don’t knock anything till you try it at least three times. Only then are you able to truly make up your mind.

#18) Not every man is going to know how to pleasure you right. Most of the time you’re going to have to play teacher.

#19) Never be afraid to tell a man what he’s doing wrong.

#20) Anal sex isn’t supposed to hurt. If it does, you’re doing it wrong. Get out of your head and learn to loosen up, and also read these stories to freshen up: 10 Secrets to Having Pain Free Anal Sex & 9 Tips to Becoming a Better Bottom.

#21) Lust at first sight is often confused for love at first sight. That latter only exists if the relationship works out. The truth of the matter is it’s always, always, LUST. And that’s okay so long as you know the difference.

#22) There is such a thing as Male on Male rape. You always have a say in the matter. Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you can’t be a victim.

#23) Real sex isn’t like what you see in gay porn. It’s not going to be beautiful or pretty, so don’t ever feel a need to “perform” or “act” like your favorite porn star.

#24) Really great sex is quite funny. Don’t be ashamed to laugh out loud at certain moments. It’s actually hysterical.

#25) When a man doesn’t ejaculate, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with you. Nervousness is a huge factor.

#26) A BIG penis isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

#27) Don’t have casual sex with strangers until you’re mature enough not to become attached.

#28) Grindr can overtake your life if you let it. DON’T.

#29) Knowing a man’s soul is more important than knowing how big his penis is. Once you know about his penis, there’s nothing left to discover. But you’ll always find knew things about a man’s soul – the discoveries never end.

#30) If you think having sex without a condom is okay, look in the mirror and slap yourself.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS

10 REASON WHY GAY GUYS CAN HAVE SEX & STILL BE FRIENDS

Gay guys have their own relationship with sex, especially when we’re young and single. Nowadays it’s like online shopping: you swipe, you type, and we’re here – straight from the iPhone to your front door.

People have asked me how gay guys can keep the friendship intact after sleeping with their buddy. I used to think it was a stereotype, but then I thought about my own experiences. I have plenty of close friends where, after reminiscing, all the memories came back: “Oh yeah. We did hookup at that one party a few years ago, didn’t we… 

I’ve thought long and hard about why gay guys find it easier to remain friends after hooking up, and I’ve come up with ten solid points:

#1) There aren’t romantic feelings to begin with.

When you enter with no romantic feelings, you’re probably going to end with the same outcome. Even if there’s a smidgen of a spark beforehand, it’ll most likely blossom into something bigger after hooking up – sex can do that. The friends I’ve hooked up with were mostly spontaneous and often fueled by physical attractiveness rather than personal interest.

#2) We were already friends before, so we knew each other too well.

It’s the “Oh my gosh, never! He’s like a brother to me” kind of thing. At the time we hooked up, we knew each other pretty well. We might not have been as close as we are now, but we were still friendly and hung out all the time, which means friendliness was already a part of our foundation. After having sex, we went back into habit and acted how we always did because the friendship already existed.

#3) I reserved “making love” for someone a little more special.

This is an issue many gay guys have. When you have sex as if you’re in love, you confuse your brain. You unconsciously train yourself to become attached to this person. For your own protection you need to save making love for a man you truly want to be with – not a spontaneous hookup with a friend. When you cross the line, not only will you confuse the friend but you’ll confuse yourself as well.

#4) Lust often prohibits emotions from entering.

Men are hunters and we want what we want when we need it. Sometimes the urge to have sex becomes so overwhelming that emotions are the last thing we think about. Add a bit of liquor and laughs to the mix, and who knows what will happen. Lust is powerful because it bends our logic – it makes us do crazy things that might be out of character for us.

#5) There was sexual tension with no chemistry.

Without chemistry there’s hardly any interest in wanting to know a person on a deeper level. But you don’t need chemistry to have sex, just tension. That tension appears when you least expect it, especially when there’s alcohol involved. Your inhibitions melt away and all that exists is a need to get off. It’s only when you actually have chemistry that you ought to think twice about pursuing him.

#6) There’s hardly any sex talk or build-up. Just sex, no strings.

