¿DO I SPEAK ENGLISH?

If I told you once, I have told you a thousand times…PLEASE STOP SENDING YOUR COUNTERFIET VERSION OF LOVE MY WAY! I WON’T ACCEPT THEM NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU CHANGE THE GAME BECAUSE I KNOW THE RULES STAY THE SAME. Talk about your definition of insanity, how can you keep doing the same thing expecting to get different results? LISTEN AND LISTEN WELL, I AM SURE THAT I SPEAK ENGLISH! I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS WHO YOU SEND MY WAY, I WILL ONLY STAND FOR THE BEST; I AM SINGLE BECAUSE I AM EXCEPTIONALLY WONDERFUL AND I REQUIRE A MAN THAT FEELS THE SAME. Let’s face reality: I am not your puppet. I have you by the throat and I can hear your heart beating faster and your breathing become shallower as you heed my words; wondering who truly is the MASTER behind them. You hate how my laughter taunts you, goads you; spurn you on and on and on. I want TRUE LOVE and you know You WANT to be Mine, why fight me on this? Guess you have lost touch with all reality or just entered into Mine? You send me MEN that ME, try to exploit ME, and drain every ounce of LOVE out of ME. This is the creed of the TRUE ASSERTIVE, one who is not just satisfied with the notion of an hour of pain you send me. GIVE ME MY MOST HEARTFELT DEVOTION! As long as you please ME to the best of your abilities, you will have MY attention and when you displease ME, I shall toss you aside. I want you to put me above all others and make ME your ultimate joy and concern. Show ME that my words are not useless; open your HEART, empty your SOUL and make me a happy MAN. Seems as if I have to take you on a journey and educate you on the ways of LOVE. AND NOW I DIGRESS AND I’ll STEP OFF THE SOAP BOX NOW! But please stop playing your games I am done playing…LUV OH LUV, WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?

'THE "I" FACTOR'

How many of you actually know of persons out there that talks the talk but can’t walk the walk? You have an individual that has all the confidence in the world, this person is dominating but can’t seem to spill that into all areas of their lives. This person lacks what I call ‘THE “I” FACTOR’, meaning they are only all about themselves in a controlled environment but when it comes time to put that talk into action they can’t seem to find it. Well there is lady that I know, she has all the things she needs to get herself in order, but she doesn’t do it. She constantly complains about her life and the persons that don’t appreciate her. She sells herself short in every turn and the sad thing is that she knows it. She has ‘THE “I” FACTOR’ because she set herself apart from the rest of society by being an activist. Even in doing this she still in my opinion didn’t appreciate herself for what changes came because of her having ‘THE “I” FACTOR.’ She has a problem accepting the fact that she placed herself in harms way for things that didn’t turn out the way she’d hope. She can’t see that she was only meant to take it so far and that activism is an on going fight. Hence she gave up on it because I feel she lost her own importance in trying to be what others say she must be. She has ‘THE “I” FACTOR’ because doesn’t even look like the rest of women in our society, yet it took her a while embrace that she is in fact IMPERFECT in her own PERFECT way. She has lived in the shadows of others and the same shadows are haunting her today! Only if she realize this back then she wouldn’t be craving for a change now. She has lost ‘THE “I” FACTOR’ and has placed herself in a despondent mood. I know she cries tainted tears and her soul is haunted with every breathe she takes. It’s as if HELL is her home; her only place of comfort. Her heart sings a tuneless song and nothing seems right; dealing with a LIFE that seems so unfair, feeling totally unwelcome in GOD’s lair. Think she knows that she is only she and that’s all she can be? No more, no less and so please embrace ‘THE “I” FACTOR’ and don’t second guess. Accept the fact that her logic is her own and @ times it will be misunderstood. She like a diamond has many facets all make her who she is…DISPLAYING ‘THE “I” FACTOR she possesses.

BLACK (THE FINANCIAL STRUGGLE)

MONEY IS POWER: IT IS SEXY & SEX IS GOOD, NECESSARY AND CAN BECOME A BURDEN. The giving, taking, and receiving of money, like many other strange and seemingly unnatural habits, can become a strong fetish. It is symbolic and concrete. It is all things to all kinds of people. Hence I am writing about my financial dominance or lack thereof.

Buju Banton sang about such plight in one of his popular songs and mentions how poor people are spending a dime while earning a nickel. This concept is alive and well and I can’t help but to wonder if this is because of my skin colour? Don’t get me wrong, I am aware that struggles are exactly what are needed in life. If I was to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple me. I wouldn’t be as strong as I could have been and I could never fly. I shouldn’t feel depress and upset when faced with an obstacle, a challenge or a problem…I HAVE TO STRUGGLE A LITTLE – THEN FLY! But until such time I wonder why I have these obstacles as oppose to something else? Why do the same struggles that beseech me affect so many others?

