¿WOULD HER 'GOD' REALLY UNDERSTAND?

None of us is born with a visitors' guide that provides explicit rules for thought and behavior that will enable us to navigate life successfully. So when we have to deal with the numberless amount of complexities to which we are ALL subjected to, we each develop a set of habits that grounds us in assuring that life is progressing. And THE ONE habit that is used by many is doing things in the name of their ‘GOD’.

The other day it was reported in the news here that a man had sex with four boys ages 6, 5, 4 & 2; all are brothers and were in his care. So the subject of this heinous act came up @ work and one of the ladies in the conversation decided to express her feeling towards the man. She was going on and on about how in the name of Jesus and his angels how she wish she could get her hands on him so she could butcher him because of what he did. Of course she let it be known that God would understand. Now I understand her feeling and I know where it is coming from, but I can’t help wonder: ¿WOULD HER ‘GOD’ REALLY UNDERSTAND?

Me being the one that doesn’t subscribe to HER beliefs and HER god, I can’t help but feel that if HER creator is all knowing N’ powerful and he allowed this to take place, how can she take such a position? I know she is a mere human, but I feel that she should understand that she is ONLY seeing the under side, while her ‘GOD’ is seeing the upper side. What happened to her grieving for both the man and the boys and leaving the rest up to her ‘GOD?’ When this life is all but done we shall know the reason why pain was entwined with joy, but until then what should she do?

How about she NOT commit spiritual suicide by limiting her ‘GOD’ through shutting down the possibility of being enlightened and enriched by the things that happen on this planet, be it good OR bad? How can one build such a barrier between themselves and our fellow travelers and then feel such anger that we think we could/should take care of ‘GOD’s’ business? I ALWAYS thought that people like her and their beliefs in ‘GOD’ meant that ALL IS AS IT SHOULD BE…DESPITE WHAT OTHERS DO…Isn’t EVERY human being  intrinsically good, despite themselves? So why can’t she somehow keep her soul open and forgive just because? .

I ALWAYS thought that forgiveness frees us from and provides an opportunity to make a fresh start. Would my asking her to forgive such a man mean she is condoning his actions? All she is doing is living with stagnant energy that will continue to eat and destroy us on this planet! I wonder if for ONE second she considers what it must be like for the man who committed this heinous crime? How messed up was he to not stop himself from taking these boys to such a place? Please note that I am NOT supporting his actions, I am just trying to bring balance to what took place as I endeavor to see the world the way he does.  

There is a message in such a painful act and as a society we continuously MISS IT! We are NOT about finding the cause to such a problem we are ONLY concerned about the punishment we want to inflict. Destroying such a soul does NOT stop it from happening again and though anger takes us, should we allow such an impulse to take us over? Things like incest and molestation are the universe’s way of letting us know that something is wrong with how we live and co-exist with each other on this planet. If we listen to pain and NOT resist the valuable message it brings us, we would find ourselves, communities and planet in a better place. So I am asking for her to have an emotional understanding instead of throwing away another because she deemed him NOT fit to be part of her “‘GOD’s” world…That way of thinking NEVER served a purpose and the internal filter that manipulates which parts of her inner monologues get voiced outside of her head needs to be checked because I am not sure that her ‘GOD’ would really understand her actions towards his creation in his name…

JUMPER

"Jumper" is a song by the American rock band Third Eye Blind, released on their 1997 self titled album, and written by vocalist Stephan Jenkins. Released as a single, the song peaked at #5.

Lead singer Stephan Jenkins has said that the song "comes from a story our manager told us about a high school friend of his who was gay. He went to a conservative school in San Diego [with] all sons of military types. Being gay was just not acceptable. He offed himself--he jumped off a bridge." The song is also about Jenkins' own difficult, often alienating childhood experiences. He says, "My parents divorced, and that hurt me. We were poor and I went to a rich high school. I was dyslexic and had Attention Deficit Disorder, which I still have. So I carried all these things with me. One afternoon I had this epiphany. I said 'You know what? I don't have it all together. I come from stuff that was really difficult, and that's me. That's who I am.' I embraced that. There's a line in the song that says, 'Everyone's got to face down the demons/Maybe today we can put the past away.' It's very much a song about putting the past away."  

