JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS...

Today was a LAZY day that turned out to be a GREAT day…After coming home from the gym I felt extremely tired, it was @ this time that I was reminded of the physical activities that I partake in a few minutes before heading to the gym. I felt especially calm AND easy coming off a CRAZY week @ work and looked forward to hanging out with my friends. This was NOT our typical MOVIE, STARBUCKS & DINNER day, this was a day where we just focused on the MORE important part of our socializing, that encompasses just coffee AND us. It ALWAYS surprises me how much I learn about my friends from the various topics that we discuss, I get to see the vulnerable side of them which is quite rare. I LOVE the range of emotions that they invoke within me, not that it is ALL about me…it is just nice that I get to connect with them in this way. I am ALWAYS grateful for the memories that we create, just think next year this time so things will different…LIFE WOUD HAVE MOVED & THINGS WILL CHANGE YET REMAIN THE SAME…NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I KNOW THAT I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL FOR A DAY LIKE TODAY…THANK YOU GUYS & I LOVE YOU!

FOREVER...

I awoke from my slumber with you in mind,

Trying to find…

What,

Who,

And where you are

I didn’t find you in his eyes,

Nor were you between his thighs.

I think I felt you with his touch…

You are a traveler in the strange land of mind?

Stranger than strange

You creep into my soul

Like a lifetime of LOVE

Build into my dreams

Inside becomes the outside

Through the wonder of my mind

Caught in the middle of nowhere

In the beginning of the beginning

And in the middle of the middle

To the end of the end

And everything in between

No more lost in a dream

For you are beyond what it is

And what it seems

For in the darkness is born my light

Out of my darkness comes my sight

Blind visions…

Moral decisions

No more denials

I have renounced my shadows

They are what once was

Now banished by the light

That turns to my soul

And found that FOREVER,

Is LOVING him everyday…

© tgk

THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF GAY LIFE

As much as we may say that we want peace and quiet
and a life without struggle, the truth is that human beings are currently
thriving in a world of dualities and challenges. And this is ESPECIALLY true for GAY men; NOT only do we have to wade through the waters of society,
but we have to find our footing within the GAY community. Within the community, we tend to gravitate
toward others that are most like us, @ least in the ways that make us feel
comfortable. Though there is NOTHING wrong with this, I feel that it is important we are of ONE
accord yet living our lives together DIFFERENTLY. 

Hence these DIFFERENCES come into play when LIFE brings us into contact with other GAY men that challenge us with their DIFFERENCES. It may be an obvious DIFFERENCE reflected in their outward appearance OR
an invisible but powerful idealistic stance.
Within the GAY community
there are those that confront us with their DIFFERENT ways of experiencing and expressing life. Our NATURAL reaction is to resist, but I feel it is better if we
choose to learn from them AND appreciate that they too have a place in the KALEIDOSCOPE of life. When we choose to approach these so-call
hurdles with a POSITIVE attitude,
this can determine how we sail over them. This is the ONLY way to ensure that we learn AND grow, developing depth of our character AND the shades of our understanding. In a world of
dualities, we have trouble defining ourselves without something opposite thus
we can’t discover who we are. 

AS SPIRITUAL BEINGS WE ARE EXPERIENCING THE PHYSICAL WORLD IN ALL
OF ITS STARTLING CONTRAST & BEAUTY, WHY NOT START WITH DIFFERENCE THAT
MAKES US WHO WE ARE? IT IS IMPORTANT FOR US TO WALK WITH AWARENESS WHEN DEALING
WITH EACH OTHER. IT IS SAD THAT WE DO NOT TAKE THE TIME TO APPRECIATE EACH
OTHER; WE JUST LIMIT OUR STEPS BY NOT EMBRACING THE COMMUNITY AS A WHOLE. AS WE
WALK, WE CONNECT WITH THE EARTH & HER PEOPLE. EACH STEP WE TAKE WILL LEAD
US TO BECOMING MORE MINDFUL OURSELVES. WHEN WE BECOME MORE MINDFUL, WE
GRADUALLY INCREASE OUR AWARENESS OF OUR GAY BROTHERS THAT MAKE UP THE
KALEIDOSCOPE OF LIFE…

