TAKING TIME...

Today I decided to take a break from my usual Saturday events with my friends and spend some time with my sister and her two daughters. Of course, it was a blast for them to say the least; it amazes me how it takes so little effort to make children feel like children. I am ALWAYS blessed AND honored when I get a chance to make memories with them AND add to their childhood. I sometimes forget that they are much older than they appear; I guess that is the way the world is going…THEY GET OLDER & I GET…It was such a joy to TAKE TIME and watch life happens right in front of my eyes. It is so amazing to think that one day, not too far from here in a blink of an eye they will all grown up and would have added to their life in this special way. I LOVE this because this gives me the opportunity to fall in LOVE again with life. With my nieces, I get to breathe in the rich AND wondrous possibilities that life has to offer. Today is a day like no other and I am magnificently blessed to be a part of all that it encompasses. NOT even the rain dampens the fun my nieces had on this day. I wish that I could TAKE TIME plus infinity to be with them, they reminded me that LIFE is filled with CHANGE, CONFUSION, EXCITEMENT, JOY & FRUSTRATION…BUT UNDERLYING ALL OF THAT THEY SHOWED ME THAT BY SIMPLY TAKING TIME I FOUND THE PEACE & GOODNESS THAT LIFE COULD NEVER DENY ME.

HAPPY EARTH~DAY DERRINIQUE

Trying to get in step

Little girl trying to get in step

Skipping steps to be in step

With her bigger little sisters

Better, be in step

Than beyond steps

Out of control

Living her life in a volcano’s hole

Like a dog in heat

That knows NO better

Or worst…

Feeling comfort in the fire

For she got some breeze

Or so she feels

While her soul burns

As she yearns to be,

What she is NOT!

Talk about lost identity

But I believe that somewhere

Somehow

In the here and now

She will see her non-identity

That is thrust into obscurity

And all this obscenity

Will be mixed with her insanity

A place that exist beyond here

That shows inside her fears

I am NO soothsayer

Who is to know what is going to happen tomorrow?

And what sorrow is that holds her in its grip

That keeps her from soaring

What I do know

Is that she forgot herself

Getting ahead of herself

Trying to forget that she forgot herself

No longer a precious commodity

As she lays herself down

To receive HE that brings elicit desires

If only she lived in a world

Where nothing went wrong

A world of dreams where nothing is what it seems

But this is only but my dream

For she is a step ahead of where she should be…

© tgk

GIVE IT AWAY...

The other day I noticed that a lot of GAY men are simply giving themselves away to basically any MAN that would ACCEPT them. I thought this was particularly interesting because I was on BLKGAYCHAT and my profile had that I have someone, yet still I got messages asking me to hook up. For me this is NOT particularly surprising, what surprises me is the FACT that GAY men do NOT have any regard for who they are AND what they truly represent. It is evident that we are NOT learning to trust OUR intuition in order to connect with OUR higher selves. It seems that OUR need for SEX gets in the way AND it completely clouds OUR judgment; how is possible that WE are NO more than OUR dicks N’ asses? I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS TAUGHT THAT USING OUR BODIES BROUGHT US MORE IN TUNE WITH OUR BEING…Now it seems that GAY men are using it just for the mere joy of a NUT. I feel that process of using OUR bodies is to ask OUR higher selves a question and wait for the body to respond; the answer should either be a forward-tilting or backward-tilting motion. I WONDER WHAT ANSWER GAY MEN GET WHEN THEY TREAT THEIR BODIES IN THE WAY THEY DO? WE NEED TO STOP GIVING AWAY OURSELVES FOR MOMENTS OF PLEASURE & UNDERSTAND OUR HIGHER SELVES! I often wonder if most of US come to a point in our lives when WE question why WE are doing what WE are doing? I feel that this question can bring to the surface the REALIZATION that WE are failing ourselves as MEN. HOW DO WE NOT FEEL SHOCK or DEPRESS BY WHAT WE ARE DOING TO OURSELVES? I SAY THAT ONE OF THE MOST COMMON REASONS WE ARE SO TIED TO THIS BEHAVIOR IS THAT WE WERE NOT PROPERLY MIRRORED WHEN WE WERE LITTLE BOYS. WE WERE NOT HONORED AS INDIVIDUALS IN OUR OWN RIGHT, THAT HAS A WILL & A PURPOSE ALL OUR OWN. AS A RESULT, WE LEARNED TO LOOK OUTSIDE OF OURSELVES FOR APPROVAL IN THE FORM OF SEX RATHER THAN LOOK WITHIN. THE GOOD THING IS THAT THE PART OF US THAT WAS NOT ADEQUATELY NURTURED IS STILL THERE, INSIDE US, LIKE A SEED THAT HAS NOT YET RECEIVED THE SUNLIGHT & MOISTURE IT NEEDS TO GROW. I WRITE THIS BECAUSE I FEEL THAT IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO PROVIDE OURSELVES WITH WHAT WE NEED TO AWAKEN OUR INNER BEING. IF WE NEED REAL SUPPORT GROUPS, THERAPY or JOURNALIZING OUR THOUGHTS…WHATEVER PROCESS WE CHOOSE, WE NEED TO FIND A WAY TO LIVE OUTSIDE OF OUR SEXUALITY AS GAY MEN!

