THE HETERO PAPARAZZI (PART DEUX) THE FOLLOW UP

WHERE DID YOU CLUBBING? WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED? WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?! These are but a few of the questions that were put forth to me since I’ve started my employment @ my job a little over a month ago….I GUESS I AM A CELEBRITY AFTER ALL…Maybe NOT, but I always find it amazing how celebrities can fake a smile and wave @ the cameras while their lives are being invaded. They stand there while they are being grilled and hope that they put a positive spin on things…So when the cameras are on a NON- like me and the paparazzi are trying to get the scoop, it would be laughable if it weren’t SO irritating. I wonder if I should blame myself considering when asked if I am married I said that I will be in matter of time. I guess my saying that was the ONLY thing preventing them from concluding their suspicions. SERVES THE NOSEY F&CKERS RIGHT?! Why are they THAT interested in what I do with MY dick N’ ass? It ain’t going near you so…In overall scheme of things I don’t care to give them information about MY sexuality because I am sure they’ll try to reduce me to another gay man that wants to be a woman. Which I find quite funny since my co-worker thinks that a PRETTY BOY is someone NOT to date because she may come home and find him in HER undies…Mis-education is but a sad thing and I HATE to think this let alone write it, but living on a small will cause some persons to have small minds. So I’ve decided that when I asked WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED? I am simply going to say DO YOU HAVE SOME RICH WOMAN FOR ME TO TAKE ON THAT EXPENSE? And when I get the WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY KIDS? I will smile AND say, THAT REQUIRES A LOT OF PATIENCE & AM I RUNNING OF IT DEALING WITH YOU. BUT ALL IN ALL I FIND IT INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST THAT THE PERSONS MOSTLY CONCERNED ABOUT MY SEXUALITY ARE THE WOMEN!!! THIS IS SAD BECAUSE I AM IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM IN COMPETITION WITH THEM. I DON’T DESIRE TO BE THEM OR DATE THEIR PARTNERS. LORD KNOWS WE HAVE A LOT GAY MEN RUNNING AROUND THIS ISLAND…I GUESS ONE DAY I’LL OPEN THE DOOR FOR THEM, SHOW THEM HOW A MAN SHOULD TREAT A LADY…LORD KNOWS THAT THE CULTURE THEY SET FOR US GAY MEN IS SO LEFT OF THE MIDDLE THAT IT MAKES ME PITY THEM BECAUSE IT SEEMS IF A MAN ISN’T BEATING, CHEATING OR LYING TO THEM SOMETHING HAS TO BE WRONG…

HOMOSEXUALITY IS NO LAUGHING MATTER...

A few weeks ago I was @ one of our local banks and while sitting and waiting to served, I couldn’t help but overhear a group women enjoy themselves a GREAT laugh. It was SO funny that they kept on repeating the conversation and laughing uncontrollably and when the laughing stopped I came to realize that they were actually mimicking a co-worker of theirs who is actually gay. What amazed me is that that they kept calling his name, imitating him in such a feminine fashion not knowing that I know of the gentleman that was the butt of their jokes. This made me see how AND why SO many GAY have such an ambivalent attitude towards their sexuality. Situations like this shows how gay men privately worry they are somehow deficient in the manliness department, no matter how unfeminine they appear to be. So what is homosexuality anyway? Is it the mere mockery of a group of persons due to a set behavioral characteristic? Is it simply reduced to the sexual activities of the persons involved? Or is it a group of persons that has a one-way ticket to hell? Whatever you choose, it pays to note that NONE of these could ever paint fair picture of who we are. So when I think about how much FUN they were having @ their co-workers expense, I couldn’t help but feel that they are ASSUMING that we SECRETLY want to be women. I wonder if we somehow encourage this type of behavior when we call one another GIRL or SHE? Or is this OUR way of DEFUSING the hate directed toward us? I remember growing up and being taunted with words like SISSY, which imply that I am deficient in the masculinity department. Which brings me to another point; do the images of gay men in the media create this joke where we are the punch line? It is SO easy to over-generalize when it comes to us that I think that people FORGET that we are indeed human. It is SO sad that they wound us AND themselves when they act in this manner. How can society think of masculinity as something that resides outside of they gay man? THIS SITUATION SHOWED ME THAT SOCIETY’S VIEW HAS BECOME TOO NARROW & TOO FOCUSED ON THE PHYSICAL AS WELL THE BEHAVIORAL ASPECTS OF MOST GAY MEN. IT IS MY BELIEF THAT A BROADER SENSE OF WHAT IT MEANT TO BE GAY CAN CULTIVATE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE JUST A MAN…IF ONLY WE COULD STOP LAUGHING LONG TO RECOGNIZE THIS…

IF HOMOSEXUALITY WERE A JOB...

