THE PRAYING "SISSY"

I have come to realize that for far
too long I have allowed others to determine my salvation; for way too long I
have allowed others to me feel as if I was not worthy. As I aged I soon
realized that GOD isn't the way people try to make him out to
be AND the opinions that were expressed to say otherwise are
just that…OPINIONS! I KNOW THAT GOD IS LOVE & LOVE CAN’T BE
CAPTURED OR ENSLAVED IN THE WORDS OF A BOOK, NOT EVEN THE BIBLE! 

I find it very interesting AND tongue N’ cheek
that I a ‘SISSY’ is instructing those that are GOD
FEARING on the ways of being human. One would think that these OPPRESSORS would
have a better leg to stand on this department since they are Christians and all
but…SO: PLEASE PERMIT ME TO CARRY OUT THE HUMAN VIRTUE OF INSTRUCTING
THE IGNORANT. ONE SHOULD READ THE BIBLE (BOOK OF FAIRY-TALE  IN DEPTH, & IN
CONTEXT, NOT VERSE-BY-VERSE SEEKING OUT THAT WHICH AFFIRMS THE BIASES &
HATEFUL PREJUDICES OF THE READER. Being GAY is hard
enough AND for us NOT to have some access to
the creator is demoralizing. It is so sad that the world that the world is
filled with SO many persons that write their own version of the GOOD book AND are VERY selective
in how it is decipher are HELL BENT on persecuting HOMOSEXUALS.

DO THEY KNOW THAT THOSE WHO USE THE
BIBLE IN THIS WAY DISRESPECT IT? The mere fact that Christians
would have a problem with a HOMOSEXUAL praying shows me
that they have TURNED OFF THEIR GOD-GIVEN BRAIN AND INTELLECT. HOW
HORRIBLE OF THEM, HOW NEGLIGENT, HOW LAZY! Do they realize that they fall into the trap of PRIDEFUL-NESS,
HATE & SPIRITUAL ARROGANCE?

HOW CAN THEY CARRY ON IN THIS VAIN
& FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES? CHRISTIANS NEEDS TO REPENT OF THEIR SINS,
SINS THAT ARE FAR WORSE THAN THE NON-HETEROSEXUAL INTERCOURSE THAT THEY WANT TO
FORCE ON US. THEY NEED TO SHARE IN THE GREATER LOVE OF GOD, REGARDLESS OF WHO
IS GAY OR NOT…I PRAY THAT THEY TRULY OPEN THEIR HEARTS N’ MINDS & BECOME
WHAT GOD REALLY WANTS FROM THE HUMAN RACE.

FORGIVENESS

Hanging with my friends today made me realize that life is filled with growing pains and I need to NOT be so hard on myself when things seem to go in reverse. So today I have learned that I should forgive myself for not feeling like being in certain situations around certain people.

The song Wings of Forgiveness by India Arie

I just want you to know after everything that we've been through I just want you to know

that I still love you

That I still love you

Had to go across the water

Just to find what was here in my heart all along

Spent so much time trying to be right

That I was dead wrong

If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors surely I can forgive you for your passion

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness

Had to run to the arms of curiosity

Just to find what was here in my life all along

I have found that the art of simplicity simply means making peace with your complexity

If Gandhi can forgive persecution surely you can forgive me for being so petty

I'm only human

Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness

I searched for romance, flowers, and affection

What I found is a lesson on what love really is

And how the game of love isn't

Bout how much you can take

But that authentic love is about how much you can give

After everything that we've been through I just want you to know that I still love you

Want you to know that I forgive you

(thank you for teaching me how to give)

Want to let you know how much you changed my life

Want to let you know you taught me how to fly

And I wrote this song to tell you this

I'm better 'cause you taught me how to give

I took a swim in the sea of guilt and misery

To find myself on an island in the middle of nowhere

In my solitude I asked in all the highest truth

And what I was told was to thine own self be true

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion then surely we can survive and find a resolution

Let's keep it moving

Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high (and fly high)

Let's keep it moving

Let's shake free this gravity of commitment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness

After everything that we've been through I just want you to know that I still love you

Want you to know that I still love you

(let's fly high)

