SEX ETIQUETTE

Sure, we know many of the golden rules about ensuring a great sexual encounter. There’s “always be prepared (i.e. have condoms)” and “communication is key” but what about those “special” rules that distinguish the “Average Joe” from the stellar lover? Here’s a list that’ll leave your partner calling you the Superman Lover for sure…

DOS

• Whoever said that, “It is better to give than receive,” was on to something. The more pleasure you give your partner, the more you’re likely to receive.
• Excellent hygiene is a must in any bedroom encounter. A fresh shower and well cared for hands and nails are an essential element for any night of passion.
• Pay attention to the cues and responses from your partner. Being able to respond to what your partner is needing at just the right moment could mean the difference between a grand slam and a strike out.
• If your partner is doing something right, tell them. After all, no one is a mind reader and who knows what is pleasing to you better than yours truly?

DONTS

• Failing to be a team player in the bedroom is an absolute no-no. If you’re all about being pleased without reciprocating pleasure to your partner, chances are slim to none that you’ll see those bed sheets again.
• Brushing your teeth and trimming your nails seem like a natural thing to do before a date. If a sexual activity is on the menu, however, forgo both of these in order to minimize your risk for contracting an unwanted STD such as HIV/AIDS.
• “Cookie cutter” lovers are the worst! No two people are the same; therefore add variety to your sexual repertoire. What drove your last partner to climb the bedroom walls may only be met with lukewarm response by your new partner. Remember: creativity and attentiveness are an absolute must!
• Assuming whether or not your partner wants you to stay or go after your bedroom romp could be a touchy subject after the main event. To avoid a potentially embarrassing situation, have the conversation before you slide in between the sheets.
• Just some thoughts and ideas of a single black gay man trying to figure out where he is and where everyone else is going.

THE POSITIVE~POSITIVE

HIV Positive

by Marvin, RN

HIV Positive

I can’t be so negative

It won’t bring me down fast

I want my HIV status to last

Take better care of me

Make it my #1 goal

Why dig myself into a hole?

My life is on a roll

Going too fast will take a toll

Sit down and really thing about my HIV status

Hit me like a bolt of lightning,

LIVE LIFE

Give me a reason to enjoy life

I can’t sit there and do nothing

I want to do something

My life isn’t done, not by a long shot

HIV status put me on the spot

Stay active and do the best I can

I won’t give up for being HIV positive

Often, when we are unhappy, we fall into the habit of thinking that, if only one or two particular things in our life would change, everything would be fine. We might focus on the fact that they need this OR that in order to CHANGE OUR existence on this planet. Now imagine if you HIV on top of all the things WE have to deal with in OUR lives; wouldn’t anyone be NEGATIVE on their out look on life AND where they feel it is going? Would you dwell AND strategize on how you would deal with this killer OR would you lay down and die? Having met persons that are in fact HIV +, I have come to realize that the real reason for our unhappiness sits unrecognized AND unaddressed because there is NOT much here in the way of counseling OR assistance for the mental needs of persons that are fighting this disease. I could say maybe they need to do this OR that, but in actuality this disease is more complex than that. I SAY THE FIRST STEP IN ENDING THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS IS TO TAKE A MOMENT & STOP FOCUSING ON THE EXTERNAL IN ORDER TO GET TO THE HEART OF THE MATTER. I understand that the LAST thing anyone that has HIV wants to hear OR think about is that there is a DEEP learning of self that can emerge because of the disease. In the midst of pain, feeling picked on by life, or overwhelmed by the enormity of this disease it is HARD to examine the situation and NOT be negative. HIV brings too much disappointment AND anger for one to look for anything resembling a bright side to its suffering. Though I feel that somewhere in their hearts, they know that they will eventually surface from the depths into the light of greater awareness; it is merely a matter of time…& as much as it hurts me to write this, I have to say that THE ONLY WAY TO GET PASS THIS DISEASE IS TO REALIZE THAT THE ONLY OUT OF IT IS THROUGH IT! THEN & ONLY THEN THEY CAN COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT YOU ARE LIVING WITH HIV & NOT DYING FROM IT! Dealing with HIV is one of the ULTIMATE test of mankind AND having the COURAGE to BELIEVE that YOU can bear the PAIN and have FAITH that YOU will come out the other side is all that I am asking for. For it is MY belief that it is only through COURAGE that one can allow themselves to cycle through the grieving process with a full inner permission to experience it. The powerful teaching of being POSITIVE offers the ability to surrender AND realize that it goes HAND-IN-HAND with acceptance. While the individual experiences of HIV carry with them unique lessons, the implication of what is learned is universal. The wisdom one gains from going through the process of feeling LOSS, HEARTBREAK or DEEP disappointment because of HIV gives one access to the heart of humanity. The point is, slowing down and turning our attention to what we should be doing with ourselves in the first place which is LIVING! LIFE SHOWS UP DIFFERENTLY FOR EACH ONE OF US AS WE LEARN IN DIFFERENT WAYS, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE SHOULD GO @ IT ALONE. HENCE I EMPLORE ALL US BOTH HIV +/- TO NOT JUST TRY OUR HARDEST BUT DO OUR BEST TO FIND OUR INNER LIGHT SO THAT WE CAN SHINE @ OUR FULLEST. THOUGH WE ARE MERELY PHYSICAL, MENTAL & SPIRITUAL BEINGS, WE NEED TO ENSURE THAT OUR LIGHT IS NOT BEING BLOCKED OR FILTERED. AS GAY MEN I FIND THAT WE THE POWER @ THE CENTER OF OUR BEING BECAUSE WE EITHER FORGET HOW TO CONNECT OR SIPHON OUR POWER IN TOO MANY DIRECTIONS. THOSE OF US THAT ARE HIV + SHOULD TAKE THIS DISEASE AS THE PLATFORM THAT MAKES THEM WHOLE AGAIN…IT IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN BEAT THIS DISEASE & MAKE THE MOST OUT OF LIFE!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