Lord knows that being GAY is both an anomaly AND comparable to those hungry for every colorful detail they could uncover about who AND what we are. Isn’t it INTERESTING that from the dawn of time to this very day little has changed when it comes HOMOSEXUALS, except the coarseness with which we are discussed? These are some TOUGH times and taking on the job of HOMOSEXUAL can be seen as something suicidal AND deadly. But if we are to survive I feel that there some things WE need to work on before seeking employment in this area of life.

THE OUTRAGEOUS FACTOR…Many of us in seeking to understand ourselves do so in part by seeing who are when it comes to relating to one another. With this device we analyze where we came, where we are AND where we are going. I find that SO many of us spend WAY too much time trying establish the RIGHT base for a relationship that we get all caught up in who is going to be the GIRL in the relationship. Gender roles shouldn’t play any major role if any in the relationship module. Yes there are things that women do differently from men, but that does NOT mean that we should define AND confine ourselves to a set of standards that does NOT suit the core of OUR relationships. So I guess if the core of who are is NOT defined then EVERYTHING else will undoubtedly fall apart…RIGHT? I suppose it is NO surprise that SEX is one if not THE most important thing in most of the lives of HOMOSEXUALS. I get that it is IMPORTANT to have A POSITIVE BODY IMAGE; but what is THE POSITIVE BODY IMAGE FOR US? We rate ourselves so harshly when it comes to our weight that we force each other to stay within the two-pound weight range that will not reveal us as either anorexic OR a pig in the name of having A KILLER BODY; BUT FOR WHAT REASON? So that we can lust @ each other, throw ourselves about, sharing our sexual energy AND leave with NOTHING? I find it interesting how SO many of us want to age GRACEFULLY, but NEVER get older…I guess being FOREVER young means that you have MORE chances to live life in a continuous time block that is ALL ABOUT GETTING IN, GETTING OFF & GETTING OUT…If only we took OUR jobs SERIOUSLY and make a REAL connection with each other AND make the community what it ought to be.

SURVIVING THE TOUGH TIMES…We all face difficult times. When the storms of life hit, how will they affect YOUR sexuality? What can you do to make sure YOU survive? Sooner OR later most homosexuals will face THE test of their lives: HOMOPHOBIA, UNACCEPTANCE, HATRED & MISUNDERSTANDINGS. Going through tough times can leave an individual feeling closer to being whole, OR it can destroy them COMPLETELY. The key to helping you survive through tough times is to make sure that you are strong AND firm within yourself before hard times strike. I find that during tough times we OFTEN do things that tend to undermine who we are SPIRITUALLY, MENTALLY & PHYSICALLY; and it is in these times when who we are matters most. I find that it if we keep life in perspective AND distinguish our fact from fiction things would be quite fine. So many of TALK about LIVING a NORMAL life while EVERY aspect of it is being scrutinized AND downgraded. It is SO sad how most of us try to maintain this DEEP GRATITUDE for everything while EXPRESSING OPINIONS ABOUT NOTHING. KINDA SAD DON’T CHA THINK? IN ORDER FOR US SURVIVE TOUGH TIMES, WE NEED TO FEEL APPRECIATIVE FOR THE EXTRA~ORDINARY LIFE THAT GOD HAS GIVEN US. IT IS MY HOPE N’ BELIEF THAT IF WE ADHERE TO THIS NOTION WE WILL BE EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL @ THE JOB OF BEING A HOMOSEXUAL.