Want to let you know how much you changed my life

Want to let you know you taught me how to fly

And I wrote this song to tell you this

I'm better 'cause you taught me how to giveI still love you

Want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

And I always will love you

And I want to let you know I forgive you

I want to let you know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

I just want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

And I want to let you know I forgive you

I want to let you know I still love you

I want to let you know I still love you

Just want you to know I still love you

Just want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

And I want to let you know I forgive you

DIVINE GUIDANCE

Anyone who has asked for divine guidance knows that it can be challenging to trust it when it comes. This is because divine guidance comes in many forms and it is sometimes hard to locate it. We aren’t sure if we are meant to trust our thoughts, our feelings, our dreams, or our intuitions to be the carriers of divine wisdom. We are not sure if advice from a friend is the form in which the guidance has come into the world, or if our own opinion is the source of wisdom we need to take seriously. The ability to sort all this out comes with trial and error, and the best way to learn to recognize divine guidance is to engage in the process of asking and receiving. Sometimes when we ask for guidance, we already have a sense of what we want to hear. At such times, receiving guidance can be difficult, because we don’t want to hear anything that appears to be in opposition to our desire. Therefore, one of the most important qualities we need to cultivate if we are to receive guidance is an open mind. It helps to acknowledge what we want, and then to symbolically set it aside, making room for whatever wisdom comes through to us. Cultivating an active relationship with the divine is the essential ingredient to being able to receive and trust guidance when it comes our way. We can make a daily practice of this by using a set of runes, a deck of cards, or a pendulum. We can also use our journals, developing a relationship with the divine through the written word. As we request and receive guidance, we might take notes on our experiences. Over time we will begin to recognize when we were able to hear correctly and when we were not. In this way, we will gradually attune ourselves to our particular relationship with the divine. Begin to trust the guidance you are receiving and soon you will find it flowing with ease.

THE MARRYING "UN~KIND"

It always amazes
me how the PULSE of
the GAY community is on
the streets N’ sidewalk and NOT in the lives of
the everyday GAY man. Never had
this statement been more true than when the topic of GAY MARRIAGE or CIVIL
UNIONS come about. We hear the church and politicians speak
about it, even community leaders have their say. For me I find it sad that no
matter WHO or WHAT we are, we seem
to have this need to belong AND be like the rest
of the when we are NOT!

THERE ARE NO TWO
PERSONS THAT ARE ALIKE! Though NOT all GAY men are the same,
how is that MOST of us are NOT fit to be in a
relationship much less a commitment such as marriage? I find it a bit comical
listening to HETEROS foam @ the mouth
about the sanctity of marriage AND how we are about
to destroy that; I expect that from them. However when GAY men take on this
same idea AND run with it, it
makes me fume! HOW
CAN THEY DO THIS TO THEMSELVES? DON’T THEY KNOW BETTER?

ISN’T IT CRAZY TO
BE GAY & NOT BE OKAY WITH WHO YOU ARE? How could they NOT see that their
denial of WHO they are is @ the
very least a mild form of HOMOPHOBIA?
FOR ME MARRIAGE SYMBOLIZES THE HIGHTST FORM OF ROMANTIC LOVE; FOR IT TO BE
PERMITTED TO ONLY THOSE THAT HAVE UNMATCHED GENITALS IS CRAZY! But then again,
so many GAY
men are not marriage material
because they aren’t even human material; @ least in the ways in which it
counts.

MOST GAY MEN NEED
TO ASK HIMSELF WHY HE FEELS THE WAY HE DOES ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY? WHY IS THAT HE
CAN’T SEEM TO FIND SOME PEACE WITHIN HIMSELF? WHEN THE ANSWERS COME I HOPE IT
IS NOT TOO LATE. OUR SEXUALITY WAS HERE BEFORE WE WERE, SO IT’S NAÏVE TO THINK
THAT IT IS SOMETHING THAT CAUSES US TO HAVE NO REAL PURPOSE OR IS SUITABLE FOR
THE COMMITMENT OF MARRIAGE. I WOULD LOVE IT IF MOST GAY MEN DIDN’T SEEM TO CARE
ABOUT TAKING THAT STEP IF THEY SIMPLY HAD SOMEONE TO SHARE THEIR LIVES WITH;
BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE! WHAT GETS ME IS HOW THE DOGMAS SHUT THE DOORS TO
KNOWLEDGE & PROGRESS & WE GIVE THEM EVERY REASON TO DO SO & I DARE
SOMEONE TO LIVE OTHERWISE! 