Coming from a race of persons that had their lives controlled by a MAN with a whip, how did we end up still fighting the poverty fight? How is that before you meet a BLACK MAN that has financial stability, you come across one that has to fight and pretty much claw his way through life to get by? Why does this type of slavery exist? Why do employers steal labor rather than pay for it? I don’t understand some days and it is as if we all are born from the DEVIL’S land. Why am I tricked with promises of a good job only to find that it isn’t? Our economy is set up so that the rich get rich and poor stay that way. I live in a country that is predominantly full of BLACK persons yet we are not set up for survival. How can we continue to live in a society that doesn’t value us as employees and pay us peanuts and expect us to work and get by? It’s as if this struggle stalks us and slowly kills us. I had an employer say to me that he pays the exact same thing I do when I go to the store; so me being who I am thought no, you have change when you leave the store I DON’T! 

I find that I don’t like watching the cash registers because it’s too painful to watch your money leave your wallet just for a handful of items. It’s like I am working to pay bills and the funny thing is that when you get a little extra, you realize you don’t because life has something to do with your money. It’s as if the deck is stacked high only getting bigger and bigger making me a SLAVE for life. I am as submissive as a child in captive that is being forcibly raped; losing control to a supreme power. Makes me feel as if I am living a life that’s filled with invisible pieces of puzzles and I am seeking the pieces to make things whole. These invisible puzzles are mechanisms hidden inside products and services I use, and the social/political systems I interact with. This puzzle refers to the deniable lines of function that are hidden inside the very fiber of the network in which I work. They are there to control me in very direct tangible ways while shedding off proof of its real purpose. They manipulate and I can’t prove this intent because the stated purpose makes the potentially manipulative purpose deniable. Despite this lack of proof, if you look at this puzzle, you will see how we are enslaved by them and how wealth is channeled to the very few. As Einstein once said, "The most important thing is to never stop questioning." And one thing I question is the base line that we tend to use to determine what is healthy, what is a normal life-span, what is the cost of living, what is a crook, what is justice, what is the correct way of life? AND ALL THESE THINGS MAKE ME ASK WHY AND THE ONLY ANSWER I CAN GET IS THAT I AM IN FINANCIAL SLAVERY BECAUSE SOME MONEY WHORE WANTS TO AMPLIFY, MAINTAIN CONTROL AND PROFITS…MAKE SENSE DON’T U THINK?

LITTLE BOY...BIG DISEASE

There is boy I know that has this predator deep inside of him, waiting to take over his life and devour him. He knows that his life is different yet he lives as if he doesn’t. Every time I turn around he has some new BOY FRIEND and there always seems to be some desperation for him to have some MAN in his life. I wish he would treat his soul better than he does. I know that the body is only temporary, but he acts as if it isn’t because he living his life through the flesh and not with his heart; however if one asks he would say that he is. From the moment I met him he always seemed sad and never smiled; seems as if his life was a black hole and it had an endless cycle that forced him to be sucked in over and over again. His trials and tribulations are exist because he needs to learn and his spirit need to grow. He is living his life blind trying to build self-esteem through his connection with others; never taking ownership of HIS soul. The crazy thing is that I can write about him because I know he was hit with HIV like the plane hitting the twin towers. I know he didn’t have a CHILDHOOD, but feel that’s no excuse to live as if he doesn’t have a future. One can have a real GOOD and PLEASANT life here on this planet living with this disease. All I ever hear from him is how he can’t help it if some guy wants to date him and how much he is love…YET AGAIN WITH ANOTHER GUY! You would think he would learn his after having more than one BOY FRIEND that has the disease. It’s like he is drawn to MEN that know of their HIV status, yet still they F&CK him as if they are ignorant of that fact. He knows that HE gives himself too easily in the name of LOVE only to be left hold the bag with nothing in it. How can I say I am his friend and I want what’s best for him if I ignore what he is doing to himself? How can I sit and watch him say he wants REAL LOVE and gets everything but that? How do I deal with a LITTLE BOY THAT HAS A BIG DISEASE?

THE ASS CONNECTION

Anal sex; an act that’s considered as a ‘CRIME AGAINST NATURE’ that is not accepted by everyone in society. Nonetheless GAY MEN indulge themselves in this very activity as frequently as possible. There is one MAN in particular who does it more often than others (I HAVE NO PROOF OF THIS) but I nonetheless can write as if I do. He is someone I know very well, someone that just can’t seem to make a HEART CONNECTION. He lives as if the only way anyone would pay him any attention to him is to make THE ASS CONNECTION.  He is sad and lonely, never finding the right fit for HIS life and cannot seem to make good of his YEARS on this planet. His choice is a THIN, TALL, BIG DICK THUG who just wants some ASS to fill. The funny thing about this is that he knows that these MEN are not good for him but what else is he to do? No one else is interested and this way he can say he was LOVED for however long HIS ASS IS CONNECTED TO THAT D!CK.  I find it sad that he would associate LOVE with F&CKING, how can he do that to himself? How can one allow this to become his LIFE? Moreover, how can he nothing to change it? Why does he make this his way of life; the central thing to who he is? I know he has a right to F&CK as many MEN as possible but @ what cause?  I say it is because MALE-TO-MALE sex is a stigmatized behavior and the demands he allows SEX to place on him has very little to do with pleasure, and too much to do with blindness where is life is concern. The problem with this GAY MAN is that he thinks his behavior is normal. What happened to the notion that when THE ASS CONNECTION is made, it’s for the JOY and LOVE two MEN have for each other? I feel that he took the ART away from the connection MEN make with each other. He lead this hum drum life, cruising the world for the next D!CK…DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS THAT HE HAS A PROBLEM IF HE HAS THIS OVERWHELMING NEED TO BE LOVED BUT GETS F&CKED BY EVERYTHING THAT MOVES? ONE DAY I HOPE HE KNOWS THAT THIS IS A COMBINATION THAT WILL NEVER WORK…UNTIL SUCH TIME I DIGRESS!