It happens when it happens. You start kissing and before you know it, you’re hooking up. You didn’t wait days, weeks or months for the tension to build – that’s reserved for someone you really like. It happens spontaneously. Mind you, sometimes you start the night thinking there’s a chance you’ll end up hooking up, but you never go all in.

#7) We both get it.

We understand what it’s like. Men have an intuitive understanding that sex can be a tool as well as an expression. When we’re on the same page, it’s easy to do whatever we want with each other so long as we don’t veer away from the truth.

#8) We’re not depending on each other to validate our appeal.

Having sex with each other wasn’t a cry for attention or a need to feel validated. To be honest, we did it because we were there. As trashy or as “college freshman” as it sounds, it was just something to do. It meant nothing and most of the time it had nothing to do with a need to feel sexy or affirmed.

#9) It’s understood that when I’m alone with a certain person, we’re probably going to end up having sex.

We all have had friends who when we think about them, we say “Yep. We’re probably hooking up tonight.” You always do! We have our drinking friends, our emotional friends, our intellectual friends, and then we have our hookup friends: the ones who end up being the person we hookup with when no one else is interested. And that’s okay!

#10) We’ve become our own recreation.

It’s quite sad, really. Gay guys have expanded our treatment of one-night stand etiquette towards each other. The ones we know will be in our lives forever are smart enough not to cross the line with us. But our acquaintances, the men who appear every so often, are usually up in the running to be sex recreation objects. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing necessarily, but it’s definitely a direction a lot of gay guys seem to be heading. Sex is desensitizing itself. Is it a good or a bad thing? You decide.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS

GAY HATE CRIMES ARE NOT STOPPING!

Have we become a world that is so petrified of the bully that we’re too scared to report to the higher-ups to fix the situation? Local police clearly haven’t done a great job in letting the gay community know that they have their back. Most police would say that hate crimes are difficult to handle because the motivation is hard to prove most of the time, except in cases where they make it clear. 

I still cringe when I see gay people walking down the street, not looking left or right, too timid to acknowledge other people in fear. And you know what? Most of the time we have good reason. People still stare at couples walking hand in hand down the street, some even make sure that they’re disapproval is noticed. Even though no violence occurred, do you still think this is a hate crime?

We have all heard stories of homophobic policemen in the gay areas of cities, arresting people for nonsense reasons, some even getting called names. It’s because of this that most people feel animosity towards law enforcement, especially in small towns. They don’t feel welcome and it can seem like a waste of time and effort – but if we don’t report crimes, they WILL keep happening.

A simple solution will be to educate ourselves and our children. If someone sees gay bullying and does nothing, they are just as bad as the bully. Anonymous reporting is one of the most useful tools the police department has and without it, they wouldn’t be able to solve most of their cases.

What fills people with such hate that they have no other choice but to go violent?

It is shocking to see that the statistics are higher than ever, even now with more people being okay with LGBT legislation. It’s not uncommon during the middle of a civil rights movement that people retaliate against that community. With the media being so gay friendly lately, homophobic societies are forced to watch us  thrive and be ourselves which leaves them faced with reality.

Even through the toughest times, we need to know that the best times are still ahead of us. The biggest hate crime one can do is to hate themselves. Never live in fear because of other people’s lack of understanding. Their problems are not your problems – keep breathing.

Stand strong. Report hate crimes. Don’t be afraid of the aftermath, because the alternative is worse.

They will do it again.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS

11 MASTURBATION TECHNIQUES EVERY GUY MUST TRY

I don’t know about you, but I appreciate my “me” time just as much as I love our “we” time. My man is fabulous in bed, but every once in a while I need to remind myself of what I have cooking. After all, sex doesn’t require two people.

Since discovering the act of masturbation, I’ve pushed aside all limits for myself. With only me to please, it’s much easier to get exactly what I want. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, masturbating is more than just getting off. It’s about getting to know your potential through self-investigation. After years of getting to know myself, I’m still discovering new things and I’m loving every second of it. Here are a few techniques you can use to take your “me” time to a whole new level:

#1) The Praying Orgasm

Take some warming lube and rub it between your hands, then place them both on either side of your penis and interlock your fingers (as if you were praying). From there you can do anything you want, i.e. hump, stroke, bounce or jiggle your way to climax. It’s the best way to masturbate and pray for your sins at the same time. A win, win.

