GAY SEX & HOMOPHOBES

A study by the University of Georgia indicates that homophobia is the result of repressed homosexual urges that the person is either unaware of or denies. The study appearing in the August 1996 issue of the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association barely made an echo in the general press. Researchers at the University conducted and experiment involving 35 homophobic men and 29 nonhomophobic men as measure by the "Index of Homophobia Scale". All participants described themselves as entirely heterosexual. Each participant was introduced to heterosexual, lesbian and homosexual erotic visual stimuli (videos). Their degree of sexual arousal was measured by 'penile plethysmography', which measures the male tumescence girth (circumference of the penis). The homophobic men showed a significant increase in penis circumference to the male homosexual video but the heterosexual nonhomophobic men showed little or no arousal. Only 20% of the homophobic men showed little or no evidence of arousal. 24% of the nonhomophobic men showed enhanced tumescence while 54% of the homophobic men showed substantial arousal. When asked to give an assessment on their arousal states to the various videos Homophobic men significantly underestimated their reactions to the gay male materials. Henry Adams a research professor at the University of Georgia said the idea that homophobia is associated with homosexual arousal dates back to Sigmund Freud.

THE AGE~LESS DATIN(G)AME

SOME SAY THAT AGE IS JUST A NUMBER, IT JUST ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL. Nonetheless, in the GAME of DATING I think that this concept wears itself very thin and can do more harm than good. Within the GAY COMMUNITY there are persons that seek relationships with others that are not in the same age bracket and the difference have adverse effects thus hurting the relationship. In my opinion, LIFE is all about the JOURNEY and having that SPECIAL someone along with you; STEP by STEP, SIDE by SIDE. Now tell me what happens when one has passed a certain point on the road and the other has yet been afforded the time to get there? I know that you do not have to have an AGE difference to come to this conclusion, but it is almost a guaranteed fact that this will more than likely be the result of such a union. Too many times these unions have negative effects because they are not seen for what they really are and this is where the REAL problem lies. OUR COMMUNITY far too often bases itself on LOOKS, MONEY and POSSESSIONS leading to things that do no one justice. We date base on SHORT-TERM rather than LONG-TERM goals. We fall in the trap of bathing ourselves in the FOUNTAIN of YOUTH thinking that we can get someone that is younger proving that you still have it going on. Many gay men feel that younger is better, but reality dictates that dating should be based on tangible things in order to survive. It is so SAD that ultimately the HAPPIER, OLDER and SECURE you do not take precedence in this game. When OLDER gay men refuse or consider dating someone that is near their age it says a lot about MATURITY and ACCEPTANCE. Equally it is a sad affair that OLDER men are seen as the SUGAR DADDY and the FINANCER opening themselves up to be used and taken for a ride or two. Today, gay men are coming out at younger ages. It is no longer a shock to hear of an openly gay 14-year-old or a 16-year-old in a gay relationship. It is open season and the community just indulges themselves. From my observation, OLDER men tend to be more relaxed and comfortable, whereas YOUNGER men tend to be more sociable and lost. It is my belief that many YOUNG gay men date OLDER because they feel that they can get the financial support; I wonder if they thought how much of good thing it is to have someone that has been there and are through with the games. Instead we a situation that just base itself on I WANT THIS n THAT without questions being asked. In this sort of situation, the younger person is in charge and has the older person wrapped around his finger. I firmly believe that does causes older gay men not to date younger people because they are too IMMATURE and are at the part in their lives where they are still SOWING THEIR WILD OATS. This GAME use to have me stuck in neutral but I have come to understand that it can only work if the two persons involved are sure they are together for ALL the right reasons. Being in MAY/DECEMBER relationship is not necessarily problematic, as long as there is sufficient equality. Too many times these relationships are based on SEXUAL CHEMISTRY and not HUMAN CHEMISTRY.