PONDER THIS…

1. ARE YOU QUALIFIED FOR THIS JOB?


2. WHAT ENERGY CAN YOU BRING TO THE GAY COMMUNITY?


3. HAVE IN ANY SHAPE OF FORM INTERNALIZE YOUR HOMOPHOBIA?


4. DO YOU VALIDATE YOURSELF WORTH BY WHOM YOU HAVE SEX WITH?


5. DO YOU EXPLOIT YOURSELF ON ADAM4ADM, BGC, THUGS FOR SEX OR YOUTUBE?


6. DOES THE PICTURE OF YOU IN YOUR TIMB & WIFE BEATER, UNDERWEAR, DICK HARD, ASS SHOT SHOWING THE GLORY HOLE SAYS THAT THIS IS WHO I AM? 


7. DO YOU PROVIDE SUPPORT TO THE COMMUNITY?


8. ARE YOU CAPABLE SOLVING & RESOLVING PERSONAL ISSUES WITH YOUR FELLOW GAY BROTHERS & SISTERS?


9. DO YOU SUPPORT THE ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE COMMUNITY BY RECOGNIZING THE SUCCESS OF OTHERS? 


10. WILL YOU CONTINUE TO LOOK FOR ANOTHER JOB?

THE PURPOSE OF THIS BLOG ENTRY TO GET US TO START LIVING, LOVING & WORKING TOWARDS BEING THE BEST HOMOSEXUALS WE CAN BE. I GET THAT WE ALL HAVE OUR STORIES TO LIVE OUT, BUT I AM OF THE OPINION THAT THE STORYLINES CAN CHANGE BEFORE THE SHOW GETS BORING OR IT GETS CANCELLED. EITHER WAY WE NEED TO STOP FEELING WHO WE ARE & WHO WE LOVE. LOVE IS THE ONE THING THAT SHOULD UNITE US; IT SHOULDN’T BE USED AGAINST US BECAUSE OF HOW IT IS FORMED…SO HERE’S TO EACH & EVERY ONE OF US TAKING OUR JOBS AS HOMOSEXUALS SERIOUSLY!

STAGES OF A GAY RELATIONSHIP

Heterosexual couples do not grapple with issues about roles, finances, ownerships, and social obligations in the same way as gay men do. The heterosexual couple that was concerned about acceptance by their mutual families was exceptional, whereas this was the rule for homosexual couples.... Heterosexual couples lived with some expectation that their relationships were to last UNTIL DEATH DO US PART, whereas gay couples wondered if their relationships could survive. Heterosexual couples have a wide variety of models for their partnerships -- Adam and Eve, Romeo and Juliet, just to name a few. Gay men have only the same heterosexual models, including their own families, which they may try to emulate but find unsuitable…SO HERE ARE 6 STAGES OF A GAY RELATIONSHIP FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE…

BLENDING – STAGE 1 – YEAR 1 – This first stage in a couple's development entails the UNIFICATION of the couple into a single unit. Each is very happy to have the other and to no longer feel isolated and alone. The couple spends most all their time together, experiences high limerence (romantic love), show high sexual activity, and attempt to equalize the relationship. This equalization process serves to help the couple negotiate responsibilities, rules, mutual goals, individual strengths and weaknesses.... It can be a very difficult time for couples, in that the two members of the couple are socialized in very similar ways. Males are supposed to be decision makers, bread winners, and dominant. Two men may have a hard time giving up control, negotiating responsibilities, learning to rely on and support each other, and being able to show each other their strengths as well as weaknesses.

NESTING – STAGE 2 – YEARS 2 & 3 – This second stage is characterized by homemaking, finding compatibility, declining limerence, and ambivalence. Homemaking serves to represent their commitment to each other. Finding compatibility requires accepting and learning to live with each other's differences, personality styles, needs, and goals. Issues of control, power, autonomy etc. can play an especially important role at this point. The loss of limerence (or the "end of the honeymoon") can result in a more realistic view of the relationship and can cause a weakening of the relationship or of the members' commitment to the relationship. This may result in some ambivalence, depression, or jealousy. Internalized homophobia, models about how relationships develop, isolation from role models, ideas about how couples act, what couples should do and not do... all come into play here.