LIES

In the light of day

And dark of night,

You hear what you want to hear.

On the front line

And in the back of your mind,

You see what you want to see.

In the search for love

And trying to escape the revolving door,

You are who you want to be.

Kept in isolation

Your heart empty beyond empty,

Sinking with each breathe you take.

Living slowly

Enjoying life without haste,

Just still happiness.

A moment of being

Lost in thoughts of time,

And beyond.

But when it is all said and done

You will be left standing,

With nothing but…

In the corner of your mind

You will try to find,

These words to crack the puzzle.

None will be clear

For there are NO exception to the rules,

For this game you loose!

Back where you started

Just regrets,

Hopefully this time it will different.

Maybe

Just maybe,

He can be the man made just for you.

One that is NOT made from thin air

But the ONE that really cares,

Do I make myself clear?

HAPPY EARTH~DAY ZHIVONIA

Today's the day

We get to say

We're happy you were born-

Hooray!

They say that when a woman miscarries, that the baby that is born directly after that event will have the SENSE and ENERGY of the one that died before it. Now I can attest to this notion for I have a niece that has the SOUL of grown up that in the form of a little girl. This VERY outspoken little girl will tell the world that she is NO baby (ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE IS FOUR YEARS OLD NOW). This precocious child is nothing short of adorable, but whatever you do; do NOT tell her that she is baby!

HELL BOUND

ARE GAY FOLKS HELL BOUND? I ask
this question because far too many of us seem to think OR believe
that who we are goes against some cardinal rule AND we carry
on with lives that are predestined for the fire of HADES. SO many
times we GAY people hear how we NEED to live our
lives right AND get in accordance with GOD’S law.
However, I am writing this entry to say that YES we ALL need
to be in spiritual harmony, but NOT as others suggest we
should.

Being a Christian means that an
individual is on the path of being Christ like, now I get that this task is NOT an
easy one…but that does NOT mean that those that feel they are
on the path can use their RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION to cast
judgment on those that they feel are SINNERS. I grew up in a
household that went to church RELIGIOUSLY, now as a young boy I
often wondered why church never took anytime off. As an adult I found out why;
the sole purpose of church is to provide those that are seeking a place in
which to foster a relationship with GOD. How weird is it that this RARELY happens?

How many
persons within that congregation actually live a life that would make GOD proud? How many of them are living, thinking that WE are the WORST form
of humans that ever lived? I SAY F&CK THEM, BE GAY & KNOW
THAT THE CREATOR LOVES US ALL DESPITE WHAT THE WORLD WANTS US TO THINK! There
is NO special place in HELL for us, why would there be? We were born in this
world with NO preconditions AND knowledge of
who we are AND why we are here. All WE know is
that we are what we are and that has NO bearing on our souls. I
AM SURE THERE ARE TONS OF GAY ANGLES IN HEAVEN WITH BEAUTIFUL WINGS! Why not be one on earth?