NAME CALLING

EVEN ANIMALS HAS RIGHTS…So the other day I was a participant in a discussion about Michael Vick’s and his connection to the dog fighting charges that are against him. I have seen the pictures of the dogs that were apart of this ring and it was horrible and sickening. I am not a fan of mistreatment towards animals on any level; I cannot even deal with seeing a dead god or bird on the streets. Therefore, as the discussion went on and everyone expressed their opinion it was said that IT IS CRAZY FOR THIS MAN TO GO TO JAIL FOR SUCH TREATMENT TO ANIMALS BECAUSE AFTERALL THEY ARE JUST DOGS. I was in a state of disbelief and could not understand how anyone can say such a thing. It was @ time that I said that I FELT IT WAS STUPID TO MAKE SUCH A STATEMENT and of course, WE being HUMAN take things into OUR SELF-ESTEEM and things get all too personal thus the name calling starts. I am aware that NAME CALLING is the use of any negative label to describe another person and it can affect another person in ways that are unimaginable. Any negative label or insult has the potential to hurt another’s feelings and the impact personality development. So if fully grown adults are affected by it and feel less adequate and less competent less then why put themselves in the position to be insulted in the first place? I know that the label I used can be crippling but why say certain things if you cannot handle what someone’s reaction might be? So can someone tell me how is it that people feel okay about saying DUMB and IDIOTIC things and get offended if you call them out on it? Secondly, how is that if I use an adjective to describe someone they take it personally? I am of the opinion that if you know that you are not what I say you are then it should not matter; I just feel that we should AGREE to DISAGREE. However, that was not the case it my using the stupid adjective the individual then showed that they were deserving of such a title. The crazy thing for me is that I cannot understand how my words can cut or make another feel like what I am saying who they are. Do you think that they recognize that there is some truth in what I am saying and at that point realize that they cannot run away from it so it is acknowledged? What ever it maybe I am the kind of person that would NEVER DEMEAN or BELITTLE other because it would them feel small or insignificant in any way. I know that I can get very PASSIONATE about things and sometimes my anger comes into play and then things are said that do not mean a thing but it is not seen that way. I WOULD LIKE US TO RECOGNIZE THAT WHEN SOMEONE CALLS YOU SOMETHING WE SHOULD NOT GIVE POWER TO THE ADJECTIVE, IF YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT THEN THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY PROBLEMS.

THE LUCKIEST BOY IN THE WORLD

Discovering that a loved one is GAY, LESIBAN, BISEXUAL or TRANSGENDER can pose new questions about your life and may prompt one to re-evaluate beliefs that they previously took for granted. Therefore, most parents aren’t prepared for the words...MOM, I AM GAY. Many first reaction is HOW WILL I EVER HANDLE THIS? But not the LUCKIEST BOY IN THE WORLD, his mother realized that her SON’S SEXUALITY had little or nothing to do with her as his mother. Hence his COMING OUT was PEACFUL, UNDERSTOOD and ACCEPTED. His mother decided that she will LOVE HER GAY SON no matter what because he is her child and that’s apart of her. She never had to take his sexuality in strides. Because she dealt with the grieving process in her personal quiet time never allowing him to see that she feared for his life given society’s attitudes towards what he identify himself as. She adopted that attitude that that she didn’t loose her son; for he is the same person he was from the day she gave him life and SEXUALITY didn’t deter her LOVE for him. The feeling of loss so many others feel was replaced by her taking on a new and clearer understanding of her son. The fact that he CAME OUT voluntarily meant that she was more than halfway there and she showed that to him the moment he told her about HIS SEXUAL IDENTITY. The decision to be open and honest with her about himself proved that he had FAITH in his mother. Even though I feel that she had dreams for him, she instantly knew that it was something that was born out of her own history and it is what she wanted for herself growing up. Furthermore, she knew that she couldn’t and wouldn’t put any GUILT that would make her son feel as if he was a WASTE OF SPACE, SPERM and EGG. She knows that her son hasn’t changed and he is the same person that he was before learning about his sexuality. Now that she knows the truth about his sexuality, SHE CAN LOVE HER SON ENTIRELY. It does my HEART glad to see that she TRUSTS and BELIEVES in her son. This type of action fosters a POSITIVE UNDERSTANDING in knowing that he didn’t wake one day and decided that he was going to be GAY. She understands that he thoughtfully and willingly accepted this side of himself and it was time that she knew who and what he is about. No matter what other family members or neighbors say, she will continue to LOVE and HONOR her him. I am sure he held back from telling her for as long as he possibly could because he needed to figure out what he himself was feeling. He like MANY OF US recognized at an early age that WE felt DIFFERENT. Thus it took him this long to tell her about the name he gave to his feelings. I AM SO HAPPY THAT HE DIDN’T HAVE TO INTERNALISE SELF-HATE and INSECURITY ABOUT HIS SEXUAL IDENTITY. TOO MANY OF US FACE SO MANY OBTACLES IN LIFE and OUR SEXUALITY IS ON TOP OF THE LIST. NONETHELESS, IT GIVES ME HOPE TO KNOW THAT NOT EVERYONE OF US HAS TO DEAL WITH US LOSING THE FOUNDATION OF LIFE THAT BROUGHT US THUS FAR.

