HER MOTHER'S CURSE

Do you remember reading in Genesis that Eve ate the apple first? Do you remember what God told Eve would happen because she ate that apple? You probably do, because it has become common knowledge that God cursed women to have pain in birth because Eve sinned. Today I saw an old classmate of mine, she was at Wendy's and I was quite surprise to see her there because she was in training to work there. Imagine she had the net on her hair as to not get anything in the food and she had on a white shirt and black pants. This made it all so real for me, she was such a go getter; not that she might not be anymore, but she wanted so much for herself. She was the eldest of six (6) siblings and she made it known that she wasn't going to have any kids, especially for a BAHAMIAN MAN! So it finally hit me, she is her mother now, the life she wanted is but a distant dream...SHE HAS FOUR (4) KIDS OF HER OWN! SHE HAS BECOME HER MOTHER, SHE HAS FALLEN PREY TO THE CURSE OF EVE. Being a single mother has to, by far, be the single most stressful challenge of being a Black woman. The evidence is there in outrageous numbers that Black women are raising our Black children alone. Parenting is, without a doubt, THE single most stressful, emotionally draining, demanding, challenging job ever. To do it alone, without a support system, or a support system that only shows up every other weekend, is damaging the entire race. The financial, emotional, and physical responsibility of rearing children is too much for one person to do alone yet Black women do it alone so much, that it’s seen as the standard. Every mother wants to provide for their child, to give them more opportunities, to protect them but it’s virtually impossible to do without a partner. At least not effectively. So when I think of her, I remember a young girl that wanted to grab life by the horns and take charge; now I feel as if she has been devoured by life. I honestly feel that the contract she signed gave her more than she bargained for, this isn't the life she wanted, this is what she came her for or so she thinks. She didn't read the fine print, she didn't see the claus in her contract for what kind of life she will live on this earth. I pray that GOD touches her soul everyday and ease the pressure a little, I know that he won't put anything on her that she cannot bear. I only hope and pray that she has learned her lesson that life is teaching her, I hope she is owning the contract she signed before starting this life. It's my personal belief that when one misses the lesson, one has to live it again. I only hope and pray she instills in her very own daughter the things she wanted for herself, I HOPE SHE PRAYS TO GOD THAT THEY DON'T FALL PREY TO HER MOTHER'S CURSE!

HER MOTHER'S CURSE

Oh! Don’t you see yonder?

A pretty girl on that shore..

Sitting there by her self,

Lost, Alone, Sad….beautiful.

Her wet lashes look up now and then

Seeking out onto the sea,

Searching beyond the horizon far

For when her sailor come back for her

Upon the rock she sat

As the waves beat across that

A wild beat that only the sea knew

Her sad heart swayed to the beat

Tears trickled down her face

Tiny salty drops fell into the water

Her hopes, her dreams, her life

Washed away with the huge waves

She knew he wouldn’t come back

Back from the world so far

So far behind he left her

She couldn’t follow him there Oh!

There she sits by herself

On that rock waiting

For her beloved to return

From the world unknown……

THE FIRST "BAHAMIAN" BOY

SINCE I B THE "FIRST" BAHAMIAN THAT DATED U, I WANT 2 SAY ON BEHALF OF ALL THE OTHER BAHAMIAN MEN OUT THERE THAT I AM PROUD 2 HAVE BEEN THE CHOSEN ONE!

Simple Conversation for vally

I have every right to psychoanalyze you,

Reminding you of the mistakes you have made.

Who gave you life to be a thorn in my ass?

Your lies has reduced me to a child again

And I have no romantic way to say

That the man in me is ashamed of how

I have let you take me to this place again

I am no longer impressed with your life

It is self serving

And I want to kick my mother

For producing such a fool

But I tried to move on

And you left me with all this shit

Stewing inside of me

You kept slowly turning up the heat

So I would stew even faster

I’m tired of cooking over you

FUCK YOU

There I said it

FUCK YOU again

You don’t fool me anymore

I don’t want you anymore

The two words that landed on your doorstep

That morning weren’t enough

I should have added that you hurt me

More than I hurt you

From my point of view

You damaged me

You made me question my faith

And everything you told me

You made me untrusting

And I only had you

And then you turned your back on me

Forcing me to leave you alone

Divide and conquer

I am abandoning the idea of you

After you already abandoned me

Robbing my dreams & life of me

¿SCARED OF U? ¡NOT!