If HELL exists then
I feel that if anyone goes there then that simply mean HE or SHE did
NOT do right by themselves AND others. So this
belief that GAY folks are HELL BOUND is
foolish, the bible does NOT say that a GAY person
shall not inherit the kingdom; that came from MAN. WE did NOT choose to
be GAY…WE DID NOT WAKE UP ONE MORNING & SAY OH! I WANT TO BE GAY…The
creator has place for ALL of us AND his/her LOVE is
unconditional. The bible says a lot of things AND the wording
is NOT that of the creator. They all say NO sin
is GREATER than the other, but when it comes to HOMOSEXUALS that
thought is different. 

NOW ASK YOURSELVES THIS QUESTION, DO
YOU REMEMBER BEING A YOUNG MAN & BEGGING GOD TO TAKE AWAY YOU’RE THE
FEELINGS YOU FELT TOWARDS MEN? The interesting thing for me is
that it is still here so WHY would GOD punish US for something that HE did NOT take away from us? WE need
to OPEN our eyes AND see the truth that we
live EVERY day and NOT allow anything to
deter OR trip us up. This MAN-MADE institution
that we call RELIGION should be seen in the same vain as RACISM
& SLAVERY. Religion is a rule of man placed on spirituality AND the
connection with the divine; NO ONE need to be a Christian or
a book to connect with the creator. 

HAPPY EARTH~DAY DAVEY

Don't Be Afraid

Do not be afraid to shine,

This world needs what you have to give.

Open up the areas of your being;

Expose them to yourself - to others.

You are valuable.

You are unique.

You have much to give.

Do not be afraid to give it.

As I sit and contemplate this your day of entry to this planet, I thought about how you are one the best people that I know…ONLY YOU DON’T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOURSELF. I contemplate the various things that you have done since we became friends and I can only shake my head in disbelief…I can only HOPE that these words that I write find you and make you see what I see. I feel that you live your life with the intent of being the ODD one and though that has it benefits, it can be VERY taxing AND annoying. Hence, I feel that the first thing that I should say to you is WAKE UP! You have elevated the process of complaining to a high art. Sometimes interesting mostly exhausting, you have the ability to find a problem just about anywhere. They say that complaining in its more EVOLVED from is simply the ability to see what is not working in one’s life…if ONLY for you it followed its natural conclusion to find a solution AND apply it. Sadly, you do not get anywhere near this point and I feel that your constant complaining has become an end in itself. I say this because mostly you complain about the THINGS or PEOPLE that YOU allow to HURT and ABUSE you. In small doses, you are NOT a problem, but sadly complaining has become a huge part of you identity and that energy is just trying to spread itself. I get that you are NOT happy, how can you be? Nevertheless, blaming the world for what is wrong does NOT solve anything. IF ONLY WHEN YOU COMPLAIN YOU TORE DOWN SOME UNDESIRABLE STRUCTURE IN ORDER TO MAKE ROOM FOR SOMETHING NEW…FACE IT YOU ARE NOT MEANT FOR CERTAIN THINGS or CERTAIN PLACES, STOP FORCING YOURSELF TO DEAL WITH THEM.

After your illogical phone to me @ 2 am in the morning, I have thought asking you these questions in commemoration of your 43rd B-DAY:

1. DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE A MESS?
2. DO YOU SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH MY SAYING THAT?
3. IS IT A BAD THING IF I REFUSE TO TOLERATE YOU?
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME SAYING THAT I AM NOT PROUD OF YOU?
5. DO YOU KNOW THAT I SEE BEYOND YOU & THE WAY YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE?
6. DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ZAP THE POSITIVE ENERGY OUT OF LIFE?
7. WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH AN AUDIENCE THAT MOCKS & BELITTLE YOU?
8. DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE CAUGHT UP IN YOURSELF?
9. DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU DO NOT CONSIDER OTHERS EVEN THOUGH YOU SAY YOU DO?
10. WHY ARE YOU OBESSIVE COMPULSIVE?
11. WHY CAN’T YOU PROCESS & RELEASE?
12. WHO GAVE YOU THAT GLORIFIED SOAP BOX UPON WHICH YOU STAND?
13. WHAT MAKES YOU BETTER THAN EVERY GAY MAN?
14. WHY SO MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS DON’T REGARD YOU?
15. WHY YOUR EX GIRLFRIENDS DON’T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE YOU?
16. WHY IS YOUR WAY OR NOW WAY?
17. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO YOURSELF?
18. DO YOU CARE?
19. I SUSPECT PSYCHOSIS, DO YOU?
20. DO YOU KNOW THAT I SACRIFICE WHAT I FEEL IS TRUE TO TOLERATE YOU?
21. THIS DAY FORTH I AM FOCUSED ON ME, HOW ABOUT YOU REALLY DO THE SAME?
22. DON’T YOU FIND IT WEIRD THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE ANYONE TO SHARE YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGY WITH?
23. DO YOU THINK THE THINGS I AM SAYING ARE HURTFUL?
24. CAN YOU PRETEND TO FEEL THEM?
25. WHY DO YOU HATE PROGRESS?
26. WHY DO YOU TELL THE SAME STORIES OVER & OVER AGAIN?
27. CAN YOU DISMISS THE NEGATIVE & DRAINING ENERGY FROM YOUR SPACE?
28. DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DO YOU WILL DISAPPEAR?
29. DO YOU KNOW THAT IT IS NOT OK FOR OTHERS TO SAY ‘OH THAT IS NO BIG DEAL; IT’S JUST HOW YOU BEHAVE?’
30. DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE IT IS NOT COOL TO ALWAYS LOOK FOR A PAT ON THE BACK?
31. CAN YOU SEE THE LESSON & NOT THE WORK?
32. DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU BLOCK ALL OF YOUR BLESSINGS?
33. WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF AGING?
34. DOES IT HURT IF I SAY THAT IF I WERE YOU I WOULD BE TOO?
35. DO YOU ENJOY THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE? REALLY?
36. CAN YOU LAUGH UNTIL YOU GASP FOR BREATH?
37. CAN YOU NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING FOR AN ENTIRE MINUTE?
38. CAN YOU ADMIT THAT YOU ARE WRONG SOMETIMES?
39. CAN YOU NOT TAKE GUILT TRIPS?
40. DO YOU FEEL GRATEFUL FOR BEING ALIVE? REALLY?
41. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT IF YOU GET LIFE WRONG YOU ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT? THEN WHY TAKE THAT PATH?
42. CAN YOU SEE ME FOR THE MAN THAT I AM & NOT WHAT YOU THINK I AM?
43. CAN YOU READ THIS, THINK ABOUT WHAT I AM ASKING & TRY TO MAKE SOME CHANGES ABOUT YOURSELF?

NOW I KNOW THAT THERE ARE THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE THAT WILL READ THIS & FEEL THAT I AM HARSH OR RATHER I SHOULD SEEK HER OUT, SIT DOWN WITH & TALK TO HER...I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT CONCEPT, BUT WHEN SOME PEOPLE ARE LOST TO THEMSELVES IT IS VERY, VERY VERY DIFFICULT FOR THEM ACCEPT CERTAIN THINGS. THOUGH THIS IS A NEGATIVE ENTRY FOR SUCH A HAPPY OCCASSION I FELT IT NECESSARY TO WRITE IT FOR THIS DAY BECAUSE I WANT IT TO HIT HOME. I DO NOT FOR ONE MINUTE FEEL THAT I AM BETTER or HATE DAVEY, I JUST WANT HER TO BE HAPPY WITH WHO SHE IS AS A WOMAN, LESBIAN, SISTER, DAUGHTER, AUNT & FRIEND...