BECAUSE U R GONE...

IT DOESN'T MEAN U R NOT HERE...

Gone

Will they think of you?

Will they dream of your smile?

Or tears when you cry?

Will they think and dream

Those warm moments

Those treasured time and occasions?

Will they miss you?

When they watch the rain?

Or kiss the flowers

Trying to get scent of you?

Will they wish upon a star?

A few thousand times?

Will they throw a coin in a wishing well

Will they dream of your face?

Shining with the morning rays?

Or would they wish you were lying next to them

After they rest your broken body?

When there's a knock

Would they wish it was you?

Or when their phone rings

Would they hope you’re at the other end?

I ask this because you are gone

And if they feel at least two…

I hope they do because you will stay,

In their memory.

But if they don't care

I hope they think you…

Now that you are gone…

R. I. P. CRYSTAL

© tgk

THE HOMO~THUG & THE DRAG~QUEEN...

ISN'T IT INSANE HOW MOST IF NOT ALL OF US LOOK @ THE HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLE IN TWO DIFFERENT WAYS? THERE ARE TWO BOXES & THEY ARE LABELLED MASCULINE or FEMININE, AND ITS CRAZY HOW THEY ARE VIEWED.When comparing both CHARACTERS doesn’t it seem as if they are both the same just playing different roles? The MASCULINE takes on the role of the HOMOTHUG, whereas the FEMININE takes on the role of the DRAG QUEEN. So tell me this if the HOMO THUG is just a MAN that dresses up in baggy jeans, a BIG SHIRT, a TWISTED HAT and an ATTITUDE to match. Whereas the DRAG QUEEN is a man that dresses up in aWIG, PUMPS, a DRESS and the attitude to match. How are they seen as the NEGATIVEand POSITIVE aspects of the HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLE? WHY CAN’T BOTH PERSONAS BE IDOLIZE AND CHERISH? 

I find that we rather live in a SAD and SCARY SOCIETY when HOMO THUGS are IDOLIZED and seen as the EPITOME of MAN. If one searches for the meaning of a THUG, one would see things like GANGSTA, HOOLIGAN or BRUTE now tell me how does this make persons feel good about DATING, HAVING SEX or THINKING THIS IS A MAN’S MAN? This man takes on the persona of thug but really enjoys MALE PUSSY. So this makes him a better GAY MAN, even better than aDRAG QUEEN? Now I am not saying that the DRAG QUEEN is a better option but I am saying that he is no less of a MAN than the HOMO THUG. Yes, he shows us the side ofHOMOSEXUALITY that makes us feel uncomfortable, but who is really the odd man out?

Why do you HATE on the DRAG QUEEN because he is effeminate wear the large sunglasses and a swish? We always fall down when it comes to identifying who we are and want to fit in, but NEWS FLASH WE ARE NOT MEANT TO! We represent something DIFFERENT, something SPECIAL…something GOD FEARING; so why do we live as if that is not the case? I HATE LABELS & THE THOUGHT OF PLACING MYSELF INTO SOME BOX THAT IS NICELY WRAPPED UP WITH A BOW ON TOP DOES NOT MAKE ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A MAN. I cannot understand why after all this time on this planet we cannot seem to find OUR OWN PEACE OF MIND. HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF SUBSCRIBING TO EITHER ROLE, CHARACTER or STEREOTYPE; WE JUST STAY IN THE MIDDLE? We need to see these ROLES as a form of expression and when persons PLAY DRESS UP, THAT IS ALL IT IS. Nonetheless, we are hard pressed to ASSUME that the GAMES of SEXUALITY are real and we further complicate the layers of SEXUALITY. We are all individuals so why do we want to subscribe to a person that is trying to play the majority? HOMOSEXUALITY is still an acceptable prejudice and no amount of clothes or make up will change that.