I find myself bouncing along, light in spirit; free from worries and enjoying the moment. That is, until the clouds begin to form turning the skies grey and a fog roll in. Puffs of white take on whimsical, darker shades and my LOVE disappear along with the sunshine...

UMMM NO! FUCK THAT…I'm not scared of you though I let you deceive me and confuse me. Yet I come back each day anew, willing to only see the best in you and now on this day we are through. I have him now, no longer will I worry about your hold on him, you have a one-sided, narrow mind…Why do you have to be? Why don’t I hate you? Why don’t I care? Can you answer me? Well fuck you then!

I LOVE this feeling, to finally see you was so appealing, I am now convinced that things have changed and now our lives have been rearrange. I LOVE HIM! Isn't that what it all comes down to? He has started anew and I can breathe and not even think about you; after all you hurt him, you tore his heart apart. But no more of your lies, no more faulty alibis, you didn’t wish to compromise.

Is it a crazy notion that I am not glad that you hurt him? I think not…If you didn’t then I couldn’t be with him… Should I grieve at the emotions gone? Surely that isn’t within my power to do. Should I go to sleep and think some more? Nope, I now know what I was waiting for. Instead I think I will accept this fact and raise my glass, tip my hat and watch from the bleachers your heart at bat…

DAMN IF I KEEP THIS UP I WON'T GET OUT ALIVE (LIFE)

The saga I call my life…Shadowless…on pause…Commonly cast into the wind, blown hither and thither by fear and uncertainty…By way of choices, by way of fate. I have found that within me, there exists resolve and fortitude, I stare gazingly and exit to that place and escape out of this maze. My heart stops and my smoking mirrors fill me with despair and desolation.

Imagine me all alone in my dark cell hoping for light it’s like I am a parched soul that remains dry …unable to drink. I am in unrest; times of perplexity are upon me. My heart is failing me for I know of the things to come…I am so mentally drained from life and its teachings I am filled with mixed emotions. I have resolved to look for the real, positive & enduring value life offers as I try to attain purity. I know that I have to step outside of my self…Soothe my troubled soul and take my life more seriously.

I made myself a promise that I will always make sure that I am into the spirit of living and that I will strong so that nothing can disturb my peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet and make all my friends feel that there is something in them. I will try to look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true; think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best. I know that I have to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

But I got too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. I TOOK LIFE WAY TOO SERIOUSLY AND LOST MY FOCUS! Now I realize that if I am to get out this ALIVE I need to apologize for all the seen and unseen lies, for the heartache and pain that brought tears in my eyes. I apologize for not being true from the start, for running away from me, leaving a hole in my heart. For ignoring my feelings and pushing them aside because I was too damn arrogant and pumped up with pride. I apologize for making promises that I couldn’t keep, for building a foundation based on treachery and deceit. Being selfish and inconsiderate, I did what I wanted to do, making costly decisions without thinking of me. I apologize for not holding me through restless nights and stormy days, for my immature thoughts and my foolish ways. Instead of carrying my love with me, I just threw it on the shelf, after I made love I turned away, only thinking of myself. I cried my heart for me, while I was out running wild and loose, I destroyed the essence of my love, physically, mentally & emotionally. Now I see why I build a wall around me, because it is me I despise, but that’s the price that I have to pay for all the times I wore a disguise. I pray to GOD that one day I will realize that I TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY AND I NEED TO CHANGE IF I WANT TO GET OUT ALIVE!