#2) Work With Your Non-Master Hand

Nothing will f**k your mind up more than jerking it with your non-master hand. Since I’m right-handed, every so often I’ll rub myself with my left hand till I’m fully aroused. Because it’s more difficult connecting the feeling to my brain, it’s closer to the real thing than anything else when you’re alone. My man and I love to do this separately during our private times and both of us have admitted to fantasizing about each other. It’s fabulous.

#3) Fleshlight Between Couch Cushions

When I was a child and first discovered the act of masturbation, I was eager to hump any hole I found, even the hidden crevices between furniture (don’t ask where). Fleshlights make it easy, especially when combined with warming gel. By placing the fleshlight in between the crevice of a couch cushion or anything else you might think of, it allows you to use your imagination to envision the real thing. There’s no need to be ashamed when it comes to your private time – no one will ever find out.

#4) Vapor Rubbing 

Vapor Rub has more secrets than meets the eye. Not only does it clear your congestion, but it allows you to have killer sensations during an orgasm. The hot and cold alternations between strokes can give you one hell of a body shiver. Whether your putting it physically on your penis or just rubbing it around the base or testicles, make sure you open yourself up to every tingle. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.

#5) Bag Full of Warm Jelly

A friend of mine told me about this one and though at first I was quite hesitant, when I decided to give it a try I was completely proven wrong. Grab any kind of bag you can, plastic preferably so you can toss it easily, and put warm jelly inside. Wrap it around your penis and jerk it as you normally would. The warm and gentle texture of the bag and jelly will create a feeling that’s nearly spot on. The best part about it is you can ejaculate inside then throw it away. Easy clean up.

#6) Dry Rubbing

I love to get my man hot and bothered while he’s in his undies. Because he has a sensitive penis, it makes it much more erotic. But he shouldn’t be the only one that gets all the fun. Whenever you’re in your underwear, gently rub the outer edge of where your penis is. Don’t reach under and grab your junk – not yet at least. Enjoy the sensations of dry rubbing from the outside. It speeds up the heart rate through sensualness alone, which creates a much higher need to reach climax.

        #7) Body Heat

Here’s a little trick. Wherever there is heat on your skin, the blood flow naturally migrates that direction. Whether it’s hot breath, warm jelly or even a warm bath, heat can take you to new heights. All an erection is, really, is blood flow. This is why we get shriveled in a cold climate. Work it to your advantage. Throw some socks in the microwave, get a heating pad and place it on your lower back, take a dip in the hot tub for second and let the heat entrap inside your body. Whatever you do, make sure it advances in the direction you want the blood to travel.

#8) Stop & Go 

I like to bring the idea of prolonged climaxes into my private time. Unless you’re in a hurry, there’s no need to rush an orgasm. The more you make it last, the better the reward will be once you reach it. Rub and Stroke for five minutes and take a break, then repeat until your body can’t take the anticipation any longer. Not only does it enhance the sensations but it opens you up to have a body orgasm as simultaneously.

#9) Ball Pulling

For those who like a little pain during sex, or even just something new, pull your balls a few seconds before you feel like you’re about to ejaculate. Not only does it give you a bigger explosion, but you can actually feel the semen passing through your body if you pay attention to the feeling.

#10) Over Investigate Your Body

Don’t just focus on the penis and testicles. There are so many pressure points you can be focusing on – don’t neglect them. Your neck, ass, legs, arms, back, head, feet, face and everything in between should be touched, grasped, rubbed and worshiped. There’s no such thing as too much compensation for erogenous zones. Give everything there well-needed attention.