I choose this song today because of the bevy of diverse truth I’ve encountered today…And as I search for meaning that is contradictory and outside the range of my existence…I hope that this song somehow make things clear for me and those I posted this for…

 

¿BETRAYAL OF TRUST?

As humans, we all have anger, sometimes more than others; and NOTHING angers humans like the thought of homosexuality. There is such an irrational HATRED for us that I sometimes wonder who the REAL humans are. Be it in the churches, the grocery stores or the work place, there is ALWAYS a discussion going on about us. On my present job there isn’t a day that goes by that we are NOT the subject of discussion. I just sit back N’ watch them swim in their ignorance and smile. I keep my distance because I don’t need their hate to find its way into my space. Now there is this one guy that I work with, he is like me in every way except he is straight. And though the subject of my sexuality never came up, I am sure that it must have crossed his mind. We talk about his life and the things he deal with in his relationship and I offer my opinion. I know about him, but he doesn’t know about me (@ least I haven’t told him) and I often wonder if he finds out, would he feel that I betrayed him?

 

I can say that he took the time to connect with me because he comes looking for me, he calls me just to see what is going on with me…we even do the fist bump and hetero handshakes that they do. I find the dynamics of this relationship interesting because I make a point NOT to establish a ‘bromance’ with hetero guys because they can’t handle my sexuality. But this guy is a tad bit different, a female co-worker of mine calls me cupcake and I do the same to her…he heard it one day and now he calls me CUPCAKE! No matter who is around, without fail he greets me with the fist bump/hetero handshake and calls me cupcake with a smile.

There are times he jokes around @ work doing feminine stuff like walking with a limp wrist and pretend like he is on a catwalk to give the ladies in the office a laugh…but of course makes sure they know this is all in fun and they shouldn’t get any ideas about his sexuality. I don’t think that he is gay @ all but I often think that anyone that can open themselves up to such a thing could be open-minded… Bonding with other men is one of the distinctive pleasures of being a guy; and a friendship with a straight guy does have some social benefits of maleness that homosexual men often miss out on.

I don’t have any plans on telling him about my sexuality because that brings up a whole new set of questions. I don’t have time to reassure him that I am NOT trying to have sex with him or if we really do have anything in common. I won’t ever live my life tip-toeing around someone that is hyper-sensitive about his and my sexuality, nor would I put it in his face…I just find it interesting that he could/would see my non-disclosure as a betrayal when I’ve NEVER been asked or mis-represent myself to him…So do you think I am betraying the relationship I have with my male co-worker OR am I merely keeping him away from something he may not be able to handle?

FEM GAY MEN VS. BUTCH LESBIANS

The other day I was @ the gas station and I noticed two females having a conversation. As I looked @ them I could tell that they were of the lesbian persuasion by the way they were dressed and how they carried themselves...not to mention the conversation was about their relationships and how they are trying to settle down and treat their women right. Now that's admirable in my book, but I couldn't help but wonder why the other patrons that were around didn't have the same look of disgust on their faces when I see or come across gay men in public? Why no one really bats an eye or show hatred towards females that OBVIOUSLY gay?

LET'S TALK ABOUT GAY PORN...

Many of us learn how to have sex from porn. The standard porn scenario starts with a quick connection, maybe kissing, then some oral, then somehow miraculously both partners are ready for anal, and after five to 10 minutes, both partners ejaculate. If this is the model we are going by, is there any wonder why we have trouble staying erotically engaged with each other?

The desire and need for an intimate touch goes very deep. Yet, as gay men, we lose our ability to open up to it. It seems that as we develop our mental capacities, we are taught that as gay men our feelings and needs are wrong. We then are shamed into expressing our desires and needs. So, we resign ourselves to a life of deep cravings, needs and desires that are never fulfilled, leaving most of us with a deep feeling of lacking, avoid we seek to fill through porn.

Having sex or being erotically engaged with a partner is THRILLING in MANY ways! Yet SO many of us have resigned ourselves to what we have seen in porn…I know that they are merely (barely) telling a story, but it is VERY important that we distinguish between fantasies and reality. A fantasy can be as “out there” as you want it to be and it is unlikely that it will ever be realized. That’s why it’s called a fantasy!