We need to come to together and show a united front in order to get the things that we fear the most out of way, which is OURSELVES. We as community need to face the REAL HARDSHIPS and make a change instead of pretending that it does not exist. There is too much DRAMA/PASSION IN LIFE TO BE a THUG & a QUEEN FULL TIME. I cannot really understand the logic behind homophobia. This PARANOIA, this AVOIDANCE just constantly reinforcing the NEGATIVE and POSITIVE aspect of MASCULINITY and FEMININITY. We DECREASE and LESSEN the competition for PUSSY and @ THE END OF THE DAY WE ALL NEED TO TAKE OUR D!CKS OUT OF OUR ASSES & LET GO OF THE FACT THAT WE ARE CONSUMED WITH NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, FEELINGS & EMOTIONS WHEN IT COMES TO TWO MEN F&CKING. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY THAT CHANGE WILL COME…

...BUT HE HAS A MAN!

…AND SO IT IS SAME OLD STORY; BOY, MEETS BOY HAS SEX…THEN BOY MEETS OTHER BOY and FOOLS AROUND…THEN BOY TALKS TO OTHER BOY & TRIES TO F&CK HIM. I FIND IT VERY INTERESTING WHAT STRANGE BEDFELLOWS GAY MEN MAKE ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE ALL CONNECTED IN SOME WAY. Now the thing about it is that I had no idea that this BOY was a common factor among the F&CK BUDDY, the MUTUAL FOREPLAY and the YOU ARE NEXT ON THE LIST MAN. This all came to light when ALL three of them was out and life would have it that we saw him and it must have been very strange for him, what are the odds that we all would know each other? Therefore, it became evident who the F&CK BUDDY’S buddy was, it was ever so CLEAR who the MUTUAL FOREPLAY person was and I thought wow he thinks that I am next. When I met him it was a typical online chat above board and simple, little did I know that he I had talked with two other persons I could have his entire story; proves that there is so such thing as the DL or JUST BETWEEN US. Therefore, now I am in disbelief because there are things that I know now, the pieces of the puzzle were in place and the finality of it does not produce a feeling of accomplishment. He seemed so lost, so broken…so needing something or someone to be there for him and now I find that he is just a SELFISH ASSHOLE that does not know how to be a MAN. I find it weird or interesting how he saw ALL three men and thought nothing of it, because later that night he met the F&CK BUDDY and fucked him and three days later, he was trying to get himself into my house and ASS. For me this is a situation that puts me in a weird place because I want to tell him off but I cannot because that would betray a friend’s confidence so I have to let sleeping dogs lie. I WILL SAY THAT I HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR F&CK BUDDY BECAUSE I TOLD HIM WHAT HE WAS ABOUT AND IT DID NOTHING TO DETER HIM FROM ALLOW THIS MAN TO GET WITH HIM. They say that we keep company with persons that reflect that which we are; I am here to say on this day, at this hour he does not in any shape, form or fashion reflect who I am as a MAN. He is sad and pathetic to allow such a person use him for what will only be a few moments of pleasure; I wonder if he knows that his time has long passed and he needs to stop using the LIFESTYLE as if it’s only purpose is for a quick F&CK. How lonely can a MAN be? How can a MAN, any MAN allow this to make them who they are? How can a MAN live with himself feeling a sense of PRIDE and ACCOMPLISHMENT? ONLY GOD KNOWS & I PRAY THAT HE TELLS ME! I WONDER WHAT GOD IS THINKING AS HE COMES TO HIS HOUSE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING TO GET A SAMPLE? HOW CAN ONE FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING WITH SOMEONE WHEN IT WORKS FOR HIM? Why put oneself through this drama that leaves the mere shell of manhood? I wonder how many times HE will ride this roller coaster with him? How long before HE can minimizes the damage, love himself and believe in his own worth? THIS SADDENS ME TO NO END BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT HE HAS A MAN & YET D!CK STILL FINDS IT’S WAY IN OUR CIRCLE…