IS YOUR MOTHER IMPORTANT TO YOU? MOTHERS…THEY HAVE AN IMPORTANCE IN OUR LIVES. THEY ARE THE ONES THAT KEPT US LAUGHING WHEN WE WERE YOUNG KEEPING THE GOOD TIMES GOING & NEVER ALLOWING US TO SEE THE BAD. NOW THAT I AM OLDER & HAVE TO MAKE MY WAY IN THIS WORLD, I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO WISH ALL MOTHERS A HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! I HOPE THAT EVERYONE CAN REFLECT ON WHAT THEIR MOTHER MEANS TO THEM & CHERISH HER WETHER SHE IS HERE OR NOT…HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY & MANY RETURNS!

"MAY" SURPRISE!

For as long as I can remember, I have been asking my friends to have a surprise party for me. Now I know there are persons out there that would say if they did it wouldn’t be much of a surprise; I guess for me it was just the thought of it that made me ask for year after year. Now flash forward to the present I knew my EARTH~DAY was on the horizon and like clock work I mentioned…OKAY I talked about having a surprise party every chance I got. So when my EARTH~DAY arrived I didn’t really expect a party, but I @ least expected my friends to @ least hang out with me…BUT THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN! From being told they were too tired OR didn’t have enough time to think of anything that they could do to mark this momentous occasion I was left on my own. Naturally I felt let down AND disappointed because I felt that my friends were behaving in a way that was selfish AND uncaring. So I decided to keep my distance AND not bother anyone I guess it was my way of processing my disappointment without sinking into despondency. As with any emotional response, I honor my feelings by feeling them fully, without acting on them…most of the time…They say that with age comes wisdom but today proved how wrong that quotation is when it comes to me. One would think that I should know better and that my friends wouldn’t forget me on this special day, but what can I say? I was so disenchanted by my friends that I couldn’t enjoy THE surprise party that they had for me because I was surprised @ myself for not seeing this coming. And I guess this is way they say that life is a circular journey through our issues and processes, because somehow this event was technically new yet it seemed very familiar. But after all is said and done, they achieved their goal of making me feel left out AND forgotten. ALL-IN-ALL it was a GREAT party and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I CAN TRULY SAY THAT I HAVE COME FULL CIRCLE & THAT I HAVE ARRIVED IN A FAMILIAR PLACE THAT SHOWS THAT I HAVE GROWN & MY LIFE ISN’T LOST ON MY FRIENDS. WITH THIS LIFE CHANGING EVENT I HAVE STEPPED INTO A CLEARING THAT SHOWS WHERE I CAME FROM & WHERE I STAND @ THE SAME TIME. SO I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE THAT TOOK THE TIME & ENERGY TO DO THIS FOR ME, IT IS A GREAT WAY TO START ANOTHER DECADE OF MY LIFE…

7 DESSERTS YOU SHOULDN'T BE EATING

If you're among the many men who try to keep an eye on their weight but still have a sweet tooth, I have some good news: You can now have your cake and eat it too -- as long as it's low fat. I've listed the worst desserts you can eat if you're trying to lose your gut, and recommended some healthier alternatives that will hopefully satisfy your sweet craving. I have to admit that no dessert is really "healthy," but if you must have it, my suggestions will be more sympathetic to your waistline. the seven deadly sins Loaded with fat, calories and cholesterol, these sweet indulgences are sure to put an end to any weight-loss goal. I've provided the frightening fat and calorie breakdowns for a single serving size ofeach tasty -- but deadly -- dessert listed below.

1. 
   