MAINTAINING – STAGE 3 – YEARS 4 & 5 – This stage is characterized by the re-emergence of the individual, establishing traditions and customs, dealing with conflict, and taking risks. The members of the couple may re-assert their individual needs and deal with the conflicts that will result. The couple does not have the traditions provided by dating, engagement, marriage, and religion, and has to develop their own. They may settle into traditions around holidays, may wear rings, may deal with the issue of monogamy ... and increase the stability of the couple. Each member may express interest in new activities or hobbies that do not include the other, make friends outside the couple without the other, and make career changes or development. Each member may take risks by expressing something that they dislike about the other. This involves the risk of hurting the other, losing the relationship, and of admitting that one is not everything to one's spouse. The couple learns also to deal with disagreement, conflict, problems, and "standing differences of opinion."

BUILDING – STAGE 4 – YEARS 6 THROUGH 10 – This stage is characterized by the settling of the last stage and the feeling of DEPENDABILITY. The couple establishes the independence of the individual partners, but also reaches a new balance of dependence/ independence. They are now able to collaborate towards newer goals and desires, such as career building or pooled financial ventures. One partner who did the cooking for several years may turn the job over to the other partner and go back to school. This stage may also be marked by a comfortable complementarity, a decreased need to process every issue and discuss every decision, and the ability to "know what the other is thinking" in a conversation. This may also be detrimental if the communication process breaks down or if members make unwarranted assumptions about the relationship.

RELEASING – STAGE 5 – YEARS 10 THROUGH 20 – In this stage the couple trust each other completely, after realizing who they are and who the other person is. There is no desire to CHANGE the other one. Close friendship and companionship are the main characteristics of this stage, as well as higher relationship quality. Money and resources are no longer shared so much as they are simply owned by both. Each member gives themselves freely to the other. The couple may however, begin to find life with each other as boring. They may begin to take each other for granted, may sleep apart, may find little pleasure in their accomplishments, and the individual members may experience the "mid-life crisis." However, after resolving this stage, the couple may move into the next stage.

RENEWING – STAGE 6 – This could be called THE RETIREMENT stage of the relationship. The couple has achieved adequate financial security and now has time for each other. As they move toward OLD AGE together issues of health may become important. Each individual may be concerned with his own health as well as the health of the other. Old friends may die at this stage as well. Issues of productivity, accomplishment, and meaning in life may become important.

HIV DON'T...

…Give you the right

To blamed others
because you didn’t request it in your life

You don’t get to play the wow is me card

Act stupid

F&CK anyone you please

Just so that you can ease the ache in your soul

Shit you gamble

Way too many times

Now here you are

Weeping like a baby

Invaded by this invader…

A victim of YOUR own victimization

Trying NOT to be

A volunteer

Of a seriously civilized society…

So sad that the memory of you

Is like lost hope tied AND untied

With a little lie

Wonder when they’ll cancel your show?