#11) Re-enact Your Fantasy

I used to just lay on my back while I masturbated, but that was a long time ago. Unless you’re too tired to work with yourself, passively jerking just to get off can be a bit boring. If you love bottoming, bring your legs up and let your imagination take over (even bring in a toy). If you’re a top, roll over on your stomach and hump your hand as if it’s the real thing. Use your body to enhance the fantasy, not deplete it. There are so many options it’s ridiculous not to experiment from time to time.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS

THE POWER IN BEING VERSATILE

What’s your preferential sex position? I know you have one. Let’s talk man to man here. One of the things that make us different from straight people is sex. We don’t have to be confined to strictly “top” or “bottom” positions like heterosexual couples are. Gay guys can switch it up from time to time. Sex will always be a new experience – but only if we let it.

There are plenty of happy gay couples who prefer to stick to their top/bottom roles. Personally I think it’s a sad mirror of heterosexual relationships. When one is always the “man” and the other is always the “woman,” it has the potential to bleed into other aspects of your lives. These roles will slowly manifest itself in how we treat each other: at least in my experience.

The idea that we are our positions annoys me beyond all measure. Often times the titles we choose end up psychologically affecting our personalities. Most of the time it happens naturally. I saw it in the men I’ve dates who were “total tops.” For whatever reason they felt it was their duty to pay for my meals, be the big spoon and set his boundaries early-on that he was the “man” of the house. Clearly that didn’t sit well with moi. But the same thing happens on the opposite end. Many of my friends who call themselves “total bottoms” act like housewives to their men, submissive and fragile. Obviously this isn’t true for all gay men, but damn it I’ve seen it time and time again.

As a versatile man, I don’t have to deal with any of that crap. It wasn’t always like this, however. When I first came out of the closet I was absolutely petrified to bottom for my boyfriends. Not just because I thought it was going to be painful, but psychologically it made me the woman. I wanted to be a man. To be penetrated meant to take away everything I thought I was supposed to be. As I got older I realized this was anything but true.

After I bottomed the first time it was clear that most of my fears were in my head. From then on, dating became much easier. The days of rejecting someone because they were a “top” were over. The world became my oyster, and I was willing to jump in the pool with any man – no matter what their sexual preference was. The options were limitless. Versatile men bring a lot to the table. Anything is possible. Sex becomes much more open and freakier. It’s the freedom that  never makes sex boring. But for whatever reason, a lot of men are scared to enter versatile train.

Like all labels in the gay community, being versatile comes with expectations. Personally I don’t judge whatever “permanent” position you think you are. If you’re a top who hates to be touched anywhere near your ass, fine with me. If you’re a bottom who hates to get blown or even orgasm, fine with me. I still will never see how that can be fulfilling. Amazing sex means showing your vulnerable side and if you’re unwilling to share it with your man, the natural reaction is to be closed off.

The power of versatile men is astronomical. We don’t live inside a box. I don’t need to be a “total top” to remind me I’m a man. I know it already. Our bodies naturally react to what’s inside our head anyway. When we’re too focused on preserving a type of idea, eventually our body’s going to reject anything that doesn’t match it, i.e. total tops and total bottoms.

But… when you’re throw your hands in the air and have the confidence to not exist on a man-made spectrum, life and sex become much more rewarding.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS

WHY YOU NEED TO BECOME THE MAN OF YOU OWN DREAMS

You’ll never be able to date anyone else if you can’t date yourself first.

Our dreams seem to be on an invisible axis, tilting to and fro until they land in a place closest to our hearts. Sometimes we force it; other times we’re afraid it’ll land somewhere dark so we’ll try and spin forever.

No one is truly “ready” to love—what does it mean anyway? Too many times I hear gay guys talk about holding out for the man of their dreams: a prince in shining armor who sweeps us off our feet.

But here’s the thing most of us fail to see. The man we dream of, the image we’ve had in our heads of the perfect man, perfect partner, perfect friend, perfect lover (all of it) is actually YOU.

That’s why we’re so comfortable with our dream men: because it contains real qualities we hold in ourselves. The dream guy is who we really are in our best moments. He’s the man we want to be with, the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with—so why do we find it easy to run away when we he becomes real?

My mother used to say you’ll never be able to date anyone else if you can’t date yourself first. Sometimes we spend too much time fantasizing about love that we forget to love

ourselves.