   Oreo Cookies # Serving size: About 3 cookies # Fat: 7 grams # Calories: 160 (about 50 calories per Oreo) Oreos don't seem too bad per serving, but can you really eat just three? Oreo cookies -- the tasty sandwich cookies that are so fun to dunk--are high on our list of worst desserts. They contain roughly 60% fat and are extremely high in Trans fat, which has been linked to heart problems and diabetes. Oreo, the best-selling cookie in the world, has been under the microscope recently, as scientists study the effects of sugary andfatty snacks on the brain. Reportedly, Oreos top the list of cookies that people crave most. Furthermore, there is ongoing neurological research that shows that Oreos may be addictive. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE: Snack Wells Vanilla Crème Sandwich cookies. We know that it's hard to compare any cookie with the world-famous Oreo, but Snack Wells' sandwich cookies do not taste low fat, and they will give you the same crème-filled satisfaction as Oreos at a fraction of the calories and fat. For a serving of two to three cookies, there are only 3 grams of fat and 110 calories.



2. 
   
   Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby Ice Cream # Serving size: ½ cup # Fat: 20 grams # Calories: 330. Don't be fooled by the tie-dyed packaging and colorful "peace andlove" mantra that Ben & Jerry's exude. Although these Vermont-grown organic hippies are socially responsible business partners (they crusade for a clean environment and world peace), they are definitely not doing you any favors when it comes to watching your weight. We've used a popular example, "Chubby Hubby," which is vanilla and fudge ice cream loaded with fudge-covered peanut butter pretzels. Ben & Jerry's may use the finest ingredients, but they also deliver the most fat and calories. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE: Dryer's Vanilla Chocolate Swirl Frozen Yogurt. The funky flavors of Ben & Jerry's are hard to imitate, but if you are craving ice cream, this healthy alternative is a good substitute. It is a frozen yogurt, but it has the same consistency as regular ice cream and tastes almost as sweet. With 0 grams of fat and 90 calories per ½ cup, it might be wise to consider sacrificing the fudge-covered peanut butter pretzels.



3. 
   
   Otis Spunk Meyer Iced Chocolate Brownies # Serving size: 1 brownie # Fat: 11.5 grams # Calories: 260 Otis Spunk Meyer brownies may look harmless, but these iced, gooey treats will haunt your waistline long after you've eaten them. There are more than 20 ingredients in these little chocolate snacks, including hydrogenated oils, high fructose corn syrup and many other unhealthy culprits. For the benefit of your health, it might be worth investing in the eggs and store-bought brownie mix needed to bake your own. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE: No Pudge! Brownie Mix. I know that it's not ideal to actually make your own dessert--especially when you want a quick fix -- but this non-fat brownie mix only requires the addition of water and a little stirring. The No Pudge! Brownie Mix brownies are remarkably moister and chocolatier than regular low-fat or non-fat brownies. They have 0 grams of fat and only 90 calories per 2-inch square brownie. I don't advise it, but you can practically eat the whole pan and still ingest fewer calories than with the Otis counterpart.



4. 
   
   Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (Double Chocolate) # Serving size: 1 package # Fat: 11 grams # Calories: 210 Peanut butter is rearing its fattening head again, as it is now being touted as a high-protein food. Nutritionists claim that peanuts are high in energy, fiber, vitamin E, and other trace minerals that should be included in a healthy diet for weight maintenance and overall good health. Unfortunately, the nutritional benefits of peanut butter cannot be fulfilled by Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. The incredibly high fat and calorie content make Reese's Peanut Butter Cups one of the worst candy bars to eat if you're trying to maintain or lose weight. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE: 3 Musketeers Miniatures. Nothing can rival the creamy peanut butter and chocolate taste of a Reese's, but if a candy bar is what you crave, try 3 Musketeers Miniatures instead. One 3 Musketeers miniature snack bag contains 7 pieces, which should definitely satisfy your candy bar craving. And with only 5 grams of fat and 170 calories, it is also a good bet for your waistline.



5. 
   
   Sara Lee Classic New York Cheesecake # Serving size (1/6 of a regular size cheesecake) # Fat: 21 grams # Calories: 350 This is a dessert that actually has the audacity to combine two of the most fattening foods in its name -- "cheese" and "cake." The appeal of cheesecake is no secret to anyone. Who can resist the satisfying ingredients of cream cheese, whole milk, cream, and sugar? But, this dessert is not only extraordinarily high in fat and calories, it is also full of Trans fat, cholesterol and carbs. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE: Jell-O Brand Cheesecake Cups. These individually wrapped pudding-like cups have the same creamy cheesecake flavor as the real thing, but with only 4.5 grams of fat and 150 calories.



6. 
   