Over the years, I’ve listened to MANY gay men talk about how they like sex and most of it stems from the porn they see. To know that it is just a movie and they are merely F$CKING for money is all good, but when we take those elements into our various relationships aren’t we just perpetuating the notion that we don’t know how to enjoy each other sexually? The loss of innocence is no small thing. It's not a terrible thing either but once it's gone...it's gone FOREVER! How can we NOT see that every time we watch men have sex- well, sell themselves for sex, they are doing an injustice to what we REALLY do in the bedroom? So I wonder how long can we REALLY do this to ourselves.  

How does it make us feel good to know that @ the end of the sex scene the performers seem either ashamed, "down" or condescending of each other…especially of the bottom? Would it kill the producers to put guys together that have chemistry? You know the guys that enjoy each other by kissing, caressing and exploring each other? How can some gay men base their entire sexual experience on such elements that show just ONE side of how we could have sex? SHIT we have a challenge just trying to combine both the heart connection and the erotic intimacy, so how can we take our queue from porn? Erotic contact with another is nourishing and life-enhancing and porn does NOT give us that opportunity. The contact that we get from porn fizzles out VERY quickly…

…And getting off is all good and I know that I am beating a dead horse here, but do you think we could DEMAND a better quality of porn from the industry? How about they teach their actors how to show mutual respect, caring or even attraction for each other? Too many of the porn I cum across show the actors bored with each, which ultimately bore me as well…The confused state of being that porn brings to the surface…feeling the deep cravings and the shame N’ fear to get those needs met can cause many challenges in the area of intimacy.

¿HOW DO YOU DEFINE 'OUT'?

What does it mean to be out? Of course, the process of coming out starts with understanding and accepting your sexuality, but does being out involve telling anyone other than yourself?

Do you have to become your own tabloid with your sexuality written in bold for everyone to see? Or is a part of being out sharing that side of you?

EASTER: ¡TOKEN REVERENCE @ BEST!

As the Easter season got on the way this February, I was asked ‘what I am giving up for Lent?’  I paused for a second and replied, ‘LENT!’ Now of course I got the side ways look and grunts that say HOW DARE I SAY SUCH A THING! My room-mate said to me earlier today that faithless folks like me need to have some faith in something. I smile because I had NO intent on writing about this season, but he stirred something in me so here we GO!

I often wonder how much longer can people continue to be the character that is neither the protagonist nor antagonist. Aren’t they tired of being JUST an extra that is unimportant to the plot with NO significant contribution to the religion (i.e. pastor/priest) they worship? Aren’t all religions just ‘knockoffs’ of what was passed down from other belief systems through the ages?  How could they not find it weird that their religious beliefs are FILLED with myths of things they have NO way of knowing if it happened or not?

As far as they are concerned, BLIND FAITH has a place in a world that has no facts or truth to discount it; and my logical view of the world is pretty much non-existent even though it makes more sense.  This season in the religious world REALLY shows how logic and faith repel each other. I suppose their having FAITH in religion basically means that they don’t claim that they know the truth, so they have faith in invisible sources that do, and it’s not for them to question. How does one live and NEVER question the ‘holy word?’ ESPECIALLY DURING THE EASTER SEASON!

Any intelligent person, free of this brain of ‘faith’ will be open to examine the facts that are presented to them and if you can’t because it would seem blasphemous then you are living with half of the truth. Those who have faith and cling to it in the face of truth are the lost souls of illusion, and face only who they are not. I believe that the kingdom of heaven is within each of us. We are all children of God which makes us members of each other.

So those that are fearful of what I write here just merely resemble what they claim to enjoy because they ACCEPT much less than is available. I find it interesting how their suffering minds seek truth that leaves the true ‘self expressions’ buried in the dark untouched. The only ‘substance’ needed for deep and enduring truth is logic. Logic is in the air, and though you may choke on it @ first…just breath it deeper so you can have a clear awareness…A LIFE MAKE US FEAFUL OF CONSIDERING THE OTHER SIDE OF RELIGION & IT’S TRADITIONS…