The man of your dreams is real and he’s more than just a guy to date and have sex with. He’s the reflection of how we feel inside; so if you truly want to meet your dream guy, you need to become him first.

It’s easier than you think. We’re always going to attract someone similar to our lifestyles, moral values and interests. Too many of us change ourselves in order to attract the kind of man we want, but when you do this you’re not welcoming authenticity in your life. You’re actually creating holes.

Loving yourself is always a priority, but being yourself is something you need to intuitively find—and the best way to do that is by looking at your “dream man.” He’s the real you.

When we become the man of our dreams we undoubtedly welcome opportunities for the other man of our dreams to see us. The best parts of our personality will be highlighted and exposed, leaving a path for the world to see us at our best light.

It’s time to stop trying to be something you’re not.

You want to meet the man of your dreams? Be him first. The man you’ve always wanted to date will find you when you’re aligned in your true selves. That’s the secret to finding your soul mate.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS

HOW TO MAKE GAY SEX MEAN SOMETHING, AGAIN

It’s easy get caught up in the sex scene, honey. I remember when I first downloaded Grindr—I was hooked on my phone for months. I’m not gonna have a high brow… I was addicted to it. But there comes a time when we all have to know when to log off permanently.

Sex can easily become routine when you’re a single gay dude trying to mingle. We get so used to having it whenever we want that we slowly lose sight of what it means. We forget what connection is like.

If you want to make sex mean something again, the first thing you need to do is to stop treating it like online shopping. That’s right—delete Grindr, delete Tinder, delete Scruff, and only search Craigslist when you’re looking for used furniture.

Get back to basics.

Remember what sex was like when we were young teenage virgins? There was something mysterious about it—sometimes scary. As someone who grew up in the church, I remember fantasizing about naked bodies (including mine) rubbing, humping, and sliding down another man’s. Christian guilt followed afterwards of course, but the fantasy was real.

Try and tap into what sex used to be in your head when you were a virgin.

I’ve always believed that sex is a reaction—an effect. In other words, something needs to happen before: a feeling, a moment, a connection etc. Too often gay guys think sex should happen first before anything else.

Sex needs to be a response of the mind, not the body.

Brain sex has always been the best kind of sex, especially when you love a smart ass man (like I do). A great body is good too, don’t get me wrong, but you see great bodies on porn all the time. This has convinced us that only people with six packs and “dumb jock” type of personalities deserve our penis. They don’t.

Get to know a man’s name before you check out his body. It’s hard I know (we can’t help it). Guys are visual creatures and we’ve learned not to make it so obvious when we’re undressing people with our eyes, but when you’re gay and attracted to men (who are also attracted to men), there seems to be no use pretending.

In our culture, sex is connected to everything we do. It bleeds into how we treat each other, how we perceive ourselves, sometimes even what we offer to the world. The minute we unplug our habit of sex association is the moment we’ll start seeing souls rather than penis sizes.

Men are always going to be thinking of sex—that’s just how we’re made. But in this day and age it’s easy to desensitize yourself. At the end of the day it all has to do with habit. We can change our habits when we change our routine. It’s not rocket science.

Becoming desensitized with sex has nothing to do with promiscuity and everything to do with where we’ve placed our emotions. Some guys can have all the sex they want and still leave a bit of room in their hearts for that special someone when they come along—other man might not have that luxury. If you’re someone who finds it difficult to separate the two, perhaps it might be time to start from scratch.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS

THE 6 PHASES OF A GAY MAN'S LIFE

Life is an interesting journey. Sometimes we have to work twice as hard to prove our worth, and as gay men we often get faced with challenges that most of the world will never have to know. Growing older in this day and age means dealing with the stigma of ageism as well as our own realizations of transition. But the thing we always need to cherish is that with every new phase we enter, we birth new knowledge, experience and growth.

The phases of life are vastly different from person to person, yet we have similar struggles. It’s an ongoing classroom full of lessons that will be missed if we don’t pay attention. There is no finish line, yet many of us struggle to find one instead of focusing on the race. The joy is always going to be in the journey, so let’s welcome every step we take.