Say goodbye

Cause it’ll be time to fly

And you’ll be defeated by THIS reality

Defeated by reality

An on going battle

Between the real and reality

This N’ that

You AND me…

But in time you’ll be

Deflated by truth

I ONLY hope that it is NOT too late…

HIV DON’T…

TRADITION IS THE PROBLEM, NOT RELIGION

So I’ve come to the realization that GAY folks are THE most scrutinized group of people who comes to religion involuntarily. As prisoners of our sexuality, were captured OR kidnapped through psychological mean, made into slaves whose ONLY salvation is to conform to the TRADITION of religion. But does this have to be the case? Do we need to STRUGGLE with OUR sexuality when it comes to religion? I SAY HELL NO! I find it AMAZING how we are taught that if we can survive the horrors of NOT being ourselves, that we will be REWARDED with acceptance N’ love. Persons that use a multitude of devices AND strategies, from physical violence, fear AND verbal humiliation, pass on their message of hate AND destruction. So I am of the opinion that in order for us to rescue ourselves from the TRADITIONAL dependency when it comes to religion, we need to continue to turn upside down the process and simply be who GOD created us to be. For it is ONLY when we come to know who are sexually that we were the DEHUMANIZATION and I don’t think that makes a whole lot of sense. TRADITION BRUTALLY TERRORIZE us and forces us to accept OUR blasphemous status first, followed by our second class citizenship rank. So if we are to get back home, we will have to travel a well-defined path leading to a number of critical junctions. These junctions are important milestones that signal that we are indeed making progress and headed in the right direction. Reaching our destination of liberation requires travel in reverse order starting from our present-day status which is the thing GOD HATES into the beautiful human beings that we are. It is when we EMANCIPATE ourselves from all forms of TRADITIONAL slavery, center ourselves that we come up against the TRADITIONAL belief systems AND world views that are empowered by men AND women who refuse to see how beautiful the world really is and I am of the opinion that this TRANSFORMATION is a COSMIC one. This DIVINE mission AND SUPREME challenge that we face will ALWAYS exist because the TRADITIONS of a people keep us chain N’ bound. THIS UNDOUBTEDLY IS THE GREATEST TASK OF OUR LIVES & IT ‘LL TAKE AN UNPRECEDENTED CLARITY, COURAGE & COMMITMENT ON OUR PART. SO MANY OF US ARE STUCK PERMANENTLY WITH NO WAY OF ESCAPING THE DECEPTION OF TRADITION THAT SEEKS TO DESTROY US. NONETHELESS, WE CANNOT LET THE OLD VIEWS OF THE WORLD STOP US FROM PROGRESSING & EVOLVING. I READ SOMEWHERE THAT THE SWEET WATER IS @ THE BEGINNING OF THE STREAM & I AM OF THE OPINION THAT ONLY THE BOLDEST, THE BEST & THE BRAVE DARED TO REACH FOR IT’S SWEET TASTE…FREEDOM IS @ HAND & IT IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO GET IT, TRADITION OR NOT…

TWO GOODFELLOWS...

November 2, 2008 mark the anniversary of the FIRST time Noel and I saw each other and had our FIRST date. I remember that Saturday so well and I am glad that I got to live that…My day started with me having to go to work (yep on a Saturday). I stopped by my mother’s house for bit because for some reason I tried to reach Noel but I wasn’t successful and I wanted us to FINALLY meet after a few near misses. So after being @ my mom’s for a bit I decided that if we are going to meet now was the time. I called him again and as the universe would have it, he answered his cell phone. I told him about my plan for us to meet and he agreed. However, he wanted to freshen up as he just woke up and he needed to get himself together. @ This time I told him NOT to, I said THAT I WANTED TO SEE THE REAL YOU…I WANT TO MEET THE PERSON & NOT THE REPRESENTATIVE (wrong of me huh?)…I mean I was all groomed and shitz and here he was in all his morning glory. So the moment he came in the car, I looked @ him and smiled because he took the leap and didn’t wash his face, brush his teeth nor fix himself up and I LOVED IT! We drove for what seemed like hours trying to cover all the things we said we would talk about when we meet face to face. Knowing that I had to go to work for a bit I told him that I will take him home to get ready because I wanted to take him for lunch @ one of my most favorite places GOODFELLOWS FARM. I dashed to work which was about 45 minutes away showed my face and left (good thing the warehouse supervisor didn’t show up) this FURTHER proved to me that Noel and I were meant to begin OUR journey on this day. I arrived @ his place he got in the car all groomed and I must admit he looked nice, I felt SO lucky. When we got to our destination I was a bit worried that he wouldn’t like it and that would make our date a bad one (and who wants that?). @ Lunch we talked about our backgrounds and realized that we had a lot in common…That was SO refreshing because NOT only is he intelligent AND PERFECT, he is SEXY as hell! He is the RIGHT size, the kinda man that fits me like a glove and I knew I wasn’t going to let him go…I ate he kept staring @ me and all I was thinking about was him kissing me because I felt that he wanted to…(and rightly so) who wouldn’t want to kiss these lips of mine? ;) But all in all it was a wonderful day and on this day we decided to visit the place that started it for us and it was nice to reminisce and try to remember what we did that day…ALL I KNOW IS THAT WHEN I DROPPED HIM AFTER THINKING HE HATED IT, I GOT THE MOST LOVELY TEXT THAT SAID THANK YOU FOR THE BEST DATE EVER & I LOOK FORWARD TO MANY MORE…I WAS ELATED BECAUSE IT IS VERY RARE TO MEET SOMEONE THAT CAN HOLD YOU MIND, BODY N’ SPIRIT WITHOUT RESERVATION OR HESITATION…THANK YOU BABY FOR THE BEST FIRST DATE EVER…I LOVE YOU SO MUCH…