THE JOURNEY OF RELEASE

When we become overwhelmed and things are not going as planned, it is natural to hold tighter to our goals and try to force things to go our way. In the process, we tie ourselves in knots, tensing our shoulders, jaws, and muscles throughout our bodies. Our mind tells us that this is how to get a firmer grip on a situation that feels out of control, but as we create knots in our bodies we are blocking the flow of our energy, exhausting ourselves by exerting more effort yet accomplishing less. At these times, though it may seem counterintuitive, our higher selves know it's better to let go.

This may not be quite as easy as it sounds. After the relief of our first decision to release, if we allow questions about how to get everything done to start again, the knots will be back before we know it. So we need to be aware that this is a process to breathe through. First, we need to let go of our idea of what the perfect outcome should be, and allow that the intelligence that drives the universe knows better than we do how everything fits together for the highest good. Then we might have to release our imagined consequences and realize that, in most cases, the worst that could happen really isn't that bad. We may need to remember how to relax, first by taking deep breaths, then by meditating, and then perhaps seeking help from a loved one, massage therapist, or energy healer to clear the underlying knots.

We can ease our mental stress by prioritizing what we truly want to accomplish, and then delegating the rest to someone who has more enthusiasm for those things. When we relax and let life's energy flow through our minds, bodies, spirits, and lives, we will find that we can accomplish more with less effort and feel good doing it. We don't have to tie ourselves in knots. Instead, we can let the ribbons of our energy unfurl to gracefully direct us through life's abundant flow.

'LIL SIS

Lil’ Sis’

If I could just tell you how I feel,

You would see that I am real.

Love is sometimes all that’s left,

When your life is filled with unhappiness,

I wish I could save you from the heartache down the way.

But I know that if I did,

Alone, you’d never handle it,

So I gotta stand back and let you grow on your own.

I know the journey seems insurmountable, unbelievable,

But listen to me, and you’ll know that it’s passable, it’s possible,

Learn from my life and others around you,

Learn to love yourself, and take that too.

JUS' WANNA SHARE ON THIS Y'R B-DAY

WHAT DO U DO?

What do you do when you have been doing this for the past 20 years and it no longer satisfies you or is fun but something to do as its been something you have done for the past 20 years?

What do you do when you get this physically attractive man who surprises you and sucks your dick (smile) and after you both nut, he goes his way and you go yours and you wonder is that it?

What do you do when you get sick and tired of getting by and move from the land of "good enough?"

What do you do when you move away from a place that has been home for so many years and you are now living alone for the first time and the wonderment of this experience is at times overwhelming? Do you stick it out or do you go home?

What do you do when you know that is not what you want but it is so readily available?

What do you do when it happens? Someone wishes to get to know you and is truly interested in you but you're not used to someone being interested in you or giving you this much attention and you wait and wait as you know the other shoe is about to drop or you start questioning yourself as to "he likes me?" even though this is what you have been wanting for the longest and now that it is here, you don't know what to do? So you push him away and hook up with someone who is going to do the exact opposite as that is what you know.

What do you do when you are feeling so alone that all you do at the office or really passionate about is checking your adam4adam or blkgaychat account hoping to meet someone to ease this emptiness that is inside of you?

What do you do when you know that smoking, drinking to the point of excess, engaging in casual sex, is truly not what you want, but at times the feelings of loneliness come over you and you just want to escape and at that moment those things are the thing readily available?

What do you do when you continue to get up in the morning with high expectations but only to be shot down once you walk out your home?

What do you do when you are constantly reminded that no one wants you based on you being too femme, HIV-positive, fat, not working but looking, that you don't have face or body but you're a good person, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera?

What do you do when at 33 years of age you have yet to experience a relationship? Do you just throw in the towel and say "Fuck It?"

What do you do when you seek out the best that is YOU only to be reminded that the best in YOU is not good enough?

What do you do when the lights are out and you are in the throes of darkness and you see that faint light but to fully experience the light you have to get passed the drugs, the sex, and alcohol, the expectations and/or false illusions that you have accepted and push through all of that to truly stand in the light?

What do you when you find truth in what I say? Do turn your back on it and pretend as if it doesn’t exist? Or do you grab a hold of it and own it with your fist?

WHAT DO U DO?