HIV & VIRAL LOAD

The HIV viral load is the number of copies of the human immunodeficiency virus in your blood and other parts of your body. The HIV viral load test involves taking a blood sample from a vein in your arm. The amount of HIV in your blood is then measured. Along with other tests, the HIV viral load test helps monitor your disease, guide HIV therapy, and predict how your disease may progress. Keeping your viral load low can reduce complications of HIV disease and extend your life.

1. WHEN TO HAVE A VIRAL LOAD TEST. The different times you need a viral load test include:

• 
  
  Right after diagnosis. This gives what’s called a baseline measurement. Future results can be measured against it.



• 
  
  Every two to eight weeks at the start of treatment or with a change in treatment.



• 
  
  This helps to evaluate how well medication is working.



• 
  
  Every three to six months or as your doctor directs if treatment is effective

Do not have the HIV viral load test within four weeks of any infection or immunization. That’s because these things can throw off your test results.

2. HOW HIV VIRAL LOAD IS MEASURED? There are several different methods for measuring your HIV viral load. It is best to stay with the same method each time because different tests can produce slightly different results. New, more sensitive methods are constantly being developed. These are the three common tests currently used to detect HIV viral load:

• PCR (polymerase chain reaction) uses an enzyme to multiply the HIV RNA in the blood sample. (RNA is the part of HIV that knows how to make copies of HIV.) This makes it easier to measure the amount of HIV RNA in the blood sample. A new ultra sensitive PCR test can measure down to 50 copies of HIV RNA.



• B-DNA (branched-chain DNA) creates a light signal whose brightness depends on the amount of viral RNA present.



• NASBA (nucleic acid sequence based amplification) amplifies the viral proteins, making HIV viral load easier to measure.

3. WHAT HIV VIRAL LOAD TEST RESULTS MEAN? The HIV viral load test measures the number of HIV copies in a milliliter of blood.

• 
  
  If your HIV viral load is high, HIV is reproducing and the disease may progress more quickly. A high HIV viral load is between 5,000 and 10,000 copies. It can be as high as 1 million or more.


• 
  
  If your HIV viral load is low, HIV may not be actively reproducing and the disease may progress more slowly. A low viral load is between 200 and 500 copies.


• 
  
  If your HIV viral load can’t be detected, this does not mean you are cured. The level of HIV virus may be so low that the test can’t pick it up. A more sensitive test may be able to detect it. It’s important to also know that the HIV viral load test does not measure HIV in other parts of the body, where HIV may be present. Only about 2% of HIV is in the blood.
  

Remember: Even if your HIV viral load is undetectable, you can still infect others.

4. HOW THE HIV VIRAL LOAD TEST IS USED? The tests results have been helpful in many ways.

• Medical research. The HIV viral load test confirms that HIV is present even when CD4 counts are high and no symptoms are present. This means that HIV is not inactive (called latent).


• Diagnosis. The HIV viral load test can detect a viral load a few days after HIV infection and may be useful for early diagnosis. This is quicker than the standard HIV antibody test, which can be falsely negative for two to six months after infection.


• Disease management. Public health guidelines recommend starting antiretroviral therapy if HIV viral loads are higher than 30,000 copies per milliliter of blood with the BDNA test or more than 55,000 copies with the PCR test. These guidelines are for people without symptoms. Other factors will also influence this decision, which you need to discuss with your doctor. For example, if you have symptoms, your doctor may suggest you begin treatment earlier. The HIV viral load test also shows how well medications are controlling the virus. If a drug is working well, it lowers the HIV viral load by 90% within weeks. Within six months, it should continue to drop to fewer than 50 copies.


• Prognosis. HIV viral load results can help predict how long you will stay healthy. The lower your number, the better your prognosis. Some studies show that HIV viral load tests are better than other tests, such as the CD4 count, at predicting the course of the disease. The CD4 count indicates how healthy your immune system is.


• Prevention. The higher your HIV viral load, the greater your chance of transmitting HIV to someone else. In this way, the HIV viral load test has been helpful in predicting risk.

THE SEXUAL STIMULUS

So I am on the internet chatting away via msn messenger and I
came across this guy and after a while he wanted me to F&CK him.
Now I am NOT oppose anyone getting theirs, but I wonder what
makes a man, any man just allow himself to get to point where he will allow
just about any stranger to get horizontal with him? What is it from me that make him want to indulge himself in this
activity with me? I IN A LARGE PART BLAME THE INTERNET & THE
FACT THAT MOST GAY MEN SEEM TO ALLOW WHAT IS SHOWN TO CONTROL HOW THEY LIVE
THEIR LIVES. 