   Little Debbie Nutty Bars # Serving size: 1 individually wrapped package# Fat: 19 grams # Calories: 312 Little Debbie has been an American household name since the early 1960s, providing Americans with relatively inexpensive cakes, cookies and breakfast items. The innocent-looking girl on the packaging might be a decoy for the fat, sugar and cholesterol lurking inside, because there is nothing sweet about the brand that has ranked No. 6 on my worst desserts list. Nutty Bars -- light, peanut butter-filled wafers covered with fudge -- are high in fat and calories, and extremely high in sodium. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE: Fifty50 Sugar Free Chocolate Wafer Cookies. The Fifty50 sugar-free wafer brand is made for people who are following a low glycemic index diet, which also makes them a healthier choice for people who need to monitor their blood sugar levels. Fifty50 cookies aren't perfect with 9 grams of fat and 160 calories for six wafers, but they do have the same great crunch and light texture as the Nutty Bars.



7. 
   
   Banana Split # Serving size: 1 split # Fat: 43 grams # Calories: 894 while dining out, it is possible that you might encounter the classic banana split. It has bananas, which are healthy, but they might be the only healthy part of this monster. This deceitful dessert will pack on the pounds faster than any other dessert on our list (if for nothing else than the pure size of it). It is simply too easy to spoon away every last bite of the beast that has been placed before you. Nutritionally, the banana split contains a large portion of the daily caloric requirements and more than the daily allowance of fat that the average man should consume. HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE: Jell-O Sundae Toppers. These desserts are individually packaged, which makes it easy to know how large one portion is. And with only 1.5 grams of fat and 110 calories, you can rest easy that they will not break your diet regimen. If you miss the banana in the banana split, slice one up and have it with your Sundae Topper; it only tacks on about 100 calories (depending on the size), and it is high in potassium, vitamin B6 and fiber. Deadly desserts everyone knows that desserts do not usually make the list of foods to eat if you are trying to maintain a healthy weight. However, it is impossible to satisfy a sweet craving by substituting the low-fat options we've listed above. Like everything good in life, a healthy diet should be varied and all foods should be eaten in moderation. Have an Oreo if you want one! Just be sure to watch portion sizes and moderate the frequency of indulgence.
   

¿DO YOU PREFER?

¿A SHOWER OR A GROWER?

FIRST PAIN…THEN?

There are now more slaves on the planet than at any time in human history. True abolition will elude us until we admit the massive scope of the problem, attack it in all its forms, and empower slaves to help free themselves. Walking on the grounds of the plantation, society will FOREVER crack the whip AND give US bread crumbs until WE revolutionize the terms of OUR sexuality. They will ensure that they destroy us @ any cost. But before they do, let us be clear on what they are buying…A HOMOSEXUAL is an individual that have sex with another of the same gender. AGREED? GOOD. Most people imagine that slavery died in the 19th century and it did only to reborn in the form of HATRED for HOMOSEXUALS. This HATRED tends to rob us of OUR humanity AND give us nothing but PAIN. Why must WE suffer in a world that belongs to no one BUT everyone? One would think that with life being so HARD that they would try to make life easier for us AND them but…This travesty called HOMOPHOBIA DEMONIZES us and it plays on OUR HUMANITY. I KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD, I WHAT THE MASSES SAY…BUT CAN SOMEONE, ANYONE TELL ME WHY WE CAN’T LIVE OUR SEXUALITY FREELY & NOT WORRYING ABOUT BEING JUDGE & ENSLAVED? THIS HOMOPHOBIC IDEOLOGY THAT WORLD SUBSCRIBES TO DOES NOT YIELD A HAPPY SOLUTION THAT EVERYONE CAN LIVE WITH, SO WHY THE UNECESSARY PAIN? THE ANSWERS THAT SOME PEOPLE COME WITH ARE SO LUDICROUS THAT IT IS INHUMANELY INSANE! HOW CAN THEY THINK THAT THEY ARE REMAINING UNSTAINED FROM THE MORALLY DRAINING INFLUENCES OF THOSE WHO SUBSCRIBE TO AN ALTERNATIVE SEXUAL IDENTITY WHEN THEY HAVE A FRIEND, FAMILY MEMBER OR NEIGHBOR THAT HAS A UNIQUE SEXUAL PREFERENCE? IS IT ANY WONDER THAT MOST OF US LIVE BEHIND CLOSED DOORS WITH SOULS BLASTED BY PAIN? THIS THORNY ISSUE IS NOT GOING AWAY & WE MUST FACE IT & DEAL WITH IT DECISIVELY. WE NEED TO AGREE TO DISAGREE ON THE ISSUE OF HOMOSEXUALITY. IT IS NOT RIGHT FOR THIS ISSUE TO DESTROY GENERATION UPON GENERATION OF HOMOSEXUALS. HOW ABOUT WE RESPECTFULLY DEAL WITH ISSUE & FREE OURSELVES FROM THE SHACKLES OF PAIN & EMBRACE WHO WE ARE ENTIRELY?