THE PROCESS

When I feel stuck in my life I find it important to take stock of what is going on and find out if there is something I am doing OR not doing that is keeping me stuck. Usually I find the answers that I seek AND most times it is NOT what I thought it would be. It amazes me how life CHANGES constantly AND how I have to adapt to the PROCESS. The thing that gets me is the place that I occupy during my transformation; YES it is time that I have to reflect on me, but this PROCESS I find can be very FRUSTRATING. I more times than others feel STUCK with a life that clings t old ideas about my reality WHILE I am trying to make adjustments that will bring my life back in tune so I can flow again. I listen with an open mind, and take in this part of my PROCESS…A NECESSARY STEP ON MY JOURNEY...

GROUNDING OURSELVES

We often hear people telling us to ground ourselves, but we may not be sure what that means, and how we might do it. Grounding ourselves is a way of bringing ourselves literally back to earth. Some of us are more prone than others to essentially leaving our bodies to and not being firmly rooted in our bodies. There’s nothing terribly wrong with this, but while we are living on the earth plane, it is best to stay grounded in our body. One of the easiest ways to ground ourselves is to bring our attention to our breath as it enters and leaves our bodies. After about ten breaths, we will probably find that we feel much more connected to our physical selves. We might then bring our awareness to the sensations in our bodies, moving from our head down to our feet, exploring and inquiring. Just a few minutes of this can bring us home to bodies and to the earth, and this is what it means to ground ourselves. We can go further by imagining that we have roots growing out of the bottoms of our feet connecting us to the earth. The roots flow with us so we can we always move, but at the same time, they keep us grounded. We receive powerful energy from the earth, just as we do from the forms of energy we associate with the sky, and our body is a tool that brings these two energies together in a sacred union. When we are grounded, we essentially become a strong container in which our spirits can safely and productively dwell. This is why grounding ourselves everyday, especially at the beginning of the day, is such a beneficial practice. Fortunately, it’s as simple as bringing our conscious awareness to our bodies and the earth on which we walk.

HIV: ¿SHOULD IT BE REVEALED WHETHER PROTECTED OR NOT?