Many of the GAY male-oriented sites feature
hundreds of amateur AND professional photos and porno clips.
The amount of erotic stories AND sex toys available @ the
click of mouse just further whet the appetite of the GAY male.
How can it NOT? When
he sees the stripper of his fantasy…the bulge…the ass…HOW CAN HE NOT
TRY TO FIND SOME WAY OF GETTING SOME SORT OF ACTION? Our world mandated by
a 24 HOUR SEX MANTRA; WE EAT, SLEEP & DRINK SEX! Is it any wonder that we have so many GAY men seeking SEX rather than companionship?

Sure the images are attractive, but should we allow them to make us seem like SEX-STARVED individuals that cannot get enough?
When a GAY man features his dick OR ass on a
site such as BGC or A4A along with a creative on-line screen name that is
dripping with sex how do we buy into it? AREN’T THEY MAKING THEMSELVES
A MEANS TO A SEXUAL END THAT GOES NO WHERE FAST? HOW HAS SEX SUBLIMINALLY TAKEN
US OVER LIKE THIS? ARE WE JUST OUR DICKS N’ ASSES? ARE WE SO ADDICTED THAT WE
FIND OURSELVES JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL GET US OFF? IN OTHER WORDS GAY
MEN IS THIS WHAT OUR SEXUALITY IS ALL ABOUT? 

¿MALE/GAY BONDING?

MALE BONDING is a term that is used in ethology, social science, and in general usage to describe patterns of friendship and/or cooperation in men. In this instance the male species form coalitions in which they mutually support each other. However, when one considers the context of a GAY relationship, MALE BONDING is then seen as the extreme of the two because of its SEXUAL nature. Nonetheless, is there any difference between ¿MALE/GAY BONDING?

I find that when men are drawn to one another they don’t know how to deal with that. So they think THIS MUST BE A GAY SITUATION! Therefore they then hide from LOVE which a QUALITY that is most prolific in human beings. So why do we run from it? WOMEN hold hands all the time in public, they compliment each other AND even go as far as to say that another is sexy. Yet we the MEN, the LEADERS within society run from the MUTUAL RESPECT & LOVE that really should show each other. Why can’t we men look each other in the eye with honesty? There's something about our psychological, spiritual, and physical makeup that cries out for intimacy with another. However we decided that this too close for comfort because that would make us GAY! However if we simply use our brains we would realize that EVERYONE come into their sexuality in different ways. Thus the concept of MALE/GAY BONDING shouldn’t be seen in the light in which it is.

FAR IT BE FOR ME TO CHANGE THE CONCEPT OF ANYTHING, MUCH LESS A TOPIC SUCH AS THIS. HOWEVER I FEEL THAT THE CONCEPT OF BONDING IS NOT BEING MET BECAUSE MEN ARE TOO AFRAID OF THEMSELVES TO ALLOW IT TO MATURE TO ITS NATURAL STATE. IT IS FUNNY THAT ALL OF US ARE EGOCENTRICS TO AN EXTENT, YET WHEN WE FOCUS ON OURSELVES, WE LOSE THE REAL PURPOSE OF HUMANITY. FRIENDSHIP IS IMPORTANT FOR ALL OF US. WITH MEN, IT’S A LITTLE DIFFERENT BECAUSE OF INSECURITY THAT FACTORS IN WHEN IT COMES TO ONE’S SEXUALITY & MANLINESS. BONDING IS BONDING BE HOMO/HETERO, MEN HAVE A STRONG NEED TO HAVE MALE FRIENDS. WHY SHOULDN’T A MAN HAVE @ LEAST ONE GOOD BUDDY WHO HE CAN RELATE TO? I DON’T FEEL THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MALE/GAY BONDING. HOWEVER THE TROUBLE COMES IN WHEN MEN WANT TO DEVELOP & CULTIVATE DEEP MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH OTHER & SOCIETY JUST WON’T ALLOW THEM TO DO SO. IT IS SAD THAT MANY OF MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO MOVE BEYOND THE SHALLOW CONCEPT OF BONDING BECAUSE THEY CAN’T SEEM TO FIND THE NEED NOT TO SEPARATE SEXUALITY FROM FRIENDSHIP. NOT ONLY DOES THIS MARGINALIZES MEN, IT KEEPS US FURTHER FROM ACHIEVING MALE EMPOWERMENT THAT UNLEASHES THE GREAT POTENTIAL THAT IS INNATE WITHIN ALL OF US.