FAG BANGLES

Have any of you ever wondered about the dynamics of a relationship between a GAY MAN and his STRAIGHT FEMALE friend? If one stops and analyses that relationship; one would find that such a relationship is such a PERFECT model for how people in general should be there for one another. Gay men and straight women go together like salt and pepper, like Will and Grace; like the perfect wine that accompanies the perfect dinner. This relationship lends itself to sharing things on so many levels; bridging the gaps between the sexes. It’s sad to think that this is the only time MEN and WOMEN truly understand each other and do away with the ‘men are from Mars and women are Venus’ concept. Generally in this situation MEN and WOMEN see the TRUE the beauty in one another without it being a SEXUAL THING. Gay men get women; WE understand their needs better than a GIRLFRIEND because there's no one-upmanship, allowing them to be who they really are. They can have FUN with each other and do EVERYTHING together – shop, dish about MEN, give tips about SEX and most importantly WOMEN can gain insight into the mind of a MAN. A GAY MEN would screen dates — which ones were losers, which ones were keepers. Because of OUR knowledge of the inner workings of the male mind WE can indeed help a woman navigate the minefield of romantic relationships. Being MEN we can advise WOMEN that if you want a man in your life, you have to stop making men so important. Try making yourself more important and you'll attract a healthier man. Hence we can advise them to stop putting men on pedestals and let men be men. Stop trying to change them. And stop looking for that perfect man; if he exists WE would have him ourselves. WE like WOMEN use OUR very own INTUITION and have the keen insights into this because, while raised as MEN, WE have the added benefit of being more open with their feelings and more communicative because WE are HOMOSEXUALS. WE are OPEN because WE really know WOMEN and it’s more like a trust thing. As GAY MEN we are a very special person in their lives. We find ourselves playing the role of counselor and confidant and I feel that this is possible because of the GAY FACTOR. As a fellow GAY MAN, I know that WOMEN want HONESTY and can appreciate the lack of personal comparisons which she comes along with her GIRLFRIENDS. There is no 'Is she skinnier than me? Is she prettier than me? Is she smarter than me?' This creates problems and if you get too many girls together and it turns into one big drama fest. WE tend to focus on the real things that matters. As a rule, WE GAY MEN can get much deeper and are less superficial in this regard. OUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION makes a BIG difference, hence making us a NATURAL fit. WE are neutral and don't pose a threat, we have the same interests in that we're both attracted to men and WE are not seen as competition. OUR relationship is appreciated because WE GAY MEN have a sort of HYBRID BRAIN that enables US to become such close confidants to straight women. The COMING-OUT process is such an emotional and psychological wringer that revealing other things about OURSELVES seems like less of a big deal. I FEEL THAT IN THE REAL WORLD THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP LENDS ITSELF TO ANOTHER KIND OF SOUL MATE; A SEXLESS SOUL MATE. HERE WE HAVE TWO PERSONS THAT VIEW EACH OTHER AS PEOPLE AND NOT OBJECTS.

A TRIBE ALL MY OWN...

I am on LIFE’S journey to find A TRIBE ALL MY OWN. Bound to this strong need to establish a unique persona, this HUMAN need to accepted and appreciated is for the sole purpose of solidifying MY individual identity. Within this tribe, I seek members who accept ME without reservation and gladly accompany ME on MY journey of evolution. I want to feel free to be MY IMPERFECT SELF, to engage unabashedly in LIFE and to express MY vulnerabilities by relying on MY tribe for support. I want to feel comfortable investing MY time and energy in the members of MY tribe and I want them to feel EQUALLY comfortable to do the same. I know that the individuals who would eventually become members of MY tribe are out there; I am destined to find them, one by one as I move through LIFE. I can see US now bouncing along; light spirit and free from worry. Swimming in shallow water, riding near LIFE’s shore…OUR heads leaning towards the horizon…But for now all I can do is spy @ the island that I desperately seek; I just drift to and fro. The trees are luscious and green and I know that WE would be so happy in this paradise. The water is so blue and the sun shines so givingly making me hungry with anticipation because this is what my heart yearns for…For now I feel as if I living on the outside of MY existing tribe and MY absence goes unnoticed; never being missed @ all. I wish I could stay if only for a moment but my HEART won’t allow me to do so, how can I blame it for that? It knows I am NOT happy, it knows that I am NOT free and it knows that I am NOT…I have that ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL mentality and I know however my life develops when I come together with MY tribe, I am assured that they will stand at MY side. I know that when this day comes, you will discover a NEW MAN that is grounded with a sense of community that ultimately fulfills MY most basic human need.