As of the end of 2007, an estimated 33.2 million people around the world were living with HIV/AIDS, including the 2.5 million people who acquired HIV in 2007. The epidemic claimed an estimated 2.1 million lives in 2007. Now with these startling numbers one would think that there would more efforts placed on PREVENTION rather than the FACILITATION of this disease. However, we all know what the scenario is when it comes to HIV; this monster seems to show NO signs of slowing down and I feel that this is the case simply because we are NOT asking ourselves certain questions. I would like each one of us to ask ourselves this question, SHOULD HIV STATUS BE REVEALED WHETHER ONE IS USING PROTECTION OR NOT? Now when I did a poll of this question the response was as follows: YES 72% NO 9% MAYBE 19%. As proud, as I am of the fact that more of you think that it should be asked; it still frightens me to know that more of you are NOT sure OR think that it should NOT be asked. The first thing that enters my mind is WHEN IS UNPROTECTED SEXUAL INTERCOURSE ACCEPTABLE? Many of us would like to say that we did NOT intend on going @ it without a condom it just HAPPEN. Now being the man that I am I know for a FACT sex just do not HAPPEN! Living in a world where the majority of GAY males that I know are becoming infected with the HIV virus does NOT sit well with me and for the life of me I do NOT understand how we leave our lives to chance by NOT having protected sex @ all times. I saw a powerful ad the other day where there was a guy with two hands extended in one palm was a condom, the other palm was about thirty pills, and the caption read something to the effect that the choice was one or the other. A lifetime of thirty pills a day or using a condom. If we are SO hell bent on having sex by chance, we have to face the fact that this is what OUR lives will come to. It pains me that the subject of HIV is still a difficult topic to deal with. Nonetheless, if we want our lives to be easier we cannot bury our collective heads in the sand and pretend that it is NOT in our midst. Just the other day I was having a chat with someone that is HIV POSITIVE and he told me that he reveals his status before engaging in sex with others. Now I find this commendable, however I knew that he was lying because of certain things that got back to me. I wanted to call him out on his lies but I could not because I did not want to implicate my sources. Being the MAN that I am, I know that I will NOT be able to keep quiet with such information; I have to put right where right is and allow the chips to fall where they may. This is a CLEAR example of how ADULT men lay down with other adult men and DO NOT think of consequences, yet they get angry when they get burned. I WONDER WHAT HE WOULD SAY TO ANOTHER THAT GOT INFECTED BECAUSE HE IS HIV +? I KNOW THAT ASKING ABOUT ONE HIV STATUS CANNOT STOP THE DIESEASE, BUT I BELIEVE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER & THIS POWER NEEDS TO BE PUT IN THE RIGHT PLACE. I get that most will NOT reveal the truth, however I am of the opinion that the guilt that comes after a cums is stronger than any denial a HIV + man can live with. The GROWING practice of using SEX as a tool to get intimacy in this ERA of what is FACELESS sex needs to be STOPPED! THIS F&CK FIRST & ASK QUESTIONS LATER or NOT @ ALL IS CRAZY, HOW CAN WE KEEP HURTING OURSELVES IN THIS WAY? IT IS SAD TO REALIZE THAT WE HAVE FOOLED OURSELVES TO BELIEVE THAT JUST BECAUSE HIV TREATMENT CAN PROLONG THE LIFE OF AN HIV PERSON THAT WE F&CK AS CARELESS AS WE DO. I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY GAY MEN WOULD PUT THEIR LIVES @ RISK TWENTY ODD YEARS INTO THE AIDS PANDEMIC. THE LINE OF GAY MEN WAITING THEIR TURN TO GET THIS DISEASE IS ASTOUNDING THIS CLUB OF MEN THAT CANNOT BRING THEMSELVES TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES SEXUALLY IS MAD. IT WOULD BE NICE TO ASK ANOTHER MAN HIS STATUS BEFORE WE SPREAD EAGLE & HAVE SEX. I GUESS IT DOES NOT MATTER BECAUSE THE CONSENSUS IS THAT IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE WE ALL GET HIV~AIDS ANYWAYS… SHOULD HIV STATUS BE REVEALED WHETHER ONE IS USING PROTECTION OR NOT?

HEALING WHAT HURTS

Many of us go through our lives being aware of a well of pain that has been under our daily awareness for so long we aren’t even sure where it comes from. It almost seems as if it’s part of who we are, or the way we see the world, but it’s important to realize that this pain is something that needs to be acknowledged and processed. The longer we sit on it, the harder it is to work through, and the more likely it is that we will be forced to acknowledge it as it makes itself known to us in ways we can’t predict. Rather than waiting for this to happen, we can empower ourselves by identifying the pain and resolving to take action toward healing it. The very thought of this brings up feelings of resistance in most of us, especially if, on the surface, our lives seem to be in order. It’s difficult to dig up the past and go into it unless we are being seriously inconvenienced by the hurt. The thing is, when we are carrying the burden of our unprocessed pain, sooner or later it will inconvenience us. If we can be brave and proactive, we can save ourselves a lot of future suffering and free up the energy that is tied up in keeping the pain down. There are many ways to do this, but the first step is to recognize the pain and honor it by moving our awareness into it. In this process, even if it’s just five minutes during meditation, we will begin to have a sense of what the pain is made of. It might be fear of abandonment, childhood abuse, anger at being mistreated, or some other long held wound. As we sit with the pain, we will also have a sense of whether we can deal with it by ourselves or not. It may be time to work with a counselor or form a healing circle with close friends. Whatever path you choose, resolve to go deep into the pain so that you can release it fully, and set yourself free. Remember, it is never too late in life to heal what hurts, and there is never a better time than now.