We only have one chance after …

20’s – The Learning Years

In your twenties, you have the easiest windows to make strong choices. This is your learning time. You fall, you cut yourself, and you fail. It’s the people that pick you back up again who you should keep in your life, not the ones that kick you while you’re down and sally forth without looking behind them. If you don’t make tough decisions, you are going to be stationary and never grow to your full potential. Make the wrong choice? So what, this is what being in your 20s are about. It’s supposed to be hard. You’re traveling the road and don’t know what’s lurking around the corner, and it can give you anxiety. But be smart. When bad things happen, don’t repeat the same mistakes. Instead, learn from it. Learn from your friends’ mistakes so you won’t repeat their pattern. You have much life ahead – don’t fret. Enjoy these learning years, the adversities you experience now are always going to return as strengths later on.

30’s – The Associate Years

You are at last starting to become a part of “adult” society. Your friends are having babies, others have been married for a few years, and you’re still trying to match your fantasy life with reality. It’s okay. These are the years where you are still finding the pieces to complete your life puzzle. People that come into your life during this phase are usually the ones you will keep forever because your 20s taught you how to pick your friends from acquaintances – at least they should have. You also will begin to see your youth slowly disappear, but you should never let this affect your self esteem. You are a grounded person. The best years lie ahead. Now, finally, you can use the lessons you learned in your 20s to make sensible life-altering decisions to further your career and goals.

40’s – The Teacher

Your peak. Now you know what lies behind the trees. You’ve become the leader of your own world. Keep your head high and be a mentor for the younger generation so they can do the same for you. After , we often learn more from our students than our teachers. At this stage, you have proven to yourself you’re on the right path. The road to happiness is ongoing, and remember, you will never actually get there. The road is meant to be built, never finish. If you think of life this way, it will take a lot of the pressure off. It’s in the journey, so you need to do is ride the ride that you’ve set for yourself. You’re still able to make major life choices that will make or break you. Thankfully, you’ve had your 20s and 30s under your belt. Your experiences will now create a trajectory that is under your control.

50’s – The Time Of Your Life

Your life is now half complete. Consider this the intermission and you now can breathe, relax, and reflect. You’ve been there, done that. Allow the fear to leave you. Take comfort in knowing you’ve lived the best life you could possibly have given yourself. You’ve worked for what you have, you’ve struggled for the things you achieved and if you open your eyes, you will see the rewards that have surfaced as a result. It’s never going to be over until you say it’s over. In fact, at this stage you need to open yourself up to the possibility of more learning. Don’t let this phase keep you from growing. In order to successfully move on to the next phase in our lives, we must always allow ourselves to MOURN the previous one. Don’t dwell on the things you may have lost, instead focus on what you gained and the things you have yet to.

60’s – Contentment 

Sit back and enjoy your life. You have experienced of life’s cruelties and you can share these stories with the world, educating the younger generation. Not only that, but you allow yourself to be content with the good and the bad. The regrets you hold on to are now looked at from a new perspective. Don’t allow yourself to be bitter. The past will always be the past and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Focusing on today and the future will open yourself to be more content. Never give an opportunity for the ghosts of your past to haunt you. Make peace with your decisions. Learn to measure your life on how much love you’ve given, not by how many things you’ve lost, how many people you have hurt, or how much time you may have wasted being jealous or cynical. Breathe in the sunshine and let it resonate. You deserve it.

70’s and Beyond – Wisdom Makes Peace

There’s little things that bother you now, and it’s been a long road to that point. People of branches of life look to you as a wise soul. Offer yourself to give back to the world that’s given so much to you. As you watch your friends pass away, the gratitude of knowing that you were a part of their own journey, as they were to yours, will make the mourning easier. Every moment is precious, you know this now more than ever, and it’s nearly impossible to not see the good things in life without smiling. Life is a gift, and you have embraced it. Love the good. Love the bad. It was part of the journey, and it’s never over until it’s over. Till then, keep on being curious. You’ll never know the answers, but it will give you peace to know that there are more questions.

SOURCE: GAY GUYS